Sunday August 9th, 2009 - Kenosha, WI
“Hello, Mr. Depression? No need to come in tonight. Mr. Manic has this shift covered.”
When life is in gear, I feel unstoppable. That’s how I felt tonight after a hot night on the Mothership Connection radio show on AM 1050 WLIP in Kenosha, WI. As horrific of an experience as it was last week, tonight we made a 180 degree turn and blew the doors off.
Nobody gets paid so if it isn’t fun it just turns into a waste of everyone’s time. When we nail it there’s an energy that bounces off the walls in our tiny little studio that’s absolutely electric and that’s what we felt tonight. It was extra strong because we had a full crew for the first time ever. Everyone was packed in tight and we shared mikes but it all worked.
Our old co-host Scott Markus was in town visiting and his girlfriend Mary who handles our website www.mothershipradio.com sat in too. She started a new feature that reviews books with a paranormal theme and she did a solid job. Scott always adds to the mix and he lined up our guests tonight. He said he had it covered and I knew he was good for it.
He found a pair of psychic twins from New York who were really interesting. They’ve got that brash east coast vibe but they really knew their stuff and we all clicked. It made for a strong interview with a lot of laughs too. Their site is www.twinpsychics.ning.com.
Our other co-host Dr. Destruction brought his famous ‘Gypsy Museum of the Macabre’ tour bus which blew us all away. I’d heard about it but actually seeing it in person was an absolute treat. It’s a mobile version of a carnival side show with all kinds of displays that combine to make a really fantastic product. The guy really put some major effort into it.
Since we were all together for the first time my web person Shelley offered to come out and take pictures. She’s a listener and has wanted to come sit in with us for a long time so tonight was the night. She’s always willing to help and I totally appreciate that about her.
We haven’t had any pictures taken for the station website or our own so tonight we had them done for both. Dr. Destruction has his ‘Crimson Theatre’ TV show and was dressed in costume. I weakly attempted to join him and wore my full length red glitter cape I had made years ago for my masked ‘Superchuckle’ character with an old Darth Vader helmet.
I know I looked like an idiot but that’s the whole idea. The Doc knows what he’s doing and our co-hostesses Lara and Diane were all dolled up and they looked great. Both Scott and Mary are normal looking and we had a nice mix for the team picture for the websites. It’s like how George Clinton consciously went for an odd look and it still works today.
I hope I don’t have to wear a glitter cape and stupid Darth Vader helmet but that seems more like what the King of Uranus would wear than a t-shirt and jeans. It’s all in fun and that’s what the whole day was. Whatever lows I’ve felt in life pale in comparison to what it feels like when life is in this kind of groove. Depression later, Mr. Manic ruled this day.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Saturday Night Eager
Saturday August 8th, 2009 - Lake Villa, IL
No show tonight. I’m never thrilled to have a Saturday night without work. Yeah yeah, I can use the rest and all that but I can also use some money right now too. It’s my fault and I need to rectify the situation toot sweet. Any more time off and I’ll be sleeping in my car.
I knew the summer would be light so I didn’t really try to book much and intended to do a lot of other things that I’ve let sit idle because I was on the road so much. I haven’t even started to put a dent in any of that and now summer is leaking away like a cheap diaper.
I have a bunch of things I wanted to do and I did work on most of them but they’re not a finished product like I’d pictured they’d be by now. Things just take time and I don’t ever want to half ass any project but there does come a time when something has to get done.
That’s where I am right now. I have a lot of ground work done on a lot of projects but it doesn’t mean a damn thing unless I decide on one and get it finished. Then I need to pick a second one and finish that. And a third. And a fourth. Finishing has been my problem.
Comedy bookings are what pay my bills though and that’s where I need to really step it up right now. I am hot off a network TV appearance and I need to use that to fill as many weeks as I can in as many decent venues as I can. I don’t want to be driving 500 miles to the same hell holes I’ve been working even though I might have to for a little bit longer.
There used to be enough gigs I could get easily enough to stay working every weekend at least if not the entire week. Many of those gigs are gone now so that means I need new work to take it’s place. I’d been a bit lazy in trying to find new work because I had plenty to keep me busy that wasn’t all that far from home. Now I might have to travel a bit more.
I don’t mind at all if it’s good work. I’d love to work the top clubs in the country and be busy all the time. I’m not in many of the top rooms and that’s getting tougher and tougher as time goes on because it’s a numbers game. Every club has 52 weeks to book but I’d bet there are at least 1000 acts who could do a passable job. I’ll have to really do a sales job.
Hopefully some new clubs will take a flyer on me because of the TV shot. They’ll have to bump one of their regular acts to do it though. That’s just how it works. For every new gig I get someone else gets bumped. That’s life. It’s the same way in sports. Every rookie has taken the job of an aging veteran who gets shown the door, usually without fanfare.
I’m not asking to take anyone’s job. All I want is to make a decent living practicing my craft that I sacrificed years and years to acquire. I haven’t approached many clubs because I didn’t need to. Now I do. It’s not all bad because now I’ll go in there and really kick ass.
I’m in my prime as a performer now and every weekend I have off is one that’s wasted. I already gave up having a family to do this so now is not the time to lay low. I’m plenty rested and ready to get back at it again but this time in better venues. No more toilets.
No show tonight. I’m never thrilled to have a Saturday night without work. Yeah yeah, I can use the rest and all that but I can also use some money right now too. It’s my fault and I need to rectify the situation toot sweet. Any more time off and I’ll be sleeping in my car.
I knew the summer would be light so I didn’t really try to book much and intended to do a lot of other things that I’ve let sit idle because I was on the road so much. I haven’t even started to put a dent in any of that and now summer is leaking away like a cheap diaper.
I have a bunch of things I wanted to do and I did work on most of them but they’re not a finished product like I’d pictured they’d be by now. Things just take time and I don’t ever want to half ass any project but there does come a time when something has to get done.
That’s where I am right now. I have a lot of ground work done on a lot of projects but it doesn’t mean a damn thing unless I decide on one and get it finished. Then I need to pick a second one and finish that. And a third. And a fourth. Finishing has been my problem.
Comedy bookings are what pay my bills though and that’s where I need to really step it up right now. I am hot off a network TV appearance and I need to use that to fill as many weeks as I can in as many decent venues as I can. I don’t want to be driving 500 miles to the same hell holes I’ve been working even though I might have to for a little bit longer.
There used to be enough gigs I could get easily enough to stay working every weekend at least if not the entire week. Many of those gigs are gone now so that means I need new work to take it’s place. I’d been a bit lazy in trying to find new work because I had plenty to keep me busy that wasn’t all that far from home. Now I might have to travel a bit more.
I don’t mind at all if it’s good work. I’d love to work the top clubs in the country and be busy all the time. I’m not in many of the top rooms and that’s getting tougher and tougher as time goes on because it’s a numbers game. Every club has 52 weeks to book but I’d bet there are at least 1000 acts who could do a passable job. I’ll have to really do a sales job.
Hopefully some new clubs will take a flyer on me because of the TV shot. They’ll have to bump one of their regular acts to do it though. That’s just how it works. For every new gig I get someone else gets bumped. That’s life. It’s the same way in sports. Every rookie has taken the job of an aging veteran who gets shown the door, usually without fanfare.
I’m not asking to take anyone’s job. All I want is to make a decent living practicing my craft that I sacrificed years and years to acquire. I haven’t approached many clubs because I didn’t need to. Now I do. It’s not all bad because now I’ll go in there and really kick ass.
I’m in my prime as a performer now and every weekend I have off is one that’s wasted. I already gave up having a family to do this so now is not the time to lay low. I’m plenty rested and ready to get back at it again but this time in better venues. No more toilets.
Briefcase Bonanza
Friday August 7th, 2009 - Lake Villa, IL
I continue to unearth scraps of paper with notes I thought were gone forever. I’ve been a stickler over the years for writing ideas down in duplicate or sometimes triplicate or more but keeping track of all those copies has presented a whole new challenge and I stink at it.
I’ve had my computer crash and lose every single bit of information I’ve ever needed on it in addition to having another stolen out of my car. Two scenarios, one result. I’m totally screwed. Now it’s much easier to back things up but for years I’ve been doing it my way.
My way isn’t necessarily the right or the best way and I’m the first to admit it. I tried the best I could to at least have a chance at saving my ideas in case some crisis came up and it always has. The trouble is I’ve put the notes in various boxes and I’ve moved so much it’s pretty much impossible to keep track of where all those boxes are. It’s like a giant puzzle.
Today I found a briefcase I’d been saving but never really used. I was about to throw it out but decided to check inside and see if I’d been stupid enough to store anything I could use inside. I was. I found a notebook sprinkled with ideas from 1996 when I lived in L.A.
I loved Los Angeles and still do but when I lived there I was in a horrible space due to all that was going on in my life then. I’d been fired from a radio job in Reno and was also trying to untangle myself from the infamous bank robbery nightmare. I was preoccupied.
Through that whole ugly mess I did manage to keep notes and I’m very glad I did. I had some very solid ideas then but wasn’t able to follow up on them because of the huge array of problems in my life that required my immediate attention. I wrote them down and there they’ve sat untouched until today. It was like I took a trip in a time machine back to 1996.
My whole life would have been different had I stayed out there and I desperately wanted to but financially I just couldn’t. I was out of money and had to start going out on the road to pay bills and that’s not smart at all. I wasn’t ready to get a day job out there so I left for Chicago with full intentions of going back someday. So far I haven’t been able to do that.
If I had half a reason and a little bit of financial security I’d move back there in half of a jiffy. I love the vibe of California and I know it has problems but where doesn’t? I love it out there and if I had my choice that’s where I’d live. Chicago is great too and it’s easy to live here so that’s why I stay but in a perfect world I’d never have left California in 1996.
This is far from a perfect world though and we all have to do what it takes to survive. If I have to stay in Chicago but am able to make a great living and be creatively satisfied I’ll be fine with that. The main thing is that I’m doing something to keep improving and I am.
The notes from my L.A. days are very interesting. It’s like I’m peeking into the brain of a completely different person. Most of the ideas I didn’t remember at all so I’ll pick those I like and see what I can do with them today. Now I can finally throw that briefcase away.
I continue to unearth scraps of paper with notes I thought were gone forever. I’ve been a stickler over the years for writing ideas down in duplicate or sometimes triplicate or more but keeping track of all those copies has presented a whole new challenge and I stink at it.
I’ve had my computer crash and lose every single bit of information I’ve ever needed on it in addition to having another stolen out of my car. Two scenarios, one result. I’m totally screwed. Now it’s much easier to back things up but for years I’ve been doing it my way.
My way isn’t necessarily the right or the best way and I’m the first to admit it. I tried the best I could to at least have a chance at saving my ideas in case some crisis came up and it always has. The trouble is I’ve put the notes in various boxes and I’ve moved so much it’s pretty much impossible to keep track of where all those boxes are. It’s like a giant puzzle.
Today I found a briefcase I’d been saving but never really used. I was about to throw it out but decided to check inside and see if I’d been stupid enough to store anything I could use inside. I was. I found a notebook sprinkled with ideas from 1996 when I lived in L.A.
I loved Los Angeles and still do but when I lived there I was in a horrible space due to all that was going on in my life then. I’d been fired from a radio job in Reno and was also trying to untangle myself from the infamous bank robbery nightmare. I was preoccupied.
Through that whole ugly mess I did manage to keep notes and I’m very glad I did. I had some very solid ideas then but wasn’t able to follow up on them because of the huge array of problems in my life that required my immediate attention. I wrote them down and there they’ve sat untouched until today. It was like I took a trip in a time machine back to 1996.
My whole life would have been different had I stayed out there and I desperately wanted to but financially I just couldn’t. I was out of money and had to start going out on the road to pay bills and that’s not smart at all. I wasn’t ready to get a day job out there so I left for Chicago with full intentions of going back someday. So far I haven’t been able to do that.
If I had half a reason and a little bit of financial security I’d move back there in half of a jiffy. I love the vibe of California and I know it has problems but where doesn’t? I love it out there and if I had my choice that’s where I’d live. Chicago is great too and it’s easy to live here so that’s why I stay but in a perfect world I’d never have left California in 1996.
This is far from a perfect world though and we all have to do what it takes to survive. If I have to stay in Chicago but am able to make a great living and be creatively satisfied I’ll be fine with that. The main thing is that I’m doing something to keep improving and I am.
The notes from my L.A. days are very interesting. It’s like I’m peeking into the brain of a completely different person. Most of the ideas I didn’t remember at all so I’ll pick those I like and see what I can do with them today. Now I can finally throw that briefcase away.
Friday, August 7, 2009
TV Trickle Down
Thursday August 6th, 2009 - Lake Villa, IL
Things are slowly starting to trickle in from the TV appearance but not nearly as fast as I would like. Obviously it would be great to get offer after offer and have several in hand to choose from but I never expected that to happen. All I wanted was to get a good DVD and I did. Now it’s up to me to send it out and use it to parlay that into something bigger.
The things I got were weeks of work in Pittsburgh and Salt Lake City. I’m already in at those two clubs but they saw the show and it reminded them I haven’t been there in a long time so we nailed down dates. Neither were for great money but they are both in the space of the next month and I can use the money so I said yes. Plus, I like both of those towns.
Hopefully I can find a way to generate some radio or TV or maybe even an article I will be able to use to make even more connections. Just doing the club won’t help move ahead anything other than paying me the few bucks to do the shows. Now I have to think bigger and try to manufacture an event wherever I go. I know I have a show if people show up.
This is all part of the show business game. I was reading where Houdini was a master at publicity and got people to come see his shows when he went places by pulling off stunts like hanging from the town square upside down. I’m not sure if that will work for me and I don’t claim to be Houdini but I do think I can do better at publicizing my appearances.
Showmanship is something most comedians don’t think about. I can see why, because it takes enough effort to come up with a successful act but someone has to see that act if it’s ever going to make real money. That’s where I am right now and I know it. I need to find an audience that comes out to see ME, not just a comedy show. That’s my missing link.
None of this is done overnight just as my act and persona wasn’t built overnight. It took years of tweaking and evolving and that process continues even now. The television spot showcased me well and a large percentage of people will have seen me as that guy for the first time and they liked it. Now I have to build on it and fine tune the product even more.
If I’m going to be the character of Mr. Lucky I need to BE that guy on stage. I need a lot more bits that define it and products to sell as well. A CD is on the way and probably two. That’s good, but it’s not enough. A book might be good too. Maybe a comic strip. I know it’s a universal character and if I market it right I can make it pay off for years to come.
This is actually a pretty exciting time. It took years and years to get five minutes on TV but now I feel I’m just getting started. That wasn’t my best material and I know I can and absolutely will do a lot better the next time out. I can’t guarantee a hot audience like I had but it’s ok. I did have a great one my first time out and nobody can ever take that away.
The work is just starting and I’m up for the challenge. Pittsburgh and Salt Lake City are a start but I‘m sure more and better work will come in because I‘m going to try extremely hard to find it. For once I feel like I have something to sell and I’m now ready to go do it.
Things are slowly starting to trickle in from the TV appearance but not nearly as fast as I would like. Obviously it would be great to get offer after offer and have several in hand to choose from but I never expected that to happen. All I wanted was to get a good DVD and I did. Now it’s up to me to send it out and use it to parlay that into something bigger.
The things I got were weeks of work in Pittsburgh and Salt Lake City. I’m already in at those two clubs but they saw the show and it reminded them I haven’t been there in a long time so we nailed down dates. Neither were for great money but they are both in the space of the next month and I can use the money so I said yes. Plus, I like both of those towns.
Hopefully I can find a way to generate some radio or TV or maybe even an article I will be able to use to make even more connections. Just doing the club won’t help move ahead anything other than paying me the few bucks to do the shows. Now I have to think bigger and try to manufacture an event wherever I go. I know I have a show if people show up.
This is all part of the show business game. I was reading where Houdini was a master at publicity and got people to come see his shows when he went places by pulling off stunts like hanging from the town square upside down. I’m not sure if that will work for me and I don’t claim to be Houdini but I do think I can do better at publicizing my appearances.
Showmanship is something most comedians don’t think about. I can see why, because it takes enough effort to come up with a successful act but someone has to see that act if it’s ever going to make real money. That’s where I am right now and I know it. I need to find an audience that comes out to see ME, not just a comedy show. That’s my missing link.
None of this is done overnight just as my act and persona wasn’t built overnight. It took years of tweaking and evolving and that process continues even now. The television spot showcased me well and a large percentage of people will have seen me as that guy for the first time and they liked it. Now I have to build on it and fine tune the product even more.
If I’m going to be the character of Mr. Lucky I need to BE that guy on stage. I need a lot more bits that define it and products to sell as well. A CD is on the way and probably two. That’s good, but it’s not enough. A book might be good too. Maybe a comic strip. I know it’s a universal character and if I market it right I can make it pay off for years to come.
This is actually a pretty exciting time. It took years and years to get five minutes on TV but now I feel I’m just getting started. That wasn’t my best material and I know I can and absolutely will do a lot better the next time out. I can’t guarantee a hot audience like I had but it’s ok. I did have a great one my first time out and nobody can ever take that away.
The work is just starting and I’m up for the challenge. Pittsburgh and Salt Lake City are a start but I‘m sure more and better work will come in because I‘m going to try extremely hard to find it. For once I feel like I have something to sell and I’m now ready to go do it.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Spree Free For Me
Wednesday August 5th, 2009 - Oconomowoc, WI/Lake Villa, IL
Of all the days to pick to talk about being on a cold streak with women, yesterday was a poor one. The first thing I saw when I turned on the TV this morning was the story of that wackazoid in Pittsburgh who flipped out and started spraying bullets in an aerobics class.
I know as a decent human being there’s nothing the least bit funny about a mass murder in cold blood but as a comedian it’s the first place the mind goes. Sorry, that’s just how it is. ANYTHING that enters into a well trained comic mind goes immediately to the joke.
It could be sick and twisted and in poor taste and all of those things could be 100% true but it doesn’t stop the comic mind from searching for what’s funny about it. When I had a near fatal car wreck and flipped over a Mustang convertible in 1993 the first thought I had as I laid bloody in the street in excruciating pain was ‘”What’s funny about this?” Really.
The paramedics got there and asked me to say something to let them know I was able to understand them and I said “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.” One of them started laughing and asked “What are you, a comedian or something?” I told him as a matter of fact I was.
I don’t know if he believed me or not but I do know my mind went right to what’s funny.
I don’t find it funny at all that these kookaroos flip out and shoot innocent people when their brain stem pops like a rubber band. Why do that? Every time I see a mass shooting it always seems like innocent people get taken out when there are so many who deserve it.
If they’re going to go through that much trouble to end their lives why don’t they do the rest of us a service and take out some garbage for the rest of the planet before they leave? How about starting with an Al-Qaeda training camp or maybe a Ku Klux Klan meeting?
Let them take their ya-yas out there and then they can put a chimney in the back of their own head if they want. Hopefully their organs can still be used to help someone who may need a transplant and the rest of their carcasses can be ground up into kibbles for the zoo.
I never understood why people snap and kill a bunch of others and then themselves. For what reason? Wouldn’t it be uncomfortable in the next life to be in line with a large group of souls that are only there because one lone gunman snapped? I picture St. Peter asking a large group why so many are there at one time. “I don’t know, why don’t you ask HIM?”
Personally, I would never do such a thing. I’ve been suicidal before and it’s not pleasant but I sure wouldn’t take anyone else out who was innocent. I’d pop my bean and that’d be it. Or, if I did go on a spree, each one on it would have a reason and I wouldn’t kill myself so I’d get to explain exactly why I did it and then I would take my punishment like a man.
I saw where the guy in Pittsburgh kept a diary and had been planning this for about nine months. That’s what made me both cringe and laugh because obviously I’ve been keeping one for a while myself. If any authorities are monitoring, I am NOT planning any sprees.
Actually, my head is in a pretty good place right now. Getting on TV was a milestone I have been striving for since I started and anything that happens after that is gravy. I never wanted to put a wife and kids through the grind of show business before I had some kind of financial security to offer as I didn’t want to make them struggle and live like gypsies.
As it turns out I suppose I could have squeaked it out financially even though I probably would have made a lot of different choices than I ended up making. Moving several times for radio jobs would have put a huge strain on any marriage and I’m glad I didn’t have the added pressure of that looming over my head. Jerry Agar has that and it’s been very hard.
Also, I just wasn’t ready to be married and especially a father. I had a lot of anger issues with my own parents and was scared to death of doing to my own children what was done to me. My grandfather as great as he was wasn’t able to do everything and even he had to admit that my own parents did nothing for any of us. I sure didn’t want to perpetuate that.
I’ve met some really fantastic women throughout my whole life and in a perfect world I would have loved to have married any of a number of them. I probably could have had an opportunity with someone if I had pursued it in my 20s or even 30s but I was too busy out on the road trying to make a comedy career happen or bank robbery charges not happen.
That whole saga of my life is still a sore spot in my mind. Having to wear a wire and get my best friend in the world to confess he robbed a bank was a torture I don’t wish anyone to ever have to experience. That whole ugly mess took years to play out and it would have put all kinds of major stress on any marriage. I highly doubt it would have survived that.
That being said, all that is over now. I’ve tried to deal with as many family and anger or whatever other issues I’ve had and I can honestly say I’ve done the very best I can. I don’t claim to be perfect but I’m sure headed in a much better direction than I’ve ever been in a life filled with all kinds of detours and distractions. If I’m ever ready for a wife it’s now.
I’ve got a few prospects lined up and I’m not going to worry about it. Those women are swimming in their own issues and they’ve got baggage too. At least at this age I can have a lot more practical experience and wisdom to help me decide if indeed it’s a wise move.
Tonight I drove up to Oconomowoc, WI to visit a woman I haven’t seen in twenty years or more. I knew her in Milwaukee years ago and she was quite the hottie back then. She’s also a dented can but a real sweetheart and I always liked her. She has her own problems but I always respected her because she never gave up and keeps fighting for good to win.
She married a guy and had three beautiful daughters and ended up adopting two others. I reconnected with her on Facebook recently and she’s getting a divorce and invited me to come over for dinner and meet the kids. I really respect her and wouldn’t turn her down.
She’s taking it well but no divorce is pleasant. The kids are fun and sweet and we ended up going out for ice cream after dinner. That’s much better than going on a killing spree.
Of all the days to pick to talk about being on a cold streak with women, yesterday was a poor one. The first thing I saw when I turned on the TV this morning was the story of that wackazoid in Pittsburgh who flipped out and started spraying bullets in an aerobics class.
I know as a decent human being there’s nothing the least bit funny about a mass murder in cold blood but as a comedian it’s the first place the mind goes. Sorry, that’s just how it is. ANYTHING that enters into a well trained comic mind goes immediately to the joke.
It could be sick and twisted and in poor taste and all of those things could be 100% true but it doesn’t stop the comic mind from searching for what’s funny about it. When I had a near fatal car wreck and flipped over a Mustang convertible in 1993 the first thought I had as I laid bloody in the street in excruciating pain was ‘”What’s funny about this?” Really.
The paramedics got there and asked me to say something to let them know I was able to understand them and I said “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.” One of them started laughing and asked “What are you, a comedian or something?” I told him as a matter of fact I was.
I don’t know if he believed me or not but I do know my mind went right to what’s funny.
I don’t find it funny at all that these kookaroos flip out and shoot innocent people when their brain stem pops like a rubber band. Why do that? Every time I see a mass shooting it always seems like innocent people get taken out when there are so many who deserve it.
If they’re going to go through that much trouble to end their lives why don’t they do the rest of us a service and take out some garbage for the rest of the planet before they leave? How about starting with an Al-Qaeda training camp or maybe a Ku Klux Klan meeting?
Let them take their ya-yas out there and then they can put a chimney in the back of their own head if they want. Hopefully their organs can still be used to help someone who may need a transplant and the rest of their carcasses can be ground up into kibbles for the zoo.
I never understood why people snap and kill a bunch of others and then themselves. For what reason? Wouldn’t it be uncomfortable in the next life to be in line with a large group of souls that are only there because one lone gunman snapped? I picture St. Peter asking a large group why so many are there at one time. “I don’t know, why don’t you ask HIM?”
Personally, I would never do such a thing. I’ve been suicidal before and it’s not pleasant but I sure wouldn’t take anyone else out who was innocent. I’d pop my bean and that’d be it. Or, if I did go on a spree, each one on it would have a reason and I wouldn’t kill myself so I’d get to explain exactly why I did it and then I would take my punishment like a man.
I saw where the guy in Pittsburgh kept a diary and had been planning this for about nine months. That’s what made me both cringe and laugh because obviously I’ve been keeping one for a while myself. If any authorities are monitoring, I am NOT planning any sprees.
Actually, my head is in a pretty good place right now. Getting on TV was a milestone I have been striving for since I started and anything that happens after that is gravy. I never wanted to put a wife and kids through the grind of show business before I had some kind of financial security to offer as I didn’t want to make them struggle and live like gypsies.
As it turns out I suppose I could have squeaked it out financially even though I probably would have made a lot of different choices than I ended up making. Moving several times for radio jobs would have put a huge strain on any marriage and I’m glad I didn’t have the added pressure of that looming over my head. Jerry Agar has that and it’s been very hard.
Also, I just wasn’t ready to be married and especially a father. I had a lot of anger issues with my own parents and was scared to death of doing to my own children what was done to me. My grandfather as great as he was wasn’t able to do everything and even he had to admit that my own parents did nothing for any of us. I sure didn’t want to perpetuate that.
I’ve met some really fantastic women throughout my whole life and in a perfect world I would have loved to have married any of a number of them. I probably could have had an opportunity with someone if I had pursued it in my 20s or even 30s but I was too busy out on the road trying to make a comedy career happen or bank robbery charges not happen.
That whole saga of my life is still a sore spot in my mind. Having to wear a wire and get my best friend in the world to confess he robbed a bank was a torture I don’t wish anyone to ever have to experience. That whole ugly mess took years to play out and it would have put all kinds of major stress on any marriage. I highly doubt it would have survived that.
That being said, all that is over now. I’ve tried to deal with as many family and anger or whatever other issues I’ve had and I can honestly say I’ve done the very best I can. I don’t claim to be perfect but I’m sure headed in a much better direction than I’ve ever been in a life filled with all kinds of detours and distractions. If I’m ever ready for a wife it’s now.
I’ve got a few prospects lined up and I’m not going to worry about it. Those women are swimming in their own issues and they’ve got baggage too. At least at this age I can have a lot more practical experience and wisdom to help me decide if indeed it’s a wise move.
Tonight I drove up to Oconomowoc, WI to visit a woman I haven’t seen in twenty years or more. I knew her in Milwaukee years ago and she was quite the hottie back then. She’s also a dented can but a real sweetheart and I always liked her. She has her own problems but I always respected her because she never gave up and keeps fighting for good to win.
She married a guy and had three beautiful daughters and ended up adopting two others. I reconnected with her on Facebook recently and she’s getting a divorce and invited me to come over for dinner and meet the kids. I really respect her and wouldn’t turn her down.
She’s taking it well but no divorce is pleasant. The kids are fun and sweet and we ended up going out for ice cream after dinner. That’s much better than going on a killing spree.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Single Mindedness
Tuesday August 4th, 2009 - Lake Villa, IL
I had a meeting with Jerry Agar today discussing doing some live shows as a group with the Kidders. We can all use a few bucks and we do have a very strong live show to offer a venue that’s hopefully not a comedy club. We want to present this show to do in theatres.
They don’t even have to be gigantic space theatres either. Sure, we’d love to sell out the United Center for a week straight but we’re being realistic. We do a PG-13 at worst show and it’s usually not even that. We keep it cleaner than most and can do 90 minutes for any audience. We’ve been on two major Chicago radio stations and we’ve developed our act.
Selling that act is a new challenge but we’re working on that too. We’re going to have a one sheet sales brochure very soon and then start knocking on doors of qualified people to knock on doors for us. Someone representing us will be worth whatever commissions we might pay. None of us want to be involved in selling the show. We just want to be funny.
We’re making progress because we need to. Jerry needs the income badly and the other guys including myself aren’t exactly Thurston Howell III either. We need to form a lot of streams of income and this is a good start. Jerry is handling this well and we didn’t waste our time today at all. With all I’ve got on my plate right now I’m way too busy for a wife.
That’s probably a good thing because I’m back to the cold streak on the women front as of late. It drifts in and out and right now it’s out. There are a few women I’ve been trying to spend time with and I like them all but none of them are making me a priority and I am not thrilled with it. I don’t have time for all that game playing B.S. Time for a new crop.
The one up in Milwaukee has stuff going on with her kids and her job and by the time it rolls around to spending any time with me on her days off I get the garbage time. I wasn’t thrilled to get blown off for laundry the last couple of weeks but that’s what I got. I know life is hectic and all that but it would be nice to be a priority of someone once in my life.
Dented cans appreciate the little things. I know I do. That’s why I always try to give that back in return. I try to really think of something nice to do or say and when I don’t get the same in return I feel major disappointment. I also got TWO “I don’t like you in that way” speeches in the last few days and that wreaks havoc on the self esteem. I’m feeling low.
All I want is a nice girlfriend that I can spend time with and who isn’t a complete wack job or stalker type and it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards. It felt like I was on a roll for a while and had a few decent prospects but now they seem to have all gone cold at once.
I have a few more possibilities on the line and I guess I have to work at it like a booking list. I’ll admit I have a very hard time trusting anyone and finding a woman to make a part of my whole life and everything in it is a tough match. I’m nowhere near ‘normal’ and I’ll never ever be. It’s hard enough to find someone to spend a lifetime with without putting a minefield like the entertainment business in between us. I guess I’ll be single for a while.
I had a meeting with Jerry Agar today discussing doing some live shows as a group with the Kidders. We can all use a few bucks and we do have a very strong live show to offer a venue that’s hopefully not a comedy club. We want to present this show to do in theatres.
They don’t even have to be gigantic space theatres either. Sure, we’d love to sell out the United Center for a week straight but we’re being realistic. We do a PG-13 at worst show and it’s usually not even that. We keep it cleaner than most and can do 90 minutes for any audience. We’ve been on two major Chicago radio stations and we’ve developed our act.
Selling that act is a new challenge but we’re working on that too. We’re going to have a one sheet sales brochure very soon and then start knocking on doors of qualified people to knock on doors for us. Someone representing us will be worth whatever commissions we might pay. None of us want to be involved in selling the show. We just want to be funny.
We’re making progress because we need to. Jerry needs the income badly and the other guys including myself aren’t exactly Thurston Howell III either. We need to form a lot of streams of income and this is a good start. Jerry is handling this well and we didn’t waste our time today at all. With all I’ve got on my plate right now I’m way too busy for a wife.
That’s probably a good thing because I’m back to the cold streak on the women front as of late. It drifts in and out and right now it’s out. There are a few women I’ve been trying to spend time with and I like them all but none of them are making me a priority and I am not thrilled with it. I don’t have time for all that game playing B.S. Time for a new crop.
The one up in Milwaukee has stuff going on with her kids and her job and by the time it rolls around to spending any time with me on her days off I get the garbage time. I wasn’t thrilled to get blown off for laundry the last couple of weeks but that’s what I got. I know life is hectic and all that but it would be nice to be a priority of someone once in my life.
Dented cans appreciate the little things. I know I do. That’s why I always try to give that back in return. I try to really think of something nice to do or say and when I don’t get the same in return I feel major disappointment. I also got TWO “I don’t like you in that way” speeches in the last few days and that wreaks havoc on the self esteem. I’m feeling low.
All I want is a nice girlfriend that I can spend time with and who isn’t a complete wack job or stalker type and it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards. It felt like I was on a roll for a while and had a few decent prospects but now they seem to have all gone cold at once.
I have a few more possibilities on the line and I guess I have to work at it like a booking list. I’ll admit I have a very hard time trusting anyone and finding a woman to make a part of my whole life and everything in it is a tough match. I’m nowhere near ‘normal’ and I’ll never ever be. It’s hard enough to find someone to spend a lifetime with without putting a minefield like the entertainment business in between us. I guess I’ll be single for a while.
The Circle Of C. Cardell
Monday August 3rd, 2009 - Chicago, IL
I’ve often spoken fondly of my main mentor in comedy C. Cardell Willis and I’m about to do it again. He made a huge impact on not only my learning the comedy ropes but also about life in general. He was a father figure to all of us who started comedy in Milwaukee in the ‘80s and if it weren’t for him I never would have been able to live my life’s dream.
He was very nurturing and always encouraged us even when most of us weren’t all that funny. I sure know that I was horrible back then but he saw a spark and took me under his wing almost immediately. He would take time after shows to offer a well placed word of advice that not only made us better comedians but also let us know someone cared for us.
Comedians are a needy bunch. Most of us have been whipped and beaten all of our life and part of that is the reason we need to be on stage and get that approval from strangers. Cardell took a rag tag bunch of dented cans and helped shape us into real live comedians.
He never got the recognition he deserved and unfortunately probably never will. If I had one comedy wish it would be to find a recording of Cardell to release as a CD. I doubt if a recording exists because nobody thought to do it back then. We did shows and that was it. Only the audience and the comedians who worked with him remember how great he was.
I’ll never forget Cardell. Yes, he was very funny but more important than that his giving spirit lives on in me and hopefully has spread to the young comics I’ve tried to help along the way. Every time I can spread some kindness I always do but I never take credit for it. I know it came from C. Cardell Willis and I’m sure he got it from someone else in his life.
He always talked about ‘paying it forward’ and that’s what I try to do even now. I was a raw young punk with no idea of what comedy or life was all about and he mentored me to the point where now I’m assuming his role and have been able to be a mentor to others.
Today was the day Cardell always celebrated as his birthday and I wanted to pay tribute to him. His real birthday was in April but for some reason he always celebrated it August 3rd. Whatever the reason for it was doesn’t matter, I just want to celebrate his memory.
I hosted the Zanies Rising Star Showcase tonight and it was a killer show. The audience was red hot and the lineup of comedians was stellar and it was one of the best ones we’ve had in a long time. Everyone was on their game and it was total fun from start to finish.
Cardell would have been proud of me because I was the crafty veteran host that he was back when I started. I learned all his tricks and kept the show moving. I had lots of people say “Wow, you really are a fantastic host.” I thanked them all but I’m not the reason for it.
At the end of the show I mentioned it would have been Cardell’s birthday and asked that the audience give a round of applause in his honor. He earned it. It was a hot crowd and it was a perfect way to pay tribute to my mentor. Thanks Cardell, your effort wasn’t wasted.
I’ve often spoken fondly of my main mentor in comedy C. Cardell Willis and I’m about to do it again. He made a huge impact on not only my learning the comedy ropes but also about life in general. He was a father figure to all of us who started comedy in Milwaukee in the ‘80s and if it weren’t for him I never would have been able to live my life’s dream.
He was very nurturing and always encouraged us even when most of us weren’t all that funny. I sure know that I was horrible back then but he saw a spark and took me under his wing almost immediately. He would take time after shows to offer a well placed word of advice that not only made us better comedians but also let us know someone cared for us.
Comedians are a needy bunch. Most of us have been whipped and beaten all of our life and part of that is the reason we need to be on stage and get that approval from strangers. Cardell took a rag tag bunch of dented cans and helped shape us into real live comedians.
He never got the recognition he deserved and unfortunately probably never will. If I had one comedy wish it would be to find a recording of Cardell to release as a CD. I doubt if a recording exists because nobody thought to do it back then. We did shows and that was it. Only the audience and the comedians who worked with him remember how great he was.
I’ll never forget Cardell. Yes, he was very funny but more important than that his giving spirit lives on in me and hopefully has spread to the young comics I’ve tried to help along the way. Every time I can spread some kindness I always do but I never take credit for it. I know it came from C. Cardell Willis and I’m sure he got it from someone else in his life.
He always talked about ‘paying it forward’ and that’s what I try to do even now. I was a raw young punk with no idea of what comedy or life was all about and he mentored me to the point where now I’m assuming his role and have been able to be a mentor to others.
Today was the day Cardell always celebrated as his birthday and I wanted to pay tribute to him. His real birthday was in April but for some reason he always celebrated it August 3rd. Whatever the reason for it was doesn’t matter, I just want to celebrate his memory.
I hosted the Zanies Rising Star Showcase tonight and it was a killer show. The audience was red hot and the lineup of comedians was stellar and it was one of the best ones we’ve had in a long time. Everyone was on their game and it was total fun from start to finish.
Cardell would have been proud of me because I was the crafty veteran host that he was back when I started. I learned all his tricks and kept the show moving. I had lots of people say “Wow, you really are a fantastic host.” I thanked them all but I’m not the reason for it.
At the end of the show I mentioned it would have been Cardell’s birthday and asked that the audience give a round of applause in his honor. He earned it. It was a hot crowd and it was a perfect way to pay tribute to my mentor. Thanks Cardell, your effort wasn’t wasted.
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