Schmucko Elite

Wednesday August 15^th, 2012 – Des Plaines, IL/Libertyville, IL

   My grandpa had what seemed like an endless supply of catchy phrases and bromides that I still think of today. One he used frequently was “What you get for nothing is good for nothing.” That pretty much summed up my experience at the Dan Kennedy seminar, but I don’t regret attending.

   It wasn’t entirely what I was expecting, but it was still valuable to check out how they chose to structure the program. I’ve put events together, and I know how difficult it is to coordinate all the smaller pieces into one big machine. There are always glitches, and nobody can predict them all.

   To their credit, they did manage to get people in a room. I’d estimate there were about 300-350 in a space sized to fit not many more than that. I found a seat in the back row, and there weren’t a whole lot of others to be found. Getting that many people in a room for any reason is a challenge.

   They promised Dan Kennedy, and they delivered. I walked into the room at precisely 9:02 and he was already on stage. He spoke for an hour, and then gave way to a person I’d never heard of who was a representative of the software company who was responsible for setting up the event.

   I had expected a sales pitch, but I expected it from Dan Kennedy. At least I’d heard of him and wanted to see him at work. I’d never heard of this other guy, and he was less than stellar. He was on about an hour and fifteen minutes, which seemed like a month of Sundays. I tried to pretend I was interested, but he lost me in the first ten minutes and never got me back. He had no presence.

   I wasn’t angry, and in fact I was encouraged. This guy hadn’t spent the decades of paying dues I have, and no matter how hard he tried he just didn’t grab the audience. Dan Kennedy was much better, but I know I could have held their attention for that hour just as well or better than he did.

   That doesn’t mean I don’t respect who he is and what he’s done, but I could step in and do this too. Dan Kennedy focuses on business and sales training, and he has for years. He’s got probably a dozen books, and they were all available in the back of the room. That was an important lesson.

   Most of these guys have their own product line, and that’s the first thing I need to have. Even a single book will set me apart from being the average schmucko off the street and propel me into the world of schmucko elite. If I learned nothing else, I definitely need to do that in a big hurry.

   About the only thing I’m an authority on is standup comedy. I could write several books about it and not run out of things to say. It’s my passion, and I know I could sell it to an audience better than the guy today did. I didn’t even stay for the promised ‘free’ lunch. I couldn’t endure the guy any longer even if it was filet mignon and caviar. Gramps was right. It was worth the admission.

   Tonight I had a comedy class graduation show at Improv Playhouse in Libertyville, IL. I never get sick of doing those, and tonight was a stellar evening. The students shined and the crowd was into it, and it went exactly how it was supposed to. It was a busy day and night, but worth all the effort. I’m going in the right direction, and I can feel it. I may just have a chance at success yet.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

James Wesley Jackson

Tuesday August 14^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   Just what I need, more projects to complete. I’ve got a plate so full I need to find another plate to hold the first one. If I could just find a way to add three or four hours to each day or shrink my project list, I’d be ok. Neither of those seems to be an option so that means it’s still a major issue.

   I’m trying my best to make the most of every single day, but the more I try to get done the less I feel I accomplish. Time has been flying extra quickly lately, and racing the clock doesn’t make it easier. I can do what I do, and that’s it. But it’s never enough, and I feel like I’m wasting life.

   Today is the birthday of some of my very favorite people. I don’t know why they were all born on this day, but there is a bumper crop of sweet people I know who have birthdays today. One of them is my friend James Wesley Jackson aka ‘The Enviromedian’. We have unfinished business, but not in a bad way. I produced a comedy DVD for him in 2011 before I went into the hospital.

   That slowed everything down, but especially this particular project. I wanted to get it done and available for sale for his last birthday a year ago today, but it didn’t happen. I’ve been so focused on trying to recover and survive myself that it’s still sitting a year later, and I feel bad about that.

    James is a hilarious comic and an even better person. I can’t think of a more gentle soul on this entire planet, and it was my pleasure and privilege to work with him on this DVD project. I hired Pedro Bell of Funkadelic album cover fame to design the DVD cover, and he did a fantastic job.

   In theory, all I should have had to do was make some minor edits to the DVD master and make some copies and I’d be ready to go. I could do a press release and hopefully start getting a couple of media nibbles for publicity purposes and we’d be on our way. If it were that easy, we’d all get famous and rake in the big bucks. This is going to be a lot more leg work than I’d ever imagined.

   I still think it’s very possible, but I have no idea how I’m going to find the time to do it, not to mention the money to get the units printed up. I won’t need all that many to start, but I do need at least a few to send to media outlets to get James on. Tom Joyner’s morning show would be ideal.

   I also want to go after the audience who would remember his days touring with George Clinton and Parliament/Funkadelic during the heyday of the Mothership years. I am in contact with a few people who used to also tour with the group like Dawn Silva of ‘The Brides Of Funkenstein’ and Judie Worrell, wife of Bernie. They have been extremely positive, and I know they’ll both help.

   This is exactly what James deserves. He’s such a wonderful soul, his positivity is contagious as soon as anyone meets him. I think he’d be perfect for a lot of gigs most other comedians couldn’t do, and if I can help pass along the word, I’d be honored. Producing others is something I enjoy.

   If I could find about a dozen people to produce, I’d gladly get off the road and put my time into building their careers. I’m a fan of so many, and James is right up there with any of them. I really hope we can make this happen for a lot of reasons. But if it is to be, it’s up to me. Time ticks on.

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Building Better Business

Monday August 13^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   I’m making a concerted effort to improve my business acumen, and I hope it’s not too late. I’ve just never been interested in that side of things before, and it’s painfully obvious. It has created a big imbalance, and I need to develop it to at least a respectable degree or I’m never going to find what I’m looking for. My time is already strapped, but I have to squeeze this in. I really need it.

   It’s kind of like a basketball player who only has a move in one direction. Developing the weak hand opens up all kinds of positive scenarios. It keeps the defense honest and it makes total sense to have a balanced attack. I think this will be the same with me, and I’m willing to pay the price.

   The immediate price was $150 to sign up for an online marketing course designed to help artist types improve their business. It’s specifically aimed at comedians, and was put together by a guy who is a marketer by trade but loves comedy. He couldn’t have picked a better group to market a course on marketing skills to. It’s like selling ice water in hell. The demand is definitely there.

   Not only that, I signed up to attend a free seminar put on this Wednesday by a well known guy in the marketing world named Dan Kennedy. He’s been around for years, and I’ve read some of his materials over the years and really enjoyed them. He’s coming to the Chicago area and I have reserved a spot and will see what he has to offer. I’m going with an open mind to check it all out.

   Another course I’m going to take is by a guy named J.F. (Jim) Straw. He’s been in business for more than 50 years, and I have been turned on to his website and free newsletter. He wrote a new book called ‘How To Succeed Using Your Physio-Psychic Power’ and we just had him last week as a great guest on The Mothership Connection radio show. His website is www.jfjimstraw.com.

   People like Jim Straw and Dan Kennedy and so many others are who I am going to be studying and modeling for the rest of my life. I’ve always been interested in the creative aspect of life, but these people are totally creative. They think about business and money and marketing and I have chosen to avoid most of those subjects or when I have tried I have been an unbelievable failure.

   I mentioned this to Jim Straw on the radio, and he assured me I wasn’t the only one, and indeed some of the biggest successes ever have flopped countless times. He swore it’s not some mystery or natural gift, but you sure could have fooled me. I feel lost around business things, but I’ve put it in my head that I’m going to improve myself and be the best that I can be. That’s all I can do.

   I will never be Donald Trump or Jim Straw or anyone else but me. I’ve been able to survive for decades as a comedian, and that’s no easy undertaking in itself. That’s a business, and although I made a ton of mistakes I’ve still hung in there and that gives me at least a tiny ray of hope for the future. I have to believe that surrounding myself with quality mentors will improve my game too.

   It will also help make me a better teacher. I see comedy students come to me all the time and it takes about ten seconds to tell if they have any desire or not. That’s a key ingredient, and I never had it before as far as business goes. Times are changing, and so am I. I really need to improve.

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Stu Sutcliffe Syndrome

Sunday August 12^th, 2012 – Kenosha, WI

    Joy and pain. Sunshine and rain. Yin and yang. Life is filled with polarity whether we like it or not. It’s easy to like the ups, but the downs can be a deal breaker. I’m experiencing this first hand with the Mothership Connection radio show on AM 1050 WLIP in Kenosha, WI and it’s not fun.

   The fun part is the radio show itself. Who wouldn’t enjoy having a radio show that is centered around one’s most favorite topics of discussion? Not only that, there’s creative freedom allowed and within reason that host can discuss virtually any topic at all? That’s rare as to the radio norm.

   We’ve had some very solid shows, even though we’re on a small radio station with a mediocre signal that barely reaches the city limits of Kenosha. It does stream online, and we’ve developed a loyal fan base all over North America and beyond. From where we started, we’re doing great.

   But if we’re ever going to take it to a real level of success, a few changes needed to be made in order to have even a remote chance for that to happen. Fun is fun and nice is nice, but those don’t cut it as far as the real world is concerned. To play with the big boys, we have to raise our game.

   Part of that includes having a functioning website that archives our past shows and offers some additional content like blogs or interviews or whatever else is available on bigger show’s sites. It doesn’t matter if nobody is getting paid just yet, we have to appear bigger so we can get bigger.

   Another part is the content of the show on every level. We need to have consistently interesting and diverse guests from a number of areas of the paranormal. The hosts are also a key ingredient. There’s a chemistry involved like a band or theatre ensemble, and all of the parts need to blend.

   I’ve known one of the parts hasn’t been blending for a while, but I didn’t want to address it out of respect for feelings. I don’t want to crush anyone’s dream, especially on a show where there’s no pay involved. This has been a passion project, and I made it clear to everyone from the start.

   Well, it’s time to either take the show to the next level and play with the big boys or put away a fun little toy that everyone loved for a few years. My choice was to attempt to take it higher and I have been asking the opinions of some of my highest radio contacts. The comments I received in return said the same thing I’d sensed on my own. There was one person who didn’t fit in the mix.

   I’m sure this was the same feeling the Beatles had when they had to move on from Pete Best or Stu Sutcliffe. They were on their own level, and the other guys weren’t. That didn’t mean Pete or Stu were bad people, or that they weren’t talented. It just meant they weren’t a fit with the group.

   That’s the same scenario here, and I had to tell that person it just wasn’t a fit if we’re intending on trying to make it work on a bigger stage and get paid. It was truly nothing personal, but that’s how it was taken unfortunately and I feel really bad. But the truth is it was exactly the move that needed to be made, and we’ve been soaring ever since. We’ve had rock solid shows since it took place, with more on the way. I wish life didn’t have to be so cruel, but it is. It sure kills the fun.

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Dreams On Hold

Friday August 10^th, 2012 – Cuba City, WI

   If I ever do manage to experience even the tiniest taste of success, one cliché I won’t use is that it was “beyond my wildest dreams.” I don’t think it’s possible. I’ve got some pretty wild dreams, but they were put on hold tonight in Cuba City, WI as I did a show at a place called ‘The Depot’.

   This wasn’t about fulfilling any dreams. This was about paying bills. Most of the entertainment business and life in general boils down to either paying dues or paying bills, and nobody can ever skip the first part. EVERYONE has to pay their dues - no exceptions. But then it’s reward time.

   I’ve been paying my dues and then some for decades now. It’s time for my payoff. What that is exactly I can’t say for sure, but I know I’ve got a lot of credit on my account. At some point, I’ve got to believe the slot machine of life will throw me some sevens and my jackpot will finally hit.

   It sure would be a cruel joke if it didn’t, but it could happen. There are no guarantees for any of us, and I don’t take anything for granted at any time, especially these times. I was grateful for the gig tonight, as it’s my last one on the books all month. I’ve been so busy working the last several weeks I haven’t had time to look for anything else. Again, it’s just too hard to keep track of it all.

   Someone could call with available work at any time, and my chances are more than decent. It’s been happening consistently for years and it’s not like I think I’m going to be shut out for the rest of my life - but I can’t count on it. Sometimes work flows, and sometimes it ebbs. This is an ebb.

   Tonight’s show was typical of literally thousands I’ve done over many years across the country in bar rooms that aren’t really equipped for fulfilling showbiz dreams. They’re not equipped for a lot of things other than keeping the red in the noses of drunks.

My dreams are not part of the mix in these scenarios. A bar owner wants to get more drinkers in his bar, and a booker plugs me in.

I need money, so I do it. Period. Simple formula. That scenario has been played out for decades if not centuries in comedy, music, stripping and prostitution. You name it. We’re the whores and they’re the pimps, but none of them are forcing us to do anything. We do it of our own free will.

   That’s what I did tonight. I knew this wasn’t going to be Carnegie Hall, and the guy who books it is also a comedian and knows the game. He books on the side and I’ve always had an excellent working relationship with him. This was a chance to make a few needed dollars and nothing else.

   The scheduled opening act’s car broke down, but my friend Russ Martin rode with me to get in a guest set. He’s still paying his dues, and needed the stage time. He didn’t expect to have to do a full set, but it was great experience for him to be thrown into the creek and have to sink or swim.

   He swam, but only for about fifteen minutes. I had to cover the rest of a show scheduled for 90 minutes, which I easily did. What wasn’t easy was shutting up the drunken woman sitting in the front row that would NOT shut up. I got through it, got paid, got out and got home. No emotion. I’ve played this game before, and have a thick skin because of it. Back to the wild dreams chase.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Botched Business

Thursday August 9^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   For someone who is allegedly funny for a living, I sure do have some serious problems when it comes to the business end of things. I’m in big trouble, and a lot of it is my own fault. No matter who or what put me in this pickle, it’s completely up to me to find a way to get myself out of it.

   I won’t be able to do it myself, but it sure does start with me. I have to find somebody who has some pull in the comedy industry to take a liking to me, or at least realize that I have a product to sell that can make them money. I can hold my own on a stage with the best of them, but I need to find more stages to work and bigger audiences to entertain. My show is there, my business is not.

   It’s SO hard to keep up with both sides of the game, but it’s absolutely crucial or someone ends up like me – toiling away in obscurity with a razor sharp product. Some people focus the bulk of their energy on the business side, but then their act suffers. They get seen, but they can’t deliver.

   I know I can deliver, and I’ve been proving it in front of small audiences in even smaller towns for my entire adult life. I’ve worked so hard trying to learn my craft and survive, I never polished up my business acumen. If anyone could use a quality manager, it’s me. But it might be too late.

   I recently submitted my Craig Ferguson video to a comedy festival that’s coming up some time in September. I don’t really enjoy festivals, but in theory that’s a place to be seen by some people with clout who are allegedly there to scout talent. I’m in need of a break, so I thought it would be wise to give it a shot. There’s a charge to watch the entry videos, but that’s how it is these days.

   I’m old school, and it irks me to no end to have to pay some faceless moron to reject me, but if I don’t I’ll never have a chance to show what I can do. It’s like buying a lottery ticket, and that’s the way most festivals do it these days. I sucked it up, paid my fee and sent them my submission.

   Today I got an email telling me I wasn’t accepted, and it came with critique from the “judges”. They noted that I was “polished but not unique” and “did standard old guy humor”. Well there’s a Tony Robbins self esteem builder at 9am. Some twenty something nobodies told me I was old.

   I guess I am old, especially for an undiscovered entity. I’ve been doing it so long I would think I’d have caught some kind of  break by now, but it just hasn’t happened. Part of the reason is my lack of pursuing it. As much as anyone thinks, it doesn’t just come knocking. One has to chase it, and chase it with all one’s might - and there’s a long line of others chasing the exact same thing.

   I don’t enjoy that chase, and never have. I highly doubt many actually like it, but with some it’s a consuming obsession. They have a need to get famous that’s beyond my comprehension. I love being on stage, but the game never mattered to me. That’s where I’ve really screwed the pooch.

   One rejection does not take me out of the running, but it sure was an ugly wake up call. I’ll get a lot more of those before I’m done, and I’ll need to have rhinoceros thick skin or quit and drive a turnip truck. Those are my choices. For now, I’ll keep trying. Truck driving doesn’t sound fun.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

The 'D' Word

Wednesday August 8^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   I’m tiptoeing through treacherous tulips these days. Each and every choice I make is crucial to the big picture, and there are no clear cut answers.  Part of being a one man band is keeping it all together and moving forward, but therein lies the problem. One misstep can stop a whole parade.

   I shouldn’t have taken the two days off to go to Green Bay this week. It was fun to hang with a friend, but it came at exactly the wrong time. These are prime productive days to work on all my unfinished projects, and nothing got done as I left everything to sit yet again. I’m disappointed.

   If I had to choose one word to sum up my entire life, I think that would be it – disappointment. I have this gigantic idea factory in my brain box full of grandiose dreams and ideas, but what I’m actually able to accomplish is not even close to what I picture in my head and that takes the wind out of my sail. It’s difficult to balance all those ideas, then my time gets scattered and it all stops.

   When it stops, I tend to get depressed and take it even further off course. That’s the path I’m on now, and it’s an all too familiar one. Without a system in place of others who share similar ideals it all comes to a screeching halt, and that brings major disappointment. My self esteem is a mess.

   I’ve been here before, and I’m here again. What will allow me to avoid having to return? I will surely cycle through again if I don’t make some kind of major change, but what? There’s nobody to tell me what to do, but I’m the one who asked for that. I wanted creative freedom, and I got it.

   Maybe it’s a little too much freedom. Obviously, I’ve not been able to achieve what I thought I wanted so the failure and blame has to lie directly within me. That’s where success lives also, but it’s up to me to draw it out. That’s the real trick - one I sure am having a hell of a time learning.

   A big part of it seems to be a lack of discipline. I let things distract me, and it takes me way off course – and the course wasn’t all that well defined in the first place. If some radio fill in work is available, I take that. If comedy gigs come my way, that’s where I go. I teach classes when I can, but there’s nothing in stone there either. I go with the flow, and that’s just not scratching my itch.

   What really set me off today was looking around at the people I share this planet with. It scares me quite frankly. The masses really are asses, and I see how politicians can shear us like sheep. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but at least I have some kind of vision. Most people are lost.

   I looked around in Green Bay at the Packers practice, and most of the people I saw were totally clueless. Myself included, we all should have been out doing something productive and working to better our own lives. Football is entertainment, and there’s way too much emphasis put on it.

   Even scarier was walking through the Wisconsin State Fair. It was a sea of human waste in my opinion, with most of those people going absolutely nowhere. The overwhelming majority were fat, drunk, pierced and tattooed with no hopes and dreams in their eye. I don’t want to be around people like that, but they’re everywhere. That disappoints me even more. Why should I even try?

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