Thursday April 14th, 2011 - Forest Park, IL I’ve come full circle. I can remember when I first started in comedy, I used to look out at audiences and think to myself “Damn, they’re old.” Now I find myself looking out and thinking “Damn, they’re young.” I don’t know when that transition occurred, but it did. Tonight I worked for a very young audience, and it was an honor. There’s a group that puts on shows above a bar and restaurant called Skrine Chops in Forest Park, IL. They’ve named it the “Cheap Shots Comedy Show” and it runs on Thursday nights at 9 o‘clock. I was asked to perform by Pablo Rodriguez, one of the three guys who runs it. The other two are Ryan Budds and Pat Chase, and all three of them are about as classy of people as I’ve ever seen for such young comics. They’re in their 20s, but have the maturity level of being around much longer. I really like what they’re doing and was glad to support them. The room is just a tiny space seating maybe 50 or 60 people tops, but they run it really well and the people who were there were there for a show. Most of the people were other comics hanging out, and that’s a good thing. Those guys create a positive atmosphere for new comics to grow, and it’s important to have positive energy starting out. It’s rough. I was really flattered that a lot of those new comics had come out specifically to see me. I know I host the Zanies Rising Star Showcase shows on Monday nights, and there were a few of them that were probably there because they thought I had some influence over Bert Haas the booker, when in reality I have none whatsoever. I’m still glad everyone came. I’ve always tried to go out of my way to encourage new comics and I mean it very much when I tell them they had a good set, even if they didn’t get laughs. Going up on a stage at all is an extremely difficult thing to do, and getting the approval of a veteran means a lot. Pablo and Ryan could not have been any more professional, onstage or off. They sent an email confirming the fact I’d be there, gave very easy to follow directions, and treated me like a king when I got there. They went out of their way to make sure I had everything I’d need, and throughout the show they kept me posted on when I’d be going up. It was great. If professional comedy clubs would treat comedians like that, we’d all be thrilled. These guys are doing it right, and it was my pleasure to support them by closing their show. The audience were all in their 20s, and I felt like a dad lecturing a group of his kids’ friends. I probably did about a half hour, and I could see the young comics watch with the same look of ‘some day’ that I had when I watched experienced comics when I started. It’s not rocket science, it’s just a matter of getting out there and doing it, which is what they are. It takes a while to put it all together, but it comes. It will for them too. I hope I did my part and encouraged those kids tonight. I saw a lot of my own past in those guys, and my hope is that they all keep doing it. Support them at www.cheapshotscomedyshow.com.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Better Than Before
Wednesday April 13th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL Losing all my phone contact numbers is turning out to be a positive turn of events after all. It has forced me to completely regroup and evaluate who the most important people in my life really are by sorting through everyone I know and choosing the best of the bunch. The way it happened might have been inconvenient, but the results are already showing. I’ve sent out notices on Facebook and via two email addresses that I lost my contacts, and asked everyone to resend their info. I’ve received an overwhelmingly positive response. That makes me feel great, and allows me to reconnect with all kinds of people I haven’t spoken with in years and compare notes. Everyone evolves, or at least I think they should, and it’s smart business to know what everyone is doing to see if we can help each other in what we’re all doing now. It’s like advertising. You have to let people know you’re there. I emptied out the archives of two email addresses and sorted out the duds and ones that weren’t really contacts. The computer keeps email addresses from everyone we ever send emails to apparently, and a lot of those were one time shots and not really connections for current business. Asking someone about an Ebay item three years ago isn’t a life contact. I erased every email address I didn’t recognize, and also a few people I had no use for in my life like my embezzling ex business partner’s family members. Then I sent out emails to everyone else explaining what happened, giving my new information and asking for an update from them if they still wanted me to be on their contact list. That started the flood. Responses came in bunches, and I couldn’t keep up with them all. It was very flattering to get that many responses, but I also realized how many things I must have missed out on because I just wasn’t in steady contact with people when I could have been easily doing it all along. It’s more maintenance than anything, and I’d let my system fall into disrepair. I guess I really didn’t have an actual system. I just compiled some people’s info in three different places - two email addresses and my old phone. Some of those overlapped with each other, and most of it was thrown in there randomly. I’m going to be much better now and actually create a real system for staying in contact with people that benefits all of us. Most of today was spent sorting out the list of contacts and loading them into my phone by hand, which isn’t easy. It’s a smart investment of time though, as I am now able to put everyone in categories and save their email and phone numbers on my Google account. I also hand wrote every number down on my calendar as a backup, and even though I’m hoping I don’t need it, I do have a backup in case this ever happens again. It’s a very slow process, but one that will pay off in the long run - and in the short run too. It already has. I reconnected with a bank teller I had the major hots for years ago who is now divorced and wants to get together for a drink or dinner. Bingo. I should have done this years ago.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Rockford, Paper, Scissors
Tuesday April 12th, 2011 - Rockford, IL Rockford, IL has always been a mystery to me. I’ve performed there a zillion times over the years, and can’t understand why comedy isn’t popular in that town. By all accounts it should be hot, but it isn’t. All kinds of venues have been tried, but they always fizzle out. It’s got all the makings of a good comedy town - rust belt, blue collar, dying economy, located on an Interstate, it should be perfect. Michigan has several towns exactly like that that have supported comedy for years. Rockford should have been able to support a club. There hasn’t been a full time weekend club there in probably twenty years. I worked it in the day, and it was fine as I recall. But once it closed, that was it. Nobody ever tried to do it again, and it makes no sense. I would think someone could go in there and do well. The reason I thought of all this today was I got asked to be a guest this afternoon on the “Stone and Double T” radio show on WXRX, “The X”. I haven’t been on in a while, and they’re always fun to hang out with on and off the air. They’re just down to earth guys on a rock station in a blue collar town, and we have a good rapport. I enjoy doing their show. In theory, they should be the ones to bring comedy to town. They are the Bob and Tom station, and could start by bringing in acts that are popular on that show. Unfortunately it wouldn’t be me, but we joke about it all the time. They know the story of how I’ve been blacklisted from the Bob and Tom show, and they’ll bring it up on air to stick it to me. It’s all in fun, and I roll with it. I know those guys aren’t mean spirited like many radio people are, and it’s just another running joke on the show. They’re real, and so am I, and that makes good radio. We never know where we’re going to go, and that makes it work. We were talking off the air why Rockford has never been a comedy hotbed, but concerts seem to fly there. Stone and Double T used to book an annual mega concert with a ton of bands for years and it was always a success even though it took a ton of work to put it on. I don’t think comedy would be that difficult at all, but apparently I’m wrong. We tried a Chicago Style Standups show there a couple of years ago and it was a flaming flop. We’d talked about it on air for weeks if not months beforehand, and didn’t draw flies that night. I’d like to make Rockford a regular stop if possible. It’s part of my self titled ‘Squared Circle Of Uranus’ territory which includes Chicago, Milwaukee, Madison and Rockford. Between those four cities there are about fifteen million people and all kinds of scenarios from major city to rural and everything in between. It’s also not far from where I live. If there’s entertainment money to be made in Rockford, IL I’m going to find it. Maybe I’ll have to sell funny t-shirts at a flea market or take out an ad on Craig’s List. Whatever it is, I’m now looking for it. Why drive to Duluth or Dothan, AL when this is so close?
Pickers, Hoarders and Sellers
Monday April 11th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL
I’m finding myself watching more TV lately than I have in a long time. I’ve had a lot of monkey work to do like sorting through my seemingly endless stack of boxes from when I moved, so I’ve been putting the TV on as background noise to help ease the boredom.
I’ve been watching the History Channel and getting into shows like ‘American Pickers’ and ‘Pawn Stars’. The first one is where two guys from Iowa scour the backwoods of the nation in a van looking for antiques and collectibles to resell at their shop. It’s addicting.
It goes perfectly with the second one, which is about a family who owns a pawn shop in Las Vegas and people bring in all kinds of oddball stuff trying to sell it for big bucks. It’s fast moving and well put together, as is American Pickers. Both are on Monday evenings, usually accompanied by past episodes of each show. It’s a night of cheap entertainment.
There’s also a show on A & E called ‘Storage Wars’ where people bid on storage units full of stuff that has been abandoned by those who stored it. Believe it or not, I really like that one too. None of these shows take up much attention, and they’re all very watchable.
I think it strikes the same nerve in everyone The Antiques Road Show does. It’s the big hope we all have inside that we can basically get something for nothing. We find a trinket in our garage or at someone else’s rummage sale, and hope to sell it at a ridiculous profit.
Gambling is the same thing. Everyone dreams of dropping a couple of coins into a slot machine and hitting a major jackpot. Whether it’s unrealistic or not, it keeps us returning. These shows are capturing that spirit and energy, and I bet they’re putting a big time dent into the primie time programming of the networks. Mondays sure do have me hooked.
It’s a treasure hunting thing. It brings out the adventurer in us all, and then at the end of the show it fits nicely back into the drawer in our minds where we store it. It’s an escape. How many people would really be willing to go out there and do what it takes to actually live that lifestyle? I’m sure it’s a lot harder than it looks, and those guys deserve to make a profit. Both hunting for the actual stuff or owning the shop to sell it come with a price.
Another show which has caught my attention is ‘Hoarders’. I’m not even sure that’s the official title, but a lot of people have seen it because I hear a lot of people talking about it.
It’s kind of depressing in a way, but I keep watching it whenever it’s on. And it’s on a lot.
I wonder what the attraction of this show is? Maybe we’re all closet hoarders or at least we’ve known one. Most of my family had that disease to a point, even though it was then known as being a ‘pack rat’. Then, they die and the family has to shovel out all the mess.
Maybe we could solve everyone’s problems by having the American Pickers visit a few hoarders and pay them for anything that may be worth something, then go resell it. Maybe not. Maybe I should finish sorting my own hoard so I can turn off the TV and get a life.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Old Car Aggravation
Sunday April 10th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL Owning an old car can be a lot of fun, but when those little annoying things go wrong it can be a major buzz kill. I’ve been getting my money’s worth and then some from my ‘83 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham, but now some things are starting to go wrong and I’m not sure how much longer I’ll keep it. Old cars can suck big bucks, and it’s just not worth it. First off, some turkey neck puke decided it was funny to snap off my antenna. There’s a wire inside it, and now it’s just dangling off the side of the car. If I could catch the little gang banger punk that did it, I’d take the antenna and shish kabob his poop shoot with it. I am SO sick of the direction society is going. We’re protecting these little bastards who haven’t had any home training and are running around like monkeys in a zoo. I sound like my grandparents, but too bad. How about a little responsibility for these mongrel hordes? My cousin Brett is a union carpenter and really works hard for his living and has done it for over twenty years. He has two trucks packed with tools and a one car garage, so he has to leave one parked on his driveway. Last year some delinquent teenage mutant waste of a sperm cell oozed by and vandalized the hell out of his truck, causing over $3000 damage. The cops caught the punk, but he denied it despite witnesses. He was on probation for a list of crimes, so they just extended it and gave him a judgment to pay restitution. He and his family were broke so no money ever exchanged hands. He never was punished, so my cousin came out the loser because he had to pay his own deductible to get the truck fixed. If that was me, I’d have a very hard time not finding that punk and taking a golf club to his skull until he was a vegetable. I would feel neither guilt nor remorse as I took whacks to his left ear, and that really scares me. I don’t want to be a violent person, but that’s the climate of the world these days. It’s cold and getting colder, and good people are screwed. Now my radio barely works, and AM stations are especially weak. That’s where all the sports talk is, what I mostly listen to. Getting it fixed would cost a lot more than the car is worth, so I’ll try to figure out a way to cheapo rig it until I dump it. It’s an inconvenience. Another bit of frustration is the power windows went out yesterday. The driver’s side is still working, but only in front. The passenger side doesn’t work at all, and the front one’s stuck in the down position. I’m not sure if it’s a simple fuse that puked or it’ll take major bucks to fix. Everything worked when I bought the car, but wear and tear are inevitable. I’ve had a lot of fun with this road yacht, and hope to pilot it a while longer. I’ll need a set of tires soon, but other than that the motor and transmission run mondo smooth. It still starts at the flick of a key, and rides like a…like a Cadillac. I’ve made my money back in comedy work over twice what I paid for the car, but if it were to hold out for another four or five months through the summer, I’d be thrilled beyond words. Having to mess with a new stereo or drop big cabbage on power windows would turn a bargain into a bum deal.
Theory Loses Again
Saturday April 9th, 2011 - Waukesha, WI Once again, in the heated head to head bloody battle of theory vs. reality - theory takes a good old fashioned pillar to post ass whipping and gets stomped on like wine grapes in an unceremonious one sided rout. I thought theory had a chance, but again I took a beating. I wish I had a buck for every time I had to play a situation out I didn’t want to. I have an uncanny knack to make the wrong choice, and it’s obvious I did it again by committing to help a hotel in Waukesha, WI get a weekend comedy club started. I totally misjudged it. The fact is, Waukesha and the surrounding area has both the population and potential to support a live comedy venue in one form or another. It would take a smart marketing plan and a willing venue, but I truly believe it could be done if everyone was on the same page and working toward one goal. I don’t think that’s the case here, and I’m ready to can it. We did two shows tonight, 7 and 9pm. The early show had about a dozen people and its never exciting to do shows for audiences that small. They weren’t bad people, and in fact they seemed to really enjoy both Mike Preston and myself, but neither of us were thrilled. We’re both pros so we did our time and smiled through gritted teeth. What fun is that? The 9pm show was much better. We had two large groups of about 20 each, and it was by far the best show of the weekend on all levels. The audience loved both Mike and me, and I even did a little extra time for them because I knew that they were really enjoying it. I wanted to give a little extra with hopes they’d come back, but deep down I know this just isn’t what I want to be doing with my life right now. It’s way too unstable to put any major effort into this, as there is never a guarantee I’ll be able to pull down steady money or even be assured the space will be available every week due to wedding receptions, etc. A comic friend of mine Sal DeMilio in Detroit runs a similar room and he’s gotten his shows cancelled more than once for other events. I know, I’ve been the one he’s had the unpleasant job of postponing. He’s always felt horrible about it, but I never blamed him. Sal is as honest as the day is long, and works very hard at putting his shows together in that venue. When ownership comes along and tells him he’s got to move a date around, it can’t be avoided no matter how much he gets frustrated. I feel for the guy, and there’s no guarantee it won’t happen with this room either. I’m the one who’d be the odd man out. My spider sense is tingling and I’m going to listen to it for a change. My other projects have a much bigger potential payoff, and those are definitely where my focus should be. I will do my best to finish out this four week commitment I made, but after that I’m done. Live and learn, and that’s what I’m doing. No hard feelings on my part, I tried it. I hope there aren’t any from the hotel. It’s going to take a lot more work than I first thought, but with nurturing it could be a fun little room eventually. In theory. In reality, it’s not for me.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
An Honest Mistake
Friday April 8th, 2011 - Waukesha, WI Another mistake. My life has been so full of those, I’m all too well aware when another one has been made. Now it’s a matter of trying to get out of it and move on. This is where it gets tricky. I could easily parlay one boo boo into an all time disaster I’ll never forget. I don’t think that will happen this time, but I never know. My problem has always been an inability to say no when I need to, and this was it. Now I’m paying for it, and I want to get away with the least amount of time wasted and feelings hurt. This will be a challenge. My situation is I’ve been asked to be the booker of a weekend comedy club in a hotel in Waukesha, WI. I’m very familiar with Waukesha, because it’s right outside of Milwaukee and I booked my first pro wrestling show there at the Waukesha Expo in 1992. It’s a nice town, and close enough to Milwaukee to make it workable but still keep its own identity. One of my former comedy students knows the hotel manager and was told they’d like to run comedy shows on weekends. My student called me and asked if I’d meet with the guy and offer a few pointers. I always try to help comedy grow in a good way if I can, and this intrigued me. I always thought the area could support a major comedy club, and I still do. The hotel is very classy, and there’s a spare room next to their bar which would make a nice intimate comedy room. It’s not a 350 seat mega show lounge like an Improv or other big time room, but that’s not necessary in a Waukesha. Money could be made with about a 100 to 120 seat space, which this is. The problem now is filling those seats every week. After looking at the room, the manager asked if I’d be interested in booking comedians to do a few shows to try it out. We agreed on a month’s worth of shows, and then we will talk after seeing how they went. I told him I really don’t want to be a booker, and I don’t. Not of a start up room anyway. There’s a lot of work to getting butts in seats and that’s not what I’m looking to do at this time in my life. I know how to book shows, and I don’t mind helping when I can, but this is turning out to be more of a hassle than I’d thought. Word has gotten out I’m booking a room and I’m hearing from everyone and their uncle wanting work. I changed my phone number at exactly the right time, but I still have email and I’m getting deluged with comics wanting gigs. I kind of expected it, but not like this. Times are tough, and everyone is looking for work. I want to focus on my own projects, and that sucks up enough time as it is. I thought I’d be able to book these first few shows to get the room started, and then turn it over to someone else. That was my plan all along. I should have known better. My life has NEVER gone according to any plan I’ve come up with at any time. The shows tonight were very slow, even though the people were nice both in the audience and at the hotel. It’s going to take heavy advertising to transform this into a real club, and I’m not sure they’re up for the challenge. Nice alone doesn’t cut it.
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