Dobie Maxwell's 'Dented Can' Diary

A Jewel In Janesville

2012-02-12T17:34:00.001-08:00

Thursday February 9th, 2012 - Janesville, WI

I’m working with Dwight York this week, one of my favorite people. He’s a slugger on stage, and has been doing comedy about as long as I have. We’re both considered old war horses, and we have a lot of the same strengths and weaknesses. We are kindred spirits.

Our strengths are similar in that we can work in front of the harshest of crowds and still manage to pull off a show and get paid. How we go about it is completely different, but it leads to the same result. On an experience scale of 1-10, Dwight and I are off the charts.

Our weaknesses are similar in that neither of us are good game players when it comes to business. We’re not ass kissers, and we’re not social butterflies either. We do what we do, do it well, and go home. That’s not good business, and that’s a definite contributing factor as to why we’re both still out here struggling to stay afloat instead of making the big time.

It’s a common story unfortunately, and not one that’s fun to be a part of in real life. This is a rough business, and even rougher to stay out there fighting when nobody is helping to make it any easier. Dwight and I and many others grind it out every week all by ourselves.

We’ve got a nice show in Kenosha, WI on Saturday at the Brat Stop as part of the WIIL Valentine’s weekend comedy show they’ve been doing for several years. I was chosen for it this year, and was able to recommend Dwight as the other act. I’m glad I could do that.

Like me, Dwight isn’t always the most persistent when it comes to seeking out dates for work. He figures that the bookers should know who he is by now, and if they want to hire him they know how to find him. I’m like that myself, and to a certain degree it does work.

On another level, it’s horrific business. Why eliminate the possibility of getting booked simply because of a lack of due diligence? It’s not like either one of us can’t do the job in virtually 99.999% of any available gigs, and do it better than most. We’re well seasoned.

But if nobody knows about us, how can they book us? Hoping word of mouth is enough by itself is asking for trouble, and we found it. Both of us have holes in our schedules this far into the business, and are surviving by a half a thread. It’s hard to change tactics in the middle of the game though, so here we sit treading water hoping for a ship to pick us up.

We worked a fun little one nighter at a place called The Armory in Janesville, WI. It’s a gorgeous facility which is a remodeled historic building right downtown. They have plays there, but do comedy on Thursdays and have for years. They really try to make it good for everyone, including the comedians. I can’t remember ever being treated better anywhere.

They feed us delicious food, and ask if we need anything and mean it. The audience has no idea how well this place is run compared to most other places in towns this size, and it makes me want to please them even more because the people in charge deserve it. I’d like to see them packed every week. Tonight was solid, and it was fun to hang with Dwight.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Favorite Comedians List

2012-02-12T10:21:00.001-08:00

Wednesday February 8th, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

I have never figured out the need in a certain group of people who want to hear in detail who I happen to think is funny, or worse yet feel they have to tell me their detailed list of who they like. Does it matter? Not to me, but I guess it makes those people feel smarter.

These are the same people who must sit around for hours heatedly debating who are the best pitchers or quarterbacks of all time, or which Kardashian sister has the bubbliest butt. People like to make lists and compare things, or at least a healthy percentage of them do.

I’ve had this happen since I started in comedy, and I still get it now. Someone will come up to me after a show and start rattling off people who they think are funny and I’m never sure what I’m supposed to say to them. Are they wrong? No, but they’re not right either.

Nobody is right or wrong with a list like that. It’s a matter of personal taste, and that’s a right everyone has that nobody else can ever take away. I might not happen to agree, but it isn’t about how I feel. I’m just a guy, and I think what I think. I mostly keep it to myself.

That being said, here’s a list of my favorite standup comedians of all time. I say standup comedians, because I often hear names like John Belushi or Bill Murray or another comic actor who had a role in a movie they liked. I usually just nod and smile, and then look for an opportunity to fake a seizure so I can make my exit. I try to be polite, but it’s difficult.

I freely admit before I start that my opinion doesn’t mean a damn thing, but here goes:

- Rodney Dangerfield: In my mind, he’s the king. Everything about him makes me laugh.

After that, it doesn’t accomplish anything to debate the big names. Rodney has been my favorite comedian since I was in high school. I love his standup comedy, and I love to see his movies even now. His role in Caddyshack was a classic, and I still laugh out loud and quote Rodney’s lines whenever I see it. As an all around performer, he still gets my vote.

If you don’t agree, that’s fine. You don’t have to. There are huge names in comedy that don’t make me laugh in the least. I could name them now, but then I’d get emails from all kinds of keyboard crusaders who’d take it as a challenge and try to start an opinion war.

I don’t want or need that in my life, now or ever. Instead, how about if I throw out a list of working comic friends of mine who I think are really funny, and hopefully they’ll get a few more well deserved fans that maybe wouldn’t have heard of them otherwise? That’s a much better idea. Just because someone isn’t famous doesn’t mean they don’t have talent.

Fame is a whole game unto itself. There are a lot of famous people who are famous just for being famous. Talent had nothing to do with it, or at least not after a while. It might be the reason they got there, but then whatever they did fades away and their name is just out there. Is Britney Spears talented? That’s debatable. But here are some comedians who are:

- Dwight York: I’m working with him this week, and that’s why he’s first on the list. He’s warped, sick and twisted - and that’s a sincere compliment. He writes excellent jokes, and a lot of them. He works at his craft, and makes me laugh out loud every time I watch him.

- Don Reese: Another road warrior who I love dearly on stage and off. Don loves monster movies and looks like he could star in one. He has a hilarious video called ‘It Came From Iowa’, which he does. He looks intimidating, but is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.

- Dan Still: An unsung comic out of my home town of Milwaukee. Together with Dwight and Don, I want to put a tour together a tour with these three guys called ‘The Pirates Of Comedy’. They look like the Satanic Beatles, but they’re all great guys and super funny.

- Jim McHugh: I’ve always thought he was a very solid comic and still do. He chooses to put his act together in chunks rather than individual jokes, and it totally works for him on many levels. He’s always been a favorite, and I like hanging out with him off stage too.

- Tim Walkoe: A regular at Zanies in Chicago along with Larry Reeb - ‘Uncle Lar’. Often I am placed in the same sentence with these two because we’re the three that tend to be on Zanies list of favorite acts to book. I am beyond flattered to be listed with either of them.

- Larry Reeb: Again, a wonderful comic with a sick and twisted view of things. He always makes me laugh out loud even though I’ve seen his act literally hundreds of times. He has a style and rhythm all his own, as does Tim Walkoe. They’re masters of the comedy craft.

- James Wesley Jackson: He used to open for George Clinton and Parliament/Funkadelic during their heyday, and I was a fan of his before I ever met him for that alone. I recorded a DVD project with James, and need to get it out there soon. Plus, he’s a wonderful soul.

- Dwayne Kennedy: Probably the most unsung raw talent of anyone I’ve ever seen. He’s a brilliant comic and he’s even done a couple of Letterman appearances. But, with no insult intended at all - nobody knows who he is. That’s a shame, but that’s life. He’s fantastic.

- Tim Northern: He’s always been one of my favorites, and still is. He has a natural gift of both writing and performing, and I think it’s pure magic. His material is unmistakably his, and that’s rare in any field of entertainment. I consider him to be a true artist. He’s gifted.

- Hannibal Burress: He’s in the same classification as a Tim Northern, but completely his own identity. He moved to New York last time I saw him and was writing for SNL. That kid has got talent coming out of his pores, and a work ethic too. He’s got a bright future.

There are so many others I could list, but I don’t have time or space. That’s why I don’t like lists. Someone always gets left out. I could list 100 more, and 100 more after that. I’d appreciate it if someone placed me on a list like this, so I’ll try to rustle up a few new fans for funny friends of mine that I really enjoy. Being a good person doesn’t matter as far as the business goes, but it does to me. These are quality people with talent. Check them out.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Helping When I Can

2012-02-07T23:56:00.001-08:00

Tuesday February 7th, 2012 - Milwaukee, WI

Up home to Milwaukee today for a lunch with Ian Spanic of ‘Spanic Boys’ fame. I have been a huge fan of them and their music ever since I started hearing a buzz from the local entertainment scene in the ‘80s when I was getting started in comedy. They won me over.

I’m always a fan of any kind of entertainment that’s done particularly well, especially if it’s something I can’t do myself - which is almost everything. I couldn’t play a single note on a kazoo, much less put a band together and absorb that punishment. It’s super difficult.

People have told me often how difficult comedy is, and I wholeheartedly agree. But, for whatever reason, I’ve been able to navigate that minefield and survive like a cockroach at it for decades. I did blow off some assorted fingers and toes along the way, but I’m alive.

The fact is, any and every genre of entertainment is extremely difficult to transform into a full time career. Only a precious few ever manage to stay with it for a lifetime and make a decent living. I’ve been fortunate in many ways to do it in comedy, but I’m not claiming to be anything other than a journeyman. I’ve earned a living, but haven’t risen any higher.

The Spanic Boys have had a respectable and legitimate career. Their success came early and I can still vividly recall their appearance on Saturday Night Live in 1990. I was proud of them then being from Milwaukee, but have even more respect now after learning what a handicap that can be. Milwaukee just isn’t a nurturing place to come up as a performer.

I wish it weren’t true, but it absolutely is. It’s the same for comedy, music, acting, radio and I’ve got to believe any other entertainment field as well. I’d bet bucks to bratwursts it isn’t any different across the board. There are precious few exceptions who make it out of the local meat grinder, but not many. The Spanic Boys did, and that deserves mega kudos.

My friend Tom Green was always a big fan of the Spanic Boys too. He was also a prime example of a smart and talented artist with a strong vision who was frustrated with all the local politics of Milwaukee’s entertainment community. He and Ian worked together on a number of recorded projects, and I’m still enjoying them years after Tom’s tragic passing.

Ian and his father Tom Spanic have become fans of mine over the years, and I could not be any more flattered. Whenever I play the Northern Lights Theatre at Potawatomi Casino I can almost always count on not only the Spanics to show up, but a line of others as well.

They go out of their way to support me, and I feel star struck every time I see them after a show. Ian asked if I’d be available to serve as an auctioneer for a charity event to benefit his daughter’s school. How could I say no? Of course I’ll do it. I’m honored to be asked.

The event is on May 5th and 100% of the proceeds will go to the Downtown Montessori Academy. Their website is www.downtownmontessori.com, and I’ll be there flapping my yap for a worthy cause. I’m still flattered Ian asked, and I’ll donate my time with pleasure.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

A Clueless Boob

2012-02-07T08:07:00.001-08:00

Monday February 6th, 2012 - Chicago, IL

The older I get, the less I know. I am now officially a clueless boob, and that‘s my final answer. I have completely given up all hope of ever trying to figure out the inner working secrets of standup comedy, women or human existence as a whole. It’s all still a mystery.

I thought I was at least starting to figure some of it out - the comedy part anyway. After tonight, I would have to say not. I hosted The Rising Star Showcase at Zanies in Chicago as I have dozens of times before, and I thought it was a complete disaster. Everything and everybody felt off in every way, including myself. The energy wasn’t clicking for anyone.

Those nights happen, but I haven’t had one in a while. I’ve had super solid shows lately as a matter of fact. Granted, hosting is a different skill set and energy altogether, but it felt like I’d never been on stage before. My words and rapid rhythm weren’t flowing like they usually do, and it frustrated the hell out of me. The more I tried to find it, the less I could.

The audience’s vibe didn’t help either. They weren’t mean spirited, stupid or drunk, but they weren’t laugh out loud types either. And there weren’t very many of them. That has a lot to do with it also. Mondays have been packed as a rule, but tonight wasn’t even close.

I don’t think it was even halfway filled. Was it Super Bowl hangover? It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t happening. The lineup of comedians wasn’t clicking either. Again, they weren’t necessarily bad acts and I don’t think they were bad people at all. But they were mostly an inexperienced group, and nobody went up there and lit it up like I’ve seen so often before.

It was just one of those nights where everything failed to mesh together. It’s not a major disaster, even though it does annoy me. I want people to have a good time when they’re at a show I’m on, even if I’m not the headliner. I’m a fan of the craft, and want comedy as a whole to be a pleasurable experience for everyone - comedians included. It should be fun.

I tried my best to stay with it the whole night though. Just because they weren’t a stellar bunch doesn’t mean they didn’t deserve my best. Plus, it’s a challenge for me to wring as much out of any audience as I can - especially the weaker ones. That’s what I’m paid for.

As the night dragged on, I just wanted it to be over. Sometimes there are way too many acts booked and the shows go long. Tonight, everyone went short and I had time to fill at the end. I’ve got the experience and material to fill it, but I really didn’t feel like tonight.

Again, too bad. That’s what I’m paid to do. I know that going in, and tonight was one of those nights when nothing was going to be pleasant. I did my job to the best of my ability, most importantly got my check, and was trying to sneak out the door when I got stopped.

It was a table of four telling me how funny I was, and how it was one of the best nights they’d ever had. Did they see the same show I did? Then I went outside only to have more people give me a high five and tell me how great I was. And I thought I had a clue. Nope.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Father Of The Century

2012-02-06T06:33:00.001-08:00

Sunday February 5th, 2012 - Sturgis, MI

I decided to stay overnight in Sturgis, MI because I had a sweet room at the Holiday Inn Express and didn’t feel much like driving after the show. There were no deadlines to have to meet to get home early, and I had a less than zero interest in watching the Super Bowl.

Why risk driving at night when I don‘t have to? Clipping a critter is always a possibility as well. Hopefully, I saved the life of some horny buck that would have darted out in front of my car on the way to his midnight booty call. Not to mention my car itself. It felt right.

On the way out of town, I stopped for a quick lunch at a Chinese buffet. The parking lot was full, so I figured it was a halfway safe bet. If I did get botulism, at least I’d have some company to talk to at the emergency room. Hey, getting out of bed is a risk. So I went in.

The hostess sat me next to a family that looked like Central Casting got a call to send in THE white trashiest, hillbilliest and redneckiest crew of sorry looking goobers they could rustle up. The father was a fat slob with a scraggly beard, balding in his early 30s, dressed like he was going to a septic tank dig. His wife had thick glasses and a thicker waistline.

They had four kids - three boys and a girl. There was food everywhere, but there looked to be a lot more under their table than on it. There were French fries and egg rolls ground into the carpet, and the kids looked like they needed to be driven through a car wash with the windows open to hose them off before the tractor pull. And I had to sit next to them.

I did notice they were all quite well behaved, but I couldn’t help but picture what a pig sty their trailer must look like. If they could make a single table in a restaurant that filthy in that amount of time, I bet their home must have looked like post Katrina New Orleans.

Everyone in the restaurant including me was gawking at them, but it was rather difficult not to. We couldn’t help it, but they were oblivious and went about their business quietly. I did feel sorry for the waitress who would probably have to clean their mess with a rake.

Then, without warning the father got up out of his chair and walked around the table to give each one of his kids a big sincere hug and a kiss as he told them how much he loved each one. The guy must have spent a full thirty seconds on each kid. It was mesmerizing.

My father never spent that much quality time or said that many loving things to any of his kids in his lifetime, much less at lunch at a restaurant. I was so moved and touched by that guy I wanted to go over and hug the bastard myself. I thought I was going to lose it.

Then, the guy reached into his wallet and took out a $5 bill and explained to the kids the reason it was important to leave a tip for the person who refilled their drinks. Then he put his arms around his wife and kissed her too. This dude should win the father and husband of the year, decade and century. I’ll bet my kidneys that girl never sees a stripper pole and those boys won’t be comedians. Those kids are loved, and that’s what we’re all chasing.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Motion Slickness

2012-02-03T19:13:00.001-08:00

Friday February 3rd, 2010 - Fox Lake, IL

I haven’t been exercising as regularly as I should be and that’s just plain not acceptable. With my hectic schedule lately of having to be on the radio at all kinds of ungodly hours, comedy shows all over the place and constant chasing - I’ve lost my exercising groove.

My doctor told me this would happen, and to not worry about it. But I do. It took a long time to get into it, and I’m not about to give up now. Going back to where I was is not an option. I have to make time to get my exercise in, and that‘s what I did today. I needed it.

Nothing is more important than my health, and I know that now. I have to stay in a daily regimen and make a habit of exercising and eating right for the rest of my life. I didn’t let it totally lapse in the last couple of weeks, but I did miss several days and that upsets me.

Today I got up with the express purpose of getting my fanny in motion to reestablish the discipline I’d been so diligent in doing daily the last seven months. The only time I would take a day off was when I’d worked out too hard the day before and needed to rest a little.

It was warm enough to walk in my neighborhood, but I chose to go to the Gurnee Mills Mall because I feel comfortable in there. I lose myself in thought and my MP3 player with 1000 songs on a microchip. I’ve got two chips so that’s 2000 songs, enough to walk from Miami to Seattle to San Diego to Boston. And back. Twice. I wanted to have no excuses.

I felt a little rusty at the start, and that’s scary too. It took months to get used to walking every single day, and here I miss only a few scattered ones in a couple of weeks and it felt like I was starting all over again. I was determined not to lose momentum, and I didn’t.

I got in three full laps at a brisk pace, which took almost a full ninety minutes. I was on a mission, and I could see the other mall walkers part like the Red Sea as I was coming up behind them. They must have seen it in my eyes, and I’m glad. This was important to me.

Daily exercise is one thing NOBODY can buy. It has to be earned, and I’m not about to waste all the hard work I’ve put in these last few months. I will say I’ve been eating pretty well, and haven’t lapsed in that area. I haven’t had ONE soda since Father’s Day, and I’m extremely proud of myself for that. It’s by far the longest stretch I’ve ever gone without it.

Since I was so good about my exercise today, I allowed myself a treat and went to lunch with comedians Mike Preston and Bob Jay. We went to the Crystal Lake Rib House for a slab of their delicious ribs. I didn’t have any white bread or pie like I would have without a second thought in the past, and also passed on the bed wetter sized Pepsi I’d get as well.

The ribs were as delicious as I remembered going in, but later in the day I paid the price for it as my stomach gurgled and I felt horrible for several hours. I felt like throwing it all up, and that took whatever pleasure there was out of eating it. My body has now adjusted and is no longer used to eating this stuff. That’s a good thing. More exercise tomorrow.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Soul Train Sadness

2012-02-03T18:06:00.001-08:00

Thursday February 2nd, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

“The hippest trip in America…sixty non stop minutes across the tracks of your mind.” I can still hear the silky smooth announcer’s voice on my television letting me know ‘Soul Train’ was about to chug through Honkyville and show me what rhythm was all about.

And I loved it. I loved it all. The music. The interviews. The host. I remember watching it frequently growing up in Milwaukee, but most of my family and friends thought I had a few screws loose. They were right, but I did enjoy Soul Train. I still can’t figure out why.

My grandparents who raised me liked polka music and maybe a little old school country when it still had ’and Western’ attached to it and was about dead dogs and divorces. I had to suffer through ‘The Lawrence Welk Show’ AND ‘Hee Haw’, why couldn’t they let me have one measly little hour a week to see if I could solve the Soul Train Scramble Board?

As I got older, my friends weren’t any help either. They all liked Led Zeppelin or KISS, but that wasn’t my thing either. KISS especially. I loved their theatrical presentation, but their music flat out rots. I wanted to get into them like my friends did, but I just couldn’t.

For whatever reason, I was born with the soul and funk gene. The first time I saw James Brown on TV, I knew what I liked. Sly Stone too. THAT was music. George Clinton and the whole outer space P-Funk experience were still a ways off yet. Funk is in my D.N.A.

I was saddened to hear of Don Cornelius’s passing today, legendary host and creator of the Soul Train show. His gargantuan afro and ballsy baritone were an unmistakable image that has etched itself into my permanent memory. He was a true icon, a legitimate legend. According to his biography, he built his empire from the ground up. He lived the dream.

I was even sadder to hear he apparently committed suicide. Here’s a guy who really had what I and millions of others consider major success for several decades, but he still felt a need to end his life by his own hand. I don’t know the whole story, but I still find it tragic. I’ve been at the suicidal point of pivot myself, but I was never an iconic television mogul.

I guess I just assume successful people who are in high profile positions like athletes or entertainers are automatically guaranteed a life of ‘happily ever after’. Maybe that’s what they assume too, and when it doesn’t play out like that they’re ultimately disappointed.

I read where Don Cornelius was going through a pretty ugly divorce, and also had some unspecified health issues he was dealing with. Millionaire or not, neither of those two are much fun. I’m sorry it all pushed him over the edge, and I hope he’s in a better place now.

None of this concerns me personally, but I couldn’t help thinking about it all day. I have no insight at all about his personal life. Was he kind, generous or charitable? That’s about all that really matters now. I hope he was, but I have no idea. I do know that the more I’ve lived, the more I’m seeing that life is all about giving. This makes me want to do it more.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Territorial Rights

2012-02-01T22:14:00.001-08:00

February 1st, 2012 - Kenosha, WI/Fox Lake, IL

Up early once again to go to Kenosha, WI for a radio appearance on WIIL to promote a Valentine’s Day weekend show at The Brat Stop on February 11th. They’ve done them for several years apparently, but this is my first time being asked to do it. It should be a lot of fun, and I’m delighted to keep building a fan base in my targeted four city territory radius.

It feels like it’s actually starting to work, even though I know I still have a hell of a long way to slide before I’m even semi well known in and around the four markets of Chicago, Milwaukee, Madison and Rockford. There are literally millions of people in that space, so it will take some time to get my name out to the public and have it sink in, if even a little.

I had a harsh reminder this morning when a caller on WIIL asked what my ‘schtick’ was on stage. First off, please don’t use that term when talking to a comedian. It’s like calling a set a ‘skit’. It isn’t a skit. It’s a set. And it isn’t a schtick. It’s an act. Please get it right.

Second, I’ve only been trying to polish whatever the hell it is anyone calls what I do on stage for going on a quarter of a century. What more do I have to do to have at least a bit of name recognition? That guy had NO idea who I was, and wasn’t impressed in the least when he was told. Apparently, he and I had never crossed paths - and probably never will.

That sure does keep me humble to the point of embarrassment, but it also lets me know how important media coverage is in my quest to have a territory of notoriety. I don’t have to have everyone in those four cities to know who I am, just enough to show up to fill any venue at which I happen to be performing. Last week it was Franchesco’s in Rockford.

February 11th it will be The Brat Stop. I have shows at Zanies in Chicago in March and June, and the tribute show to my mentor C. Cardell Willis in Milwaukee at Shank Hall on April 22nd. I’ve been getting a steady flow of positive media coverage via radio and word of mouth, and there have been some ads put out by some of the venues also. It’s building.

Being on radio stations I’m normally not on never hurts. This was a nice plug today, but it’s been a long time coming. I’d never been asked to be on the morning show before, and it felt kind of awkward. We do the Mothership Connection program Sundays in the studio immediately next door in the same building, and that vibe tends to get rather competitive.

Whatever the case, today I got on to do my plug. I was able to mention my website, my ‘Hard Luck Jollies’ CD, my comedy classes and even squeeze in a mention of the King of Uranus. I got all of it out in front of a new audience, and that’s how followings are built.

I’ll blow the roof off of the Brat Stop, and make a connection there. Hopefully, I will be able to do more shows both there and in the area, and get back on the morning show again after that. It’s a calculated plan, but it takes time to build. And that’s only within a limited area of the four cities I chose. And I haven’t even started to crack Madison yet. I have all I can handle to keep up with what I’m doing now. Madison can wait. But not for too long.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Fit For A King

2012-01-31T22:10:00.001-08:00

Tuesday January 31st, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

Happy New Year my dragging ass. It’s the end of January already, and I’m struggling to keep everything I’ve got going doing just that - going. Where did the month go? I feel like time is flying by extra quickly, and I can’t do anything about it. It’s frustrating, but reality.

I did a lot of productive things this month, but not half of what I’d intended to. I have to focus on what went right, and go from there. I did some very solid comedy shows, and am feeling like I’m finally starting to build a fan base. It’s small, but I feel it. It’s encouraging to go to a show and know at least a few people are there to see me. I’m finally seeing that.

I’m also feeling progress with the King of Uranus project. Jim McHugh has been a huge help in keeping me focused, and the timing is right for us to be working together. He’s an excellent detail person, and exactly what I need right now. We work together very well.

Delegating tasks has never been a strength of mine, but I’m forced to start doing it soon or I’ll stay stuck at the level I’m at now forever. I don’t want that, and I feel I’m doing the necessary steps it will take to produce different and better results. It’s slow, but in motion.

Yesterday after dropping Jim off after our radio shift at WNTA, I drove in to the city of Chicago to shop for a King of Uranus costume. I’ve got the wheels in motion to get a pair of custom sewn capes made by a friend of Jim’s mother, but I want to finish the rest of it.

There’s a several blocks long business strip of Indian shops on Devon Avenue between about Western and Lincoln Avenues, and I wanted to shop around for some exotic clothes that a king would wear. I used to live not far from there, and I knew if that stuff would be sold in the Chicago area, that’s where it would be. I parked my car and started searching.

I got a few strange looks when I walked in some shops, but everyone I met was friendly as I explained what I was looking for. All I said was I’m playing the role of a king and my costume needs to stand out and get attention. I wanted to look regal, and they delivered.

I must have tried on a dozen complete outfits, and that’s usually something I absolutely can’t stand doing. This was different, because it was for something fun. I had a picture in my head of what I was looking for, and I tried to find as close to it as I could. It worked.

There were quite a few things I tried on that I liked, but one full length black robe really stood out. It fit me perfectly, and both the sales lady and I knew it immediately. It slipped on easily, and it was exactly what I had pictured. She said it was made for an Indian king type, and I don’t think she was lying. Even if she was, it was an amazing piece of fabric.

The only problem was the price. $550. There were intricate gold embroideries all over it, and even if I got the discount she promised, it would still be more than I can afford to drop on a King of Uranus garment right now. I haven’t paid for my capes yet, much less a crown. It was still fun to shop around and experiment, but it sure sucks up valuable time.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Mentor Health

2012-01-30T00:37:00.001-08:00

Sunday January 29th, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

Being a mentor is extremely important to me, but I can’t put my finger on exactly why. I tried to figure it out, but the only answer that made sense was that it doesn’t matter why, only that I follow through and do it. I know how much in high esteem I hold my mentors, and they really made a difference. I want to be that same source of inspiration to others.

My grandfather was THE most influential mentor I ever had, but he was a father figure for life lessons at an early age. All of my adult life has been in and around entertainment, so those mentors were more specialized and shaped me professionally. I needed them all.

There was Gary Kern and Kyle Nape, two great guys who helped me cut my road chops and learn how to be a professional entertainer. But without a doubt, the big one for me by far was C. Cardell Willis. He hosted the show the very first time I ever stepped on a stage.

Cardell was my comedy father, and also the rest of Milwaukee’s comedians at that time. He took time to run shows and help any and all who wanted to learn the craft. He gave of himself freely, and I learned things from him that I still use today. He was a giving soul.

He was born and also died in the exact same years as my father. He would have turned 75 on April 20th of this year, and I think it’s only right I pay him a proper tribute. He was never famous, and in my opinion never got his due for all the people he helped - like me.

I have put the wheels in motion to have a tribute show at Shank Hall in Milwaukee this coming April 22nd. The room was booked on the weekend, but Sunday is appropriate for a show like this because that room used to be Teddy’s, and they had Sunday comedy shows there for years. In fact, that’s where I did my first ever paid comedy show. It has history.

It was also the Funny Bone in the ‘80s, so that’s the perfect place to have the show. I’ve arranged to rent the room for the night, and am contacting a list of Milwaukee comedians from that era who are still around. I’ve gotten a terrific response, and I can’t wait to pull it off. It will be my own personal tribute to a mentor, but also a chance to let others join in.

I’m working on getting some sponsors to cover costs, and will also make it a charitable event and hopefully raise some money for at least one worthy cause if not more. I know it doesn’t do anything for my career, but that’s ok. I feel I have to do this, and I’m going to.

Today I went to Milwaukee to take part in a ‘Comedy Conclave’ I was invited to attend via Face Book. It was a last minute thing, but I felt compelled to go. There’s something in my deepest DNA that tells me to help those people, or at least show them some support.

There were new faces and some that I knew, and it was odd to now be in the role played by Cardell when I was starting. They were looking to me for advice and guidance just like I looked to Cardell. I didn’t hold back, and told them my unvarnished opinion. I wonder if anyone heard it? I do know they were glad I showed up. I felt it. Mentors do matter. A lot.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Super Bowling

2012-01-29T12:47:00.001-08:00

Saturday January 28th, 2012 - LaSalle/Peru, IL

Cause and effect. Action and reaction. Yin and yang. There are two sides to everything, and that can be maddening at times. Just when one of those sides is functioning correctly, the other needs attention and it throws life out of balance again. It’s a constant struggle.

I’ve been in a nice little groove lately, doing all kinds of fun comedy shows close to my home and liking it. I’ve been generally working with and for quality people, and having a blast living in the moment. That streak continued tonight in Peru, IL at The Super Bowl.

The Illinois Valley Super Bowl is a bowling center that has been featuring live comedy shows for probably twenty years or more. I’ve only gotten on the bandwagon recently, but now I’m in their regular rotation of favorite acts and I’m glad to be on it. I have fun there.

The owners are Jim and Bob Stubler, and they’ve both been incredibly supportive of me and always bring friends when I’m there because they really like my act. How flattering is that? I always try to give extra strong shows there because I’m so grateful for the support.

Tonight’s show was packed and rocking, and there was a couple who brought friends to see me because they loved me so much last time. The lady in the new couple paid me one of the most sincere compliments I can imagine by saying I had exceeded her expectations. She said she couldn’t stop laughing, and thought she was going to pee her pants. Victory!

How much better can it get that that? Physical incontinence is the ultimate goal for any comedian, and it doesn’t matter where it happens. If I was playing Caesars Palace in Las Vegas or a bowling center in Peru, IL, peed pants are peed pants. I’ve done my job well.

There was an enthusiastic line of people after the show that wanted to buy a CD and tell me how hilarious I was, and that’s never a bad thing. I thanked each one and meant it, and then thanked the Stubler brothers once again for having me. They treat me like a big star.

Another plus was being able to bring along one of my former students Elly Greenspahn as the opening act. She did a fine job, and has made solid progress in just a few years as a comedian. She’s a Chicago public school teacher by day, and this is an extra perk for her. Getting a paid gig on a real show is a big deal, and it‘s been a delight to see her progress.

It was a really fun night all around, but on the way home I couldn’t help thinking about how this is the end of this particular little run. It’s been a lot of work just getting all of the little details done, like doing radio interviews and physically showing up for all the actual shows. I spent decades before that preparing to be able to do these solid shows I’ve had.

This run has been productive and rewarding, but I’ve let my booking maintenance really lack and I have holes in my schedule in February that worry the hell out of me. I have two weekends booked, but two that are not. Something MIGHT fall my way, but I don’t enjoy MAYBE being able to eat. I can’t sit and relish these fun shows, I have to seek out more.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Choo Choo, Mr. Bully!

2012-01-28T11:54:00.001-08:00

Friday January 27th, 2012 - Rockford, IL

Try as I might, sometimes I still have trouble overcoming my weaknesses. One that I’ve struggled with horribly since childhood is being able to let certain things go. Even though I know it’s not smart, I tend to carry grudges. Big time. For years. I’ve been improving for a long time, but it’s still a soft spot and I admit it. I’m sorry, but I REALLY like revenge.

Maybe that’s the little brother in me who got pushed around as a kid, or maybe I’m just a dented can with an old fashioned mean streak. I’m not proud of it, but I know it’s there. I do all I can to be a nice person to a fault, but when I feel that someone has disrespected me I feel an intense need to break off a few karate kicks in their ass with a combat boot.

Bullies are especially a problem. I refuse to accept bullying from anyone, and even if it means getting my own ass kicked I’ll always get right back in their face and let them have my unvarnished opinion whether they asked for it or not. Mincing words is not my style.

That’s been my downfall on more than a few dozen occasions, but in retrospect at least I’ve made myself as clear as a bell with all the marble heads with whom I’ve had an issue. I’ll be the first to admit it’s usually a waste of time to worry about paybacks…but I have.

Just when I thought I was over one that really bothered me for a long time, tonight I had a chance to stick it to a big time bully and I can’t help enjoying how delightful it feels. It’s kind of like running into an old flame by chance who was a scorcher in her day but is now a weathered old war pig nobody looks at twice. It shouldn’t bring pleasure…but it DOES.

There is a comedy booking agent who used to have a stranglehold on the Midwest for a long time. He was never a people person, and in fact most comedians couldn’t stand him. We all tolerated him, only because he had a lot of work that was close to home. He made sure we all knew he was in charge, and had hundreds of us jumping through his hoops.

He could call us at a moment’s notice and ask us to drive in a blizzard to some horrible gig in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, and knew we’d do it because he could hold over our heads all that other work he had that we wanted. It was a power trip, and he loved it.

I should have had a major clue when I eventually met him in person and saw that he had a beard. My grandfather always told me to avoid dealing with anyone with a beard, as they were surely hiding something. My father always had a beard too, so that was a useful tip.

Like most of the Midwest comedians did in the boom years, I depended on this bully for a big chunk of my work load every year. The work was usually decent, and even though it didn’t pay great, it was enough to fill in the cracks and make it possible to earn my living.

I can remember doing all kinds of last minute ‘favors’, but never ONCE getting it back in my direction. He could exploit anyone he wanted, and took full advantage of it. I knew I wasn’t the only one getting boned, but it still hurt. The bastard had no conscience at all.

I’d had a few tiffs with him over the years, and one time we really had a big blow out. It was wrong on my part, but I really went off on him in frustration and left a nasty message on his answering machine. We didn’t work together for years, and I should have used it as my liberation. Instead, I came crawling back and tried to unburn the bridge. Big mistake.

He ended up being the one who booked me at Giggles in Brookfield, WI which has now closed because the owner was bouncing checks like basketballs. He did nothing to inform me of a problem, even though he knew there was one. It was a major issue, and caused an inordinate amount of pain and suffering that didn’t need to happen. It still pisses me off.

Unfortunately, there has been a long and rapidly growing list of comics like me who are no longer working for him because he turned the business over to his sons, who are about as people friendly and competent as Saddam Hussein’s two geniuses. It’s been pure hell.

Well, tonight I got a little pay back. There’s a new room in Rockford, IL at a wonderful placed called Franchesco’s. WOW, what a venue! They have a show room that’s as sweet as any club I’ve ever seen, and they’re running comedy shows booked by my friends Ken Sevara and Sky Drysdale. Ken is another one of the victims of the booking agent bully.

He’s about as laid back and nice of a guy as there is, along with Sky Drysdale who was a radio personality who hosted comedy nights in Rockford for years. He really knew how to treat the comics and also trained his audiences to behave during shows. He did it right.

I couldn’t be more flattered that those guys thought of me to kick off the first show. Of course I had to say yes, and they made it even better by putting a guy named Brian Hicks in front of me as the feature act. He’s THE absolute best guy I can think of in the country for that position, and I don’t mean any disrespect by that. His style was tailor made for it.

The feature position in comedy is quite often the easiest from a performer’s perspective, but very underappreciated by everyone else. To be a good one takes effort, and Brian does it extremely well. His act is original, clean, well presented and very funny - but not in any way that’s overpowering so a headliner can’t follow it. Plus, he’s super mellow off stage.

He’s a married guy and doesn’t go out chasing waitresses or get snot flying drunk after a show. He does his job, does it well, and goes home. Bookers everywhere should look to clone Brian Hicks. He’s like a good utility infielder. They don’t get glory or huge money, but every team in baseball scrambles to find them. I’ve always been a big fan of Brian’s.

The booker in question apparently was fuming about this new room opening in a market he considered ‘his’, and sent out an email ‘banning’ anyone from working it. Brian isn’t a rabble rouser, and wanted no part of it. It was a gig to him, and that’s it. Not to the bully.

Brian is now persona non grata like so many others of us who’ve busted our butts to put money in this wank-a-doo’s pocket for way too long. Well, his empire is crumbling and it couldn’t delight me more. The old karma train has a circular track. Choo choo, Mr. Bully!

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

The Power Of Respect

2012-01-28T09:48:00.001-08:00

Thursday January 26th, 2012 - Kenosha, WI

I can dream about massive unbridled success of the King of Uranus all I want, and I am, but meanwhile back on Earth the grind of life still goes on in the trenches. Bills won’t pay themselves, and dreams won’t become reality without effort. Back to work to make a few shekels to tide me over until superstardom hits. It’s taking much longer than I imagined.

The next few days are going to be hectic, but I love it. I’ll be working both on stage and on the air. Jim Stone contacted me for some last minute fill in talk host work at FM 100.5 WNTA in Rockford, IL. I told him I would show up, even though the shift starts at 5am.

It happens to work out perfectly, as I have a comedy gig in Rockford tomorrow night at a venue called Franchesco’s. It’s a ‘ristorante’, so that means it’s a high class swank joint. That term along with ‘bistro’ mean the arrow points due northward on the ritzy titzy hotsy totsy hoity toity meter. If it has ‘haus’ or ‘o-rama’ in the title, it’s a dive. I‘ve learned this.

Tonight I had a gig in Kenosha, WI at a place called ‘Pavle’s Lounge’. That’s definitely not a ristorante, but it’s not a dive either. That’s a bar, and they’ve had live entertainment for as long as Pavle has been open - 22 years. He’s a Serbian guy who couldn’t be nicer.

It’s a tiny little room, but it does have a stage and maybe could fit 60 people if crammed full. Fortunately, that wasn’t an issue tonight as I think the grand total was 14. This is just not the kind of gig I want to be doing now, but I was asked nicely so I said I would do it.

There’s a huge difference between being respected and treated like a two bit whore, and the tiniest amount of respect goes a long way with most entertainers of any genre. We get bought and sold like baseball cards or used cars, and the ones doing it forget we’re people with feelings. Most of us become entertainers because we lacked respect in the first place.

I was approached for this show by a bouncer at Pavle’s who saw me at a Zanies show at Pheasant Run Resort in St. Charles, IL a few months ago. He said Pavle had not done any comedy shows in a long time, and would like to start up again. We worked out a date that turned out to be tonight, and since it was a week night there wasn‘t much risk involved.

I called Russ Martin and Karl Newyear, as both are not far away and can always use the stage time. I knew they’d appreciate it, and wouldn’t waste the opportunity. I try to throw a bone to others when I can, and I like hanging out with those guys. It was an easy call.

Pavle usually doesn’t open until 9pm, so the show was scheduled for 9:30. That’s a late start for any week night show, and knowing I had to get to Rockford by 5am made it seem that much later. I wouldn’t have minded if they canceled, but they wanted to do a show.

It is what it is. Pavle was extremely grateful, and must have thanked me ten times. How can I get angry at that? It’s not his fault. It’s a hard task to fill even a small bar for a show in Kenosha on a week night. At least I felt respected, and those 14 people loved the show.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Digging Deeper Into Uranus

2012-01-26T00:04:00.001-08:00

Wednesday January 25th, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

I’m battening down the hatches, as I can tell this is going to be a hell of a year. I feel the rumblings in the distance getting closer, and at some point the deluge will begin. It has to. I’ve been putting too much out there for too long without some positives bouncing back.

I’ve paid enough dues for about six lifetimes, and now it’s time for payback. I haven’t a clue as to what it will all entail, but I know it’s on the way. I just do. I feel it. I don’t know how I know, but I do. There are going to be events in 2012 I’ve never experienced before, but in a good way. I am working day and night to make sure I’m prepared to soak it all in.

Between bookers calling, classes pending, my one man show ’Schlitz Happened’ about growing up in Milwaukee, The Mothership Connection paranormal radio show on WLIP in Kenosha, WI and trying to stay in contact with friends, I’ve got more than I can handle.

That doesn’t include ‘side projects’ like producing the DVD for James Wesley Jackson or booking a ’Pirates Of Comedy’ tour with Don Reese, Dwight York and Dan Still. It’s a chore just to list all this stuff much less keep track of it, but every bit of it is worthwhile.

And then there’s The King of Uranus. That’s the monster that’s been rumbling loudest, and I feel myself being drawn to it. It’s the culmination of everything I’ve admired in life and a mix of a lot of things from pro wrestler to charismatic evangelist to George Clinton and Sun Ra’s outer space alter egos to science fiction to just plain funny. It’s a total kick.

I think it’s more than that though. My friend Max Bumgardner called tonight out of the blue to say he was thinking about me and had the urge to call so he did. Max is one of the few people I consider a true kindred spirit, and totally gets where I am coming from. He’s always understood the ‘dented can’ concept, and is a big fan of The King of Uranus idea.

Max has very solid natural business instincts, which I admit I do not. I’m a creative type and that’s how it has always been. I’m at the mercy of the bean counters, and that’s a fact I’m not thrilled about. Max gets where I’m coming from, and called at the perfect time.

He encouraged me to get out there and DO this gimmick, and told me to only say aloud positive affirmations that I want to come true. Max is a big time student of self help like I am, and he’s right. The Law Of Attraction really does work, and I needed to re-hear that.

This whole thing is more than a gimmick. It’s the childhood I never got to have, and the way to reach more people than I ever would as a regular old run of the mill white standup comic. I’ve tried that for decades, and it hasn’t come close to working how I’d planned.

This idea goes way deeper than that. It opens me up to a whole new level of community service and bringing laughter and healing to people who really need it. I picture this to be a whole lot deeper than putting on a goofy costume and walking into places to watch how people react. That’s part of it, and its very funny, but the roots of it all are very spiritual.

Max is one of the few people who gets all this, and his call served as a lightning rod for getting me to put into words exactly what I intend to accomplish by doing this. At first the idea was just to make money, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s much deeper now.

I want to touch people’s lives and souls, not just their wallets. I want to help the hurting heal, and there are far more dented cans out there than I ever imagined. I’ve had my share of horrific breaks in life, but there are countless stories much worse than mine. They need to laugh, and they need someone who can relate to their pain to deliver it. And that’s me.

There are countless nameless and faceless standup comedians out there, but there’s only ONE King of Uranus. I’ve finally come up with something that sets me apart from all the rest - even though I’ve been ‘out there’ my whole life. This is the vehicle I have lacked.

I’m going to breathe life into this character in the next little while, but it’s been brewing since childhood. Gramps would LOVE this, and I’m not only doing it in his honor, but for the others in my family who died without ever doing anything worthwhile - like my uncle. He left this planet a lonely unfulfilled bitter horse’s ass. He missed the reason for living.

It’s all about giving and sharing and showing sincere acts of kindness. He motivated me whether he knew it or not, and ending up like him or my father scares me beyond words. I want to be known for my service to humanity, and this is going to be the way I achieve it.

If a regular old comedian came to a hospital or an orphanage or an old folks home, they may or may not be remembered five minutes after they left. I know I feel that way far too often after shows. People may laugh and have a good time, but I’m forgotten in minutes.

Who could forget The King of Uranus showing up in full costume with flames and farts and smoke and gimmicks and whatever else I can throw in? Word will get out, and it will spread like wildfire. I know human nature and entertainment enough to know I’ll get a lot of mileage out of minimal effort. Just showing up in the goofy costume will get attention.

Now it’s a matter of coming up with the back story of why I’m dressed like that and the battle plan of how to get it known to as many people as possible in the shortest amount of time. It WILL get seen, and it already has shown potential for lightning fast recognition.

When it does, I want to have my priorities straight. Yes, I’m looking to get rich. I’m not denying that for a second. Money is a part of life, and it’s important. But what’s far more important is touching those who are hurting. I want to take this to places where comedy is needed most but not usually seen - like prisons or hospices. I want to make a difference.

I know it all sounds corny and sappy, but I‘m not kidding. With all the insane horror of dysfunction going on in my life from such an early age, this is finally my chance to be the kid I never got to be then. I had to grow up too fast, and missed out on much of the dumb fun kids are supposed to have. Well, this is it - and a way to reach out to others who have similar scars. Like a Patch Adams, Peace Pilgrim or Mother Theresa, this is my mission.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Regal Stupidity

2012-01-25T21:09:00.001-08:00

Tuesday January 24th, 2012 - Waukegan, IL/Hoffman Estates, IL

Lots of running around today, but all of it productive - and long overdue. First it was off to scenic Waukegan for lunch with magician Dennis DeBondt. He ran across a guy with a bar/restaurant that has an upstairs performance space that wants to try live comedy shows.

Downtown Waukegan is not the epicenter of entertainment, but there’s no comedy at all in Lake County, IL and it wouldn’t hurt to get a few things started. Dennis is a very funny comedy magician and could easily headline comedy clubs if he wanted, but he’s also very good at the business end of things and doesn’t need to do that. He does better on his own.

He’s exactly the kind of person I need to align myself with, and I can help him too. He’s always talking to people that aren’t in my loop of contacts, and often those people ask for referrals of both comedians and magicians. It never hurts to know a source for new work.

No matter what happens in Waukegan, I’m glad I met with Dennis. He’s a professional, and I can hopefully help him in return. We looked at the room in question, and it’s doable for an occasional show. It’ll never be a full time club, but that’s not what the place wants.

After lunch it was off to work on the King of Uranus costume with Jim McHugh. I need a constant kick in Uranus to make this thing happen, and he’s been doing his job perfectly as of late. I’m the first one to admit I’m a scatterbrain, and Jim helps me to stay focused.

It has to get DONE. Period. I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m crazy, and in fact that’s the whole idea. I never denied it, and I don’t now. This is an admittedly stupid concept which perfectly fits a painfully stupid world. It lightens people up at a time when we all need it.

We saw a perfect example of it today as we went into a fabric store looking for material to make the King’s cape. Or is it a robe? I don’t know, so that’s what we went to find out. Jim bought a new video camera that’s the size of a cell phone, and followed me around in the store as we looked through fabrics and had interaction with a couple of sales people.

They were a little taken aback at first, but after a while they came around and it was fun to watch the transformation. Who’s not going to remember that the King of Uranus was at their store? It was great practice on many levels. We filmed a scene, bought the fabric and Jim’s mother has a friend who is a whiz of a seamstress and she’ll construct the costume.

That will be more fodder for recording. Gradually, we’ll come up with the character out of trial and error and the reactions we get will dictate what stays and what goes. This is an absolute blast, and I don’t care who tells me it’s stupid. It IS stupid - that’s why it works.

I really do have passion about this project, and I need others like Jim to keep harping on me to just DO it. There will never be a better time than now, and action is the main key to success at anything. The only failure possible with this concept is not taking my best shot, but days like this make that fear shrink like testicles in cold weather. Prepare for a King!

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

American Storage Pawn Picker War Stars

2012-01-24T08:21:00.001-08:00

Monday January 23rd, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

I haphazardly gulp from life’s cup of shame like a thirsty dog laps from a toilet. I should be a millionaire by now, and the one and only idiot to blame for why I’m not gawks at me in the mirror every day. I’ve had chances, and so far I have blown every one. It haunts me.

Nothing reminds me of it more than this recent glut of all the ‘treasure hunt’ TV shows. ’Pawn Stars’, ’Storage Wars’, ‘American Pickers’ and all their various imitators show me just how close I was to hitting pay dirt. It was right in front of me, and I flat out missed it.

What more of an ideal situation could a person ask for than to be constantly on the road for twenty-five years with 23 hours of free time a day to do nothing but hunt for treasures, make connections all over North America and wheel and deal? I was tailor made for this.

I have always had an eye for collectibles, even as a kid. I remember going to sports card shows in Milwaukee back before they were popular everywhere. I would take the city bus across town to a place called Federation Hall when I was maybe 12 or 13, and come back with as many old baseball cards as I could buy with whatever stash of money I had saved.

They used to have auctions for old cards, and I was right in there bidding toe to toe with grown men many years older than me. Many would ask why I was bidding on those cards when they weren’t from my era, but I just knew they would be worth money in the future.

I ended up selling most of them in my early twenties when I really needed money, and it came in super handy at the time. I did make a healthy profit, but had I really been smart to wait until the peak years of the mid ‘90s I’d have made ten times what I did. I missed out.

Still, I bought and sold sports card collections for years after that. I loved the process of hunting the source, making the deal and reselling it all. Sometimes I lost money, but more often than not I was able to do pretty well. There are a lot of universal steps that go along with any collectible genre, not just sports cards. Had I been smart, I could have hit it big.

Collectibles and antiques are all about knowledge. The objective is to buy items from a seller that doesn’t know where to get as much as you can. That’s the whole concept of all these TV shows, and it’s exactly what I was doing as I was wheeling and dealing cards.

What if I would have gotten to know antique dealers and collectors in all the towns I’ve been going back and forth to all these years? WOW. It boggles the mind how many deals I could have been part of and how many great adventures I missed out on. Sure, I did buy and sell a few random baubles and trinkets along the way, but nothing to break the bank.

Now, after seeing these shows everywhere it’s going to be next to impossible to troll up anything of real value for any kind of bargain. Every seller is now going to jack up prices beyond belief, thinking they’ve got the Holy Grail. I wouldn’t think of starting now, but if I had years ago I’d have probably hit my mother lode by now. I missed the boat. How sad.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

The Reality Of Perception

2012-01-23T04:03:00.001-08:00

Sunday January 22nd, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

There’s a very interesting video on the internet about a world class violinist by the name of Joshua Bell who played a very difficult piece of music on a super expensive violin that was worth $3.5 million in a train station in New York. No passers by recognized him. He got $31 in donations in an hour‘s playing, while tickets to his shows average $100 each.

I remember seeing the video when it first came out, but someone sent it to me again this week and I was reminded of how important perception is - especially in the entertainment game. Talent has never mattered, and the video drove that point home hard. It’s not that a talented person will never make it, it’s just that talent is not the one and only requirement.

It’s not just about talent either. Joe Paterno of Penn State died today of lung cancer, and his perception was that of being revered for decades as a pillar of virtue and a worthy role model for his players to emulate. When the scandal broke about long time assistant coach Jerry Sandusky allegedly having sex with boys on campus, Paterno’s image was stained.

By all I’ve read and heard, JoePa did absolutely nothing to protect the victims of one of the most horrific crimes I can imagine. Even though he eventually got fired as a coach, he still had the blind worship and support of a large number of football fans in Pennsylvania.

They couldn’t imagine getting rid of the living legend, even if what he did was about as wrong as it gets. He was perceived as an icon, and the truth didn’t matter. There are other examples too numerous to count, as well as hypothetical situations. What if someone like Hitler or Bin Laden had helped little old ladies across the street? Would it redeem them?

Of course not. Their perception was that of being evil, and deservedly so. They had way too much bad energy attached to their names to let one little good thing sway the opinion in the other direction. Reputation can go a long way in how the public views somebody.

Brett Favre is a shining example of how someone’s public perception can change from icon to ex con in a short period of time. He was the king of Wisconsin for at least a dozen years, and when he left his fans were up in arms. Then, when he pulled his little Viqueens stunt, he turned to the dark side faster than Darth Vader’s cape. His perception changed.

Perception isn’t always reality, but it might as well be. Ozzy Osbourne may have bitten the head off of a bat, and maybe he didn’t. Does it matter? Everyone has heard that story. Did Richard Gere and a gerbil ever hook up for a well publicized weekend rendezvous?

Again, it’s not important if it actually happened or not. A lot of people THINK it did, so that’s all that’s necessary. That gerbil could pass a lie detector test and it wouldn’t change a thing in the public’s mind. The perception is there that it happened, good luck changing that. I was thinking today about what my perception is, and I’m not really sure. I hope I’m perceived as a good person, and I try to be one. Unfortunately, that’s not all that important as far as business goes. ‘Nice’ won’t get a person paid. It’s the ability to sell some tickets.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

A Fifty Mile Radius

2012-01-22T21:14:00.001-08:00

Saturday January 21st, 2012 - Elkhorn, WI

I think my ‘closer to home’ theory is finally starting to pay off. Tonight I did a show at a country club in Elkhorn, WI and my round trip total was 72 miles. What a delightful night of ‘work’ it was to be able to leave my house at 7:30 for an 8:30 show, and be back by 11.

This is exactly what I had in mind when I came up with this plan, and now that I’m able to see results it makes me want to dig in and do it more. Who needs grueling twelve hour drives each way on a weekly basis to prove I’m in show biz? I prefer it this way, thanks.

There were a lot more positives with this gig than being out there aimlessly wandering the earth like Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu. It was easy, low pressure and I had a chance to earn my weekly nut in less than four hours. If I could do that every week, life is sweet.

I didn’t make great money, but it wasn’t horrible either. Considering how much actual effort I had to put out to get it, I’ll shut my mouth and say thanks. I might have been able to score more gross pay for a weekend or week long booking, but after expenses I’d be at right around what I ended up taking home. Not having the long drive was like a vacation.

This particular place is being booked by another comedian who is kind enough to think of me whenever these kinds of random shows come up. I wouldn’t consider going behind his back to try and book things myself, even though not everyone else operates that way.

I’m very respectful of territorial rights when it comes to situations like this, and he ends up calling me more often than not anyway so we all win. He charged a small but very fair commission for recommending me, and I gladly paid it. The show went well as I was sure it would, and the guy in charge said I’d be back. I was paid and in my car without issue.

How many other places like this are there within a 50 mile radius of my house? I would think there are enough to keep me working at least a couple of times each month were I to want to do that. Last week I was in Wauconda, IL which is even closer. Again, the money wasn’t stellar, but it didn’t totally suck canal water either. The closeness makes up for it.

I know I may be getting spoiled these last two weeks, but I believe I deserve it. Way too often I’ve had to drive hundreds of hard lonely miles to stand in front of far less people or far less friendly or sober people. Nobody was drunk tonight, and they were good laughers.

There are all kinds of people within a fifty mile radius of where I am. Zanies in Chicago is just about fifty miles exactly from door to door, and downtown Milwaukee is a little bit less. Rockford is maybe a little farther, as is Madison. Still, there are a lot of people living in that circle who would love what I do and I’m bound and determined to find all of them.

Even if I expanded it to an even 100 miles, that’s still a lot of potential. I bet if I worked only that specific territory boundary alone, I could earn a respectable living and still sleep in my own bed every night. Next week I’ve got three gigs close to home. I’m loving this.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Scoring With Boring

2012-01-20T20:48:00.001-08:00

Friday January 20th, 2012 - Gurnee, IL

No rest for the wicked. Up and at ’em. I signed myself up for another network meet and greet breakfast this morning, and it started at 7:30 at the Golden Corral in Gurnee, IL. I’ve never been a morning person, even when I worked in morning radio, but that’s too bad for me. It’s smart business to crawl out of the rack, scrub myself up and make some contacts.

Today’s group was the Lake County Chamber of Commerce, and I heard about it earlier in the week from my contact Jayne Nordstrom at Visit Lake County - formerly The Lake County Convention And Visitor’s Bureau. She’s been a total pleasure to work with since I became a member, and continues to come through again and again. She’s in my corner.

Making contacts in my own back yard can never hurt. For the price of breakfast I’d buy anyway, I get a chance to cross paths with others who all have the entrepreneurial mindset I’m trying to develop. If nothing else, not many of these people had ever met a comedian. I could feel ears perk up when I introduced myself, and everyone was friendly and warm.

On Wednesday, I had a couple of inquiries from people who wanted to know if I would be available for a company function. Today, I had five more. Bingo! That doesn’t mean a single one of those gigs will ever happen, but how many other comedians were dressed up or up at all at 7:30am mingling with a room full of business owners? Not many, I’d guess.

ONE measly little gig out of all of this will pay my yearly membership dues, and that’s a solid bet in my book. I felt quality energy both times this week, and will seek out more of these events to attend in the future. All I need is to hit one valuable contact to win big.

After breakfast I stopped at the Gurnee Mills Mall to continue my daily exercise string. I’ve been on a roll lately, and not only have I not missed any days, I’ve been walking a lot farther than I ever have. Today I put in four complete laps, and I think that’s a first. Most people have much higher goals, but to me four laps in the mall felt like Olympic victory.

I don’t know exactly how far that is, but I would guess it’s probably at least two miles if not more per lap. That’s a big place, and there are a lot of twists and turns to put at least a little variety in my route. I’m soaked by the time I finish, and I feel comfortable enough to immerse myself in thought as I exercise. I find it simultaneously relaxing and energizing.

What a boring slug I am, but these stupid little things really do excite me. Getting up to put in an appearance at the networking meeting really made me feel like I’d accomplished something worthy of calling it a successful day. Then, getting in four laps in the mall took it over the edge. I’m on a thrill spree. What’s next, cleaning out the lint trap in the dryer?

I know I’m a flaming bore, but that’s who I am. Doing a pound of cocaine or skydiving doesn’t tempt me in the least. Walking in a mall and meeting strangers at a restaurant put me in a great mood. Am I nuts? I’m afraid so, but it could be worse. I could be Belushi or Kinison or someone else who’s DEAD. I‘m dull, but I‘m alive. Today was a lot of fun.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

A Run For The Money

2012-01-20T18:52:00.001-08:00

Thursday January 19th, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

It’s funny how life is a constant series of trade offs. When I was the young punk getting started in comedy, I had boundless energy and the stamina of a Marine. I could drive a car from sunrise to sunset, and still be fresh and ready to do not one but two shows that night.

I ate whatever I wanted that was cheap and/or tasted good, got by on little to no sleep on a nightly basis and didn’t give a second thought to living a gypsy lifestyle. I was always in a new place, constantly meeting new people. It was perpetual adventure, and I loved it all.

The only bad thing was, I didn’t have an act. I stunk severely, like a meadow full of sun ripened moose manure, and I knew it. I was bad for years. Every greenhorn is. It’s why all real comedians need to work the road. It’s the only way to acquire a set of sellable skills.

Some of those skills are what happens on stage, but a lot more are what goes on the rest of the day. Between all the travel and constant acclimation to new situations, clubs, cities, regions, climate, customs, cuisine, protocol, politics and who knows what else, it can be a constant drain on the energy reserves. It’s easier to absorb in youth, but it does take a toll.

Now, like a Navy Seal I can walk into virtually any comedic situation and know exactly what has to be done. I have no fear, and have become exactly what I set out to be from the start. It’s come full circle though, as now I have no desire whatsoever to travel anymore.

If I was told tomorrow I wouldn’t be able to travel outside a 200 mile radius of home, it wouldn’t bother me a bit. I’d welcome it. I could still perform for good audiences, but not have to put all those hard miles on my car and myself. That’s the best of both worlds from my perspective now, but it might not be the smartest choice. I might have one final run.

It wouldn’t take all that much to set me up financially for life. I’ve already survived like a bug for this long, and fortunately my standards have remained ridiculously low. If I ever do hit pay dirt, I won’t piss it away like some moron athlete or rapper that hits it big at 22.

I’d be able to easily settle up what look like insurmountable money mountains now, but after that I’d really be free to do exactly what I’m doing now. I’d work on the same things I’m working on now, and that tells me I’m on the right track. I love what I’m doing, I just have a shortage of time and money. Time shrinks by the day, but money can be acquired.

One hot coast to coast tour would really do it. I could deliver the shows, and they would be the same ones I’m giving now and have been for years. It took long enough to learn my craft, but I did. The price was high, but I paid it and then some. I can’t let that just vanish.

Doing all the things I’m doing now are setting me up for that calculated run. I still have some gas in the tank, and if I had to go out and tour one last time I’d do it for money. I’d also do it for fun, which is what I did it for in the first place. Too bad fun isn’t the type of currency most landlords or creditors accept. If it was, I’d make Donald Trump look poor.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Advertising Anarchy

2012-01-19T03:35:00.001-08:00

Wednesday January 18th, 2012 - Gurnee, IL

I saw a business card years ago that had ‘OFIT’ written on it in big block letters. Below those letters was written “There is no profit without PR”. How true. If nobody knows of a product, how can they buy it? McDonald’s never lets up on advertising, so there’s a clue. If they keep pounding their name out there after fifty years, I need to start following suit.

There is no question most comedians are painfully under marketed, especially with the public in general. It’s tough enough to keep one’s name out there within business circles, much less the public’s eye. It takes a calculated effort, and most of us fall painfully short.

I surely do, or at least I thought so. I’ve spoken with several booking agents recently to find out who they thought the most well promoted comedians are, and my name came up in the top two or three. BIG red flag. If I’m at or near the top, that’s one truly pathetic list.

Granted, I came up in the generation where comedy clubs boomed. I could make myself a living performing in venues that promoted themselves as an outlet to see comedy. I was able to ride piggyback on a club’s advertising campaign, as did a whole generation of us.

The booking agents were the ones with all the power. The goal was to establish contact with as many as possible, so work would be plentiful. Most of us never thought about any self promotion after that. How stupid and naïve we were, and now there are very talented performers floating around in comedy limbo that nobody knows about. That frightens me.

Now, it’s a different game entirely. It’s a social media world of Face Book, Twitter and You Tube. There is a whole new generation of wannabe comics who are great at hawking themselves in those circles, but have no act. They haven’t paid any dues, but they’re good at drawing attention to themselves. Unfortunately, that’s more important than the product.

This is how it is, and I need to deal with it. It doesn’t matter that I’ve put in a lifetime of sacrifice to attain a master level of my craft. If nobody knows I’m there, they can’t sample my product to see if they like it or not. I don’t want to be a dinosaur like a lot of my peers, and I don’t mean any disrespect toward them. The world has changed, and we need to too.

Not only have I let myself get out of touch with booking agents, my public presence can use a major overhaul. I have contact with several radio shows around the country, but not enough to put me over the top. I thought I was on top of the game, but I’m way behind it.

This morning I went to a networking breakfast in Gurnee, IL to shake hands, kiss babies and forge new contacts. I have to start over with a brand new marketing campaign. I don’t even have current business cards. That’s pathetic and inexcusable, but also motivational.

I should be cranking out monthly newsletters for a calculated list of radio and television shows, websites and fans in general. The old comedy club days are long gone, and we had no idea how easy we had it then. Now it’s everyone for themselves - advertising anarchy.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

A Wealth Of Health

2012-01-17T22:09:00.001-08:00

Tuesday January 17th, 2012 - Gurnee, IL

I know it’s a good problem to have, but there’s just too much going on in my life to sort it all out. I’ve been pounding it pretty hard since the new year, and trying my best to make steady improvement in several areas. One of those is exercise. It’s becoming a good habit.

Right now, I still find walking the most beneficial. My doctor suggested I start running, and I probably will at some point, but for now long walks every day are working just fine. I’ve been a regular at my old haunt The Gurnee Mills Mall, and I could probably name all the stores in order by now from all the laps I’ve taken in there. I find it comfortable there.

There are some twists and turns in the contour to add some variety, and it’s a nice open course that lets me lose myself in thought as I work up a sweat. I suppose I could sign up for a gym membership, and I still might, but I like the mall for now. I’m a young old fart, and many times when I show up in the morning I know I can kick anyone’s ass in there.

Not that I would, but just knowing I could take down a flock of codgers with a few well placed karate kicks makes me feel like a bad ass just the same. I would never be a bully to anyone on purpose, but let’s just say if a fight breaks out I’ll be able to take care of myself without having to bug the cops. I’ll snag a walker or crutch and use it as a battering ram.

Actually, most of the people I see in the mall as I take my laps are super friendly. They are older and grayer, but they’re there for the same reason I am - to get healthy. Most will wave or nod or even say ‘Good morning’ out loud. I smile and say good morning to them as well, and it really makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something whenever I do that.

The challenge is keeping it up every day. In the summer I was able to walk outside, and I like that too. There are several options of routes to be able to keep it fresh, and I love the feeling of being outdoors and knowing I’m doing something good for myself. I’m finding myself really enjoying it, and I can feel the benefits daily. I’ve made a total life upgrade.

I’ve been solid on my diet too. Once in a great while, I’ll have a teeny tiny treat, but it’s exactly that - a treat. I don’t pound down the horrible things I used to eat on a daily basis, and I’m appalled that I spent all those years not thinking about what I ate. What a dummy I was, and I’m ashamed and embarrassed. This is the correct way to live, and I’m hooked.

People tell me on a daily basis how good I look, and that’s a mixed feeling. I appreciate the fact anyone has noticed, but it also makes me feel like I must have looked like a circus freak before. I know people are just trying to be nice, but sometimes it makes me cringe a little to hear someone go off on how much I’ve improved myself. But I have. I feel great.

I still have a long way to go though. Now I’m going to be fighting the aging process for the rest of my life - however long that’s going to be. Betty White made it to 90. Good for her. Today is her birthday and I have nothing but respect for her. I hope if I live that long I’ll still be taking my laps at The Gurnee Mills Mall - chasing all the 70 year old chicks.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Plan 10 From Uranus

2012-01-17T21:08:00.001-08:00

Monday January 16th, 2012 - Kenosha, WI

I have begrudgingly resigned myself to the painful realization that I’m never going to be able to come close to enjoying all of the things in life I’d like to experience. I wish I could read more books and see more movies and catch up on all the television shows I missed.

I’ve been working mostly nights and weekends for going on three decades, so my prime time TV watching has been sporadic at best. I know I could have made an effort to record all the big shows, but I didn’t get around to it. When would I find time to watch them all?

People don’t believe me when I tell them I’ve never seen an entire Seinfeld episode, but it’s totally true. I couldn’t name all the characters on ‘Friends’ for a million dollars free in unmarked bills. I think there’s a Joey and a Ross, but I’m not sure. Jennifer Aniston was on the show, but I have no idea what her character’s name was. Courtney Cox’s either.

As a comedian and alleged radio personality, I really should know things like this. It’s a huge part of pop culture, and most audiences know all those references. I happen to know sports to the point of super geekdom, but there are people who have no clue about that. In these times, it’s impossible to know everything about everything. There’s just too much.

The trick is to know a little about everything, but that’s hard also. I don’t care about any sitcoms past about 1980. That’s when I started to discover there was a real world besides the fake one the TV networks were trying to create. I’d rather go out and live life myself.

I don’t fault anyone who likes to watch TV. I used to like it too, and I guess I still do on a certain level. Prime time network TV doesn’t interest me at all, but I’ll still watch sports on occasion and I do find myself watching shows like ‘Pawn Stars’ and ‘Storage Wars’ if they’re on. I also find myself watching ‘American Pickers’ and ‘Lockup‘. That‘s about it.

Then there’s movies. It takes time and effort to cram all this into anyone’s schedule, and I’ve always got my plate full with all kinds of real things, so I can’t find time to sit around wasting two hour blocks of time on movies. Once in a while however, I will treat myself.

Tonight, Mark Gumbinger invited some friends over to watch Tim Burton’s ‘Ed Wood’ from 1994. I remember seeing it and liking it when it came out, but I found myself liking it even more the second time around. I have a lot more life experience and can empathize.

Ed Wood might have been a hack and a kook, but he hung in there and kept slugging to make his vision become reality. Good for him. It’s easy to give up. Where he was able to luck out was having his ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’ get voted as THE worst movie ever.

I’ve always said anyone in show business has to be the ‘something-est’. It doesn’t have to be the best. It could be the fattest, the loudest, weirdest - even the worst. All that really matters is that people remember it, and that’s what he’s remembered for. Maybe the King of Uranus will be the worst idea ever. Let’s hope so. I could be ‘Plan 10 From Uranus’.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Thank You, Packers!

2012-01-16T07:00:00.001-08:00

Sunday January 15th, 2012 - Kenosha, WI

Thank you, Green Bay Packers! Thank you for that giant steaming heap of fresh manure you plopped right on top of the birthday cake that is 2012. Thanks for putting your fans in the trick bag and teasing us with one of the best regular seasons ever. That’s all over now.

Now you greedy bastards are going to fight over even more money we’re stupid enough to keep throwing at you, and you’re going to build more seats in that stadium of yours and sucker even more of us in for years to come. You’re cruel, heartless, and I want a divorce.

Not just from the Packers, but the whole NFL. Why do I watch the games and care even a little? Nobody cares about me, and never did. You take my money, and sell me clothing that I pay full retail for and then stupidly wear everywhere defending the honor of a team that breaks my heart completely in two like a karate school breaks boards. It’s miserable.

The Giants weren’t the better team, YOU stunk it up when it counted. So, thank you for breaking the bond we’ve had since I was an innocent little kid wanting something to do to spend more time with my grandpa. He was hooked on you, and passed it down to me too.

I rue the day I ever watched my first game. You were terrible then, and I remember how you made my grandpa yell and scream at his TV screen. Even as a child, I found this to be completely insane. What could possibly become of yelling at a television? Could the team hear him? Were they going to turn things around? No, but now I’m doing it decades later.

I remember how good it made Gramps feel when you won, and I never understood then how a stupid football game could get such a stranglehold on the emotions of an adult that is supposed to have it together. He was upset when you lost, but ecstatic when you won.

Then, over decades of not even thinking about it, I became hooked just like he was and so many millions of others. I found myself screaming at televisions when you lost, and it became obvious that there’s more to this than just a game. This is an actual addiction, and what you’re selling is a drug. By the time any of us realize it, we’re hooked. It’s insidious.

I vowed I wasn’t going to watch the game, and for most of it I didn’t. I don’t need to be in a perpetual state of sphincter lock for three hours, as you’ve been known to put us in on a regular basis. I’m rapidly approaching old age, and my health doesn’t need more stress.

However, as with any addiction, in the fourth quarter I was shaking like a stripper’s butt at a bachelor party and I had to turn on my television to see what was happening. By then, it was too late. You were fumbling and stumbling and I knew the glory ride was all over.

Thanks for making it nice and embarrassing too. Every obnoxious New York wank pole will now stick it in my ass, and I’ll have to pretend it doesn’t bother me when in fact it’s a rusty knitting needle pounded straight up my urethra. Thank you for freeing up next week, and I won‘t have to waste my time on that pesky Super Bowl either. Thanks for that too!

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Maxwell's Silver Humor

2012-01-13T22:12:00.003-08:00

Friday January 13th, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

Ah, Friday the 13th. My personal holiday. The perfect day to be Mr. Lucky. That’s when the rest of this insanity infested planet gets to feel what it’s like to be me every single day. I can relax a little and watch everyone else panic for a change. I find it rather refreshing.

Actually, what Friday the 13th should be is a yearly marketing opportunity to generate a bit of media heat for my Mr. Lucky persona. There’s always at least one each year but not ever more than three. 2012 happens to have the three. They’re in January, April and July.

I could absolutely see a manufactured event at some point, where it’s a special show for some venue to promote like New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day. I’m just not well known to enough people to pull that off yet, but I’ve always wanted to do it. I think it could rock. It all boils down to how well known any personality can be to as many fans as possible.

My intention was to start up another version of my email newsletter today, but I wasn’t able to get it done. The good news is, I’m the only one who cares even a tiny bit. Nobody was expecting it, and life goes on with zero disappointment - at least not because of me.

I’m a little disappointed myself though, but I’ll get over it. I’ve been making progress at a steady productive pace on a number of fronts lately, but a newsletter is just not ready to go just yet. I’ve been sorting and compiling names and email addresses, and I’ll be all set to go very shortly. That might mean a week, two weeks or a month - but I’ll get it done.

I used to have a monthly blast that went out on the 13th of every month, and I like using that day as a gimmick. Bills hit at the first of the month, and paychecks might come in on the 15th. I used to get a solid response when I sent mine on the 13th, and after a while I had people expecting it. My ex business partner handled it, and allegedly we had 2800 names.

I can’t confirm that number as I didn’t actually see the list, but I wouldn’t doubt that we were close. Then, when he pulled his little embezzlement stunt he also stole the list along with the money and ended up trying to start his own comedy classes with someone else as the teacher. He pounded that list to the point my personal friends were getting mad at me.

He sent those people relentless reminders of his classes, but he was too stupid to realize not all of them were comedy students. A great deal of them were friends of mine from all walks of life, and had no interest in comedy whatsoever. The whole thing leaves a terribly sour taste in my mouth. I can choose to snivel on about it or I can start a brand new list.

I’m choosing to stop whining and start listing. I will make this list better in many ways than the last one, most notably categorizing them into lists of fans, bookers, students and working comedians. I’m going to call it ‘Maxwell’s Silver Humor’ after the Beatles song
‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’. I’m not a particularly rabid Beatles fan, but it fits exactly so why not use it? Nobody can sue me, as I’m not using the song - just the play on words of the title. It doesn’t matter anyway, as I didn’t get it done like I planned. But it’s coming.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Maxwell's Silver Humor

2012-01-13T22:12:00.001-08:00

Friday January 13th, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Toxic Amputation

2012-01-13T13:00:00.001-08:00

Thursday January 12th, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

Time to relax for a day and catch my breath a little. I’ve got a lot going on, and can only keep the pedal to the floor for so long. I’m getting a cramp in my ankle, and relaxing a bit is a welcome break. Making the video project happen was a major step, and it feels great.

It will be at least a month or so before it’s a finished product, so now that’s on the back burner. I’ve got several other projects that can use some heating up, and it’s time to set up a logical running order that will allow me to progress the farthest. It’s like a giant puzzle.

I love puzzles, but this is my life I’m playing with. Finding a workable order of each of these projects is like putting together a batting order for a baseball team. If I do things out of order, it could easily cause me to lose the game of life, and I’ve come too far to let that happen. I want to squeeze every last drop out of everything I enjoy, and go out exhausted.

I intended to sit back and do absolutely nothing today, but that didn’t happen. I received a text from David Stuart from Improv Playhouse in Libertyville, IL asking to meet up for breakfast and discuss putting together comedy classes and shows for 2012. He tends to be as busy as I am, so I said yes. If not today, who knows when else we‘d find a free hour?

David is very professional, and I know we can help each other. He has improv classes at his facility, and has staked out Lake County, IL as his territory much like I have. We have a solid business relationship, and have proven to each other we’re in it for the long haul.

Teaming up on comedy shows and classes in Lake County is a win/win, as we both live here and so do a lot of potential customers who wouldn’t go to Chicago or Milwaukee for what we are offering. Taking an hour to have breakfast and compare notes was worth it.

After that, I took care of some less than thrilling errands I’ve been putting off like doing laundry and paying bills. My car insurance is coming due as is the yearly rental fee for my post office box. Those things all need to get done, and today was the day to shrink my list of minutia. All the money I made recently is now gone, but at least some bills got paid.

Then there’s the Uranus project. It’s easy to let that slip through the cracks, pun intended of course, but I am training myself to devote some time to that project every single day of my life so it becomes a habit. Eventually, I want that to be my biggest source of income.

It’s all I can handle to think about all these projects much less take action, but I chose to load up my plate like this so it’s up to me to get it done. One wasted day can send me off course even more than I am now, so I’m being careful to calculate how my days plan out.

If nothing else, I’m having an amazing amount of FUN - a not so secret ingredient that has always been missing from the lives of most of my family. I come from a long line of miserable and dysfunctional losers who have not only ruined their own lives, they ended up spilling that toxicity on their children. Fun is like a magic soap to clean up their mess.

I’ve got no time for toxic idiots anymore. Not that I ever have, but too many times I’ve let them get to me and that’s never a smart move. I never end up bringing them to where I am, they always end up bringing me down. I’ve got to just amputate people like that from my life and go around them. The more positive my own vibe gets, the less I need idiots.

I’m going to continue my practice of firing those people from my life. I am willing to be extremely forgiving of someone’s shortcomings, but I refuse to tolerate malicious people and especially bullies. My father was a bully, and I learned the best way to deal with him was to not deal with him at all. He died miserable, alone and nobody misses him. It’s sad.

When I run across someone with a toxic vibe, my patience is at an all time low. I had it happen yesterday, and it took me by surprise. I was at the radio station getting ready to do my video recording when one of the sales people I’ve known for years oozed out from his cubicle and started ripping me in front of his boss. He was rude, insulting and not funny.

Like everyone else who has never actually done anything about chasing their dream, it’s always easier to run down someone else’s. He fancies himself to be a huge fan of comedy and of course thinks he knows everything about it, so he has to foist his opinion on me of everyone who has ever stood in front of a microphone to justify the fact he’s a total loser.

I never care what his or anyone else’s opinions are about comedy if they’ve never done it themselves. It would be like me explaining how painful child birth is. What the hell do I know about that subject? Less than nothing, so I keep my mouth shut. Comedy seems to be something a lot of clueless imbeciles want to babble on about. I don’t need to hear it.

The guy threw one mean spirited ‘joke’ after another at me, claiming to be ‘busting my balls’. Ha ha. I only tolerated him because I had to, and I’m sure he thinks we are buddies when in fact we never were. He’s the kind of leech that only calls me when he wants free tickets to Zanies - to see someone else. I’ve let it slide before, but this was the last straw.

He was acting like it mattered if he stayed for the recording, claiming to have to fly out of town today and it would put a cramp in his schedule. He also ‘scolded’ me for leaving him off my list of invites and not begging him to be part of the event. There was a reason.

After about a dozen attempts at trying to make himself sound important, I got right back in his face and unloaded a verbal barrage of haymakers that would make my father’s biker pals cringe. Enough is enough, and that maggot has never done me any favors in all of the years I’ve known him. He’s a small time pinhead who’s stuck in Kenosha, WI by choice.

There’s nothing wrong with Kenosha, and in fact it’s a nice town and I have a cherished group of people I consider friends there. What I don’t like is the small market attitude of a small minded person who only has negative and destructive things to say. I won’t accept a toxic attitude like that, and I let him know it in no uncertain terms. Now, hopefully he has gotten the message and will stay away from me and continue to piss his own life away for however long it lasts. I don’t have time for him or anyone like him. I’m in a better place.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Video Victory

2012-01-13T08:21:00.001-08:00

Wednesday January 11th, 2012, - Kenosha, WI

In the words of Hannibal Smith of The A-Team, “I love it when a plan comes together!” I don’t know why it took so long to get one, but I finally have a three camera professional video shoot of my comedy show, and I’m ecstatic. This has been far too long in coming.

There are all kinds of reasons why I haven’t gotten this done up until now, but none are legitimate excuses. I’ve needed a quality video shoot for years, and the longer I’ve waited the more it has bothered me. Now I’ll have one, and it will be a positive on many levels.

Shooting any kind of video is never an easy task. It’s gotten easier with technology, but it’s still difficult to get everything on point because so many things have to come together at one time to make a quality product. Venue, audience and logistics are key ingredients.

In this case, we made our own venue. There’s a performance space that was created for acoustic sets by bands at the WIIL/WLIP radio building in Kenosha, WI where I host The Mothership Connection on Sunday nights, and there is seating for 40 or 50. It was perfect.

My director friend Mark Gumbinger was the one who suggested using that space, and it was a brilliant idea. It never occurred to me, and it totally took our risk factor away. If we had used another location, we’d have had all kinds of other issues. This was ideal because all we had to be concerned about was getting people to show up to be a studio audience.

That was tricky enough in itself, as we didn’t want too few or too many due to the space constraints. We each worked our lists to hand pick people who were either good laughers or good lookers for cut away crowd shots. Mark is a meticulous director, and knows how to shoot and edit with the best of them. It was his call to find ‘eye candy’, and it worked.

Lou Rugani from WLIP was kind enough to host the evening, and he dressed up in his tuxedo and made it an event. He’s got the voice of God, and was the perfect choice. Also, he’s the one who asked for permission to use the building. Technically, I don’t work there even though I host a once a week show. They may have said yes, but Lou sealed the deal.

Another friend Russ Martin showed up and let Mark use his high quality video camera, and he also did a few minutes to warm up the audience. Everything worked out exactly as planned, and I came out and did about an hour and five minutes. I laid out my material in editable chunks so Mark can cut and slice, but there weren’t that many spots to be edited.

I kept it squeaky clean, and that won’t hurt me either. I can send it out to corporate gigs or cruise ships or even churches if necessary. This will open doors I won’t be able to open myself, and I can’t believe it took this long to finally get this done. It was a total success.

Slowly but surely, I’m making some solid decisions. It took me a while, but now I feel a positive momentum building. This was a solid way to begin 2012, and will lead to a lot of higher quality work in the future. It was a giant career leap - even if it was long overdue.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Meetings In Motion

2012-01-11T06:46:00.001-08:00

Tuesday January 10th, 2012 - Wauconda, IL

Time to dive into the marketing pool with both feet. I need to show major improvement in that department but quick, or resign myself to the fact I’ll be working in toilets and hell holes the rest of my life and I just can’t see myself doing that. I’m determined to evolve.

That evolution needs to include a massive overhaul of my entire professional life. I have already been working on my personal life and physical health, and I’ve been very satisfied with those results. Now it’s time for my career. I’d like to develop one after all this time.

The way to do that will be to associate with quality people who can help me advance to the next level. I can’t do it myself, even though I’ve tried for decades. It’s a team building process, even though I’m the one calling the shots. I’ve helped people, now I need some.

I spent the entire day meeting belly to belly with specific people I know can help lay the foundation of something bigger. Jim McHugh set up a breakfast meeting in Wauconda, IL with his marketing friend Rick Young and Rick’s friend Phil Gayter. Phil has an amazing track record of success in the advertising world, and is reinventing himself like many are.

Jim has been a great help, as he’s a lot more focused than I am. When I drift, as I do on a regular basis, he helps get me back on course. I need that and appreciate it, and for what I’m doing right now he’s a valued resource. Rick has experience in the business world as well, something I’ve never claimed to enjoy. I need a crash course from all these guys.

The four of us kicked around the King of Uranus idea, and sparks flew. It’s all about the marketing, and we were on the same page the whole time. I felt a synergy with these guys, and the more I can delegate to a team, the less I will have to be overwhelmed by myself.

We had a productive meeting, but now follow up is crucial. It’s not easy starting up this big of an idea from total zero, and I admit I need help in establishing momentum. I want a team of people to answer to and create deadlines for myself so things can start to happen.

Then I went to have a lunch meeting with my booking agent friend Marc Schultz to ask him how I can improve my marketing skills for the corporate world. He has a much more accurate assessment of how to get the higher paying gigs, and I value his opinion greatly.

After that, I met up with Tim Walkoe and Bill Gorgo for a brainstorming comedy ideas exchange session. We’ve done it a couple of times before, and want to make it a regularly scheduled part of our week. If someone has an idea, we kick it around and find the funny. The rules are, anything anyone wants to keep for their act has to be claimed. No problem.

Between all these people, I’ve got a lot to work on. If I have people to answer to it will help me focus and hold up my end of the deal. I felt like I invested my time wisely today, and had a good feeling after all three meetings. I’m all about win/win, and intend to make everyone’s time investment in me pay off as well. 2012 is the year of marketing mastery.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Naive No More

2012-01-10T22:06:00.001-08:00

Monday January 9th, 2012 - Chicago, IL

Boy, am I feeling my age. It seems like just a few minutes ago I was that young buck all full of hopes and dreams, ready to make my mark on the comedy business. I was cocksure and brimming with bravado, thinking I was bullet proof and the big time was my destiny.

How naïve that was, straddling the border of stupidity. Even stupider was assuming I’d be able to retain that limitless supply of energy and remain hungry and willing to keep up that hectic pace indefinitely until I made it. Hollywood would eventually discover what a hidden gem I was, and send a Learjet for me to assume my place as top banana in town.

I distinctly remember how several headliners I worked with seemed to be jaded and not nearly as enthusiastic as I thought they should be. They were living the life I badly wanted to make for myself, yet they didn’t seem to be enjoying it nearly as much as I would have.

Somewhere between then and now, I have switched teams to become one of those jaded old grumpy frustrated temperamental constantly complaining whiny bastards I swore that I‘d never be. I can clearly see now how and why it happens, and I have a lot more respect for those in the generation before me. This business grinds up souls. I’m aware of it now.

Very few if any I’ve ever seen in the comedy or any other business are actually satisfied with where they are. Everyone wants more, or thinks they’ve been cheated or looked past in some way. It’s probably true to a certain degree, but the clock and the calendar roll on.

I talked to my friend Joey Callahan from Philadelphia today. Joey is another one of my very favorites both as a comedian and a person, and he can totally relate to everything I’m feeling. He’s sacrificed his whole life for comedy just like I did, and he’s not any closer to being rich or famous now than when he started. It’s a cruel slap in the face most of us get.

Joey is one of the elder statesmen in the Philadelphia comedy scene just as I am in both Chicago and Milwaukee. There’s a new generation coming up and they’re looking at guys like Joey and myself like we looked at the headliners in our day. I’m sure they’re thinking the same things we did. “Why aren’t these old guys famous? When will I get MY shot?”

Well, most of them will get some kind of a shot at some point if they stay with it. There are all kinds of variables as to why someone does or doesn’t ‘make it’ in comedy, and that doesn’t include the fact the definition itself of what making it is is different for everyone.

I hosted the Rising Star Showcase at Zanies in Chicago tonight, and watched the newer generation cutting their teeth just like I had to and everyone else who’s ever made standup comedy their life pursuit. Watching it brought back memories and made me feel ancient.

There wasn’t anyone on the stage or in the audience over 40. I know, I asked. I watched as comics used pop culture references I had no clue of, and it scared me. I’m obviously no ‘up and comer’ anymore, even though I’ve never arrived. Reality can pack a hard punch.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Artistic Appreciation

2012-01-09T08:46:00.001-08:00

Sunday January 8th, 2012 - Baldwin, WI

It’s not a New Year anymore, even though several people I encountered today still were nice enough to wish me a happy 2012. Week two is here already, and time continues to be a very limited commodity. The big clock keeps ticking, oblivious to anyone’s objections.

Most of my day was spent driving back from the gig in St. Cloud, MN. I’m glad I had a sounding board in Steve Purcell to bounce several ideas around with and make productive use of all that time in the car. It’s obviously the equal distance to get home as it was to get there, but it always seems longer on the way home. Having company is a welcome treat.

We stopped to have lunch with another comedy cohort Dwight York. He lives in a town called Deer Park, WI which I’d never heard of until he told me he moved there, and I’m a native Wisconsinite. Or is it Wisconsonian? Whatever the case, I was born near cheese.

Dwight has always been one of my favorite people, onstage and off. I’m a big fan of his comedy, as it is sick and twisted like few others. I mean that as a compliment, and he’s up there with my all time favorite comedians. He’s got a dark sense of humor, and it can be a hard sell on certain audiences - especially when they don’t know who he is beforehand.

I respect the hell out of him for staying the course and being true to his artistic vision no matter what. He never backs down or pulls it back, even when an audience doesn’t buy in on a particular show. That takes big time guts, and I can’t say I’d be able to hang like that.

It’s the equivalent of doing political comedy. Not all crowds are going to like it, and if it happens to be one that doesn’t it can make for a painfully long evening for everyone. This is why I have so much respect for people like Will Durst who have decided to follow their passion and do what they’re going to do and not crank out crap and pander to the masses.

Dwight is the same way. He knows his style isn’t for everyone, but those who happen to like it will love it - and I’m totally one of them. He cracked me up from the very first five minutes I saw him on stage, and I knew I’d found a gem. Then, when I got a chance to get to know him better I found out he was a kindred spirit and I appreciated him even more.

It is still my dream to put a tour together with Dwight and two of my other very favorite comedians and people Don Reese and Dan Still. Their comedy is warped, but they are all wonderful people and those who would like one would like all three. It’s a perfect match.

It would be like opening a specialty restaurant with extra spicy food. Those who would like it would love it, and others would avoid it like bacon at a bar mitzvah. I wish I knew how to find the fans who would appreciate people like Dwight, but I have no inside track.

I have enough of a challenge paying my own bills every month. If I had power, comedy would be a lot different. But I don’t. And it isn’t. If nothing else, it felt good to be able to exchange ideas with someone who has been there and gets it. There are far too few of us.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Fatal Distraction

2012-01-08T05:29:00.001-08:00

Saturday January 7th, 2012 - St. Cloud, MN

Welcome to the unpredictable world of live entertainment. Just when I thought I had my battle plan in motion, along comes some boozed up babbling bubblehead bimbo to pee in my pool and ruin the entire evening. I went on stage with a plan, but came off with a pain.

That’s how it goes sometimes. In a situation where the public is involved, one can never predict how any given performance will turn out. It only takes a single idiot to transform a hot show into hell itself, but it was more than that tonight. The whole audience was odd.

Last night’s vibe was outstanding. I felt it as soon as I stepped on stage, and was able to establish my rhythm and get in a groove and stay there to the end. Tonight, I felt the polar opposite and knew I was in for rough sailing less than thirty seconds in. I saw the signals.

For whatever reason, this was just not a good group. They might be nice people, but that has nothing to do with whether they’re a good comedy audience or not. The cards weren’t stacked in my favor, and all I could do was play out the hand and leave. No jackpots here.

They were chatty as a group, and that was the first red flag. Pockets of discussion broke out randomly across the room at various times, and it was loud enough to not only distract me but it carried over to other tables too. I’d put out one fire, and another would flare up.

That’s not always a sign of rudeness. Sometimes it means something I said sparked up a conversation and people say “Yes! I remember when that happened to me.” Other times it is a sign of rudeness, and I wasn’t able to tell tonight. All I know is that it was distracting.

Red flag number two was that an inordinate amount of the audience got up to go to the bathroom at the worst possible moment. They’d walk in front of the stage and disrupt my flow at exactly the wrong time, and it threw me off course even more. How frustrating.

What put it over the top was the biggest red flag of all - a female heckler. Not only that, it was her birthday. And she was drunk. And didn’t have a date. And wasn’t thrilled about it. And she was biracial, and chose to play that card. And nobody would throw her out, so I was stuck with her the entire set. It was like having an elephant sit on my lap at dinner.

Dealing with all those distractions, plus a less than stellar sound system threw me out of my rhythm time and time again. I have enough experience to be able to start over or work around it, but I came here with the express purpose of working on an organized set list for my DVD recording next Wednesday. It went fine last night, but tonight it was a total loss.

Female hecklers are the worst. If the comedian slams them too hard, audiences can turn and sympathize with her no matter how drunk and stupid she may be. This one was bound and determined to make up for her lack of attention from Daddy and wouldn’t take no for an answer. After a dozen times of trying to be polite, I was forced to bring out the artillery and vaporize her. The crowd loved it as they always do, but I never enjoy these scenarios.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Dress Rehearsal

2012-01-07T07:21:00.001-08:00

Friday January 6th, 2012 - St. Cloud, MN

Back on the road for the first time in a while, but at least I have a battle plan in place to make it more tolerable. The last few months I’ve been keeping it closer to home, maybe a 200 mile radius of Chicago. Today, it was 470 miles one way to St. Cloud, MN and that’s a significant difference. It’s a big time haul, and halfway there I questioned my decision.

In the old days, I made trips like this with little effort. In fact, anything under 500 miles was considered ‘close’. I would show up literally anywhere in the Continental U.S. where there was a microphone, a few dozen people and a payday - not necessarily in that order. I did it for the adventure of travel, the thrill of the stage and I needed the experience then.

I took this gig for other reasons. One, I like the booking agents and they can have a hard time getting people to drive this far on short notice. With gas prices the way they’ve been in the last few years, comedians have really suffered to the point of extinction. It’s a bitch.

The margin of being able to make a living depends on keeping expenses low, or at least manageable. That’s always been a challenge, even when gas was half of what it is now. In these times, finding people to make long drives for low money is getting to be impossible.

The pay scale for a gig like this is never going to change. It is what it is, and we all have the option to take it or leave it. The club has to make money or they can’t continue having comedy. The booker needs to make a buck too, and that doesn’t leave a lot for anybody.

This particular gig has been going for years, probably at least twenty or more. It’s a nice little Friday and Saturday in a college town, and the locals have been trained to see shows at this location. It’s a place called ‘Rum Runners‘, and they have a comedy room upstairs.

I’ve found the people here to be very polite as a whole, and they enjoy comedy. Once in a while there can be some drunken idiots, but that goes with the territory. More often than not, they come to see the show. I gambled that would be the case this week, as I wanted to nail down the set list order for my DVD recording next week. This was my practice run.

I was able to bring my own opener, so I chose Steve Purcell from Madison, WI. We like hanging out, and he’s a low maintenance to travel partner which is key. He enjoys getting out of the house once in a while, and he has a day job so it’s like a mini vacation to him.

We had some laughs in the car, and the weather was spectacular for January in the snow belt. It was sunny and in the mid 50s, and for two native cheese heads it was like taking a trip to Florida for Spring Break. Still, it was a marathon and I realize this isn’t my future.

The plan was to run through my set in order, and I did exactly that. The audience was as friendly as I remember, and it allowed me to have some leeway to experiment. I’m always looking to tweak or improve any joke, and sometimes I’ll ad lib something when the vibe is right like it was tonight. I feel very good about my set, and I’ll be ready for next week.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Necessary Nuisances

2012-01-06T17:02:00.001-08:00

Thursday January 5th, 2012 - Chicago, IL/Kenosha, WI

Sometimes it’s necessary to sacrifice short term comfort for long term gain. Distraction, delay and detour are the three D’s when it comes to putting projects in motion, and I’m at constant war with all three. Today I got taken out of my groove a little, but it was worth it in the long run even though it frustrated the hell out of me today. I see the bigger picture.

My friend Jerry Agar called recently to invite me to be a guest on a Canadian television show he was guest hosting. He wanted to have me on to comment on some news stories a lot like we did with Jerry’s Kidders on the radio at WLS. He ran it past the producers, and they said yes. I did it mainly to help Jerry, but he doesn’t need that. He threw me a bone.

Any time I can get on national television without being arrested, even in Canada, I’ll do it and be grateful for the exposure. That’s what it’s all about right now, and Jerry thought enough of me to share the spotlight a little. Nobody in Canada knows who I am, and if I’d have tried to get on the show myself it never would have happened. Connections pay off.

I have no idea if it will lead to anything, either for Jerry or myself. He filled in because there was a need, and he asked me to be part of the show and I said yes too. Who knows? Someone could see one or both of us and like what they see. Or, it could be a one day gig.

The hardest part was getting into Chicago by 1pm to the Chicago Tribune Tower where I had to be to do the taping. I sat in a room with a cameraman and couldn’t see Jerry at all. I could hear the show, and I stared into a camera for five minutes and responded to Jerry’s questions. If he and I hadn’t known each other so well, it could have been a giant disaster.

There was a brief time delay, and even though Jerry warned me about it we still missed a couple of cues and stepped on each other. It wasn’t horrible, and if we did it again I’d be a lot more ready and I doubt it would happen again. For a first time though, it wasn’t bad.

I’m glad we got to do it, and it was actually a fun experience. Too bad I had to lose a lot of my work day getting down there and back, not to mention losing $24 in parking fees. Is it worth $24 to get on TV all across Canada? I’d have to say yes. Plus, it’s tax deductible.

After the TV appearance I met with Mark Gumbinger and Russ Martin at WLIP to do a run through for the DVD recording next Wednesday. Russ was kind enough to loan Mark his very expensive camera so we have a three camera shoot. We mapped out the logistics of the room, and tested the sound and lighting so we’ll be ready when a crowd shows up.

Neither of these two activities were planned far in advance, but I had to say yes to both of them because they fit into what I’m doing as a whole. They’re two more nickels to jam into the giant slot machine of life, hoping I’ll hit the jackpot mother lode someday. There are zero guarantees that will ever happen, but if I don’t keep showing up and doing things like this then I know nothing ever will. Could I have blown all this off and got more work done today? Absolutely. But, I know in my heart I chose wisely - even if it was a detour.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

The Maestro Conducts

2012-01-06T04:42:00.003-08:00

Wednesday January 4th, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

Four days into a new year, and already my time demands are being stretched to beyond the limits of reason. I have all I can handle and then some on my plate, and I’m trying to be smart about how I choose to invest my time each day. I know I can’t get to everything, so that’s why it’s so important to have a plan. Unfortunately, plan making takes time too.

So does exercise. That’s now part of my daily mix as well, and before I know it days are shrinking even quicker than if I just sat around goofing off like most comics do during the day. I like doing nothing as much as the next guy, but I feel my window closing and know I need to cut mud in order to make something magic happen before I’m put out to pasture.

For now, I’ve been combining planning and exercise sessions with daily walks through the Gurnee Mills Mall. It’s an all around effort, both to crawl out of the rack that early in the morning and the actual drive itself. I have to really make a solid commitment, but so far I’ve found the time. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment and also lets me think.

This whole mess with my uncle’s death has really got my attention. He lived a textbook example of how not to go out, and the stench of his actions still lingers. He sucked all the positive energy out of his kids, and didn’t take time to make any special memories with a lovely and only grandchild. He went to his grave miserable, and there’s no excuse for it.

He chose to be a flaming bilge hole, as did my father. The results trickled down to their children, with less than stellar results. I know I’ve struggled with how to deal with it for a lifetime, and only now do I feel like I’m finally and truly able to get past it. It’s a tad late, but it doesn’t mean I’ll never accomplish anything positive. I’m out here slugging daily.

If I were headed down the path most of my family took, cancer wouldn’t have a chance. I’d have a bullet in my head before the disease could take root. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I was consciously hurting those closest to me, and even picturing it is a downer.

I’ve had enough downers for one lifetime, and it’s time for some sunshine. I see a razor sharp crystal clear picture in my mind’s eye of me being a positive energy force that looks and feels vibrant and alive and lights up a room whenever I walk in. I want to develop the reputation of being a helper, giver, mentor and I want to have made a positive difference.

Sure, I’ve helped a few along the way but I could do SO much more - and I want to. It’s who I am, to the core. I don’t know if it’s a genetic thing, a Pisces thing or that I’m an old soul and have lived before. I don’t claim to have all or even a few of the answers, but I do claim the fact I’ve decided to let it rip when it comes to giving my best effort every day.

I am the maestro of my own life, and I’m picturing a closing number that will make the 1812 Overture sound like a polka. That will take substantial effort, and I’m now putting it all together on a daily basis. Time is now the enemy, and a wily one at that. It’s a constant battle to squeeze the most out of every hour of every day, but I’m getting better in a hurry.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

The Maestro Conducts

2012-01-06T04:42:00.001-08:00

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Product Placement

2012-01-05T08:42:00.001-08:00

Tuesday January 3rd, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

New year, new fire in my belly. If I’m going to get where I want to go, I have to develop a much better sense of business. A tangible game plan wouldn’t hurt either. I’ve been in a seat of the pants mode most of my life, and that just isn’t working to achieve what I want.

I need to create an entire line of new products. I also need to create a network of people to whom I can sell those products. My work is cut out for me, but I’m confident I can get it done. I spent all day today laying down a year long plan, and it all starts with contacts.

I desperately need a mailing list, and to establish regular contact with those people. I’ve let it go too long, and that stops today. I do have a significant number of quality contacts, but I’ve been out of touch with a majority of them and there’s no excuse for it. It’s like a muscle, if it’s not used it becomes useless. I’m going to reboot my list and start all over.

Actually, I’m going to break it down into several smaller lists so I can come up with an individually targeted newsletter for each group. I need one for bookers, comedy students, media contacts, comedians, fans and The Mothership Connection radio show. It’ll be lots of work, but it will also lead to lots of work if I do it correctly. It needs to be done. Now.

My goal is to start out with at least 500 names and do an email newsletter this month to establish and reestablish contacts with everyone I can think of on my current list I want to have in my life. I weeded a few out, just as I’m sure others have weeded me out. Too bad, that’s how it goes. I’m in a stellar mindset now though, and seek to attract a similar vibe.

Any enemies or detractors can piss through a rusty key hole. I don’t have time to dwell on any past personality clashes, and I’m focusing only on who I want to associate with in the right now. I’ve got a bulging list brimming with solid creative friendly people, and I’ll invest my time and energy developing win/win relationships. That will keep me occupied.

As far as products go, that shouldn’t be all that difficult. When I do my standup comedy show, only the people in a particular room at one time get to see it. Sometimes it’s only a few, and I’ll never get known that way. I need to duplicate myself with as many CDs and DVDs as I can create, and find other things too. Books? T-shirts? Stickers? Whatever.

And then there’s the King of Uranus. That’s a whole other marketing project, but that’s not what I’m talking about now. This is just for me as a working comedian, as that’s how I’m making a living right now. The Uranus project is long term, but I have to scrape up a living now. It’s going to be a gradual but steady transition, and I know that from the start.

My first product of 2012 will be a DVD of my comedy show I’ll be recording live in the WLIP/WIIL radio building in Kenosha, WI next Wednesday January 11th. I’ve needed an updated video for a few years now, and if nothing else I’ll have one to send to bookers for work. I can also chop it up and put bits on You Tube, and also hopefully submit myself to some TV shows. I can’t play the game if I’m not on the field, and this is a great first step.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Motivated By Morons

2012-01-04T22:51:00.001-08:00

Monday January 2nd, 2012 - Chicago, IL

I thought I was already motivated to make something good out of my life despite where I came from, but this whole mess with my uncle has really driven it home. NOTHING but kindness and giving is important in this life, and that’s what I’m going to spend the rest of my days doing to the best of my ability. All that matters is making other’s lives happier.

Part of that does involve making myself happy though. If I’m a miserable sap hating my life, that’s probably what I’ll pass along to everyone else. My father did. So did my uncle. Now they’re dead, and went kicking and screaming to their graves. Nobody misses them.

I don’t think anyone is going to miss me either, but I don’t intend to go to my grave like either of them did, or even my grandfather who I loved and admired. He had a struggle at the end of his life, and it wasn’t pleasant at the end for him either. Cancer is an especially slow and painful way to go out, and he suffered with it for years just like my uncle did.

Gramps tried valiantly at the end of his life to chase a few of his show business dreams, but by then he was beaten down by life and being eaten alive with his cancer and couldn’t go all in like I did. He was distracted by his illness, and I don’t blame him for that. He did what he could with whatever resources he had left, but died an unfulfilled person anyway.

He was neither happy nor content at the end of his life, and I still remember having that final visit at his bedside in the hospice the day before he died. He was pretty disappointed with his lack of doing what he wanted in his prime years, yet he made me promise I’d get a civil service job so I’d have ‘stability’. I lived up to that promise, but only for one day.

I quit that job and never looked back. I’ve had more than my share of lumps and bumps and made a mountain of mistakes, but looking back I made the right decision. I wouldn’t have been happy working a day job, and I followed my inner voice and chased my dream.

Now it looks like I’ve got a decent chance at actually catching it - or at least part of it. If I stay the course and fine tune my path and methods, this is going to be my best year ever. I don’t know how I know that, but I totally do. Last year had challenges, but it wasn’t bad. It was a transition in many ways, and I feel like a whole new person. My payoff is near.

I hosted the Rising Star Showcase at Zanies in Chicago tonight, and have never been so grateful to be on a comedy stage in my life. My father and uncle may have had a dream or two, but neither of them ever had the guts to chase it - at least for very long. They gave up and with that went any chance of satisfaction or fulfillment. I refuse to live a life like that.

I’m going to take my swings, and see what happens. Who knows, I might hit something. I’m already ahead of everyone in my immediate family, simply because I have not let my past take me out of the race. Now it’s time to get past the past and get into what life is all about - and that’s giving and sharing and loving and everything Dr. Phil tells his viewers to do every day. Whether he means it or not, I absolutely do. I’m extra motivated now.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

They're All Dead

2012-01-04T21:31:00.001-08:00

Sunday January 1st, 2012 - Fox Lake, IL

Well, it sure didn’t take long for things to start happening in 2012. I’d finally drifted off to sleep around 5am, only to be kick started back to reality around 7 by a phone call from my cousin Brett informing me his father, who is also my uncle, had died within the hour.

This had been coming for quite a while and was no surprise, but I guess I didn’t expect it on New Year’s Day and it still caught me a little off guard. I spent more time with him growing up than I did with my own father, but he ended up turning into a villain. It’s sad.

It’s even sadder the classless way he went out. He was a belligerent selfish lout just like my father, but even surpassed the coldness of his older brother by removing his son from the will - even though he didn’t leave any money to anyone. He was in debt, and a loser.

I know that parents and siblings can have strained relationships, but I can’t imagine how anyone could know they’re dying and not lighten up a little. Even my father, who also left a pile of unpaid bills and little else behind, didn’t remove me from the will. I signed away my rights as a courtesy to my siblings, who never even said thank you. That’s our family.

We are the real life Munsters, and just when I think it can’t get any lower class or more embarrassingly painful, it usually does. It’s been a constant uphill struggle throughout life to stay the course and not give up, as there’s been little to no support from those who are traditionally supposed to give it. My cousin Brett and I feel like we’ve been lone wolves.

I asked him how he felt about it, just like he asked me when my father died a few years ago. Just like with me, he said he had no emotion whatsoever. All the damage was done a long time ago, and this was just the sad ending to a painful story. Nobody was a winner.

I also talked to my cousin Leah, who was at the hospice when he died. The nurse called to say the end was near, so she and her husband Rob and their daughter Janine went to be with him as he checked out. Leah wanted to get some kind of closure to all the ugliness.

Apparently, from what I heard, my father was a defiant jackass right up to the bitter end and criticized all the children mercilessly. I’m glad I wasn’t there, as I would have taken a pillow and sat on it over his face to speed up the process. Sorry, I don’t suffer idiots well.

According to Leah, when they got to his room he was still lucid enough to recognize all of them. This was his last chance to say something of lasting significance, but all he could muster was “Well…I’m croaking.” That was it. No mention of love. No gratitude for their kindness in taking care of him in his last days. No remorse. He went out like all the rest.

This whole thing leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, and Brett and Leah aren’t too happy with any of it either. The only good thing is, he was the last of the family Mohicans. They are ALL dead now, and the world isn’t any worse off for it. What a shame, and we all feel a hole inside that can never be filled. That’s how it is in our family. Don’t you feel better?

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Touching Fan Bases

2012-01-01T10:12:00.001-08:00

Friday December 30th, 2011 - Rockford, IL/St. Charles, IL

Another thing that’s taken far longer than I ever imagined is that I’m finally noticing the beginnings of an actual fan base. It might not be huge now or ever, but I do see it growing and I want to acknowledge that. Just like the shows I’ve been having, it feels like success.

Little by little, I’m feeling the love from more and more people who come out to see me whenever I am appearing at places I work frequently, like this week at Zanies in Pheasant Run in St. Charles, IL. There have been at least a dozen strangers who sent me some very flattering emails telling me they‘ve been waiting for me so they can bring friends along.

I’ve had a few of those before, but they’re coming a lot more frequently now. I couldn’t be more flattered and grateful, but this is why I got in the business in the first place. I love to make people happy, and if someone is my fan I go out of my way to try to please them.

At this point in my career, I can easily accommodate almost everyone by providing free tickets to most shows. Saturdays can be tough, because it’s the ‘money night’ for comedy clubs. That’s where they get the money to pay everyone, and unfortunately that’s how life works. I’m usually generous to a fault and try to get everyone in free whenever possible.

Week nights are a different story. I always try to comp tickets for people because they’ll have to buy drinks anyway. I’m grateful that anyone wants to come and see me, so if I can make it easy for them to do that I always will. Plus, I have to believe they enjoy getting in for free. George Clinton told me I had a ‘lifetime pass’ to see his shows, and I love that.

It’s all good business. I’d be a fan of George’s no matter what. I enjoy what he does, but it’s elevated about a hundred times knowing that I’ve made a personal bond with him and can see him whenever I want. I’m going to buy any new products he puts out anyway, and it’s nothing out of his pocket to let me see the shows. I feel the same way about my fans.

I heard an inside story about Garth Brooks once from a radio person I know that worked at a country station that had a backstage meet and greet for listeners. He said Garth was a total gentleman, and there was a woman in the group that was an especially avid fan. She had all Garth’s souvenirs from t-shirts to CDs to whatever else he put out. She loved him.

The story goes, Garth came in and saw the lady and made her feel not only at home, but asked her what she’d bought over the years. He figured out the cost and it had come up to about nine hundred dollars. He then reached into his wallet and pulled out nine $100 bills and gave them to the lady and thanked her for being such a loyal fan. How classy is that?

That’s totally something I’d do, other than the fact I don’t have anywhere close to Garth Brooks’ level of success. I am getting some fans though, and I appreciate every one with a passion. I will always go out of my way to please a fan, and I’m glad they want to see me. Most of them are really sweet people, but there are a few who can get to be a little intense at times. That’s part of the game though, and I’ll deal with it. It’s a great problem to have.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Delayed Delight

2011-12-30T05:48:00.001-08:00

Thursday December 29th, 2011 - Dubuque, IA/Rockford, IL

I don’t know why it took so long to achieve, but this is exactly how I pictured my life to be. I’m finally in the groove I thought I’d be in twenty years ago, and I see no reason for it to stop any time soon. If anything, I picture it getting even better. I’ve earned my stripes.

The show last night at Diamond Jo’s Casino in Dubuque was tremendous. That venue is a perfect example of the theatre type atmosphere I want to play on a regular basis. It has a monster sound system and a gigantic stage, and it was packed with a laugh ready crowd.

Nobody heckled, and they sat back and enjoyed the show. This is the way I have always thought comedy should be, but it’s been far from it. How many nights of hellish pain have I had to endure trying to fend off drunken idiots who constantly babbled through shows?

Not here. I was able to give them what was billed - a comedy show. And they enjoyed it all, start to finish. The hour went by lightning fast. I was able to dig in and take command, and they trusted me to have an ability to entertain them. This is a very important dynamic.

A lot of it has to do with how an audience is trained. If any venue does things correctly, they set the scene before every show as to what is expected. There are announcements up front to let people know that heckling is not tolerated and to turn cell phones off. That’s a crucial ingredient to a successful show, as is a competent host. That’s a big part of it too.

Comedy shows at Diamond Jo’s are hosted by a radio personality named Scott Thomas who goes by ‘Scotty T’ on the air. He’s been hosting comedy shows in Dubuque for years at various other venues, and does an excellent job. I’ve worked with him before, and he’s a fan of comedy so he doesn’t talk down to us or the crowd like a lot of radio wankers do.

Everything just fell into place, but I didn’t take one second of it for granted. I’ve seen it go the exact opposite way, and it’s not fun for anyone. This was a total gas for everybody involved, and I even sold a dozen CDs after the show. They were lining up to buy them.

They also put us up in top shelf accommodations at a place called The Hotel Julien. It’s at least six levels above the herpes infested kennels where most gigs end up stashing us to save five bucks a night. This gig was class all the way, and I couldn’t appreciate it more.

I’m sensing a trend that I really like. Last week it was great working at Donnie B’s, and now this. The rest of the week I’ll be at Zanies at The Pheasant Run Resort in St. Charles, IL which has been one of my favorite gigs for years. Nice venue. Nice people. Nice life. I don’t see why it can’t be like this every week, but at least for these two weeks it has been.

The radio show in Rockford has been going very well too. Jim McHugh is fun to work with, and we know each other so well there isn’t any transition of awkwardness period to get through like most radio partnership situations. We hit the ground running, and have a good rapport. For however long this lasts, I’m thoroughly enjoying my life day and night.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Sharing The Wealth

2011-12-29T08:45:00.001-08:00

Wednesday December 28th, 2011 - Rockford, IL/Dubuque, IA

All kinds of things are starting to cook exactly the way I want, and I’m excited. I love it all, and not concerned in the least it’s not ‘big time’. That myth has been shattered, so any pressure is completely off. Fun is fun, and that’s what I’m having. To me, that’s success.

The radio show today in Rockford was an absolute blast. The people at the station could not be any nicer to us, and we’re starting to feel right at home. We had a chance to bring a couple of other comedian friends on the air with us, and they got to shine for a while too.

Jim Wiggins is a wonderful guy who has been doing comedy forever. He billed himself for years as ‘The Last Hippie’, and actually lived in the Rockford area for a long time. He has been dealing with bladder cancer for the past few years, and it was great to be able to give him some air time to tell that story and also about him being on The Tonight Show.

Everyone in the Chicago comedy community loves Jim Wiggins. He’s supportive of all the new talents, and was extremely nice to me when I started years ago. He was in charge of a place called Dirty Nellie’s, and he was generous with handing out stage time before I was ready for it. All these years later, it felt good to be able to pay back his generosity.

We also had a chance to have Tim Slagle on with us. Tim and I are familiar with being on the air with each other because we were on with Jerry’s Kidders for several years, but the Rockford audience doesn’t know any of us. It was a chance to troll for some new fans.

I’ve never been afraid to share the spotlight on the air. I want others to feel comfortable and know they can say what they think and not have to be anything other than themselves. I don’t have to agree with everything they say, or any of it. I just want it to be interesting.

A lot of radio and television people aren’t like that. They can’t stand it when anyone is funnier than them, and they try to squelch it at all costs. I want exactly the opposite. I love it when someone gets on a roll, and it’s good for everyone. Johnny Carson lasted decades by letting others come on and have the spotlight. It’s not any secret, that formula works.

It was great fun to let Jim and Tim have their moment, and I try to let Jim McHugh get his licks in too. I just try to be the conductor, and pass out solos. I follow the same course as host of The Mothership Connection on WLIP in Kenosha on Sunday nights. It works.

After the radio show, Jim McHugh and I drove to Dubuque, IA to perform at Diamond Jo’s Casino. Wow, what a top notch facility that is. I knocked off a solid hour like it was nothing. There was a packed house, and they were there to laugh. This was a dream gig.

I love every minute of all of this, even though it’s not necessarily what most performers would consider the big time. The radio show was just as fun as if it were WLS in Chicago and the laughs sounded just as good in Dubuque as they would have in Las Vegas. I love what I’m doing, and the people around me seem to be loving it too. I don’t see a problem.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Hollywood Can Wait

2011-12-29T06:10:00.001-08:00

Tuesday December 27th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

This is going to be a dream week. What a fun way to close out a tumultuous year. I’ll be doing all kinds of fun things with creative people, and to me that’s what life is about. The only thing that’s missing is big money, but I am getting paid something so I’m not upset.

If every week could be like this, I would be thrilled to the bone. This is what I‘ve spent my entire life chasing, and I’ve finally caught it! I feel like Wile E. Coyote after catching that pesky little Road Runner. After all that plotting, scheming and chasing, I hit pay dirt.

I want a chance to savor my victory. I don’t want to gloat, but lot of effort went into the process and it finally has a tangible payoff. Why not squeeze every last drop of enjoyment out of everything, and that’s what I intend to do. Everything I dreamed about is now real.

When I started, my goal was to become a super solid headlining comedian and perform in quality venues. I also wanted to have an entertaining radio show, working with a lot of fun and creative people I like. That’s exactly what I’m doing all week, and I’m ecstatic.

My dreams never had a specific location attached to them, and I guess I always assumed all this would take place in California. Hollywood, baby! Right underneath that sign. Isn’t that where all official fantasy show business dreams have to take place to actually count?

Surely, any place else where good things may happen is a waste of time, right? If it isn’t complete and total world wide domination, how can anyone be satisfied? What a mistake, but far too many feel that way. There’s nothing wrong with dreaming big, but reality only has room for a precious lucky few at that tippy top pinnacle of success. It’s an elite club.

The rest of us have to fight for what’s left, and that’s just how it is. Every kid who plays baseball dreams of hitting that home run in the bottom of the ninth inning in the last game of the World Series. Who has actually accomplished that? Bill Mazeroski in 1960 and Joe Carter in 1993. David Freese did it this year, but it was game six. That’s close, but not it.

Then, there’s EVERYONE ELSE who ever played the game. Are all those guys failures because they never hit a home run to win the last game of the World Series? That’s stupid to even consider, but all kinds of people in show business seem to think that if they don’t end up as the top box office draw in Hollywood for a decade they’ve wasted their lives.

This week I’m going to be hosting a two hour afternoon radio talk show with my friend Jim McHugh on WNTA in Rockford, IL. It’s not WABC in New York, but it’ll be a lot of fun and we won’t get any hassles from management. In my world, that’s a fantastic deal.

Also, I’ll be headlining a comedy show at Diamond Jo’s Casino in Dubuque, IA. That’s not Ceasars Palace in Las Vegas, but it’s a stellar venue that will be full of great laughers. I’ll also get to headline Zanies in St. Charles, IL at Pheasant Run Resort for the rest of the week, including New Year’s Eve. I’m going to savor every second. Hollywood can wait.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

A Movie Deal

2011-12-27T09:52:00.001-08:00

Monday December 26th, 2011 - New Lenox, IL/Kenosha, WI

December 26th is always one of my favorite days. Christmas is finally OVER, and life is back to whatever ‘normal’ is. Whatever that definition may be, life becomes much harder to plow through with the added pressure of being constantly reminded I’m supposed to be cheerful and festive. That pressure is gone now, and I can do it at my leisure. I like that.

It feels like a heavy pair of ankle weights have been taken off. I can dance around with a new sense of freedom, and renewed enthusiasm that a brand new year with a fresh start is only a week away. The rear view mirror is ripped off the hinge, and I’m looking ahead.

I’ve got lots of fun and exciting projects lining up for 2012, and today is the day to kick it all off and start planning everything. I need to be extra diligent about that, as if I’m not I’ll get overwhelmed as I have in the past and not finish anything. A battle plan is a must.

I’m going to have a full plate and then some, but it’s stacked with things I really enjoy. Exercise will be a priority, and I’m learning to love that and never thought I would. It will unfortunately take up a major chunk of time daily, but I have to invest in staying healthy.

The King of Uranus is also a priority. I am going to create that character as my alter ego and that will also require a lot of time and energy. I don’t mind, but I have to be careful to not let myself get lost in it and not produce results. Fun is fine, but income has to happen.

Where I sit now, standup comedy is my main source of income. I’m at my peak as far as production and ability goes, so that has to be the first order of business. That will pay bills for now, and hopefully be able to finance everything in the short run. The King of Uranus is a long term project, and the plan is to use one to lead to the other. It will be a transition.

I met with my film director friend Mark Gumbinger today to hack out a final battle plan for our recording project in January. He’s going to record my act in a studio environment with an invited audience and a three camera shoot. Our investment is minimal, and it’s an excellent opportunity to get a new current video to send out to bookers for future work.

Mark is an excellent director, and knows what he’s doing. I’m confident he will be able to at the very least give me a high quality chronicle of my act so far. A good video is rare these days, and I’m grateful to be able to finally have one. This is a worthwhile endeavor.

We discussed it in Mark’s car as we drove to New Lenox, IL where he was purchasing a 1989 Pontiac Firebird at a car lot. He likes old cars like I do, so I didn’t mind riding along and helping him get the car back to his house in Kenosha, WI. It was a chance to help him out and also help myself in the long run by having a quality video. This was worthwhile.

We went back to Mark’s house and watched about a dozen DVDs of other comedians to get an idea of what’s out there. We weren’t looking for comedy content, just how they did it technically. I’d never done that before, and I learned a lot. This is going to be a winner.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

The Christmas Theory

2011-12-27T08:05:00.001-08:00

Sunday December 25th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

Another Christmas comes and goes. All that hype. All that decorating. Was it worth it? Are more people on our planet genuinely happier today than yesterday? Will there ever be peace on Earth, good will toward men? Or, is it Hell on Earth and men toward Goodwill?

I’m sure there must have been surveys done, but I wonder what the exact numbers boil down to as to how it shakes out just who likes the whole Christmas experience and who can’t stand it. I’ve met quite a few of both in my travels, and both camps are passionate.

Like many ideas, the concept of Christmas is a big winner in theory. So is communism, but a glitch usually comes along and wipes out all the positives. No matter what anyone’s religious beliefs may or may not be, on paper, Christmas has a wonderful ideal for us all.

In reality, it’s a huge pain in the ass for a large percentage of the population everywhere and it ends up being stressful and unfulfilling. I wish it weren’t that way, but it is. I know kids love it, but can’t there be a better way to celebrate and give gifts? Can’t we just lay it on the line and tell kids there’s a tradition once a year when people like to exchange gifts?

We won’t have to fabricate the all time whopper of whoppers about some mysteriously appearing fat man in a red and white fuzzy pimp suit who flies around in a giant sled with toys in it, randomly giving them to kids who eat all their vegetables throughout the year.

Tell the kids the truth from the start, and Christmas could still be a big winner. It would sure take a lot of the pressure off, and maybe relieve some of the tension of having to buy gifts for people we don’t really want to buy for. Let’s tweak the system and do it correctly from the start. Level with the kids up front, and then there won’t be disappointment later.

I know I would have been able to handle this concept without incident, and I really have to believe most other kids would too. We’re not stupid, just naïve and inexperienced. We believe what we’re told, because we haven’t been given a reason not to yet. The adults are in charge and have our trust, and then they choose to tell us a big lie and not back down.

Most of the goofy traditions we ‘celebrate’ now come from Pagan rituals anyway. It’s a watered down mix of a lot of things all thrown together, including the mythical need for a snow covered wonderland to make everything ‘holy’. That alone creates a lot of pressure.

I really don’t consider myself a Scrooge, even though the older I get I find myself hating and bashing every facet of what I think is an increasingly stupid yearly event. I may not be fond of the event itself, but it doesn’t mean I don’t like the theory of it all. I absolutely do.

Sharing, giving and thinking of others first is all something everyone should do anyway. It shouldn’t be narrowed down to one day late in the year. Life itself should be Christmas, and every day a new present not only to open, but to share with those we love. That’s how I want to live my life, and it‘s all I can handle to keep slugging. Today is just another day.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Marketing Motivation

2011-12-25T08:21:00.001-08:00

Saturday December 24th, 2011 - Springfield, IL/Lincoln, IL

I’m still basking in the glow of the whole experience of working at Donnie B’s Comedy Club. Donnie was busy with other things at the end of the night, but when I got my check he had hand written a note on the envelope telling me I did a super job and will be back.

That’s totally fine with me. This is the kind of place I’d love to work anytime, even if it is in Springfield, IL. I never particularly liked the town itself, I always found it to be kind of run down and redneckish. The only reason I gave it a second thought at all was because of my friend Max. His wife’s family is from the Springfield area and he relocated there.

Max was doing the morning show at WYMG, and we had thought about trying to hook up and be a team. I was on the air with him for a few days, but after exploring the town it didn’t look promising. I wasn’t impressed with much, and thought I would have hated it.

I hadn’t discovered Donnie B’s at that time, I had only heard of it. Had I known how he runs his business, I may have had a different opinion. I’m glad I finally got to work there, and now I’ll get the best of both worlds. I can live where I do and visit there occasionally.

It really is all about marketing. Before I left the hotel, I checked the Weather Channel to see what to expect on my drive home. There are sponsorship logos on screen for the local reports that rotate regularly, and sure enough there was one with Donnie B’s logo on it in the mix. Not many comedy clubs would have the savvy to buy an ad there. It was shrewd.

Zanies in Chicago has always been well marketed too, and that’s why they have been in business since 1978 and have multiple locations that have also lasted. Rick Uchwat knew how important marketing and advertising was, and he made Zanies THE standup comedy name brand in the Chicago area. That’s exactly what Donnie B. is doing in Springfield.

Second City sure did it with improv comedy. I still get asked by people in the Chicago area who have no idea about what comedy is if I’ve ever ‘played Zanies or Second City’. Those are two names they’ve heard of, and they try to sound like they know something.

I don’t know much about many things, but I do know how important name recognition is in business and I know I need to have a lot more of it. It doesn’t matter if it’s Dobie or Mr. Lucky or The King of Uranus. I just need a brand that generates a mass recognition.

That means I have to constantly promote myself to a customer base and make myself as easy to find as possible, whether it’s a booker for a show or someone who wants to buy a CD or another product - and by the way I could stand to have a lot more of those as well.

I’m not nearly as well marketed as I could be, and that’s my fault. I take full blame, but also know it’s very fixable. I know I have a good product, actually one of the best around. The problem is, not enough people know about it and think of me first when the need for a comedian comes up. I need to make myself a brand, even if it’s only in the Midwest.

This is a whole new skill set, and I’m going to master it. I’ve made a decision to make myself a master marketer just like I decided to become a master comedian when I started. I mistakenly thought that a good product alone would be enough to make me filthy rich.

SO wrong. I did achieve my objective of being a master comedian, but it didn’t get me the results I wanted. Not enough people know I’m a master, but that’s not the issue. They need to PERCEIVE me as being the best, and that means they not only have to know that I exist - they have to be familiar with my work. Some endorsements wouldn’t hurt either.

Also, a territory is important too. Zanies started in Chicago. They expanded eventually, but Chicago was their first territory. Donnie B. has Springfield, and I think he has a club in Bloomington, IL as well from what I hear. I need a territory where I’m THE comedian, or at least one of the top two or three names people think of when comedy is mentioned.

I still think staking out the square of Chicago, Milwaukee, Madison, WI and Rockford, IL is a smart move. I’ve been working the area forever, and have a lot of media contacts and even some fans. I also have made a few enemies, and they’ll remain pains in the ass.

Still, I can continue to go around them like I’ve always been doing. They can’t stop me from achieving my goal, they’ll only make a few things inconvenient. They won’t be able to see my bigger picture anyway, so I don’t care. I’m going to dig in and stake my claim.

I want to be the name people think of for standup comedy in those four places, and have a home base to work whenever I want. There are literally several MILLION people in that squared area, and between clubs, theatres and private parties I can carve out a nice living.

I’ll still go to places like Donnie B’s and Wiseguys in Salt Lake City and any other club I happen to like, but I’ll go there because I want to. Big difference. There are far too many other old road dogs like me with solid acts but no name recognition anywhere. Not good.

I stopped for breakfast at ‘Daphne’s Diner’ in Lincoln, IL on my way home and had one of the most delicious omelets I’ve ever had in my life. It was beyond scrumptious. How a simple omelet could taste so good is beyond me, but it did. It was perfect in every way.

It was listed on the menu as a ‘Hawaiian Omelet’, which I hadn’t heard of before. It had ham, black olives, Swiss cheese and pineapple. I don’t know why it sounded so tasty, but it did so I ordered it. Wow. It was like a flavor volcano erupted in my mouth. Delicious!

The eggs were cooked perfectly. They were moist and fluffy, and not a scorch mark on them. Sometimes omelets can be dried out or burned at the ends. Whatever. Not this one. I couldn’t believe how good it looked on the plate, and it tasted even better. What a treat.

On the way out, I took a business card. I looked at it in the car, and it had a local phone number with no area code listed, nor did it even have the town or state listed. A website? Of course not. Daphne has a great product, but nobody can find it easily. Sound familiar?

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Comedy Club Heaven

2011-12-25T04:11:00.001-08:00

Friday December 23rd, 2011 - Springfield, IL

O Springfield, dear Springfield - where have ye been all my life? Wow, what a fantastic experience all the way around. I’d heard good things about Donnie B’s Comedy Club, but it wasn’t done justice. This is comedy club heaven, and I hope I can come back regularly.

Actually, Springfield had little to do with the experience. That just happens to be where the club is located. It could be done like this in any city in America, but unfortunately it’s not. The one reason it’s so great boils down to two words - Don Bassford, aka Donnie B.

That guy is a world class entrepreneur, and after seeing how he runs his business I have nothing but respect and admiration for how he handles himself. This was a total clinic on how a comedy club and a business in general should be run. He knows what he’s doing.

What was so great about it? Everything. The room itself was done perfectly. The sound and lights were excellent, and as strange as it sounds that’s not always the case. There are a lot of comedy clubs that don’t care, even though it absolutely affects the final product.

Not only were the sound and lights on point, there was an atmosphere created. There are candles on each table and large mural type paintings of comedians on the walls. It gets an audience in the mood for comedy as soon as they walk in the room. It establishes a vibe.

There’s upbeat theme music before the show starts, and a light show that would make a disco jealous. It’s a SHOW, and the energy was built perfectly. Then, Donnie B. hosts the shows himself. He welcomes the audience personally, and lays down the rules of what to expect and how to act. He makes it clear that heckling isn‘t accepted, but does it politely.

Then, he gives away birthday prizes and tells about what’s coming up in future weeks. I have to believe most comedians probably think he’s an egomaniac for doing that, but as a student of the entrepreneurial game I can see why he does it. Who else could promote any business better than the owner? He’ll have passion that some greenhorn newbie will not.

I thought he did a hell of a job getting the crowd warmed up for both shows. He’s not a comedian per se, but he’s a fantastic host. He’s a big guy with a big smile, and he cuts an imposing but likeable figure on stage. He wears a suit and tie, and sets the scene up front.

There was a sign on stage that had my name written in large letters, so people could tell who they were seeing. That’s smart business, so if they like a comic they can ask for him or her by name. I’m telling you, Donnie B. knows how to market. I was totally impressed.

All the details were covered. He puts the comics in a nice hotel just a few minutes from the club, and when I got there I was blown away to find a stack of posters with my picture on it promoting the shows. Why doesn’t every club do all these little details? I wish I had an answer, but I don’t. Top to bottom, this was one of the best experiences I’ve had since I’ve been a comedian. Both shows were red hot, and I had a blast. I hope I get asked back.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Dues Paid Off

2011-12-25T02:41:00.001-08:00

Thursday December 22nd, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

I’ve got some work this week and I’m delighted to get it. Last night I was in Decatur, IL at a sports bar in what used to be a Holiday Inn Convention Center. That gig has trickled down through several booking agents over the years, but it’s usually not horrible and I’m glad it’s still going on. It’s always nice to pick up a few low pressure week night dollars.

I chose to drive home instead of staying over and having a long drive this morning. It’s exactly 225 miles door to door, and whatever thrill there might be in staying in hotels has long faded. Even though it’s a nice place, it was nicer to get on the road and start driving. The show was over by 9:30, so I was able to get home by 2am. I made the right choice.

Tomorrow night I’m in Springfield, IL at a club called Donnie B’s. I’ve never worked it but I’ve heard positive things. I also get a chance to see my friend Max, so no matter how the gig turns out I’ll be fine. I don’t anticipate any problems, and I also hear the owner has a club in Bloomington, IL. I wouldn’t mind working there either, to add to my club list.

This is a constant process in the comedy world, and I need to greatly improve my tactics and come up with a battle plan in 2012. I want to stay closer to home, and places like this are exactly the gigs I’m looking for to stay sharp. I’m not going to get rich, but that’s not the issue. The objective is to have enough places close by to maintain my comedy chops.

I’m a solid headliner now, and do especially well in the Midwest region. I would put my show up there with almost all headliners working the road, just because I’ve got so much experience. I’m right at the correct ripeness to be plucked for bigger things, but for now a chance to keep money coming in is important. I’ll give Donnie B. more than he pays for.

That’s not a problem, because my first few years on the road I was stealing money from the club owners then. I was green, inexperienced and absolutely horrible. Every performer is bad in the beginning, it’s part of the process. At first we steal money, then they manage to take it back over and over again forever after. Welcome to the world of show business.

I’m fine with where I am now though. I know I’ve paid my dues, and those dues did not come with any half off coupons or employee discounts. I paid full price and then some for all the experience I’ve got, but I’ve got it and I know when I step on a stage I can deliver.

That’s a very comforting feeling in the heat of battle. I see the ghastly look of unbridled sheer terror on the face of a newbie who has to go up and try to pry laughs out of a herd of drunken meatheads and I know exactly what they’re feeling. I’ve done it way too often for way too long, but that’s the only way to gain any real experience. Shortcuts do not exist.

Now I need to find a way to make all this experience pay off. If I’m going to be working the road, I want it to be worth my while. I’ll go to Springfield and tear those people a new one tomorrow. I know I can do the shows themselves, now it’s a matter of drawing people in to see them. I’m too deep into this to quit now. I want to stick it out and get my payoff.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Entrepreneurial Enlightenment

2011-12-23T07:42:00.001-08:00

Wednesday December 21st, 2011 - Schaumburg, IL

Life really is about who a person knows, and one can never know too many people with whom positive win/win relationships can be developed over time. I’ve always been about that, and still am. I’ve got a larger list of contacts than most, but I’m still looking to grow.

Tonight I attended a session of the Chicago Entrepreneur’s Meetup Group, an entity my cousin Perry Plotkin suggested I explore. Perry is one of the few in my family orchard of misfit trees to have decided like me not to follow the freak show route to failure most of the rest of our relatives have chosen to take for generations. We’re the real life Munsters.

Perry is a very sharp guy and eager to break the chain, as was I and still am. He’s in his early 30s, and doing all he can to distance himself from our family tradition of becoming civil service workers and drifting off into obscurity without ever chasing any big dreams.

Sure it may be ‘safe’, but it’s surely not living. It’s existing, and Perry and I agree we’re not going to accept that kind of life like so many others in our family lineage did. Most of them are dead now, and we’re the only ones who remember how unhappy they all were.

That unhappiness trickled down into their children, and many of them chose to keep the tradition going. It’s difficult to fight a vibe that spreads so deeply through so many. I have to believe it’s a lot like a sports team. Once losing becomes tradition, the script is written.

On the other hand, winning is a tradition too. I’m sure there are families that outdo each other in success and achievements, and there has to be a breed out there where love is the driving force. With our dented clan of dented cans, love has always been painfully absent.

That’s just how it is, and Perry and I both know we’re not the only ones who have had a less than supportive upbringing. We also know we’re able to overcome it by making solid and positive choices over and over again until we’ve gotten ourselves out of that ugly rut. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s the right choice. It’s nice to have others like Perry who get it.

I enjoyed the program very much, and although it was a small meeting everyone had the similar mindset of wanting to become entrepreneurs to better not only their lives but lives of those around them. I sensed a healthy vibe in that room, and I’m glad I made the effort to attend. These are the kind of people I want in my life, even if they’re not entertainers.

I’ve chosen to spend most of my life around entertainment, whether it’s been comedy or radio or professional wrestling. There’s a whole other world out there of people who have never been the center of attention, and look at me with admiration for rolling the dice and taking the chance to do what I really wanted to do with my life. That IS an entrepreneur.

I guess I never really looked at myself in that way before. I’ve been doing that my entire life, but instead of opening restaurants or selling pants - I’ve been the product all along. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to figure it out, but I did tonight. I am an entrepreneur.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Three Wise Men

2011-12-23T05:54:00.001-08:00

Tuesday December 20th, 2011 - Rockford, IL

I received an unexpected phone call today from Jim McHugh asking me to join him as a last minute fill in talk show host this afternoon on FM 100.5 WNTA in Rockford, IL. I’m always up for helping anyone out if I can, so I said yes. We’ve hosted before, and had fun.

Our mutual friend Jim Stone is the operations manager at Maverick Media, and this is a hectic time of year in radio and every other business as far as vacations go. They were in a pinch, and that happens from time to time. Stone contacted McHugh, and then I got a call.

I wish all operations managers in radio were as easy to deal with as Jim Stone. He’s not a ’radio guy’, and he treats people with respect. That makes it easy to say yes when favors get asked, and I can’t believe others don’t adopt that simple formula. It works every time.

Most other managers use fear as leverage. They threaten or at least imply consequences will occur if someone doesn’t drop what they’re doing and jump head first through a hoop to please the whim of those in power. It may be effective, but it doesn’t win any friends.

Radio is full of insecure, power hungry, maniac control freaks who like to show it off at every opportunity. I’ve always had a disdain for that attitude, and that’s probably why I’m not working hard at pursuing a full time radio career. It’s rare to find good guys in charge.

Kipper McGee was great to work with at WLS. Again, he’s a human being first, and has feelings and a heart. That’s SO refreshing in any kind of entertainment, unfortunately also quite rare. Most people in charge are completely oblivious to the fact others beneath them can be affected adversely and permanently with just one thoughtless decision. It stinks.

That’s why Kipper is no longer at WLS, and Jim Stone is in Rockford. Both those guys have people skills, and in my opinion should be working for top pay in top markets. They also know the business, and anyone who would hire either of them would get a bargain.

I also like John Perry who is the operations manager in Kenosha where I do my Sunday night Mothership Connection paranormal show. I’ve known John since our 93QFM days in Milwaukee. He did overnights and I was on the morning show, and we became friends. Over the years he’s thrown many opportunities my way, and I’m grateful for all of them.

Other than those three, I’d have to look long and hard for anyone in upper management of the radio business I’d even think about crossing a one way street to piss on if they had a brush fire blazing in their underwear. I wish I didn’t have to feel that way, but I do. It’s not a complicated business, or at least it shouldn’t be. Hire the talent, and let them work.

Kipper McGee, John Perry and Jim Stone all do that, and I’d walk through a brick wall naked for all three of those guys. Not that walking through a brick wall or showing off my pasty white buns would do anything to further life as we know it, but I’d still be willing to do it to show my support of good quality people I respect. Whenever they call, I‘m there.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Let's Cancel Christmas This Year

2011-12-20T05:52:00.001-08:00

Monday December 19th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

In the immortal words of Popeye the Sailor Man, “It’s all I can stands - I can’t stands no more.” That’s how I feel about Christmas and all that goes with it, and it’s only December 19th. I’m up to my roasting chestnuts in festive, and I’m ready to kick some Yule tide ass.

Enough already. Enough with the commercials. Enough with the same six stupid songs being played over and over and over again in every retail outlet, restaurant and elevator in the free world. Enough with those annoying bastards ringing that bell by the entrance of a store who stare at me like I just molested an elf when I don’t make a substantial donation.

I don’t want to be within six city blocks or forty country acres away from a single drop of that disgusting egg nog, a lick of a peppermint candy cane or even in the same zip code as a fricking fruit cake. My pancreas is quivering at the thought of those repulsive ‘treats’.

I want to rent a bazooka and take out the biggest reindeer around and fire up the hibachi or a George Foreman Grill and have a barbecue in December. Wouldn’t feeding strangers be a great way to show good will toward men? Oh, and I want to grow a pony tail so I can wrap mistletoe around it so all the off key carolers can kiss my jingle bells. Silent Night!

And don’t let me get my greasy paws on that little drummer boy. The tune I’ll pound on his coconut won’t be printed in any hymn book. That little punk has a major league fanny kicking coming if he doesn’t put those sticks down. I’m a poor boy too. Enough already.

Can’t we find a way to cancel Christmas for one year? The world will still spin, and I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels this way. They canceled the World Series in 1994, and we lived through that. I doubt if one person complained on any of the other six continents and I didn’t hear a whole lot of bitching from Canada or Mexico here. Life will continue.

I don’t have a problem if someone enjoys Christmas, and in fact I think it’s kind of neat that something so stupid gives some people that big of a kick. Go ahead, have fun. Knock yourselves out, but DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME. Have parties, decorate your house all you want, kill all the perfectly good pine trees you want - just don’t force me to do it too.

Restaurants used to have smoking and non smoking sections. Why can’t we have that at this time of year? A ‘Christmas’ or ‘No Christmas’ section. That way if someone wants to enjoy a meal without having to listen to Jose Feliciano’s only hit record, they can do that.

To many of us, it’s NOT the ‘most wonderful time of the year’. It brings back memories of things we don’t want to think about, but can’t help it because we’re reminded of it on a nonstop basis. And what about Jews, Muslims and others that don’t celebrate Christmas?

I know, I know. Now I’m a Scrooge, and I need to lighten up, blah blah blah. I’ve heard it all before, and I’ve tried to shut my mouth and press on. Not this year. It’s only the 19th of December and I’m about ready to crawl down a chimney and flip out on somebody.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Mediocrity Makes Money

2011-12-19T06:54:00.001-08:00

Sunday December 18th, 2011 - Milwaukee, WI

What an ideal day to not watch the Green Bay Packers game. They had to lose at some point, and today was it. I was busy doing other things and didn’t watch the game, and my life is better for it. Hearing about it was painful enough. I’m glad I didn’t have to see it.

It’s been almost a year since I’ve had to feel the sting that comes with defeat, and I feel the dark side of my addiction returning. This last year has been a freely flowing supply of high quality heroin, and it’s been the purest and longest lasting buzz imaginable. It ended today, but I can’t complain. Few other sports teams in history have had a streak like that.

This was a run for the ages, and it doesn’t have to be over yet. They’re still the top team in the league and the favorite to win the Super Bowl again, even though that doesn’t mean they will. It’s been a fun ride, but this was a definite speed bump. They played like bums.

I wonder how that happens after such a solid year? Is it biorhythms, dumb luck or some mysterious unseen force that plays an equalizer role? It was an unpredictable scenario all around the league this week, and the Packers weren’t the only odds breaker. Indianapolis Colts fans had reason to keep a gun out of their mouths as their team finally won a game.

This has to be exactly how the NFL wants it - no undefeated teams but no winless ones either. By the time it’s all done, 20 or more of the 32 teams will be hovering somewhere between 9-7, 8-8 or 7-9. All the fans in those cities will have hope until the bitter end, so they’ll keep watching the games. It’s probably great for business, but bad for greatness.

Mediocrity ruins the quest for excellence, but it’s everywhere. Life itself isn’t fair, and never has been. In the jungle, the slow ones get eaten. Period. They don’t put weights on the cheetahs so they run slower and give the limping gazelles a head start. It is what it is.

Baseball fans hate the Yankees for one reason - they WIN, or at least they have through history. Have they bought the best players? Many times, yes. But they’re in a huge market and can afford to do that. What’s supposed to happen, six million people move to Seattle?

It spreads way beyond sports too. Are McDonald’s hamburgers the best? Not even close to the middle of the pack, but they sell the most. Is Britney Spears the best singer? Again, you’d have to be tone deaf and delusional to think she can sing at all. It’s more than that.

I think it boils down to the fact that the masses really are asses, and the people in charge just want our money. Does the NFL care that the Packers are undefeated or the Colts were winless? Not especially. The Colts had their run recently, and those people will stay loyal.

Now the fans in Kansas City feel justified for their crummy season because their bunch of rummies beat the reigning Super Bowl champs. All the NFL cares about is that the fans of all the teams keep watching games and buying jerseys. McDonald’s buys commercials to keep us going there and buying their crap. They want us all addicted, and it’s working.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

A Picture In Motion

2011-12-18T05:13:00.001-08:00

Saturday December 17th, 2011 - Kenosha, WI

Who knew the road to being in movies came through Kenosha, WI? That’s where it did for me, and I’ll take it how I can get it. I appeared in a film a while back called ‘Dead Air’ that was directed by Mark Gumbinger, and starred my WLIP radio cohort Louis Rugani.

It was a lot of fun, and Mark and I have become good friends. I’m in his inner circle and we have frequent lunches most Mondays along with Lou at a Chinese buffet in town, and we also get together to watch movies and Packer games at his house. It might not be L.A., but it’s a bunch of creative people getting together minus the plastic B.S. of Hollywood.

Fun is fun, and I’d rather hang with good people in Kenosha than blood suckers in Lost Angeles. Not to say there aren’t good people in L.A., there are plenty. But that scene is so crazy and competitive, they often don’t get to shine and live up to their potential. It’s sad.

I guess I’m settling, but I’ll take being a big fish in a small pond - at least when it comes to a movie career. I never wanted to be a movie star anyway. I’m a comedian, and staying the course with that keeps me plenty busy. If I can appear in Mark’s movies, it’s a bonus.

Mark likes to use the same people in his projects, much like Charlie Chaplin used to do and Martin Scorcese does today. We always joke that Lou Rugani is Robert DeNiro and I am rapidly becoming his Joe Pesci. I’m not an actor and never was, but it’s fun to be part of the group. Mark and Lou and everyone who hangs out with us I now consider friends.

I love hanging out with other comedians, but in this group I’m the odd man out because I’m the only one. Actually, I’m the odd man in because they’ve all seen me and now bring people with them and help spread the word. They’re fans, and it’s nice to be appreciated.

I’m fans of theirs too. I know nothing about directing or acting, and don’t claim to. The creative process may be similar, but they’re completely different crafts. Mark knows what he’s doing, and we clicked on the set of Dead Air. I took his direction well, and could see he knew exactly where he wanted to go with it. That makes it easy, and we didn‘t clash.

Mark has been slugging it out with his films as long as I’ve been at comedy. He’s done all kinds of interesting projects from horror films to documentaries, his most recent a very well done and informative one chronicling the 100th anniversary of The Titanic disaster.

I trust Mark’s creative vision, and he has approached me about teaming up on a comedy project. He wants to film my act in a controlled studio type location, and make it a quality production on HD with several cameras rather than a one camera shot in bad lighting like most comics end up having. I’m thrilled he wants to do it, and I know he’ll do it up right.

With his technical experience and my comedy experience, I know we can at least have a demo to use for other projects. He wants to do it in January, but I’m ready to go whenever he is. I know we can pull this off, and this is exactly what I need to start off the new year.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Radio Regret

2011-12-17T17:12:00.001-08:00

Friday December 16th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

I’m at a crucial crossroads in my professional life, and I need to make some decisions in the next little while that will determine whether or not my years of agonizing struggle will have a payoff or not. Obviously, doing what I’ve been doing hasn’t worked how I wanted.

Bad breaks and stupid mistakes aren’t in the basic recipe for massive career success, but are an unfortunate reality for most of us. I’ve had more than my share of both, so now I’m ultra sensitive before making my next move. Mistakes can be fixed, but breaks are breaks.

The break that still stings to the bone is getting blown out of my radio job at ‘The Loop’ in Chicago on this date in 2004. It’s been seven years, and not only does it still boil in my stomach - it riles up both of my former partners Max Bumgardner and Spike Manton too.

All three of us gave it all up for that gig. We put in a brutal year of trying to settle into a routine of learning our roles, and just when we started to make it cook the station got sold and we were out on the street for no real reason other than those fine upstanding folks that bought the station decided to punt us after they’d promised the old owners they wouldn’t.

Apparently, we were part of a five year plan for morning radio in Chicago. We’d passed our one year audition, and were in a prime position to have a nice long run making decent money in a major market. There’s no reason we couldn’t have done it, but it wasn’t to be.

Those fine folks at Emmis Communications were THE coldest reptiles I’ve ever met in my radio life, and are right up there with anyone I’ve met in life in general. We were told until we were sick of hearing it how Emmis was ‘the Hebrew word for truth’. How nice.

I wonder what the Hebrew word for lying corporate pus bag is? That’s how they treated us, and the three of us will never forget how humiliating it was to have to be walked from the building by security after we were fired. Five minutes beforehand, we were a morning show in a major market. Then, we’re being treated like criminals being led to execution.

They took us off the station website immediately, and it was like we never existed at all. I don’t think the CIA could do a better job of vaporizing someone so thoroughly, and only the three of us know exactly how painful and humiliating it was. It‘s still a vivid memory.

We got a large number of calls and emails apparently, and I still have a few of them one of my friends at the station was kind enough to forward my way. I took the time to answer every one, but what else did I have to do? I didn’t have a job anymore, and it still doesn’t make sense they had to be that nasty and heartless. It‘s not like we embezzled from them.

Our timing was as bad as it gets, as we hadn’t established ourselves all the way just yet. None of us were big names, and we knew it. We risked everything to have a shot to create exactly that, and we all believed we were on a path to do it. After we were gassed, nobody offered us a job or even a bumper sticker. We were all hung out to dry. Merry Christmas!

That’s why it’s so frustrating. We got caught in no man’s land, and it was nothing more than a classic case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Had Bonneville kept the station, we’d have in all likelihood had our five year run, and still been employed today.

That company was great to work for. It’s actually the Mormon Church, but they do treat their employees very well I must say. They also owned ‘The Mix’ in Chicago, where Eric and Kathy have been the morning show forever. The company is all about stability, and it would have been the same with us. Our old boss Greg Solk told us that was in their plan.

The three of us were exactly the kind of people they were looking for. None of us were wild partiers or convicted felons, and if anything we were all pretty boring off the air. We were just regular guys, and that’s the angle the station wanted to highlight. We WERE the typical listeners they wanted, and it totally would have worked. We were being groomed.

That was a rare instance of true chemistry, and we all knew it. It was like The Beatles or a championship sports team. All the pieces fit together perfectly, and we were all ready to give it all we had. Greg Solk hand picked us, and his track record of success is legendary.

Why would anyone want to blow that up? We still can’t figure it out, but that won’t get us our jobs back. They ended up bringing in Jonathon Brandmeier eventually, but I don’t think he lit the world on fire like they thought he would. Plus, he cost them a LOT more.

We would have been a total bargain, and even if we were still there we’d have signed a long term contract for steady money rather than go for the throat like Brandmeier did. He could afford to do that, as he’d had his success and had a reputation that preceded him.

That’s what radio executives will pay for, as most of them are too incompetent to have any kind of forward vision themselves. They’d rather sign some old dog and overpay him than develop fresh talent that’s home grown. It happens over and over, and Brandmeier is getting yet another chance in Chicago at WGN. His reputation continues to pay his bills.

Good for Jonathon Brandmeier. I don’t begrudge a guy if he can keep getting gigs, but I don’t see why we couldn’t get one either. I think Emmis could have tossed us some kind of a bone, but they pissed on our heels as we walked out the door and it’s hard to forget it.

What’s done is done, and after seven years the only ones who still remember any of this and care even a little are Spike, Max and myself. I still talk to both of them, and it’s a sore spot with them too. We laugh and bust balls with each other, but deep down we know we got boned. We’re not the first and won’t be the last in radio to get it - but it really hurts.

We all agreed that we need to move past it, and we’re all trying. We’ve been trying hard since this date in 2004. We were poised for a nice run, and had it happened as planned the three of us would be in an entirely different world right now that would include insurance and a steady income and my ability to draw as a comedian. It’s all very disappointing, but also very real. Radio is an oozing cesspool. And people wonder why I don’t trust anyone.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Back To Business

2011-12-17T14:48:00.001-08:00

Thursday December 15th, 2011 - Milwaukee, WI

Back to the real world, at least for now. Uranus has to wait. As much as I’d love to dive in head first with no time or money limits and make that my primary base of operations, it will take time to develop until it becomes profitable by itself. It’s still an infant in diapers.

This is part of the entrepreneurial process, and I willingly accept it. I’m certainly not the first to have to my divide time between making a living and trying to put a dream together in my spare time. It’s been done before, and there have been big successes. I have a shot.

Several success stories pop into mind. J.K. Rowling did rather well for herself, and she apparently came from humble beginnings. So did Walt Disney. Then there are my heroes in the mail order business Melvin Powers and E. Joseph Cossman. They both started on a wing and a prayer, and transformed themselves into multi millionaires. I want to do it too.

I feel it’s all finally in positive motion, but I still have bills to pay like everyone else. I’ll have to make a gradual transition into having a full time income from mail order products the same way I had to segue from a day job into standup comedy full time. It took years to make it happen, but I was eventually able to make my full time living as a comedian only.

I’ve done it successfully for over twenty-five years now, so I must have done something correctly. I could have made some better decisions at times, but I still managed to stay off welfare or not have to work some dead end snivel service job like most of my family did.

I’ll keep doing comedy, but I’m constantly thinking of this new venture and feeling very good about my chances to not only survive, but succeed to a level I’ve never attained with anything else I’ve ever done. I did it before with my comedy, and I know I can do it again.

Today I had a very pleasant meeting with the American Diabetes Association staff up in Milwaukee. They wanted to meet me in person after seeing my recent appearance on ‘The Morning Blend’ TV show promoting my show for diabetes awareness month. They loved it, and asked if I’d consider being part of their annual fundraising event next November.

I told them I absolutely would, but after meeting them all in person I have to believe I’ll be doing a lot of events in the future. They were really friendly, and I felt like I fit in from the second I walked through the door. Getting diagnosed with diabetes wasn‘t pleasant or fun, and if I can help make it easier for others in the same boat I was I‘m happy to do it.

My contact’s name is Jacalyn Gillis, and she introduced me to Sally Sheperdson who is the local director of the Milwaukee office. Sally’s brother happened to be in the office for a visit, and he’s exactly my age. He was intrigued by my story, and Sally was encouraged.

Apparently, very few people who have Type 2 diabetes are willing to share their stories. Sally said getting her brother’s attention was exactly the kind of person they are trying to reach. Getting diagnosed wasn’t fun, but if I can make it easier for others, I’ll gladly do it.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Uranus Calls My Name

2011-12-15T03:57:00.001-08:00

Wednesday December 14th, 2011 - Antioch, IL

More work on the King of Uranus project today. It’s all I think about. My inner antenna is pointing me in this direction for reasons I don’t know, but I’m closing my mouth and in full obedience mode. I feel this is exactly what I’m supposed to be focusing on right now.

The point is, I’m focusing at all. There just isn’t ever going to be enough time for me to get to all the fun things I’d like to explore this lifetime, even if I live to be 100. I haven’t even hit 50 yet, and I’m already sucking wind. I have to carefully manage all of my time.

I haven’t done that so far, at least not to my satisfaction. Too bad. I have to shake it off and keep going - full speed ahead. And I am. I’m going to work on this project night and day with all my spare energy, but reality still exists and I also have to keep money coming in so I can survive. I have comedy gigs coming up, but in between this will be my baby.

The first thing I need to do is put a written plan together. I’ve had notes scribbled down on scraps of paper, but I’ve now put them all in a computer file AND BACKED IT UP on three separate thumb drives. I’ve still got more fleshing out to do, but the frame is there.

The second thing I need to do is get busy and physically make the King of Uranus a real live entity. It won’t be difficult, since nobody knows what he looks like. Not even me. I’ll experiment I’m sure, but basically all I need is a shiny crown, a cape or robe of some sort and a scepter. Since Uranus itself is a light blue, that will be my primary color of choice.

Eventually, I’d like to get fancy. I picture this to be a cross between the ornate robes Ric Flair wears to the ring and the wild getups George Clinton used to wear on stage. The last few times I’ve seen him he’s cut his multi colored hair and toned it down a lot, but for the longest he was a visual show all by himself. I need to start somewhere, and let it evolve.

The third thing I need is to solidify my teams, both on camera and off. To do this right it will have to all be recorded and put up on You Tube. I don’t intend to walk around on the street dressed like a gay rooster for no reason. Everything has to be carefully documented.

Then there’s the whole business side of things. I need to keep immaculate records of all my transactions for tax purposes, and I know that going in. This is a big job with a bunch of little jobs worked into it, not just some goofy costume I put on and expect to get rich.

There are all kinds of things that will need constant attention, and in no way will I have time to do all of them. I need a team of quality people in place to help this turn from some cockamamie long shot into a profitable entertainment business venture. That’s the goal.

Today I met with Jay Bachochin who will be my go to guy for printing. He used to be a part owner in an Alpha Graphics business but he’s not now and is looking for work. I like Jay, but also know he’s honest and creative and good at all kinds of things I’m not. He’s a whiz on the computer, and we’ve done business before. He’s a perfect fit for what I need.

Another thing that’s an ideal fit is our timing. He needs to earn a living, as do I. Neither of us wants to work for anyone else, and we’re painted into a corner. Something HAS to work, and when I laid out the concept at lunch today he let it soak in and then had several very solid ideas I knew were right on the money. We’re a good match, and we both feel it.

My friend Jim McHugh is another. He’s a no B.S. guy who jumps on me to get going if I lose momentum, as I often do. Whether the reasons are legit or not doesn’t matter. If I’m not moving ahead, I’m losing ground. Jim has been exactly what I’ve needed to press on.

Jim’s brother in law Mark Huelskamp is my web designer, and he brings his own brand of expertise to the table. He’s good at what he does, and Jim acts as a great go between to keep things moving. One by one, the members of the team are starting to find their place.

Jim helped find my new artist Jeanie Janz, and she’s been a major upgrade. She’s a fun person, and thinks the concept is hilarious. That’s exactly what I need. She’ll design a lot of products to sell, and I have my contact Marc Mallen in Antioch, IL to print up t-shirts.

Jay will help create any printed material from flyers to stickers to signs to anything else we might think of. I’ll need all these people eventually, and several more as well. This is an ongoing process, and will take years to build it up to be a workable system. That’s ok. The point is, I’m DOING something and getting my head out of Uranus and into action.

It’s slowly coming into reality, but it is coming. The 13th of every month will serve as a point of reference, as Uranus was discovered as a planet on March 13th, 1781 by William Herschel. Old Wild Willie could have named it anything else, but I’m delighted he didn’t.

I’m going to claim ownership on this concept like David Letterman claimed a Top Ten list. He wasn’t the first person to use a list, but he made it his own. This is similar. I’m far from the first gimoke to cut loose with Uranus jokes, but I’m taking it farther than anyone else, and I’m owning it as my territory starting immediately. I stake my claim on Uranus!

This means I need to claim it on many levels. My big picture long term vision is to get all my projects in a row so they feed off of each other. I’m not sure if I want to make The King a standup comic, but he sure could host some comedy shows with my funny friends. They’d do an outstanding job. All I’d need to provide is the draw, and that’s my intention.

Another area to consider is the Mothership Connection radio show. I already call myself The King of Uranus on the air, and nobody has told me to stop. I don’t say what it means, it’s just my moniker. If I can grow the show, it will grow the spectrum of people who hear the name, who in turn will hopefully visit my website, and purchase products. Perhaps.

It’s all a giant circle, but for once I feel I’m actually going to pull this off. I won’t die if I fail, but I will absolutely NOT accept failing to try. I know there is an audience that will think the entire concept is hilarious. It won’t be everyone, but that’s fine. Nothing appeals to everyone. I just need enough to like it to make me rich. And I know they’re out there.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

It's Good To Be The King!

2011-12-14T19:04:00.001-08:00

Tuesday December 13th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

Time trickles steadily away for all seven billion of us who share space on this planet, so why would anybody waste even part of one second doing anything that’s not fun? I don’t know, but we absolutely do. Life has a way of draining hopes and dreams from us all, but I’m having a difficult time accepting it. I fall prey to it too at times, but I refuse to give in.

I’ve come way too far and worked way too hard to just drift off into the abyss and leave this coldhearted crazy world with even half a drop of desire still inside me. If I’m going to find happiness, I have to seek it. And to seek anything, one should have a clue what it is.

To me, happiness is making other people happy. I know that sounds sappy and right off of a Ziggy Hallmark card, but I really mean it. When other people are laughing, they’re in a good mood. There’s positive energy everywhere, and I get to enjoy it too. It’s a win/win.

Possessions don’t thrill me, and getting a lot less important. I swear, when I get rich I’ll still buy my cars from an auction. I might buy someone else a new car, just because Elvis started that trend and it sounded fun. It would give me more satisfaction to see somebody else go nuts when they receive a car rather than me getting one for myself. Is that stupid?

Maybe it is, but that’s how I feel. The whole world is stupid, and getting stupider by the minute. That’s why I’m so fascinated with my King of Uranus concept. It’s right at a level where the masses can grasp it, and it’s totally harmless. In this day and age, that’s needed.

Tensions are running sky high everywhere, and humor is sorely needed whether anyone realizes it or not. I think they do, but they don’t always know where to get it. I don’t mean just going to watch comedians at a comedy club, even though that’s a good start. I mean a revolution in how humor is both delivered and received. I want to broaden all parameters.

I’m getting a much clearer picture in my head of who ‘The King’ is going to be. He’s an ultimate outsider - the perfect ‘butt’ of all jokes. Pun totally intended. The King of Uranus has to be an identifiable character both by how he looks and what he says. It’s a character.

It’s part professional wrestler, part flamboyant evangelist, part standup comic, part nerd, part clown, part goofball and finally a part of me thrown in like a cherry on a sundae. This is something I really want to do, only because I think it could do so much good for people in the long run. Plus, it will be total fun to breathe life into it from the ground up. I love it.

EVERY SINGLE DAY, someone tailgates me in my car and takes a picture of my plate that says ‘URANUS 2’ and my ‘I (heart) URANUS’ bumper sticker directly above it. It’s a just a nondescript run of the mill Chevy Cavalier, but those two things give it identity.

People give me thumbs up and waves all the time, and I see broad smiles on everybody from hot chicks to old fogies and everyone in between. I’ve got something here, now it’s a matter of deciding exactly what that is, and what I want it to be. This is a life mission.

I’ve farted around with this concept way too long - another pun intended. It’s time for a deeper commitment, and today is that day. I like the 13th of the month, as nobody else has claimed it. That’s the day each month I used to send my ‘Mr. Lucky’ comedy newsletters.

Then my ex business partner did his little embezzling number and ended up skating off with my mailing list, and I’ve been working to get back on track since. That’s part of my point. Life happens, but it happens to us all. I’m not the only one who has had obstacles.

I’m disappointed that I’ve allowed them to slow me down as much as they have. I admit I’m scattered and going in way too many directions most of the time, but that’s just a part of who I am. Maybe it’s my left handedness, or another reason. But it’s never an excuse.

I’ve been working on one facet of the Uranus project or another every single day for the past few weeks, and actually making more progress than I have in a while. It keeps me on my toes, as there are a lot of things to work on. There are business duties, and then there’s the whole creative side. Since I’m starting from scratch, (another pun intended) it’s slow.

There are more than enough other things to distract me, and they have, but then I’ll have someone beep and give me a thumbs up at a stop light or walk up to me in parking lot and say how funny they think it all is, and I know without a hint of doubt I’ve hit the jackpot.

In a quarter of a century of trying to get famous as me, I’ve failed miserably. I struck out big time, and that’s just how it is. The public didn’t care, and that’s their right. Then, I get a personalized plate and a bumper sticker made and I’m suddenly the hit of the highway.

I don’t even have the character created yet. It’s just some dorky white guy who drives a painfully ordinary Chevy Cavalier, but I know I’ve hit on something. I have to BECOME The King of Uranus, and I need to do it in a hurry. When it hits, it will hit big, and I need to be ready. I’m not even going to say if, because something inside knows it’s a winner.

How big a winner, I don’t know. And truthfully, I don’t care. It’s already been amazing to see the reaction of people just in the planning stages. I can only imagine how it will be when I’m decked out in my getup and out in public wearing a long royal robe and a crown on my cabbage. I’m going to carry a scepter too. If I’m going to do it, I’m doing it right.

I stopped at a costume shop today to look for ideas. When I sashayed in and announced I was The King of Uranus, the stunned look on the woman’s face followed by a big giggle as I calmly looked at her without flinching made my trip worthwhile. I’m finally living it!

I know I’m nuts, and I know it’s a juvenile idea that‘s off the deep end, and I don’t care. What’s anyone going to do, laugh at me? That’s my objective, so thanks from the bottom of Uranus to anyone who thinks I’m out of my mind for doing this. Congratulations, you nailed it. I am out of my mind, but so is the rest of this world. If I’m going to have to live with all these other kooks, flukes, flakes and failures, I might as well go down swinging. Everyone else in my family died without living any dreams. My dreams live in Uranus!

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Comedy With Class

2011-12-14T08:53:00.001-08:00

Monday December 12th, 2011 - Chicago, IL

Some of the most fun times I’ve ever had in a comedy club have come when the club is not even open for business. Read into that statement whatever you will, but this time I am referring to a comedy class. When everything goes right, it’s an exhilarating experience.

What makes it so enjoyable is the melding together of creative minds with a purpose to create something positive - laughter. Some students are better than others, and all of them are in the beginning stages of what will be a life long journey should they choose to do it.

It’s a safe environment, because I make it that way. I encourage them to ask questions at any time, and it’s an absolute blast for me to watch them grow. There’s a little switch that goes on in someone’s head when a concept takes root, and I never get sick of watching as a face lights up when someone catches on. I feel like a little league coach and it’s a kick.

Tonight I gave students a final bonus session for an especially good class I’ve got going at Zanies in Chicago. It was an excellent mix of people from diverse backgrounds, as has frequently been the case. I just finished another class at Improv Playhouse in Libertyville, IL and that was the same thing. I liked them as well, and gave them a bonus session too.

It’s an added value to the class, and I love it when they get that glimmer in their eye like they’re scamming something for nothing. Nobody has ever complained, but what they fail to realize is that I get just as much or more out of being there than they do. It’s a win/win.

Being around standup comedy and constantly preaching the fundamentals over and over helps keep my instincts razor sharp for my own act. If I’m constantly thinking about it for someone else, I can’t help but think about it for me too. What I love about class when it’s going well is, the group can watch each other grow, and they experience the same thing.

Tonight’s class was small but mighty. We only had three students, and each were about as different as different gets. One was an actress and self described ‘former hippie chick’. Another was a musician with OCD who just turned 50. The third was a single dad around 30 who looks 18. They’re very diverse, but all have a similar spark of creativity inside.

They each went up on stage and went through their act, and that’s never easy in front of three people. I tell them, and it’s true, that it’s good practice at this point in their games to just get up there and plow through it on a real stage. It’s a luxury most newbies never get.

All three of them did a splendid job, and I had them go through their routine twice. One time I just let them go, but the second I stopped them at certain points and critiqued them gently but firmly so everyone could learn. They needed it, and everyone took it correctly.

These people got what I was telling them, and I think all three are going to stay with the process, at least I hope they do. They’ve all put in a noble effort, and I’m extremely proud of how each has grown so much in such a short time. If nothing else, I enjoyed seeing it.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Aura Colors

2011-12-13T06:37:00.001-08:00

Sunday December 11th, 2011 - Kenosha, WI

Just when I thought I’d rattled the cage of all topics ‘woo woo’, along comes a new one to thoroughly pique my interest. That’s an advantage of hosting a paranormal radio show on a weekly basis. I am constantly exposed to new concepts, and it broadens my horizon.

Sometimes I wonder if I should keep doing the show, as it’s been on the air for going on four years now and hasn’t generated a penny of financial income. I forget how much I get out of it educationally, and tonight’s show was a friendly reminder. I love all of this stuff.

It makes me think, wonder and contemplate all of life on a much larger scale than doing what everyone else is doing. Too few ever venture out of their individual comfort zone to explore what’s ‘out there’, not only on this planet but beyond. We’re just a cosmic speck.

I have to thank my grandfather for planting this seed in me as a kid. He loved to try new things and see new places, even in his final days. He would frequently take me along with him on his adventures, and then ask me to express an opinion afterward. He said it wasn’t necessary for me to like all of it, but it was necessary to give it a try with an open mind.

He’d often take me out of school to go someplace for a day trip. Sometimes it was some kind of obscure museum. Sometimes it was an ethnic restaurant where I couldn’t identify a single thing on the menu. Other times it was a live performance like a play or concert.

One time we went to a polo match. Another time we saw Victor Borge perform. I never knew where Gramps was going to take me, and I never knew if I’d like it once I got there. I often hated it, but all these years later I’m grateful for the chance to have experienced it.

That’s why I enjoy The Mothership Connection show so much. I get to keep growing in areas that I want to explore. Does Bigfoot exist? Will the world end in 2012? Is there life after death? I don’t know any of those things, but it’s sure interesting to seek the answers.

I’ve learned a little about a lot of subjects as I’ve done this show, and it’s all fascinating to me. Subjects like numerology and dream interpretation have been around for thousands of years, so I would think there has to be at least a tiny grain of truth in there somewhere.

Tonight we had a fantastic guest on who talked about aura colors. Her name is Pamala Oslie, and she really knows what she’s talking about. Apparently, all things have an aura and they come in 14 colors. Much like astrological signs, they apparently have meaning.

Pamala was able to read all of us in the studio and she nailed it. She’s been at it for 27 years, and even has a radio show of her own. Her website is www.auracolors.com and she does readings, has books available and even started a singles dating site based on auras.

I don’t think this is flimflam. We found Pamala both credible and entertaining. We kept her on the air an hour longer than she was scheduled. Now I’ve got another topic to study.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

How Now Braun Cow?

2011-12-12T06:32:00.001-08:00

the mother lode of booty to match his own mother load of booty, but not in Milwaukee.

The Brewers had to choose one of the two, and Braun was the one. He was the man and then some. He’s got a restaurant in town and has it going on with the ladies I’m sure. The team is the talk of the town, and he’s the reigning N.L. MVP. All of that is tainted now.

I’m sorry to see this happen. Milwaukee is my home town, and when I travel around it’s been nice to have people say “Hey, how ‘bout those Brewers?” in recent years. For far too long they were such an invisible non factor, nobody even cared they were in the league.

I think it was good for the game to have a small market team rise up and have a nice run for a few years, but now it appears to be over in a day. So long playoffs, hello pissed off. I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am. It looks like there will be no joy in Miller Park for 2012, and maybe longer. Nobody has ever skated in this situation without a suspension.

And a whopper of a suspension it is. Fifty games is what the verdict will most likely be. That’s bad for business, both at home and on the road. Fans want to see stars, especially if they’re shelling out good money for tickets. I know I do. This is a no win deal for anyone.

The initial reports are that he’s denying he ever knowingly took anything illegal, but it’s too late for that now. The toothpaste is out of the tube. Accusation is just as bad as actual guilt, so he can cry a river of crocodile tears and it won’t do any good. Too little, too late.
I’m sure he’ll fight it tooth and nail, but no matter what happens this will leave a big scar.

I don’t know Ryan Braun, but from all I’ve seen I like him. He’s a hell of a player, even if he is on the juice. Barry Bonds was a hell of a player too, a certain Hall of Famer. Then, he decided to turn himself into a synthetic version of King Kong and he’s tainted as well. I hope it was worth it. The only way he’ll get to see the Hall of Fame now is with a ticket.

I’m getting more jaded about everything as I get older, and sports is not the sacred altar it was to me as a kid. That’s because I realize people who play them are just that - people. There’s some kind of dent in everyone’s can, and this is to be expected. I’m disappointed as a fan and a Milwaukeean, but too bad for baseball. The Green Bay Packers are 13-0!

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Traffic Torture

2011-12-11T16:07:00.001-08:00

Friday December 9th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

Horror of horrors. Make that double. It’s an entertainer’s nightmare. For the first time in recent memory, I wasn’t physically able make it to my show on time and ended up losing the gig. Fortunately, the only one who was upset was me. Unfortunately, I won’t get paid.

My friend and former radio partner Max Bumgardner suggested me as entertainment for his company’s Christmas party in Springfield, IL. Max was trying to help me out, and I’m extremely grateful for him thinking of me. Apparently, someone in his office suggested a comedian for their party, and Max was the only one who knew one. That’s how it works.

Christmas parties can be a very tricky endeavor for a variety of reasons, but they’re also a great way to close a year out strong financially. Back when the economy wasn’t tanking, a comic could bring home in an hour what it would take a whole week to make at a club.

Depending on the year, a strong comedian could pick up several parties each December. That, combined with the premium of New Year’s Eve pay made it by far the top financial month of the year. Then, it became a trend for some companies to delay their parties until January. Venues were less expensive, and quite often they also decided to use comedians.

For a couple of years there, my Decembers and Januarys were gangbusters. Then, it was exactly the opposite. NOBODY had any parties at all. With so much downsizing going on it was difficult to justify the expense of hiring entertainment. I can totally understand that.

Tonight was just a fluke of nature. I was supposed to go on at 7:30pm, right after dinner and some announcements by the big boss. That’s pretty typical. I’ve had to do it countless times before, and it’s usually awkward. I guess that’s why we get paid more. We earn it.

After running a few necessary errands, I left Kenosha, WI at 2pm. I thought I’d be more than safe, and was in fact worried I’d be too early. The mistake I made was going through Chicago, and it ended up costing me. Traffic on Fridays is usually bad, but today it was a nonstop bumper to bumper gridlock nightmare. I got sucked in, and wasn’t able to escape.

Three and a half hours later, I was on I-55 but not even south of I-80 when I called Max in a panic. I kept thinking I’d be able to get through it, but it just wouldn’t break. I’ve had traffic delays before, but I can’t remember anything like this. It was nothing but stress and agony. Not only did I want to make a good showing for Max, I wanted the paycheck too.

Max called the lady in charge of the party to see if they could delay everything at least a little to give me a chance to show up late, but by everyone’s calculations I wouldn’t make it even close to their time frame. She told Max to just forget it, and for me not to worry.

Not to worry? That’s all I did was worry for three and a half hours, as I cursed each and every one of the thousands of driving zombies who couldn’t figure out how to press on an accelerator. It was my own fault, and this is why being a road comic can be so frustrating.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Annual Maintenance

2011-12-11T16:03:00.001-08:00

Thursday December 8th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

Time to think about a ground up total maintenance check of all things comedy for 2012. Onstage and off, I‘m due. Just like a homeowner has a constant list of revolving chores to attend to, the process is never ending. A coat of paint and some TLC can work wonders.

I don’t know where to start, as I can use improvement everywhere. My onstage skill has always been my strength, but that doesn’t mean I can’t improve. A lot. I have a lifetime of experience in all situations, and I know how to get laughs. Now, I want to craft an act that matches my persona and develop the total package. That’s what it takes to build a career.

The definition of a career to me is having a base of core fans who show up to see me on purpose, not just happen to end up in a strip mall comedy club with a free ticket they won after dropping a business card into a fish bowl. I want to be an entertainment destination.

I want an audience who knows what they’re getting when they come out, and that’s why they come out in the first place. A few examples who pop into mind immediately are Lisa Lampanelli, Jim Gaffigan, Brian Regan, Louis CK, and Lewis Black. And there are more.

What did all those people do that I need to do too? Management might be an ingredient that needs to be added, and I’ve thought about that before. I’ve had minimal experience in that area, and I think it might behoove me to explore it further in the coming year if I ever want to get past my current level. I at least need to let someone know I’m even out here.

I also need to get back on national television where it generates some kind of heat with someone who can help me parlay it into something bigger. The Craig Ferguson shot was a helpful showcase and a great learning experience, but I know I can do lot better next time.

The intimidation of being on national television won’t be a factor, and I’ll have a handle on what to expect so I can properly prepare. I’m already crafting more than one set of 4 ½ minutes so I’ll be a lot more experienced at my next opportunity. There’s no reason to not get another TV opportunity either, other than if I don’t put myself in a position to get it.

I’m doing exactly that actually. I’m getting myself into physical shape, and mapping out a list of things to do onstage and off should be next. I intend to type it out and make up an actual three ring binder that I can hold in my paws and use as an inspiration to get it done.

Onstage, I want to go completely over every bit of material I have and see what I’ll keep and how I can punch it up. I also intend to drop whatever doesn’t fit a bigger picture of an entire package, even if it still gets laughs. It’s tricky, but that’s the only way to do it right.

Offstage, I need even more work. Making a list of places I can and want to work should be the first priority. A new bio, resume and headshot wouldn’t hurt. A website revamping is a must. I need to shake the dust off of everything and polish it up. Reconnecting with as many contacts as I can is also on the list. This should all be done yearly. I’m way behind.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

An Infamous Day

2011-12-10T18:02:00.001-08:00

Wednesday December 7th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

December 7th. A date which will live in infamy. 70 years ago today, the generation who would become known as our greatest generation had their world turned upside down with Pearl Harbor. It has special significance with me because my grandparents used to always speak of it with reverence and respect. It rocked their world, and never did they forget it.

It was their generation’s 9/11, or vice versa. Everyone knew where they were when they heard about the attack, but how they heard it was completely different in 1941 than it was in 2001. My grandparents would tell me of how it was a lot of hearsay and rumors at first. Then the President came on the radio and addressed the public, and all hell broke loose.

My father had just turned four years old, and my uncle was born in January of 1941. My grandparents said life was difficult enough then, not only with two small kids but the hard times that were all still a very recent memory from The Depression in the ‘30s, and then a war started to throw a gigantic monkey wrench into everything. They said it was a shock.

I bet it was. I can only imagine the horror and added stress it must have been for people who were already struggling to carve out a life for themselves on a cruel planet. Families had to suck it up even more, but they did it. Why? They didn’t have a choice. They either did it, or died. My grandparents said it brought everyone closer together, and I believe it.

There were all kinds of inconveniences they endured, like gas and meat rationing, but it didn’t kill them, and everyone pitched in and were glad to do it. 9/11 was like that, but for way too short a time. There were American flags everywhere for a while, but that was it.

I know I’m sounding like my grandparents, but I have to say we’re soft to the core these days as a nation. We’re fat, lazy, stupid by choice and think we are owed a living because we’re Americans and we‘re some kind of royalty. We were just born here, nothing else.

My grandfather used to say that struggle wasn’t always a bad thing, if it makes someone work hard to overcome it. Hearing the stories of how old people used to walk for miles in the snow uphill both ways to a school where there were no heaters or computers is a joke now, and when I was a kid I was one who laughed the hardest. I’m not laughing anymore.

I’m wondering. What is life all about? The human animal is such a complex creature to figure out, and I can’t begin to do it. Would any generation have been the greatest if they had to endure the specific obstacles of the World War II generation? I have to think yes.

Human nature is human nature. I’m sure there were people who sucked it up, but I have to believe there were also whiners and complainers and those who sought refuge in booze or drugs or whatever else was available at the time. Individuals make individual choices.

I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry Pearl Harbor had to happen and I send the descendants of the victims positive vibes. We’ve got enough problems to deal with now.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Kissing Astrology

2011-12-10T16:59:00.001-08:00

Tuesday December 6th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

I can’t help wondering exactly how much significance there is, if any, in astrology. Is it all a load of cosmic crap or is there something to it? It’s been around for thousands if not tens of thousands of years, and it pre dates most religions. There has to be a reason for it.

I’m not saying I believe every place mat I get at a Chinese restaurant, and I rarely if ever read the daily horoscope in a newspaper, but the whole idea of how date and time of one’s birth has meaning does intrigue me to the point I want to get more information about it.

Growing up, I was forced to go to a holy rollers church and they poo-pooed astrology as being ‘of the devil’ and ‘evil’ and told us not to go near it or our hair might start on fire or something. I guess they had their own scam going, and were squelching the competition.

As I get older, I’m having a hard time believing in most things unseen from the God the church told us about to Jesus to heaven and hell to anything else. The stars I can see every night with my own eyes. God, I can’t. I’m not saying there’s not a higher power, but I am saying I never saw or heard Him speak to me, and I don’t think Pat Robertson did either.

Or Benny Hinn. Or Jimmy Swaggart. Or Oral Roberts. Or The Pope. Or Martin Luther. Or Martin Luther King. Or Joseph Smith. Or Jim Jones. Or David Koresh. Or The Dalai Lama. Or Louis Farrakhan. Or Chaka Khan. Or anyone else who is of human persuasion.

There, did I piss everyone off? Good. I’m just looking for the truth. Who or what made this beautiful planet, and then filled it with so many halfwits who treat it like a rental car? Everyone seems to think they have the definitive answer, and I don’t believe any of them.

Maybe we can’t handle the truth. Maybe it’s all random and we’re here as long as we’re here, and then it’s all over. That’s not a popular answer, but it’s a possibility. WE DON’T KNOW, and I for one am not too proud to admit it. I wonder all the time, but I can’t say.

The reason I’m wondering about astrology today is it happens to be the birthday of two of my favorite people - Max Bumgardner and John O’Brien. Max was my radio partner at ‘The Loop’ in Chicago, and is a fellow dented can. He’s had a childhood of hell to endure and still struggles to deal with it much like I do. Still, he presses on and gives life his best.

I have more respect for Max than 99.999% of anyone I’ve ever met. He’s brilliant on all kinds of subjects, and his flair for business and being an entrepreneur is way past where it is in my head. Max is a great friend, and one of the few people on this planet I really trust.

John O’Brien is great in his own way. He’s a former comedy student who has supported me for many years. I couldn’t appreciate it more. He’ll show up at my show unannounced and often brings his wife Gail as well. He’s given me cash when I’ve needed it most, and made it a point to come see me in the hospital earlier this year. Two finer people there are not, and both were born on the same day - today. Is it a coincidence? I just don’t think so.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

A Blueprint Of Dreams

2011-12-10T16:10:00.001-08:00

Monday December 5th, 2011 - Chicago, IL

Still thinking about everything I was thinking about yesterday. If I’m smart, I’ll keep on thinking and then add the secret ingredient that will make everything work - action. Ideas mean less than nothing on their own, but they are of ultimate importance in the process of success. And that’s another thing - I need to come up with a current definition of success.

When I started in comedy, my goals weren’t well defined. All I wanted was to find paid work in comedy clubs until I didn‘t have to have a day job. I wanted to eventually become a headliner, and appear on national television and on major radio stations along the way.

It was all pretty fuzzy and by seat of the pants, but I ended up doing it anyway. It wasn’t easy, but I stayed the course. There were a lot of unexpected distractions along my path to make it a lot more complicated than I thought it should be. But in the end, I hit my mark.

Now that I’ve done all of it, it’s not even remotely close to anything like I’d imagined it to be. I assumed, very stupidly, that I’d be rich and famous and able to call the shots in all aspects of my life from what top level venues I’d be working to where I’d live, and which smoking hot sex goddess I’d choose to settle down with and raise that family I never had.

If my act had had the comedic exaggeration of my assumptions, I might have gotten the things I mistakenly thought came with the territory. I thought that since I was going to be a comedian, massive success was somehow guaranteed just by printing up business cards.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I still see the majority of aspiring comedians and all the other performer types from actors to improvisers to radio wannabes that keep on getting sucked into this same mistaken assumption. Dreams need a blueprint.

American Idol is the epitome of this insanity, and that’s why I’ll never ever watch it for any reason. The message to every run of the mill ham and egger who mops floors or waits tables is, if they’ll just wait in line with thousands of others like them they’ll get their shot at impressing the judges, and from that moment on life will be perpetually problem free.

Hard work never enters the equation, and it feeds the mass delusion that anybody is able to come off the street and be an instant star. For life. They think they’ll hang on to the top spot forever, and when the fairy dust gets sprinkled and they‘ll all live happily ever after.

Reality has a not very subtle way of slapping the stupid out of anyone who thinks this is how life works. Yes, there are a precious few that have everything work out the way we’d all like it to, but that’s a lot rarer than finding Obama supporters at a Ku Klux Klan rally.

Life is hard. Show business is harder. One is either really successful or really not. I have to get a clearer picture of what I think success is TO ME. What I thought it was before did not produce the results I wanted, even though I did end up achieving all I had set out to do when I started. Times are different, as am I. That’s why I need a different plan of action.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Mothership Confusion

2011-12-09T09:03:00.001-08:00

Sunday December 4th, 2011 - Kenosha, WI

Reassessment time. Once again, it’s time to look as objectively as I can at every facet of my life and decide what needs to stay, what needs to go and what needs to be tweaked for 2012. Failing to plan is planning to fail, and I’ve had enough failing in life. Time to win.

The uncomfortable truth is, I’m still all over the place and am trying to squeeze way too much out of way too little. I’m running in too many directions at once, and it’s not getting me where I want to be. It’s not bad to be ambitious, but if I don’t put together a solid plan of how I intend to get it all done, I might as well not do anything and save all that energy.

Am I a comedian? Teacher? Radio host? Entrepreneur? Writer? Producer? Wheeler and dealer? Speaker? Well, sort of. I’ve dabbled to different degrees in all those things at one time or another, and that’s enough to keep a dozen people busy. No wonder I’m scattered.

Unfortunately, life boils down to money. I love passion projects, and that’s why I’ve got so much on my plate, but they don’t pay the bills - at least not at first. It always takes time for an idea to develop, and there’s no guarantee it will ever make a nickel. There’s a risk.

I’ve never been afraid to take risks, and I’ve had more than my share of failures because of it. Well, financial failures anyway. I’ve always done things because I’ve enjoyed doing them. That’s a good thing because rarely have I been able to make more than gas money.

The Mothership Connection radio show is a perfect example. I’ve had an absolute blast playing talk radio host on Sunday nights for going on four years now. I get to be in charge creatively, and everyone involved has enjoyed being part of it. I’ve got a wonderful group of co-hosts and semi regulars, and the guests we’ve interviewed have been entertaining.

I look forward to Sunday evenings, and I know the others on the show do too. We go in the studio and everyone knows they can say what they feel. I never censor anyone, and we create a positive energy that comes through on the air. I’ve had people say how much they enjoy the show, and it feels great to hear positive feedback. Now, how can I turn a buck?

Going out during the week and knocking on doors of small businesses in Kenosha isn’t the answer. Making $50 a show or whatever my pittance would be wouldn’t be worth that kind of effort. I’d like to get on either a bigger station or find a way to get it syndicated on a lot of stations. That’s a tall order, and I really don’t have a clue as to how to go about it.

That would also bring other issues like having to deal with ‘radio people’. That isn’t my idea of fun either. If there was any kind of coin involved, I’d consider it. But for now, it’s just not there. It’s a fun little hobby that is what it is. Do I keep on doing it? I don’t know.

Fun is fun, but I have a lot of fun things going on. Comedy classes are fun too, but I can at least make a few bucks when I teach them. I have limited time and energy, and way too many projects competing for it all. What to do? That’s the rub. It’s like killing my kids.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Pro Wrestling Revisited

2011-12-09T08:22:00.001-08:00

Saturday December 3rd, 2011 - Waukesha, WI

I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for old school professional wrestling. I loved the showmanship of it as a kid, and when I found out it was prearranged I loved it even more. It’s live theatre, and growing up in Milwaukee I got to see some of the best to ever put on a pair of tights. It was a golden era, and the American Wrestling Association was king.

There was Nick Bockwinkel, Mad Dog Vachon, Baron Von Raschke, Black Jack Lanza and of course the king of the ring himself - Milwaukee’s own ’The Crusher’. I used to go see the matches live with my best friend Timbo, and we were hooked. The wrestling term for that is a ‘mark’, which comes from a carnival process of chalk marking scam targets.

Times have changed dramatically and so has the wrestling business, but tonight I got to revisit a unique page in my personal history. I used to be a ring announcer for a wrestling organization based in Milwaukee, and I eventually bought the ring and ran shows myself.

The first show I was in charge of was at the Waukesha Expo, a nice little building with a lot going for it except one thing - location. People had a hard time finding it if they had to come in from Milwaukee, which was where I tried to get them to drive in from. I put a lot of time and energy into promoting that first show, and we ended up doing pretty well.

To this day, it was THE most satisfying feeling of accomplishment I’ve ever felt. At the end of that night, I flopped into my bed totally exhausted. I gave all I had, and it was a big learning experience all around. A lot of things went wrong, but a lot of others went right.

That first show was in October of 1992 and I called it ‘Fall Brawl ‘92’. I printed posters and tickets and my friend Mike Moran (better known as ‘The Texas Hangman‘) served as the booker for the actual wrestling itself. We were a team, and we both gave it all we had to make sure we put out the best product possible. A lot of things have to come together.

We drew around 900 people, which just about broke us even for the night. I wasn’t able to put the time and energy I needed into doing it full time, as I had to earn my living - just like I do now almost 20 years later. I was in the right place, but it was the wrong time. I’m glad I tried it, but I was several years too early. The market hadn’t caught up to it just yet.

The guy who does it now is named Dave Herro, and he does a fabulous job. He booked a show tonight called ‘Blizzard Brawl’, and I drove up to see my old friend The Hangman along with a few more of the boys that wrestled for me back in ‘92. They’re still doing it.

Dave brought in some old school names like Mean Gene Okerlund and Superfly Jimmy Snuka to make appearances, and that’s exactly the kind of thing I would have done. They had a receptive crowd at the Expo, and the matches brought back memories of Fall Brawl.

Mike lives in Florida now, and appraises houses. Most of the guys who worked for me have moved on as well. But for one night, I got to go back in time and be a mark again.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Virus Vulnerability

2011-12-08T09:28:00.001-08:00

Friday December 2nd, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

Just my luck. I’d been working steadily for the past few months to update my computer files in preparation for next year, and intended to back myself up yesterday December 1st. I’d spent dozens of hours getting everything updated, and I thought I’d done a fine job.

Wouldn’t you know it, yesterday was the day I managed to download a virus and it was all over but the weeping. BOOM - out went the lights. I saw my professional life flash in front of me as my screen went crazy right in front of my eyes, and it left a sinking feeling.

What slaves to technology we all are. I’ve had this happen before, and it’s been nothing but pure torture of the cruel and unusual kind. My whole life is inside that little box, but I can’t access any of it because some socially inept evil genius in Guam decided it might be fun to create a program that frustrates the hell out of strangers halfway around the world.

Do people actually get pleasure out of knowing they’ve caused major inconvenience for someone else they don’t even know? That wouldn’t give me pleasure. If I’m going to be a pest, I want it to have a purpose. I’ve got a long list of weenies I wouldn’t mind annoying, but it doesn’t include perfect strangers. This is an epic hassle of enormous proportions.

It’s not like I was downloading farm animal porn, or anything like that. I had received a legit looking email saying I had a package waiting for me that wasn’t able to be delivered to my post office box. Well, I have a post office box and I had been expecting a package.

I fell for the gag, and when I opened it I knew I’d been stung. My anti-virus protection put a warning on the screen, but apparently it was too late by then. Everything went crazy and then everything went dark. I tried everything I knew, which isn’t much more than lots of yelling and smacking, and took it over to my friend Shelley who has helped me before.

She and her husband Bob are very sharp when it comes to computers, and they’ve been very kind to help me on several occasions. Usually, one of them can figure it out but this time they were both stumped. I could tell by the looks on their faces this one was serious.

Now I’m really screwed. Potentially. I did back myself up a few months ago, so I will at least be able to get some of my files back. But all that hard work I’ve put in these last few weeks will be totally wasted, and there’s no way I can duplicate it from memory alone.

On the bright side, I did purchase a spare iMac computer from my friend Dave Rudolf a while back. He upgraded his system because he records music, but the one he sold me has more computer than I’ll ever need. All I need is a place to store my creative work safely.

I’m not the sharpest when it comes to figuring out computers as a whole, and I’ll freely admit it. I started on a PC, so that’s what I know - virus glitches and all. Everyone I know who has a Mac loves it, and they’ve all told me I’ll never go back to PC once I get myself comfortable on a Mac. I won’t be comfortable at all until I’m able to get my data back.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

A Senior Moment

2011-12-08T08:16:00.001-08:00

Thursday December 1st, 2011 - Chicago, IL

Oh no, it’s starting. It may be in the early stages, but it’s definitely starting. I’m talking of course about that frightening foray into old age. Good bye partying, hello pudding. I’m a whole lot closer to Social Security than social networking. The calendar is catching up.

The hard harsh reality of it all hit me square in the face tonight as I was performing for a 50 and over ‘active seniors’ group for their annual Christmas party. It was refreshing to hear it called a Christmas party and not have to quiver in fear with political correctness as is usually the case with everything these days. Nobody was offended, everybody had fun.

I got the gig through a referral, and when I got the call I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I’m usually the one most bookers call whenever a non traditional situation arises, as I can usually find a way to pull off a show. In a way it’s a compliment, but it can also be a very difficult challenge at times. Comedy is hard enough even under ‘normal’ circumstances.

This show could have gone either way, but the lady in charge was very friendly and said they were a ‘lively group‘. That term could infer anything from ‘they enjoy dancing’ to ‘a few are still breathing on their own’. Still, it was a paid gig on a week night so I said yes.

I hedged my bet a little by bringing Bill Gorgo along with me. He has a few years on me and his style is a lot more laid back than mine. Experience told me he’d be the perfect one for that slot, and I was right. He did a fantastic job, and the show turned out to be a blast.

Unfortunately, the lady in charge didn’t realize we might need a microphone and/or any kind of lighting for the stage area. Or, a stage area at all for that matter. We were taken to a cafeteria style meeting room where the audience was, and they were finishing up dinner as Bill and I walked in. We looked at each other, knowing we were in for a big challenge.

There were about 80 people, and thankfully they were all sitting close together. Bill and I knew we had to grab their attention right away, speak extra loud and be animated so we could overcome a lack of having no sound and lights. This was not a job for an amateur.

I started the show and got their attention. I asked some questions and got them focused on the fact this was indeed a live comedy show, even though I was standing in front of a buffet table hoping I wouldn’t brush my butt against a tray of lasagna. Vegas, it wasn’t.

Bill went up and did a masterful job of storytelling, and got them on his side. They were a fantastic audience, and they loved him. I was a little apprehensive having to follow such a solid set, but they loved me too. I used every one of my years of stage experience to get the most I could out of them, and we ended up doing longer time than we were hired for.

THIS is the kind of show that requires a true professional. No sound system. No lights. No prior knowledge on the audience’s part there would be a comedy show. We surprised not only them, but ourselves. The pay wasn’t much, but we sure earned every penny of it.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Money Manglement

2011-12-07T22:41:00.001-08:00

Wednesday November 30th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

Money is tighter than Dolly Parton’s bra in my world these days, and a major reason for it is a direct result of my complete lack of discipline when it comes to all things financial. When I’ve got money, I’m more likely to help others with it than spend it on myself like a drunken sailor. When I don’t, I always assume I’ll be able to get it again when I need it.

That’s not smart business, and I either have to change the way I handle money or resign myself to the fact I’m going to be squeaking by the rest of my life. It’s not working to my satisfaction, so I guess I need a change. Living like a cockroach is no longer an adventure.

Sometimes I’ve been very good at keeping my expenses low, but other times I’ve blown my entire savings wad on rock solid ‘investments’ like ‘classic’ (translate: rattle trap) cars or ‘collectible’ (translate: unsellable ) trinkets. If I was on “American Pickers“, I couldn’t pick my own ass out of a police lineup with a full length mirror and an instruction book.

I have to face the harsh reality I’m not a natural when it comes to slick sales and turning a quick buck. If a car leaks oil, I don’t feel right not telling the person looking at it there’s a potential problem. I know it’s not smart business, but my conscience forces me do it.

I don’t want to screw people over, because I know how rotten it feels to be the one who gets the screwing. I know that feeling all too well, and it isn’t fun. I never thought anyone had to get screwed over, but life isn’t that kind. The Golden Rule is ignored by too many.

The real key is to have a stash of cash to be used as insulation against having to do what isn’t pleasant. Having money means having freedom of choice, and I’ve become addicted to that freedom. I’ve never been a good employee or ass kisser, but I’m dangerously close to having to start going in that direction and I don’t like it. I need some scratch, but quick.

An especially painful frustration is the mistake I’ve made by loaning money to people I assumed would pay me back. I know it’s not smart to lend money to ‘friends’, but I have a heart and I thought it was the right thing to do. I regret it now, and I wish I had it back.

There’s a Chicago comic who begged me for a spare car I had a few years ago. I bought it at the Waukegan Auto Auction and he told me wanted it for his son. I was a naive idiot, and let him have it on the promise he’d pay me in full ‘in a few months’. I’m still waiting.

It’s to the point now, I’ve made the plea so many times nobody seems to hear it. I tried to be nice about it, but nice never works. I tried being nasty too, and then I’m the bad guy. The bastard has money to buy dope every week, but he won’t pay me back what he owes.

There’s another deadbeat weasel comic that I made the mistake of giving another of my auction specials to on credit that scorched me even worse. He was estranged from his son in Texas, and was going to surprise him with a car for his sixteenth birthday. Again, I had a soft spot in my heart and wanted the kid to have the car and his dad to have the moment.

If my mother would have brought me a car on my sixteenth birthday, I might have had a different and better opinion of her. I know what it’s like to be estranged from a parent and I knew it was a risk but the guy swore he’d pay me “in full, before the end of the year.”

Right. I’ve lost track of the exact time, but I’m sure it’s probably at least five years now and I’m still waiting for my first payment. Then, to add insult to injury I heard the kid had an accident the first week he had the car and totaled it. It was a super clean 1988 Mercury Cougar with only 50,000 miles on it. It was an older car, but kept in immaculate shape.

The first one was a cherry too. It was a mid ‘90s Geo Storm, but it ran great and I got it at a steal price - $1000. I paid $1500 for the Cougar, and all I asked the other guys for was to give me what I paid for each car. I could have tried for a profit, but I wanted to be nice and try to treat them like I’d like to be treated. I tried to act like a friend, and got burned.

I have to believe if the tables were turned and I owed them that much money, they both would call out the National Guard or whatever it took to get their money back. I was a big dumb stooge and tried to be a gentleman about it. Now, it all just makes me want to puke.

If I saw either of them, I’d have all I could do to refrain from picking up a golf club and teeing off on their pumpkin heads. It was my fault to do those deals in the first place, but I really don’t appreciate being disrespected like that. I could use the $2500 right about now.

What recourse do I have with either of these two oil cans? Legally, none. I didn’t have a contract drawn up, or anything like that. We had a handshake deal, like I thought that men who are honorable do. I lived up to my part of the bargain, but got bitten by two snakes.

Another big time craw sticker is money I’m still owed for comedy shows I’ve done way in the past. I can think of several instances where there’s been trouble with a rubber check or ‘miscommunication’ between booker and scummy club maggot, and I end up having to eat the difference. In twenty-five plus years, I’d say the grand total comes to about $3000.

Maybe that’s low considering all my years in the business but again, it sure would come in handy to have that cabbage in my pocket now. I suppose I could have fought for it a lot harder, but what I did fight for made me look like a maniac and I never did retrieve it all.

Had I put that money away, I’d have that cushion. I did have one, but my hospital stint this summer wiped out any savings I had because I needed it all to survive. I took time off to recover. That money is gone, and here I sit as the cold of winter sets in - all tapped out.

I need to be a constant saver, even if it’s only a little each month. We all do. Say all I’m able to do is $100. I’ve been working for right around 30 years now and $100 a month for 30 years adds up to $36.000 - not counting interest. I don’t have $3600 right now, and it’s not a good feeling. There are no excuses, but there are several reasons. None of them hide the fact that most of it is my fault, and I need to do better starting right now. I know I sure won’t be selling any used cars to anyone on credit in the near future, so please don’t ask.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Now THAT'S Music

2011-12-07T20:34:00.001-08:00

Tuesday November 29th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

The ongoing mammoth task continues of sifting through all my worldly possessions and weeding out what isn’t absolutely necessary to sustain my human existence. I’ve managed to at least put a noticeable dent in the total amount, and sort most of it into smaller piles.

Today’s pile was my music collection. I’ve got way too much, and it includes both CDs and cassettes. Believe it or not. I have a huge pile of cassettes, probably into the hundreds. I change cars often, and some of them still have cassette players in them. Plus, they’re an outstanding value. I can pick them up all day dirt cheap at garage sales and thrift stores.

And, that doesn’t include all my self help and motivational programs. Most of those are on cassette as well, and they’re also available for next to nothing. When I’m on the road it helps pass the time to pop in a music cassette followed by one of spoken word. It’s a good system, and it meets my needs. I know I should have it all on an MP3 player, but I don’t.

I’m sure I’ll get there eventually - probably when that’s no longer the latest and greatest. There will probably be live holographic 3-D performances right on the dashboard, but I’ll deal with that when the time comes. For now, my standards are low and I like it that way.

As I sorted through my collection, I ran across some of my all time favorites. They used to be called ‘albums’, a word anyone under 30 will wrinkle their brow at me for using just like I used to do when my grandparents would use the word ‘Victrola’. I feel like a fossil.

I guess I am. But there are a whole generation of others who know exactly what I mean, and I thought about how rare it is to put together a music album that can be listened to all the way through. It’s not as common as one thinks, and I can only think of a precious few.

Of famous albums, I happen to think Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ is absolutely brilliant. I like every song on it, and they all flow well together in my opinion. I don’t have to skip any songs, and I can pop it in either on cassette or CD and just enjoy it all. That‘s a treat.

Other people have their favorites, and that’s fine. Most albums have at least one or two duds, and that doesn’t mean it’s a bad album. I’m just saying it’s rare when every song on a particular album is on the same level as the rest, and it can be played as a single entity.

I’ve discovered a few in my day, and most of them are pretty obscure. There aren’t a lot of hits, if any, but as a body of work it all comes together and is something I really like to listen to from start to finish. Here are a few that I rediscovered today during my sorting:

‘Aliens Ate My Buick’ by Thomas Dolby, ‘The Flag’ by Rick James, ‘What Up Dog?’ by Was (Not Was), ‘Wishes’ by Jon Butcher, ’She’s Strange’ by Cameo, ‘You Shouldn’t ‘Nuf Bit Fish’ by George Clinton and Elton John’s ‘Madman Across The Water’. They’re all gems in my opinion, and I can listen to them over and over again. And I will. The kids of today wouldn’t appreciate a good album, but I sure do. Hey you kids - get off my lawn.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Apology And Acknowledgement

2011-12-06T07:15:00.001-08:00

Monday November 28th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

I’m sliding right back into that positive place in my head I was in, and I like it. I took a direct hit to my weakest point, and I admit it laid me out for a few days. I did get scolded by several of those closest to me for scaring them, and I sincerely apologize for doing it.

I often forget that real live human beings actually read my daily diatribes, but that’s not who I’m writing it for in my head. I write this for me - at least for now. It gives me a real sense of accomplishment every day and its been a tremendous discipline for several years.

I lay out my thoughts and feelings without really thinking of who may see it. The people I do frequently nod to in the back of my mind are aspiring comedians coming up the ranks who might be able to use my experiences to help with their own struggles. This is a nasty business, especially in the beginning. I always try to help those who came along after me.

It’s to the point now, I get constant feedback from all kinds of people about my writings and I have to say the majority of it is quite supportive. There are a few who won’t mind if I surpass the surly bounds of earth, but that goes with the territory. At least I put a dent of my own in someone else’s can enough to have them write and tell me they hope I croak.

Whatever. That’s their right, just as I feel it’s my right to go off on any tangents I want at any time I want. I try to keep it positive as much as I can, because I try to be positive as much as I can. However, some days life just isn’t a steady diet of Hershey bars and Archie comics and I document how I feel - warts and all. To say I’m crazy is a waste of breath.

I know that, and I don’t deny it. I’ve said it before, all creative and/or interesting people have a nut bag side. I’m no different, and I don’t hide it. I’m out there slugging it out with seven billion other dented cans, some of us wackier than others. In case you haven’t taken a peek around your world lately, life is not that easy and getting more difficult by the day.

I’m dealing with the daily dung the best way I can. Sometimes I step directly in it, and if that happens all bets are off. I’d love to report happy thoughts every day but that’s just not how it goes. Still, I need to watch myself and try to be more aware that I do have readers.

I want to make this interesting for me, so hopefully those who do take time to read it get at least some entertainment from it. I’ve had quite a few people tell me they’re living their big showbiz dreams through me, even though it scares me to be under that much pressure.

It’s hard enough to make it through each day myself without having others watching me from afar, armchair quarterbacking. I do appreciate it greatly when someone takes time to send a personal note though - even if they do think I’m a dead dog’s dingle berry. It‘s ok.

Whenever you are reading this, I hope you grow greatly from my goofs and use them as inspiration to improve your own life. I’m just a squirrel, searching for a nut. No - actually, I’m a nut searching for a life. Hopefully, my journey can be a road map for someone else.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

The Marketing Switch Is On

2011-11-29T00:04:00.001-08:00

Sunday November 27th, 2011 - Kenosha, WI

Marketing, marketing and more marketing. That has to be my focus if I’m going to have more than a donut’s chance at a fat farm of finding financial and/or creative freedom. I’ve slugged it out way too hard for way too long in life to still be a no name ham and egger.

If I want different and better results, and I absolutely do, I’ll have to apply different and better tactics and strategies than the ones I’ve been using all this time. They’re not getting me where I want to go, and I flat out will not accept that. I have much higher standards.

It’s time to take an honest look at where I am, why I’m there, and what I can do to move to where I want to be. I’m glad I bottomed out with that benefit show last weekend, as it’s forcing a radical change in me just as my diabetes diagnosis sparked a complete change in my diet and exercise habits. The fire is lit, and I can’t go back. I’m SO sick of struggling.

I’ve paid my dues and put in my time, and I’m not happy with having to struggle to pay my bills every month. Nobody knows who I am, and that’s hurting my business. I need to develop a core of fans who come out to see ME. Period. It doesn’t matter who the ‘me’ is.

It could be Dobie Maxwell, the standup comic. It could be ‘Mr. Lucky’, an exaggeration of me put forth as a comedic caricature. That could be manifested as a live comedian or in a comic strip, or both. It could be ‘The King of Uranus’, a completely made up character.

Who or what really isn’t important, it’s cultivating that draw. I need a significant group of fans that I can service by providing entertainment they want to see. I need to enter into a segment of public awareness that attracts people to sample what I do so I can hopefully get them to buy the concept I’m selling and make me a solid revenue generating entity.

This has nothing to do with art, or anything that resembles art. I’ve tried that, and it isn’t working. The public doesn’t know what’s good, and I doubt if they ever did. They won’t put out good money for something they haven’t heard of, and I guess I can’t blame them.

Some people would say I’m selling out. Those people would be correct. Year after year of hoping someone will ‘discover’ me and ‘make me a star’ has taken a significant toll on my psyche. It’s not going to happen, and if I want to make any real money I need to put a marketing plan together and find a way to execute it. I’m now in show business. Finally.

I don’t have an answer as to what I’ve been in until now. Maybe it was a quarter century of spring training. Maybe it was fantasy camp. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t a show business career. I’ve had a job, but it’s never been a career. This all has to change. Today.

No longer am I going to piss and moan about the past. It’s over, and I did what I did. It wasn’t all bad, and in fact a lot of it was very good, it just hasn’t allowed me to end up at a point I’d like to be. I guess I didn’t really have a crystal clear picture in my mind of the results I wanted, but I know it wasn’t this. I’m going to shift gears and reset my course.

I know I’m not the first entertainer to do this, and I won’t be the last. I’ve heard all sorts of stories of other people who have decided to be commercial and done it. One of the best examples is George Wagner, who transformed himself by becoming ‘Gorgeous George’.

He revolutionized professional wrestling, and was a national sensation in the 1950s. He wasn’t particularly big or muscular, he was just a journeyman worker - much like I am. If he wouldn’t have taken the chance and rolled the dice, nobody would know of him today.

His notoriety had NOTHING to do with his ability to wrestle. Well, maybe a little, as he had to have some level of competence to make a living at it. But there were a lot of others struggling along exactly like he was. He used showmanship to break away from the pack.

Kiss is the ultimate example in music. They took my generation by storm. I tried to like them, but to me their music was so horrible I never could. I thought they were spectacular showmen and I still do, but their music stinks worse than ever in my opinion. Does what I think matter? Hardly. Zillions of their rabid fans worldwide have made them filthy rich.

Their music doesn’t matter, it’s the total package. They took a little from Alice Cooper, and a little from the glam rock scene in the early ‘70s and shaped their own identity out of it all. They sold it extremely well, and there were more than enough buyers who ate it up.

Just because I’m not a fan of someone’s product doesn’t mean I’m not a fan of them as marketers and entrepreneurs. I recently bought a video documentary of Kiss’s comeback tour in 1998 on DVD called ‘The Second Coming’. I watched it today and I was riveted.

Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley might not be setting the world on fire being musicians, but they’re as brilliant of marketers as I’ve ever seen. Their customer service skills are up there with anyone, and I learned by watching them work. They listen to their fan base, and give them exactly what they want. They’re also magnificent merchandisers. It’s a brand.

Gene Simmons said they wanted to be “The band we never saw or heard on stage,” and that really resonated with me. They wanted every part of their show to please the fans that paid to see them, and how smart was that? Why please the peers? They don’t buy tickets.

I don’t care if their music stinks, I’d still go see them in a heartbeat now. I’m not sure if they’re even touring anymore, but I seem to recall them doing a ‘farewell tour’ more than a few times. Brett Favre came back less times than Kiss, but so what? Their fans love it.

I want fans that love what I do too. I want to sell out top venues and have people line up to see me and go crazy when I walk out on stage. I want to give them a fantastic show and exceed their expectations, then I want to personally thank them as they purchase products.

I was and am a fan of a lot of people, and I want to have a chance to have group of fans of my own. Gorgeous George did it. So did Kiss. So did a lot of others. Now it’s my turn. What’s the gimmick that will make this happen? I’m not sure yet, but I’m going to find it.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Nothing Personal

2011-11-27T10:43:00.001-08:00

Saturday November 26th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

If there’s one thing I’ve been able to do successfully in life, it’s absorb large amounts of punishment. I challenge anyone to find another guy alive who has taken more direct shots than me without becoming a raging boozer, addict or go off on a six state shooting spree.

That doesn’t mean I claim to be better than anyone. I absolutely don’t. All I’m saying is, I’ve taken my share of lumps and then some. It can get very frustrating, and I tend to let it rip when it comes to venting. Too few ever tell it like it is. I call life as I see it. Why not?

I’m not always right, but many times I am. When I’m right I don’t have to rub it in, and when I make a mistake I have the balls and intelligence to admit it. That’s another thing I see far too few do. It’s not easy to admit when one is wrong, but I find it very liberating.

I am a seeker of truth. It can be unpleasant at times, but I’d rather face that than wallow in a delusional fantasy world not based in reality. It’s easy to point a finger, but when the problem lives in the mirror it’s a lot more personal. Facts are facts, and if I’m at fault I’d rather admit it quickly and openly and get to what needs fixing. Ego needs to be set aside.

The fact is, I made a mistake to take the low turnout of my benefit show last Saturday as personally as I did. I thought people cared about helping causes as much as I do, but that’s just not true unfortunately. I also thought I could depend on those who said they’d attend, but that was wrong too. I’m not the only one who has made this mistake, and life goes on.

So, what now? As difficult to digest as it may be, I need to put it all behind me without bitterness and press on. In the future, I need to not take anything personally at any time - a daunting challenge when it all falls apart. The truth is, we all choose how we react to life.

There are a lot more people way more disappointed than me who take things a lot more personally than I ever did who never learn to let any of it go. I’ve been hit so many times, I can’t hold on anymore. It’s like being on a ship in a hurricane - being angry at one wave won’t do any good. There are plenty more right behind it waiting to inflict more damage.

I’ve been down before, and I’ve come back before. Nothing is new, except details of the situation. This last ordeal wasn’t my worst by far, but it did catch me by surprise. I was on a big time roll, and hit a speed bump dead on at full speed. I admit, it rocked my world.

I’m better now, and even though it didn’t please me to witness, sparse attendance at the Will Durst show last night let me know I’m not alone. He’s paid more dues and been at it far longer than I have, and he still can’t fill a larger venue. No offense to Will in the least.

The truth is, the general public doesn’t love live standup comedy as much as comedians do. Fact. Nothing personal. Another issue is ineffective marketing. If people don’t realize it’s there, how can they judge if it’s good or bad? It has nothing to do with anything other than becoming a master marketer, which I need to do or I’m out of business. Soon. Fact.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Will Durst Was First

2011-11-27T01:59:00.001-08:00

Friday November 25th, 2011 - Milwaukee, WI

No comedy work this weekend, but I’m not upset. I could use the money, but I’ll take a chance to relax a little and recharge my batteries. I’ve been off my game lately and feeling pretty frazzled. It’s part of the ups and downs of being an entertainer, and life in general.

The entertainment business is really changing, as is life in general. It was difficult in the past, but now it’s really tough to squeeze out a respectable living. There are no rules these days. Nothing is special anymore, and people can see everything for free on the internet.

Getting a significant number of strangers in a room for any reason is getting to be nearly impossible, and that’s a real problem. Everyone is going in every direction, and who has a clue how to reach them all? Buying ads on radio, TV or newspapers used to be the way to do it. Now, there’s not enough bang for the buck in that. Niche marketing is the new king.

Will Durst is a perfect example. I’ve always liked and respected Will, one of a very tiny handful of comedians who has carved out a niche as a political satirist. It’s hard enough to do comedy full time, but what he does is even harder. That’s why I respect him so much.

Not only are audiences getting dumber by the minute, they don’t keep up with news and current events like they used to. Everyone used to watch Walter Cronkite or read the same newspapers, but it’s a whole new ballgame now. Finding common ground is a challenge.

Will is one of my comedy heroes for several reasons. He’s from Milwaukee, but moved to San Francisco years ago. I remember seeing an article about him before I ever started in comedy, and it intrigued me that there was the possibility to earn a living by telling jokes.

I’ve gotten to know Will personally over the years, and really learned a lot both onstage and off. He’s smart, hip, funny and a total pro. Watching him work has always been a fun way to learn, both about comedy and what’s going on in the news. He never disappoints.

Although he’s been on national television through the years, I never thought Will Durst has gotten his due. I hate to say it, but I think he’s too smart - at least for the masses. I’ve never understood why he doesn’t have his own show like a John Stewart, who’s also very talented in my opinion. Not many comedians can pull off smart, funny AND be current.

I drove up to Milwaukee tonight to watch Will perform at some pizza joint on the south side, traditionally not the hippest part of town. The words ‘hip’ and ‘Milwaukee’ usually aren’t used in the same sentence, much like ‘Cubs’ and ‘champions’. They’re opposites.

Will likes to come home for Thanksgiving every year, and likes to work if he can. I can relate to that, and in my opinion he should be able to name a venue and it should sell out in advance. He used to work the various comedy clubs, but most of them were too stupid or greedy to build him into the draw he could and should be. That, or the joint has closed. Comedy clubs in Milwaukee have always been inferior and run poorly, and they still are.

That’s a shame, but the Milwaukee comedians of every generation have had to swallow hard and get used to it. We’re the bastard children of the national comedy scene, and it’s a total embarrassment. Any talent that starts in Milwaukee has to leave to earn their stripes.

I used to think it was just me, but it totally isn’t. I’ve heard entertainers of all genres say what a tough nut Milwaukee is to crack, and they’re right. It’s known for cheapness of the venues and tightness of the audiences, but those of us from there didn’t have any choice.

That’s where we were born, and that’s where we started. Durst saw it first, then I came along. We both chose to leave, but have survived quite nicely. Frank Caliendo is another example. Both Frank and Will are from Waukesha, which is even smaller, but we all had to leave home to find our way. And, we’ve all clashed with the local clubs in our time.

Club owners have never been known for being kind hearted benevolent souls, but there have been an especially nasty bunch of collective slime who have slithered into existence on the Milwaukee scene. I’ve said it before, and it’s true - the ones with money never had brains, and the ones with brains never had money. It’s been decades of deep dysfunction.

Most Milwaukee comedians feel like neglected children of a bad divorce, and we don’t have anyone who understands what we’ve been through other than each other. Will Durst should be celebrated for his remarkable accomplishments, and treated as a local celebrity.

But he isn’t. Especially not by the comedy clubs. None of us have ever been treated like anything other than low rent whores who will work for peanuts and can be exploited over and over without consequence. If one of us happened to lip off, some new meat would be there and the abuse cycle perpetuated. It’s like that other places, but not like Milwaukee.

There’s always been a particularly rotten situation there, and those of us who have been exposed to it have a callous around our soul from the abuse we’ve taken. We always think we’re going to be the one who will rise above it, but it never happens. All of us get stung.

All we ever wanted was to make people laugh and have a place to come home to. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is, so we’ve just learned to go around the maggot bastards who have run their clubs into the ground and try to book our own shows. It’s the only way to get any kind of relief from the insanity, but it also opens up a whole new can of worms.

Now it’s back to the issue of putting fannies in seats. Not easy to do, but I’d rather work for myself at this point than associate with the club scene. I’ve been scorched enough, and most other locals on all levels feel the same way. Milwaukee just isn’t a comedy hotbed.

Richard Halasz is a Milwaukee comedian who still lives there and promotes shows on a semi regular basis. He and Will are friends, and Richard has booked Thanksgiving shows for several years out of necessity because the clubs won’t do it. He works extremely hard to promote the shows, but the turnout tonight was not many more than I had for the show I did last Saturday. Will was hilarious, as usual. I wish more people were there to enjoy it.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Grateful Or Dead

2011-11-24T22:17:00.001-08:00

Thursday November 24th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

I always consider every day to be Thanksgiving, and I mean it. With all the insanity I’ve endured, it’s truly a miracle that I’m still breathing. I should have been dead several times over by now, but even with all the bad breaks I’ve caught I still have had a hell of a run.

My disappointments are many, but I’ve still had enough spectacular moments wrapped up in all the bad times to at least keep it interesting. It could have gone better, but it could have gone a lot worse too. Every day is bonus time, and it’s up to me to write my ending.

I’m trying my best to live a productive life, but I’m not even close to where I think I can be and it’s really bothering me. I’m struggling with things that seem so unnecessary to me like keeping my bills paid and organizing my time that what’s truly important gets lost in the shuffle. I want to squeeze the most out of my potential, not squeak out a meager life.

Something’s wrong with this planet, and I don’t like the way things are going. Evil and stupidity seem to be growing like weeds and thriving, while kindness and knowledge are getting trampled on the floor. Has it always been this way, or am I just noticing it more?

Whatever the case, I’m noticing big time and it scares me. Is this the only planet where this is how life works, or is the whole universe tainted with insanity? I sure hope not, and if there is reincarnation I want to go on record and say I don’t want to come back here.

Too late for now though. I am here, and whatever amount of time I have left is growing shorter by the day. It’s up to me to make the most of that time, however long it is. I’m not guaranteed anything, and that’s actually fine with me. If I die tomorrow, I accept my fate.

What I refuse to accept is not giving my all, and being honest I don’t think I ever have. I have had to survive and live like a cockroach for so long it’s taken away a chance to focus on creative projects so I can not only really live but also make other people’s lives better.

What if I could have written and starred in movies like Charlie Chaplin or had the radio show I always dreamed of that would entertain people? That would have been a win/win for everyone, but for whatever reason it didn’t happen. I was close in radio, but the stars didn’t get totally aligned so here I sit wondering how I’m going to pay rent next month.

Still, I’m thankful for the good things I have - especially the non material things. Actual possessions mean less and less as I get older, but things like teaching comedy classes and hanging out with good people mean more and more. I would love to have a family to call my own, but that doesn’t look like it will ever happen. Maybe it’s not my lesson to learn.

What I’m feeling inside is a need to show more kindness. Life may not have dealt me a great hand, but it’s the only one I have and I have to play it. I want to leave this place and know I gave it my best shot. I can use significant improvement, and I hope I can leave this wacky planet better than I found it. That shouldn’t be too hard - this place is a nut house.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Thank You Tim Cuprisin

2011-11-24T20:55:00.001-08:00

Wednesday November 23rd, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

I was stunned and saddened to hear of the untimely passing of Tim Cuprisin today. Tim wrote a column about local media in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel for years, and would always give me a generous plug whenever I had any radio career developments to report.

I’m not going to lie and say we were close personal friends, but the few times I did meet him in person he was very friendly and I enjoyed interacting with him. He was intelligent, and interested in learning about the comedy business. My memories of him are pleasant.

He was only 53 years old, which is way to young to die in my opinion. Apparently, he’d been sick for quite some time and I had no idea. The last I’d heard he’d moved on to a job at www.onmilwaukee.com after taking a buyout from the Journal Sentinel. He’s isn’t the only newspaper person to move on in recent times, and I was glad to see he’d found a gig.

I was always grateful for the mentions in his column, and I made it a point to thank him whenever he did it. I offered him tickets to a show whenever he wanted, but he told me he couldn’t accept because it would be a conflict of interest since he was a reporter. I wasn’t trying to do anything but say thanks, but I respected him even more for being so ethical.

I’m glad I took the time to thank him, because at least I got to let him know how much I appreciated his kindness. Nobody ever thinks it’s going to be the last time there’ll be any contact with a particular person, and there are meaningful feelings left unsaid. Too late.

Sometimes it’s something profound. Sometimes it’s something simple but emotionally powerful like “I love you.” Sometimes it’s something simple like “Thank you.” Too many people take it for granted that another person knows what the first person is feeling. It has to be said or written, and it has to be done while the person is alive or it‘s wasted energy.

How many times has someone died unexpectedly, and the first thing the living think of is the very last encounter they had? Was it positive? Was there an argument? Whatever it was, that was the last chance there was in this lifetime to communicate with that person.

I was on good terms with Tim Cuprisin, but that doesn’t mean I’m not sorry I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. I feel badly he was so sick, and sure hope his pain was minimal. I had only pleasant memories and a positive opinion of him, but he won’t get a chance to know that now, and that doesn’t seem fair to me. Why does it take death to bring this out?

Duane Gay was another Milwaukee media person I knew, although not that well. We’d gone to a couple of Brewers games with our mutual friend Mark Shilobrit, and he was an unbelievably nice guy. When I heard he passed from cancer, I had the same exact feeling.

We shared some laughs at a ballgame, but weren’t close friends. Still, it ripped my heart out to hear he died so young and in so much pain. The same with Tim Cuprisin. It hurts to hear of this, and I send all good vibes to his family and friends. I wish this life was fair.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Remembering Rodney

2011-11-23T05:49:00.001-08:00

Tuesday November 22nd, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

Born on this date in 1921 was my absolute favorite standup comedian of all time, Jacob Cohen. Most people don’t know him by that name, as he later changed it to Jack Roy - his legal name at the time of his passing in 2004. His stage name was Rodney Dangerfield, an American icon and in my opinion the best comedy technician ever. Rodney was the king.

I never get sick of studying Rodney’s body of work. He had it all - a great look, rhythm, excellent jokes and one of if not the best hook lines of all time “I get no respect.” Rodney had style, and after many years of struggle it resonated loudly with the American public.

Rodney was a huge hit with my generation from his appearance in the film Caddyshack, and also from his many appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. He had a strong following in my circle of friends growing up, and I was as big a fan as any of them.

I remember buying his album titled ‘No Respect’ when I was in high school and playing it over and over, both for myself and my friends, and laughing each time. I’ll still pull out the CD version every once in a while and it still makes me laugh out loud. It’s a classic.

Rodney had a huge career, one of the biggest of the 20th century, but he sure did have to struggle to get there. He started early like I did, then quit for several years to sell siding so he could feed his family, and then got back into it and his star eventually rose. He plugged and slugged and hung in there for years, and I’m sure he had doubts as to if he’d ever hit.

When he did, he exploded. His appearance in Caddyshack was a home run, and people I know still quote his lines in it to this day. I was at a friend’s house a few months ago for a football game, and there were about ten guys there around my age. During a commercial he popped in Caddyshack, and we all giggled like school girls at Rodney all over again.

My career has paralleled Rodney’s in many ways, except for the pesky success part. My natural rhythm is similar to Rodney’s, but I didn’t consciously do it. Yes, I listened to his album as a kid, but I listened to every comedy album I could find and I’m nothing like the majority of those people. Rodney and I are from similar pedigree, just like musicians are.

Comedians have pedigree too, and I teach it in my classes. Robin Wiliams’ style is from Jonathan Winters. Jim Carrey’s style is from Jerry Lewis. Johnny Carson came from Jack Benny. They don’t do each other’s jokes, but their bloodlines intersect. I’m from Rodney.

When I first heard that, it made me cringe. I wasn’t trying to steal from Rodney, even if I was a huge fan. I wanted to be me, but people often pointed out that I reminded them of Rodney and they still do. I’ve now learned to embrace it, as it’s a fantastic compliment.

I popped in some DVDs of Rodney today and laughed all over again. He’s still the king in my opinion, and always will be. Getting to meet him was a major thrill in my life, and I should be so lucky as to have somebody still laughing at my jokes 90 years after my birth.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Hoping For Hope

2011-11-22T05:27:00.001-08:00

Monday November 21st, 2011 - Chicago, IL

Well, I sure didn’t expect my morale and self esteem to dip down this low this quickly - and stay there for this long. I’ve had disappointments before, in fact a lifetime jam packed with them, but this particular setback sent me over the edge for some reason. I’m a mess.

It snapped something deep inside, and I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what that is. I thought I had a magnificent mojo and a tremendous groove for the last few months, and I did - probably my best ever, but this came out of nowhere and kicked me in the crotch.

It wasn’t just the fact that a bunch of people I thought were friends let me down. It goes deeper than that. I admit I have abandonment issues, and this rattled my cage in the worst way. Whatever tweak I have deep inside took a direct hit, and now there are aftershocks.

My mother left when I was a baby, and I’ve tried to deal with that my whole life and not let it get me down. For the most part I think I’ve dealt with it as well as anyone can, but in times like this I don’t know how to handle it. I always wondered what family life could be like if we’d have had a chance to at least know our mother, even if she didn’t live with us.

I’m sure it has to affect my brother and sister too as they’re older, but we haven’t talked in years so I have no idea how they feel. I’ve tried to make peace with them several times, but they want no part of it or me so here I sit with all this pent up garbage festering inside.

I’ve tried to ignore it, avoid it, work around it, but it’s still there. I remain that hurt little boy wondering where mommy went and why daddy is such a screaming meany and why I have to live with Grandma and Gramps while everyone else lives on together without me.

That’s the essence of the dent in my can, and even though I know I’m not alone or even the worst off, it still hurts and it’s still there - no matter how long ago it happened or what has happened since. Sometimes it all floats to the surface and stings, and this is that time.

This is why I feel a need to be in control all the time. If I’m pulling the strings, I know I won’t do anything intentionally to make this pain linger. I want people to laugh and enjoy themselves, myself included. I wish there was a strong family around for support, but that was never an option so I tried to make the best of my situation in whatever way I could.

On Saturday, when those people didn’t show up it went way deeper than a poor turnout at a comedy show. It was my family abandoning me all over again and that’s probably the most painful thing I can imagine, or ever want to. It makes me not want to live anymore.

If the people I thought were the closest to me don’t care, why would anyone else? I’m a wreck right now, and it’s been haunting me day and night since Saturday. What am I here for, and why do I have to keep getting kicked like this? I feel like I’m wasting everyone’s time, including my own. I wish I could just donate my organs to someone who could use them and lay down and go to sleep forever. What is the point of continuing this struggle?

I’m in a danger zone, and I know it. I don’t care if I live or die, and I know nobody else does either. Very few can relate to this kind of pain, but those who can know exactly what I’m feeling and it isn’t pretty. If I was a drinker, I’d be drunk and if I was an addict, I’d be high. I can see why those people do what they do, and I’m so glad I never took that road.

This is why the John Belushis of the world are found dead in hotel rooms. The dents in their can hit them square in the face like this did me and they get pushed over the edge for the last time. That’s where I am now, and I don’t know what I’m going to do to fight it.

My defenses are down, and just in time for the holidays too. That’s the last thing I need to have around me, but life doesn’t make it that easy. Hearing yet another Christmas ditty to remind me of my childhood might be all I need to get in my car and drive off that cliff.

This is all deep and dark and not for the squeamish. I wish life was one big Tupperware party, but it isn’t. We all have our particular nasties to deal with, but mine have never had much in common with the masses. I’m way out in deep space past Uranus, all by myself.

That’s where I feel I am now, and I don’t know what to do or where to go or who to talk to about any of this. What shocks me is it all happened so fast and unexpectedly. I was on a major upswing and things were looking up. I felt bulletproof and ready to tame the lions of life. Now I’m ready to suck a bullet, but I don’t want to leave a mess to be mopped up.

I wish I knew what would cheer me up right now. I’ve had quite a few people call to try to console me, but they’re making it worse. I’m not answering my phone to avoid dealing with any of that anymore. I’m sure they mean well, but they just pour gasoline on my fire.

I’m not a violent person, and I don’t see myself hurting anyone else. Maybe this kind of pain is what sets off all those workplace shootings that seem to be getting to be a frequent occurrence in recent years. I’m sorry it happens, but that’s not where my path is headed.

I just want the pain to stop. I want to feel needed and appreciated by SOMEONE on this planet, but I sure don’t feel it after Saturday. I thought after all these many years of paying my dues I’d be able to fill a room in my home town to raise a decent buck for a charity.

Now I’m sitting here with everything in disarray wondering what to do next. I’m out of guesses, and out of energy to try something else. A day job is not the answer, but what do I do to earn a living? I don’t know, and it hurts to think about it. My brain needs a reboot.

Everything hurts right now, and I don’t have faith in anything or anybody. The logic in me says it will pass, and it will. But when? That I don’t know. Until then, I have to circle the wagons and get through this however I can. Putting a bullet in my head won’t end it.

It would end this life, but there are still things left undone. Despite all this ugliness, I’m a good person inside and I know I can help others who are even worse off than me. That’s what I need to focus on, but it’s SO hard right now. I sure could use a little ray of hope.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Still Stewing

2011-11-21T06:28:00.001-08:00

Sunday November 20th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

I’m still beyond hurt that the benefit show was such a flop last night. It’s a major slap in the face, and I feel like my entire life has been a waste of breath. I don’t claim to be better than anyone else, but I do think I’m better than last night. This isn’t how life is supposed to work, and it’s bubbling in my belly and burning like a bad burrito. I’m really bummed.

What else do I have to do to get people to show up? I know I have ability, and when I’m in front of an audience that’s already there I can bring it with the best of them. But getting a group to show up to see me is like trying to round up rabbis for a pork producer’s rally.

All I was trying to do was raise awareness for what I think is a worthy cause. Even if I’d not been diagnosed with diabetes myself, it is a major epidemic in this country and needs to be addressed. I’d have been glad to do a benefit even if it didn’t effect me personally.

Being a good person is way more important to me than career success, and that could be a major part of my problem. I’d rather help someone else than myself more often than not and that’s why I take this so personally. I am always giving of myself or trying to, and not getting it back when I ask for it really makes me feel lower than a pregnant ant’s belly.

I wasn’t asking those people to do anything but show up and have a good time. Many of them I’d done favors for throughout the years, and they weren’t necessarily fun but I did it anyway. They said they’d come, and they didn’t. I’m sorry, but that really pisses me off.

I’m all kinds of things. Disappointed. Disillusioned. Embarrassed. Hurt. I thought I had a list of people I could count on when I needed it, but I guess I don’t. People always try to make excuses like “Oh, it’s deer hunting weekend” or “The weather had something to do with it” or whatever the excuse of the week is. I’ve been hearing those for a lifetime now.

The market has spoken, and I guess I’ve been too stupid to hear it. Whatever I’m selling isn’t what a large portion of the public wants apparently. Their silence is deafening, and it finally sank in after last night. The 30 people that did show up were wonderful, and I love every one of them - but I could have called them up personally and all gone out to dinner.

What stings so much is that I tried to get the word out to friends and strangers alike. My appearance on ‘The Morning Blend’ was a great plug, and I’m very grateful for the strong support from Tiffany and Molly the hosts and Katie the producer. They were all fantastic. I’m also grateful for my plug on The D-List on AM 540 ESPN Radio. Thank you, gents.

So why didn’t the public show up, or the literally hundreds of others I personally had on my contact list? I just can‘t figure it out. They said they‘d be there to support, but it didn’t happen. It makes me really think about my direction and wonder what to do next. Twenty plus years is a long time to devote to chasing any dream, and maybe it’s time to give it up and get a day job. But where? What am I supposed to do now? This rocked my world, and I don’t know how to react. I’ve been struggling for a lifetime, but this was the last straw.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Diabetes Dejection

2011-11-21T05:26:00.001-08:00

Saturday November 19th, 2011 - Milwaukee, WI

I challenge anyone to attempt to fill a randomly chosen room with at least 100 strangers or more for any reason. I’ve been doing my damnedest for going on a quarter of a century, and it I’m still not able to pull it off. It’s beyond frustrating, and I’m ready to eat a bullet.

It doesn’t sound that difficult, but neither does winning the lottery. All anyone has to do is have a ticket with the correct combination of numbers on it and bingo - instant success. It doesn’t seem that difficult until someone tries it. Then they see how hard it actually is.

I’ve been searching to find any human way possible to fill a room with people to see me perform a standup comedy show for a lifetime, and I’ve failed in more ways than Wile E. Coyote. The latest attempt tonight blew up in my face once again, and I’m taking it hard.

November is Diabetes Awareness Month, and I didn’t realize that until this year when I was diagnosed with it myself. I know I probably should have already known, but I didn’t. I wanted to perform a benefit show so others might become educated about the disease.

MILLIONS of Americans are going to be dealing with diabetes either first hand or with someone very close to them in the next few years, and I know there’s a need to spread the word about what to do to help prevent it. It’s not necessarily a death sentence, but it does require a major lifestyle adjustment that most people aren’t expecting. I know I wasn’t.

I thought it was a no brainer to do a show to bring attention to the disease, and I thought I’d be able to pack a room for a good cause with little effort. It wasn’t about me at all, and I wasn’t promoting it as such. I just wanted to donate my time for a night to help others.

HA! Was I wrong. After calling in every favor I could with every local person I’ve ever known in my home town, all I could get to show up was about 30 people. I was absolutely crushed, and still am. I never call in favors, and chose my event very carefully. It’s not my nature to ask people for anything, but tonight I made an exception. This was for a cause.

I had a long list of people I thought were good friends not only promise they’d be there, but that they would ‘pack that place’ with as many of their friends and family as possible and make it a killer event. The only thing that got killed was my dignity and self esteem.

This really hurts, and it shows me where I am on their list of priorities. If they couldn’t come, that’s fine. I’d understand. But why not only tell me they were coming, but make it a point to say they’d bring a crowd with them? I counted on them, and they let me down.

It wasn’t about me, but I’m taking it personally. The venue still charged us for the room and by the time it was all over I lost money with expenses of time and gas and what’s left is an embarrassment to present to the Diabetes Association. I feel like jumping off a cliff. I got on TV and radio and promoted this like it was my last show ever. I feel like I failed, and my whole life has been a waste of time. I guess I should have learned to drive a truck.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Birthday Presence

2011-11-19T11:29:00.001-08:00

Friday November 18th, 2011 - Kenosha, WI/St. Charles, IL

My grandfather used to like to point out often that “Every day is someone’s birthday, so there’s always good reason to celebrate.” Gramps would have turned 99 today. Not many make it that far, but not many were like Gramps either. His lessons guide me even today.

Even though I write my little diary every day and have for years now, I still don’t think of myself as a writer. I’m just a comedian who dabbles, but I do have to release one book before it’s all over and that’s the one Gramps wrote. It’s packed with love and wisdom.

He didn’t write it on paper, it was etched permanently on my heart over the years of my childhood. I didn’t always see the love behind it then and sometimes he could be difficult to deal with because he didn’t accept mediocrity - especially from me. He had standards.

Truth was truth, and he didn’t deal in B.S. He laid it on the line and told me how life is, warts and all. I never remember him talking to me like a child, and he didn’t pull punches on any subject. I didn’t always get it then, but I’m now able to see just how great he was.

It’s not going to be a long book, and I don’t know exactly how I’m going to publish it as of yet, but I do know that by this time next year I want to have it out as a tribute to his life and the 100th anniversary of his birth. He might not have been famous alive, but his life is worth recounting to future generations. I hope I can share the wisdom he shared with me.

Today is also the birthday of a comedian friend of mine named Gary Pansch. Gary and I have been friends for years, and he knows how highly I think of Gramps. He knows I will never forget his birthday because he shares one with Gramps, and today he and I hung out and had a healthy birthday dinner before driving to Zanies in St. Charles, IL for a show.

Norm MacDonald is there this weekend, and that’s Gary’s very favorite comedian of all time. I don’t know Norm, but I’ve always heard he’s a very nice guy off stage and wanted to let Gary have a chance to see his hero perform live and meet him in person. And I did.

I don’t have a lot of clout, but I was able to inform the manager Cyndi Nelson that Gary wanted to meet Norm, and he was just as friendly and down to earth as I always heard he was. Cyndi is a total sweetheart, and I knew it wouldn’t be a problem. It worked perfectly.

Getting to do that for Gary meant a lot, because I know what it’s like to be a fan and get to meet a hero. I’ve met Rodney Dangerfield and George Carlin and George Clinton and I won’t forget any of those memories just as I remember my times with Gramps as a kid.

We also got to hang out with Kevin Farley, Chris’s brother. He was friendly too and we bonded because we’re all from Wisconsin. It was a terrific night all around, and everyone had fun. Gramps would have been proud of me for allowing Gary meet his hero in person, but I enjoyed it too. Norm is hilarious, and a super nice guy. This is how it should be, and I loved every minute of it. The spirit of Gramps is still alive, and I intend to keep it going.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

The Star Treatment

2011-11-17T23:23:00.001-08:00

Wednesday November 16th, 2011 - Milwaukee, WI

If every day was like today, I’d have a dream life. It isn’t, so I’ll have to enjoy it while it lasts. Actually, things have been going rather well for quite a while now and I’m trying to soak every last little bit of it in. I know there are no guarantees, so every day is a big deal.

If nothing else, I’m having a blast living out my fantasies. If you’d have told me as a kid I’d be a headlining comedian and have my own radio show about flying saucers and live a life of constant cross country travel, I wouldn’t have believed it. Now, I wouldn’t quit it.

All those things might not be to the level I pictured, but now that I think of it no picture ever existed. I guess I just figured everything would work out, and boy was I wrong. I was a clueless kid with no direction, other than I enjoyed entertainment and that’s where I had the most natural ability. I was always able to make people laugh from my earliest youth.

My school and Sunday school teachers all said I was funny. Disruptive at times, but still funny. I can’t help it. I’m a ham. I love to chase the laugh, not so much for me but for the fun it brings others. I love it when others are enjoying themselves. That makes me happy.

Today I got a chance to be on two of my absolute favorite shows - ‘The Morning Blend’ on WTMJ-TV and ‘The D-List’ on ESPN 540. Both were kind enough to have me on for a chance to pump up the benefit I’m doing for diabetes awareness month this Saturday.

Before this year, I had no idea there was a diabetes awareness month much less when it was. I learned the hard way, and hopefully I can help someone else by sharing my story of how diet and exercise made dramatic improvements and reversed the disease completely.

I don’t claim to be an expert…yet, but I’m learning new things about health all the time and still making strides to change my whole life around. I’m still eating well and exercise is a major part of my life to the point of it being - dare I say it - a priority. I feel fantastic.

I’m very grateful for the opportunity to get some publicity for the event. Hopefully there will be enough bodies to classify it as an event. 10 or less would be somewhere between a poker game and a Tupperware party. I think we’ll do a lot better though. I feel good vibes.

I can’t be more grateful for the support I received today. ‘The Morning Blend’ produce is Katie Pinkowski and she and everyone there are sweethearts to work with. I love going in there. Molly Fay and Tiffany Ogle have a great chemistry as co-hosts, and they always treat me like a big star. Who wouldn’t love that? It makes me feel I‘m worth something.

It’s the same feeling I get at AM 540 ESPN on ‘The D-List’. Drew and Dan give me the freedom to go on whenever I want, and when I’m there I feel like a part of the show. They have a producer Matt ‘Fish’ Salmon who even has a drop of me telling a joke and plays it when I sit down. Again, who wouldn’t love that? It’s the same kind of feeling stars get on national shows, but I have it in my home town. That’s all I ever wanted in the first place.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

The Unshow

2011-11-16T03:42:00.001-08:00

Tuesday November 15th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

The last thing I need in my life right about now would be any more high risk, built from scratch, cockamamie, hare brained, wackadoo fly by night ideas or get rich quick schemes to clog my toilet on a semi regular basis. Doing all I’m doing now keeps me busy enough.

I tend to be a bit scattered to say the least. That being said, I’m gradually adding another discipline to my weekly schedule of activities to accomplish, but it’s one I can handle and it won‘t interfere with anything else I‘ve got going. All I have to do is run my big mouth.

I’m the sidekick on a pod cast called “The Unshow”, a modified for the internet version of a radio show that used to be on in Pittsburgh that was hosted by Jeff Schneider, owner of the Funny Bone comedy club there. I was a guest on that show whenever I would pass through town, and I always had a blast. It was unique and eclectic, not like regular radio.

Jeff and his brother Keith owned the Funny Bone in Milwaukee in the mid ‘80s. That’s where I cut my comedy chops on many levels. I was an all purpose grunt and did anything and everything from answering phones to seating people to hosting shows to mopping the floor afterward. I got to hang around the comedy business and learn it from the inside out.

What a fantastic opportunity that was. For once I was absolutely in the right place at the right time, as that’s when the ‘comedy boom’ was happening in America. Every town had at least one comedy club, sometimes more. Nobody realized at the time what a big deal it was, but looking back those truly were the good old days. I was part of a happening scene.

I was in my early twenties then, and the world was my oyster. I was the first comic from Milwaukee to be able to make my living from standup comedy, even though much of that income came from my menial tasks at the club. I didn’t care, I was able to live my dream.

The Funny Bone eventually closed and now it’s Shank Hall - named after a reference to a scene in ‘This Is Spinal Tap’. Jeff and Keith moved back to Pittsburgh, and I’ve worked their clubs there for years. Keith is more into the business end, but Jeff and I always had a strong rapport when it came to comedy. We make each other laugh, and have for decades.

We don’t always agree on everything, but that’s not a bad thing. Also, both of us tend to be extremely polarizing personalities. People either really get us or really don’t. That isn’t a bad thing either. We are who we are, and by now both of us have learned to accept that.

Jeff’s radio show was quite solid, for that exact reason. He was who he was, and he’s an interesting guy with strong opinions on a myriad of topics. He’s very entertaining to listen to, and whenever I was on I could fit right in because we’d known each other for so long.

That’s why this pod cast is a no brainer. We record it every Monday morning via Skype, and basically just riff on whatever topic that strikes us. www.unshowlive.com is where it can be heard, and those who like it will love it. Those who don’t, we really don't care.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Viking Vindication!

2011-11-15T15:22:00.001-08:00

Monday November 14th, 2011 - Chicago, IL/Kenosha, WI

Now THAT’S a football game! The Green Bay Packers stomped the purple stuffing out of the nefarious Minnesota Vikings 45-7, in one of the most enjoyable ass whippings I’ve seen since Buster Douglas flattened Mike Tyson. Humiliation! Embarrassment! I love it!!

This one goes all the way back to childhood. Year after year, the Vikings who were lead by that little slippery bastard Fran Tarkenton would completely emasculate the Packers on their way to losing four Super Bowls, but even losing those Super Bowls didn’t take away the sting of having to watch my Packers get pummeled - twice a year, every year. Brutal.

Fran Tarkenton was the devil. I realize how great he was now, but then I would flip out at the TV watching him scramble around in the backfield while the entire Packer defense looked like the Keystone Cops trying to tackle him. Packer fans over 40 remember it too.

Those purple pukes were the one team the Packers just couldn’t beat. I remember them tying in 1978, and that was extra frustrating because they were so close but couldn’t get it done. I remember screaming at the TV and just how stupid that was, but I did it anyway.

The Packers and Bears had some pretty heated battles back then, but once in a while the Packers would win so at least I’d have some hope. The Vikings ran roughshod over every team in the division back then, and they were in an elite class as much as I hated to admit it. Even though they kept losing those Super Bowls, they were good enough to get there.

I guess that’s why it was so sweet to savor this game tonight. Fran Tarkenton isn’t there anymore, and none of the same players or coaches are around, but the fact that they took a beating that bad, on Monday Night Football no less, made my inner child leap with glee.

I don’t care that none of this should matter in the big scheme of life. It certainly doesn’t. Not in the big scheme anyway. But, I won’t deny there is an obscure little place inside us all that loves every minute of stuff like this, and that’s where I am right now. It’s heaven!

The truth is, the Packers are on a winning streak for the ages. I know it will end at some point, but until then I’m going to relish every single minute. I would have sold my soul, a kidney and all my Mad magazines and baseball cards to get to experience this as a kid. It took decades to finally get it, but I did. I guess that kid is still alive, because I‘m loving it.

What made it even more fun was watching it at my friend Mark Gumbinger’s man cave in Kenosha, WI. I had a comedy class to teach at Zanies in Chicago, but that was finished at 7:30 so I got in my car and made it to Mark’s house in time for the second half kickoff.

There were a bunch of fun people there, and we were all around the same age. All of us remembered the torture of watching those Minnesota maulings, and I could feel the exact same vibe of sweet revenge coming from them to. I’m not alone, and even though none of this should mean anything - it totally does. I for one am choosing to enjoy it all. Go Pack!

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Losing My Drive

2011-11-15T07:02:00.001-08:00

Sunday November 13th, 2011 - Harris, MI

Back up nort’ for more fun in the Upper Peninsula. The driving gets old on this run, but that’s what it is and I know it up front. I can either take it or leave it, so I took it. I always do. Then, as I‘m making the drives, I tell myself this is the last time. Until the next time.

It’s not easy to turn down work these days, but I need to seriously rethink my battle plan and find a way to make money without having to do this anymore. If I want to do it, that’s one thing. Sometimes a road trip can be fun. But not to the U.P. In November. In snow.

I don’t want to burn a bridge, and there’s no reason to, but the truth is other than getting a chance to work at the Northern Lights Theatre in Milwaukee there’s no reason to do this run anymore other than money. It’s not a career maker, and I’ve surely got the experience.

The booker of this run is a very nice guy named Joe San Felippo. I like him and his wife Margaret very much, and they wouldn’t care what I decided. We’d still be friends if I said I didn’t want to make the long drives anymore, and I’m sure if I asked they’d help me find a way to just do the Northern Lights gig. Right now, that sounds like the best way to do it.

That would be an ideal venue to do my ‘Schlitz Happened!’ show, and I could avoid the white knuckle stress of those two lane roads in sleet storms. I’ve paid years of dues to not have to do that anymore, and there is no shortage of young bucks who’d take their turn.

This is all part of the growth process entertainers need to go through. The drives are the price that comes with being able to get the experience of being booked as a headliner, and that builds chops to eventually work nicer rooms in bigger cities. Actually, this run is very nice and so are the people. It’s just that it’s so far to get there, and weather is a big issue.

At least I get to bring my own opener, and tonight it was Steve Purcell. He’s a laid back nice guy, and we get along well. He lives near Madison, so I swung up to get him and that made the drive even longer but it would be stupid not to ride together. Getting to hang out is the main reason I asked him to do the run in the first place. We always have a fun time.

The Island Casino in Harris, MI was our destination, and Steve and I have worked there way too many times to count. It’s a 7pm show, but that’s Eastern Time so we’re finished by about 7:30 Central Time and can get home at a decent hour. That makes it a lot better.

My cousin Wendy and her friends came out to see the show, and it’s always great to see her. Her father and my grandfather were brothers, and she’s had her own struggle with all that goes with being a dented can. Her father was a lot like mine - a complete ass, as were most in our family tree. My grandfather was an exception, and we’re trying to follow suit.

I remember her and her older sister Lynn from way back in my childhood, and they both were sweethearts. Seeing her and getting to hang out with Steve made the 733 mile round trip worth the effort. But, if I’m smart, I’ll find a way to avoid having to keep doing them.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Sweet Home Milwaukee

2011-11-14T13:49:00.001-08:00

Saturday November 12th, 2011 - Milwaukee, WI

Sweet home Milwaukee. Like it or not, it’s my home town - warts and all. I’m learning to like it a lot more as I get older, as I’m able to see a much bigger picture these days than just the angst riddled dysfunctional mess that was such a big part of my early years there.

People are basically people, and dysfunction exists everywhere. I’m not the first to have to deal with it and mine wasn’t the worst. Knowing that, it doesn’t make everything in the past ‘all better’ like a mommy kissing a boo-boo, but it puts it into perspective. Life is not fair, easy and never will be perfect. For anyone. We’ve all got humps we have to get over.

I’m doing the best I can with the cards I’ve been dealt, and actually life and all that goes with it is looking quite bright these days. It took a lot longer than I thought for it to arrive at this point, but I’m here and I want to enjoy every last second. It was a long rough trip.

Tonight’s shows were at The Northern Lights Theatre at the Potawatomi Casino. I love everything about that place from the actual venue to the people running it to the audiences to the security staff. If every gig was like this, I’d have been a major star many years ago.

Working at a place like that makes a performer want to give the absolute best show one can give. There’s a huge stage with a killer sound and lighting system, and the laughs just ricochet through the room. I always have a blast working there, and tonight was the same.

They have a special parking spot for us, and the security staff walks us back stage to the dressing room which has a plasma TV with full cable, and a big fridge stocked with sodas and waters and any number of other perks we might enjoy. They give us food coupons for either the sumptuous buffet or the delicious food in the sports bar area. It’s all first class.

The guy I report to is named Steve, and he’s been there for years. He’s laid back and as easy to work with as anyone I can think of. He’s always friendly and upbeat, and asks me how much time I’d like to do rather than just bark it out orders like most stage managers.

The security guards have been there for a while and they are always glad to see me or at least they fake it well if they’re not. They quote lines I used last time, and said they love it when I’m there because I’m easy to deal with. That makes me feel great to hear it, as my goal has always been to not bother anyone and just do what I do. This is a wonderful gig.

I had a bunch of people come down to see me, as I usually do. I never know who knows I’m in town or not, but it always surprises and amazes me whenever I play here just how many nice people I’ve crossed paths with in my home town. It’s not that horrible after all.

I can’t list all the friends that came to one or stayed for both shows, and I’m fresh out of superlatives to express how highly I think of them all for taking time to do it. I gave them my best, and I hope they enjoyed it at least half as much as I did. All the driving I did this last two weeks made it a special treat to be back here. Milwaukee is home, and I like it.

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Penn State Pedophillia

2011-11-10T16:23:00.001-08:00

Thursday November 10th, 2011 - Sault Ste. Marie, MI

I can’t turn on a radio or TV without hearing more sordid details oozing out about Penn State’s football program and the dark situation there. I thought I had seen and heard it all, but this took everything to a new level of shock and disgust. What a repulsive cesspool.

It’s the same feeling I had when I heard of Jeffrey Dahmer and his exploits. That one hit a little closer to home, literally, as I was living in Milwaukee at the time. I was working at 93QFM on the morning show, and our news person Debbie Dalton informed us a national news story was breaking about finding body parts in an apartment a few blocks from us.

My partner Mike Baxendale, Debbie and I just stared at each other, not knowing how to react. It was beyond anything we could comprehend, and we weren’t sure what to do with it as a topic. We were supposed to be funny, but that was something WAY over the line.

We ended up letting the story unfold, and as it did nationally we let it run its course like is going to happen with the Penn State situation. Every day something new would unfold in the Dahmer drama, and as sick and twisted as it was it was also fascinating to follow.

We had a newspaper reporter come in and give daily reports for a while, and one day he happened to leave a copy of the Dahmer police report in the studio. Apparently things like that are public record, but they’d stopped giving it out because it was so controversial and ghoulish. I knew human nature, so I took out ads to see if people would buy it. They did.

I’m sorry it happened, and I’m sorry for the victims and their families. It was insensitive to do that, and I doubt I‘d do it again, but it was a lesson in human nature to observe such a level of interest in something so dark and heinous. I know I still have a copy of it in one of my boxes, and I bet if I offered it again people would want a copy ‘for a friend’. Right.

All that aside, I’m very sorry for the kids who were abused. Nobody thought about them through the whole thing, and I can’t imagine the horrors they endured. I was listening to a radio talk show on my way to the U.P. yesterday and a guy who said he was molested as a child called to offer his thoughts on the situation. It was chilling to hear his vivid recount.

I felt his anguish jump through my radio. He was in a lot of pain, and I’m sure all those other kids from Penn State are too. I had a less than fairy tale childhood, but this goes far beyond anything I ever had to endure. I need to stop whining and know they had it worse.

I can’t believe this insanity was allowed to continue as long as it did with absolutely no intervention from anyone who knew about it. Couldn’t anyone call the police? I must say I like football too, but this trumps it. It should have been handled, and heads need to roll.

I’m to the point now I don’t want to hear any more about it, but like with the ugliness of the Dahmer situation, there’s something darkly fascinating about it all. We all have a little bit of ghoul in us, and that’s just how we’re wired. Still, my heart goes out to those kids.

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Here Comes The Snow

2011-11-10T14:45:00.001-08:00

Wednesday November 9th, 2011 - St. Ignace, MI

433 more miles added to the odometer today, but the constant barrage of a rainy, snowy, sleety, icy mixture made it way more grueling than the 537 mile journey to Nashville last Wednesday. An already long drive turned into a ten hour mega-bummer filled with stress.

Of course I didn’t leave as early as I’d have liked, as I had some details to get to I didn’t finish on Tuesday because I had a comedy class to teach. It all backs up, and I have to get things done when I can. I’m trying my best, but it’s not always good enough. I’m behind.

It was raining as I walked out the door, and it was right at the temperature where driving becomes a complete hassle. It’s too cold and sloppy wet to open the driver’s window, but I have to so the condensation doesn’t fog up the windows and I can’t see the road in front of me. Then, my left arm gets soaked because the window’s open. It’s funny if it isn’t me.

Rain turned into snow just north of Milwaukee, and continued all the way to St. Ignace, MI - a teeny tiny weeny winy seasonal summer vacation town just north of the Mackinac Bridge. When I arrived at the Kewadin Casino to check into my room, they had a weather radar at the front desk and I saw that I’d been smack dab in a storm squall the entire day.

EVERY other direction was clear as a bell and soaked in sunshine apparently, and they were talking about it behind the desk when I got there. Apparently, they had closed down a few two lane roads in the U.P. because of icy buildup and I’m lucky I was able to make it across U.S. Highway 2 without spinning out. My speed never made it over about 45.

I had to peel my fingers off the steering wheel like crab legs, expecting to hear a snap as I did each one. I had time for a quick shower, and then it was down to the lounge for their free comedy night. Nobody pays to get in, so nobody feels they have anything invested in the show. I’ve never been a fan of that, and I’m not now, but this was an excellent show.

There were maybe 60 people tops, but I’ll bet more than half of them came up after the show to shake my hand and say a sincere “Thanks for entertaining us.” I could tell it was genuine, and that’s about the nicest compliment anyone can hope for. It made me feel like my all day dog sled trek through the elements was appreciated, and that goes a long way.

I’m working with my friend Phil Dunham this week, and he’s an inspiration and a half. He’s got THE most positive attitude of any comic I’ve ever worked, and maybe anybody else either. He could give Tony Robbins and Zig Ziglar a serious run for their money. He absolutely loves being on stage, and it shows. He exudes enthusiasm and it’s contagious.

Phil is the greatest. He turned his life around after his wife left him in 1989, and he has never looked back. He’s successfully raised two sons and created a financial business out of absolutely nothing, and now he’s going back and chasing the comedy dream he started in the ‘80s and was cut short when his marital situation went sour. I have total admiration and respect for Phil, and people like him and crowds like this make long drives worth it.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Entrepreneurial Experimentation

2011-11-08T23:44:00.001-08:00

Tuesday November 8th, 2011 - Libertyville, IL

Today would have been the ideal day to rest up and do absolute zilch, but it didn’t work out that way. Far from it. This is an extremely hectic time, and I’ve got more things going at once than I ever have. It’s a lot of fun and very exciting, but also not easy to keep track.

The trip to Nashville took a lot out of me physically, even though I exercised every day by walking all over town. There are all kinds of hills with slow steady inclines that make walking there deceivingly difficult. I’m so sore right now, I can barely get up off a chair.

There’s no rest for the wicked though, as I’m leaving right away tomorrow morning for a two day tour of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I’ve made that drive way too often for my liking, and I’m not looking forward to it tomorrow. But, it’s part of the run. Too bad.

This one is about 500 miles in the opposite direction of Nashville, but the results will be similar - nobody will care if I’m there or not. I’m just a peg filling a hole, and those aren’t that hard to find. If I piss off the wrong person or my car breaks down, no payday for me.

That’s why I’ve got to start promoting my own shows. I read somewhere George Carlin would promote his own shows, and take the financial risk. I’m doing that this week in not one but two venues in two states. The first is a clean comedy show with two of my friends and former students Karl Newyear and Michelle Krajecki. It’s in Round Lake Beach, IL.

The Round Lake Beach Civic Center is a beautiful facility, and they want to try standup comedy. I was off Friday, so it seemed to be a worthwhile risk. It’s being co-promoted by Improv Playhouse in Libertyville, IL and between everyone else and me we should have a decent chance of putting butts in seats. This will be a chance to test our promoting wings.

If it all flops, it won’t be the end of life as we know it and our planet will still spin. I’m calling in a few favors, and I’ll rarely do that. We’ll fill seats, but how many who knows? We’re all rolling the dice, but the worst case scenario won’t be fatal so I’m willing to try.

Details are at www.improvplayhouse.com. I’m anxious to see if we can pull this off. No matter what happens, I’ll be betting on myself and at least I won‘t have to deal with some quirky high maintenance diva. If I deal with a kook bag, it’s me. I’m already used to that.

I’m doing another show November 19th for National Diabetes Awareness Month up in the Milwaukee area in Franklin, WI at a place called ‘The Hideaway’. That’s another low risk rental, and I’ll call in more favors. Their site is www.thehideawaypubandeatery.com.

That show is being promoted by my friend Russ Martin, but I think I can get a couple of media hits and help get the word out at least a little. Both are low cost well booked shows that will be worth people’s whiles. I hope we’ll break even on these two nights, or at least raise money and awareness for good causes. Friday is to honor Veterans Day and the 19th is for diabetes awareness. If one or both fizzle, at least it will be with positive intentions.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Running On Fumes

2011-11-08T16:31:00.001-08:00

Monday November 7th, 2011 - Nashville, TN/Chicago, IL

Now the pendulum swings the other way. I drove home the same 537 miles that I did to get here on Wednesday, but it seemed painfully longer. I left after the show last night, but stayed longer than I’d planned to visit with some comic friends who came out to see me.

I couldn’t just leave, that would be rude. They made it a point to come see me and I was flattered they made the trip. I tried to relax and enjoy their company, knowing all too well I had a brutal all night run ahead of me. Ducking out a little earlier wouldn’t change that.

There were fourteen people in the audience, and they were as stiff and devoid of life as the rest of the week. I bit my lip and did my time, then thanked the staff for having me. It isn’t their fault, and there’s no sense being angry at anyone. It is what it is, and that’s life.

I’m not the only one facing these situations. I visited with two Nashville comics - Rick Wey and Joby Saad. They’re both veterans, and are experiencing quite a few of the same pitfalls I am. Rick has a day career, and is doing quite well. Years ago, nobody would be respectful or take a day job comedian seriously. Now, those people are the envy of us all.

Rick is very classy and a true gentleman, and I always love to see him. He and his wife Gina have taken me out to eat and taken me to ballgames, so there’s no way I’d not make time to visit at least a little while - especially since he drove to the club just to see me.

Joby Saad and I go way back. If a ‘Joby’ and a ‘Dobie’ are in the same business, sooner or later we were bound to cross paths. He’s a very physical act and quite unique. He was in L.A. for years, but like a lot of us he wanted to have whatever a ‘normal’ life may be.

Guys like Joby and Rick and I can relate to the state of comedy right now, and it’s good to have someone to bitch to who understands the bigger picture. Those guys are doing the same thing I’m doing, just in a different part of the country. It doesn’t matter, it’s all hard.

By the time I hit Louisville, I knew I’d bitten off a big drive. I used to be able to pull off drives like this with no problem, but those days are done forever. I got out of the car for a walk and stretch about every two hours, and it seemed like I was driving to Afghanistan.

I made it through Chicago without issue and arrived home at 7:30am. I forced myself to eat breakfast, as I’ve been pretty lax with that lately. It’s not a habit yet, even though I’ve been maintaining my healthy lifestyle quite well as a whole. Road grease was my bane.

The long drive wiped me out for most of the day, but I had to be back at Zanies by 6pm to teach a comedy class, then host the Rising Star Showcase at 8:30. We had a great class and a super solid Rising Star Showcase. Mark Schiff and Steve Mittleman stopped by for guest sets, as they had a corporate gig in Chicago. I’ve always been a fan of both of those guys, and it was a treat to meet them in person and find them both to be very friendly and approachable. My schedule is packed, and the coming week is loaded too. I need a clone.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary