Show Biz Is A Slow Biz

Thursday March 6^th, 2014 – Island Lake, IL

   It has only taken three solid decades of traipsing back and forth across North America, but I am finally starting to get strangers seeking me out to perform at their venue. Word is getting out - or at least it’s starting to. I have been trying to get to this point since I started, so what took so long?

   Unfortunately, everything takes time. It just does.  Showbiz is slow biz, but so are most others. It takes years to build loyal clientele in any business, and I’ve been around long enough that I am starting to get name recognition. It’s not with everyone - at least not yet. But regionally, I feel it.

   It took years for me to put an act together, and it’s taking even longer for people to notice that I can blow a room away with the best of them, and am far undervalued for services performed. My rate is a bargain considering all the experience I have, but it will take media exposure to raise it.

   If I can find a way to get regular mass media exposure somewhere, it will raise my income by a significant amount in a short time. I can easily see hauling in ten times what I make now or more for doing pretty much the same thing I’ve been doing since 1985. It has taken that long to build.

   Of course there are always exceptions to everything. My friend Trevor Burke is just twelve, but he is far from the norm. And when it’s all done, I predict he’ll be known for being an actor rather than standup comedy. It seems to be a stepping stone for him, and there’s nothing wrong with it.

   I started as a comedian, and just when I’m trying to evolve into being a speaker that’s when the comedy gigs start coming to me. In the last couple of days I have been approached by four places to perform in the next couple of months, and I have no idea where they might have heard of me.

   They’re the kinds of places booking agents used to approach about starting a comedy night, but for the first time in my long tenure I see the places approaching individual comics on their own. I can’t say if I like it or not as I haven’t seen the venues yet, but I’m glad to see work come to me.

   It’s not huge paying work, but it will help tide me over while I work on the corporate bookings. I haven’t forgotten about that, and marketing is still my number one priority. But that takes time as everything else does, and it’s far too slow for my tastes. Too bad. It’s not going to speed up.

   One smart thing I did today was make a phone call to a comedian named Roger Radley who is based in Central Wisconsin. We’ve heard of each other for years, and I even did a holiday party he couldn’t do this past December. We’ve had some email exchanges over time, but that’s all.

   I’d been meaning to call him for months – probably actually years now that I think about it. He was online today, so I instant messaged him and gave him a call. We talked for about a half hour or so, and we laughed about how long it had taken for us to finally hook up. But now we did it.

   It’s smart business for both of us to know what each other does, so we can send each other gigs when we can. If a customer uses one of us, they’ll likely want another act in the future. I sent out a full length DVD in today’s mail, and Roger said he’s sending me one too. It only took this long to hook up, but today was the day.  Everything takes a lot longer than people think. It just does.

Building name recognition in show business - or any other business - takes time. It just does.

Comedian Trevor Burke is only 12, but he's a rare exception. www.trevorburke.com.

After many years of meaning to, I picked up the phone today and called comedian Roger Radley. I'm glad I did. www.rogerradley.com.

Week At The Knees

Wednesday March 5^th, 2014 – Island Lake, IL

   I am more than a little apprehensive about the events of the next week, and I’m not going to lie about it. A better word might be ‘squeamish’, or maybe just plain old ‘scared’. Dented cans are a doubting bunch by nature, and we are the way we are in the first place largely due to demolished dreams and devastating disappointment. It’s only natural that we dissect the future with disdain.

   I’ve got a pair of days starred on my immediate calendar that quite frankly could go either way. The first is on Saturday when I meet up with my siblings in one room for the first time as adults. I have only had contact with one – my brother Bruce – but that contact has gone extremely well.

   It has only been via email and Facebook, but we’ve had some very well thought out exchanges and touched on some very painful and delicate subjects without being anything other than honest and intelligent. It has been nothing but positive, and every time we’ve done it has gotten better.

   I’ve had zero interaction with my other brother Larry and sister Tammy, and after many years of silence I just can’t help but be a bit skittish. In my mind I don’t intend to go in with any ugly feelings, but in the back of my brain I have a fear of unintentionally saying the wrong thing and blowing it all up. I don’t think that will happen, but it has been so long that I just don’t know.

   Larry is pretty laid back and we have never had any major arguments, but Tammy and I had a big blowup twenty years ago, and that may still be an issue with her. I don’t know where she is in her head with it or me in general, but I’m sure I’ll find out. She did agree to show up, so that makes me feel good. I just hope we can get past everything and start over. That’s the goal here.

   I don’t think it’s possible to avoid at least a few awkward moments, but I’m hoping beyond all hope we can get over the hump and make it work. I’m not expecting anything huge, but I want to make the best of something I’ve waited for an entire lifetime. We’re all people, and people have feelings – and faults. All I really want is for us to acknowledge that and erase any past hostilities.

   The other date that is looming large is next Tuesday March 11^th. That’s the date of the comedy benefit show for former Zanies Comedy Club employee Sheri Johnson. I’m coordinating at least the comedy part of it, and I’ve been doing all I can to spread the word. It’s always a challenge to get fannies in seats, and now less than a week out I have NO clue if anybody will show up at all.

   I’ve reached out to local and area media, and everyone else I can think of that knows Sheri. It’s an especially tricky endeavor, as it’s for just one person that no offense most people have no idea who she is. It doesn’t mean her cause isn’t worthy, but it’s tough to get people out to support one person rather than an entire cause. If it were for breast cancer, fine - but who is Sheri Johnson?

   I have done more comedy benefits for more causes than I can count, and more than a few have been complete flops. Nothing is worse than showing up to an empty room, and that’s my biggest fear for Tuesday. We’ve got a super lineup of talent booked, and I hope we can pull off a stellar night for Sheri. She’s in rough shape right now, and can use the financial support. From a karma point of view, this is the right thing to do. It just is. I did my best, but is it good enough? We will soon see. Donate link: http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/sharing-for-sheri/140736.

Not one but two major events in the next week have me more than a bit nervous - but all I can do is wait.

One is personal. Here's the other. PLEASE help spread the word. Sheri can use the help.

Nobody Has To Know

Tuesday March 4^th, 2014 – Chicago, IL

   Once again I was called in for short term bullpen duty by Zanies Comedy Club in Chicago, and once again I answered the call. For whatever reason, they needed me to fill in for tonight only so that’s what I did. I always enjoy the chance to work, even though the crowd isn’t always stellar.

   I’m not talking about Zanies crowds necessarily, but about audiences in general. There are a lot of variables that make up any particular group of random strangers, and each gathering is its own mini lottery with astronomical odds. Like hands of cards, the possibilities are virtually limitless.

   Sometimes a given group meshes perfectly with the act on stage, and when that happens life is absolute bliss. Depending on the experience of the performer, he or she can make adjustments to find the sweet spot of what the audience is buying on that night. Trying to find what that happens to be is part of the fun of live performing. It all happens in the moment, and it’s a calculated risk.

   Inexperienced entertainers have a limited range of where they can go. They give whatever they have, and leave it to chance. Sometimes it’s the correct fit, and sometimes it isn’t. That’s part of the process, and why it takes so long to master the craft of standup comedy. It’s quite involved.

   Matching wits with an audience is a tremendous challenge, and I’ve learned to respect it over a lifetime. It’s a constant mental chess game, much like how the quarterback takes on a defense in a football game or a pitcher vs. batter matchup in baseball. It’s a series of guesses and adjusting.

   On rare occasions, it all works out right from the start. I’ve had nights I could seemingly do no wrong, and I can’t figure out why. It just clicks, and I run with it. Other nights nothing works no matter what I try, and over time I have amassed quite a stash of tricks to haul out in the moment.

   Part of the process includes trying several tactics to obtain the most positive response. One that can be highly effective is interaction. A dead audience can spring into life with crowd work, and I’ve implemented it successfully many times. I’ve also had it blow up in my face too. It’s tricky.

   This whole game is tricky – but that’s why I love it. It’s a constant challenge, and even when it goes right there’s always the next audience to figure out and they could be stone faced. I liken it to doing crossword puzzles – something else I really enjoy. There’s always the next one to solve.

   Tonight’s crowd on the surface seemed very good. It was quite large for a Tuesday, but I found them to be one of those rare hands of cards that was difficult to play. Vince Maranto was hosting, and he’s one of the most experienced emcees around. They liked him, but he talked to them a lot.

   Calvin Evans was the feature act tonight, a younger comic who is very likeable on stage. I saw him have a tough time keeping their attention, and he eventually had to politely ask them to keep the table talk down. He handled it very well, but I knew I would be in for a challenge and I was.

   This was one of those shows when every little thing went wrong, and no matter what I tried fell flat. It didn’t help that the whole front row was chatting during the whole show, but that happens. They all clapped loudly at the end, but I’ve had far better audiences. Shhh. Nobody has to know.

Performing for live audiences is never the same two times in a row. That can be good and bad.

Psycho Babbling

Monday March 3^rd, 2014 – Mt. Prospect, IL

   Along with everything else I’ve got going on, I’m still pecking away at the Uranus project on a daily basis. I simply have to force myself to make time, even when there isn’t any. I’ve got more than enough other gnawing gremlins to keep my pea brain busy, but I don’t want to let this die.

   If done right, this will be the funding for my golden years – if indeed I’m lucky enough to have any. With all the stress miles placed on my body and psyche until now, I’ll be lucky to make it to St. Patrick’s Day. There are no guarantees for anyone, so I might as well follow my crazy vision.

   Actually, it’s not so crazy at all. Everyone else might think so, and that’s good. That’s exactly what I want. It’s an attention getter, and that’s what any business needs. What it also needs is an organization behind it to execute the crazy idea. That’s what I’m working on now and it’s hard.

   I am looking to create a trusted brand that makes the most amount of people smile as possible. It would help if they also bought something, but I’ll start with the smile and go from there. I am banking on smiles building trust, and once I have that I would hope sales follow. That’s the plan.

   Disney sure did that. Mickey Mouse makes people smile. He’s cute. People trust him, and they pay BIG money to show their allegiance in many ways. I see the King of Uranus and a collection of other characters doing the same. I’m not saying I’m expecting to have a Uranus theme park or movie studio, but I do foresee building a legion of fans that are loyal to my brand. It WILL work.

   I know it will work because I continue to test market every day. I have a baseball cap that says “KING OF URANUS” on it, and I’ll wear it on occasion just to see if anyone notices. Many do, and they always at least smile when they notice or once in a while even laugh out loud. It works.

   Then there’s my ‘URANUS 1’ license plate. That gets people smiling every single day without exception. I can’t count all the times I have been lost in thought about something at a traffic light and then notice someone in my rear view mirror giggling like a girl scout while taking a picture.

   I can only imagine what it would be like if I really went all out and LIVED the gimmick. What would it be like if I had a vehicle completely decked out in Uranus themed garb – whatever that might be – and had it loaded with funny products to sell, or at least catalogs to pass out to people.

   I look at the King of Uranus in the same league as Santa. Who doesn’t brighten up when Santa walks into a room? I have to believe even Jews and Muslims get a tingle somewhere. Santa is all about fun and giving and everything good. That’s what I want the King to be too. He’s positive.

   Tonight I had another chance to practice on Mike Preston’s ‘Psycho Babble TV’ cable access show. He lets me experiment, and I’m very grateful for the chance. Tonight I got to haul out all of my t-shirt prototypes, along with my ‘I (heart) URANUS’ bumper stickers and promo pics.

   I don’t know and don’t care who sees it right now, it’s a chance to get it together. The costume is evolving, as is the character. This is a great way to polish up what I still think is a concept that will be bigger than all the other projects I’ve ever done combined. www.psychobabbletv.com.

Psycho Babble TV is a very funny cable access show that has been running since 2002.

The cast and crew are a group of talented and hard working people. This is not a joke.

Mike Preston is the man behind the madness. The question: inspired madman or complete jackass? We're still not sure.

The King of Uranus has appeared on several of the now more than 300 episodes. Most of them can be seen in their entirety at www.psychobabbletv.com.

Who DOESN'T?