#4 Is Full Of #2

Monday October 5th, 2009 - Chicago, IL

Where’s the mothership when I really need it? I can use a ride home. I’m on the wrong planet for sure now. Brett Favre plays for the purple menace Minnesota Vikings and beats the Green Bay Packers on national television in front of the largest cable audience ever.

What’s wrong with this picture? Only EVERYTHING. I’m delighted I didn’t watch one single play of the debauchery because I was busy trying to better my own life but it is still a ripe, rotting dingle berry on the rump of my soul. Whiny little Brett Favre gets his way.

I don’t know what pinches my nipples more, that or the legion of dimwits who think he walks on water no matter what he does. Anyone with a brain bigger than a brussels sprout knows the Packers made the correct decision to jettison him to the Jets when they did. It’s a team game and a business but by all accounts Brett didn’t have to play by those rules.

That’s what really rankles me the most. That unshaven hillbilly bastard had it ALL. He was a walking deity and could have played for the Packers as long as he wanted. He could have had as much free beer and bratwurst or anything else he wanted in the entire state of Wisconsin and Upper Peninsula of Michigan. He could have ruled the cheese head world.

He could have sauntered into any home, apartment or place of business and had his pick of ANY female, single or married, and have her perform multiple graphic sex acts on him only heard about once a decade in locked police files or in the ‘best of’ Penthouse letters.

Not only that, while it was happening he could have had the woman’s husband stand off to the side and hold the camera and capture it all on video. Then, the guy would ask to get an autograph when Brett was done and show all his buddies at the bar the video of his old lady getting boinked by Brett Favre. How many other people have THAT kind of power?

There are many big celebrities in the world and I’m sure they get pampered quite nicely but nowhere I’ve ever seen do people get worshipped like Green Bay Packers. Brett Favre had what every kid who grew up in Wisconsin wanted, and I’m one of them. MILLIONS of us would have given anything the devil asked for to have a chance to play in Lambeau.

We’d give our body, spirit, soul and left testicle to get in a game as the holder on a field goal in pre game warmups, much less be the star of not only the team, but the whole NFL. Brett Favre held the position every heterosexual penis owner in Wisconsin ever wanted.

That’s why it infuriates me so much to see him throw it all away and piss in the loyalty pool of so many worshipping fans. He could have played it by the rules but he chose to be a selfish little puke and I for one am not a fan anymore. Bye bye. He’s dead to me forever.

I knew the Vikings had the better team and I thought the Packers would lose but I won’t lie, I wanted to see Favre get toted off on a stretcher with his teeth, testicles and stubble in a little bag next to him, but alas, my dreams are foiled again. Whoever said life was fair?