Monday April 6th, 2009 - Kansas City, KS/Chicago, IL
I’ve lost all motivation to make twelve hour drives but that‘s exactly what I did today. It used to be an exciting adventure but now it’s a chore. There aren’t many interesting sights to see between Kansas City and Chicago other than the St. Louis arch but I’ve seen that as many times as I need to in one lifetime. Other than that the main focus is staying awake.
I suppose I could have flown but then I’d be marooned without a car all week and also out the cost of the plane ticket. Smart business on many levels is to shut up and drive but that doesn’t make the time in the car any easier. It’s a 620 mile grind with nothing to do.
Sure, music and motivational tapes are nice but that only lasts so long. It’s obvious after only a few hours why people settled in the little towns all across North America. It was all because they got sick of sitting in that wagon and decided to just live wherever they were. I can totally relate to that now after all these years of traveling. It gets old. Very quickly.
I was going to leave after the show last night but it was snowing and I didn’t want to put myself in that kind of stressful situation. I finished up some work and got some sleep and crawled out of the rack at 5:30am to pack the car. The hotel has a nice breakfast bar and it opens at 6 so I had some cereal and yogurt and a bagel and then hit the road heading east.
A lot of times I’m able to knock out some good work in the car but today my brain just wasn’t in it. I was tired and not up for anything but trying to avoid boredom. I listened to a few motivational tapes and they were good but I didn’t feel the fire like I often do. I did a few crossword puzzles and made some phone calls and thought of ways to stay awake.
Part of what kept me going was a deadline to make it to Zanies in Chicago by 6pm for a comedy class. I made it by 5:40 which is cutting it a lot closer than I’d like but that’s how it worked out. Bill Gorgo is teaching this session of classes but I still needed to be there.
Unfortunately the class had to be cut short because there was a comedy competition that started at 8 between two colleges. It was sponsored by www.rooftopcomedy.com and they asked me to host it. I did it a while back and made a few bucks but I earned every penny.
It’s not easy to host a college aged show because of their short attention span. It’s also a challenge to keep up with the references to things of their generation I have NO idea at all about. It makes me feel old but I agreed to do it and I didn’t complain. Money is money.
There were 15 contestants on the show and actually a few of them had some potential. It could have been a lot worse and actually the audience was very good. There was a mix of more than just college aged people so that made it better. Last time it was 100% students.
One of the kids asked me what it would take to get a booking at Zanies and I said ‘A lot more years of stage time and paying dues.’ That’s not what he wanted to hear. I could see the look of disdain on his face. Let’s see how that kid feels after years of 600 mile drives.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Kansas City Loyals
Sunday April 5th, 2009 - Kansas City, KS
Getting ready for the long drive back to Chicago after the show tonight. Despite the few glitches this was still a fun week. I like it here. The people are very friendly as a whole and everyone at the club is nice from the owners on down. The club itself is gorgeous and in a spanking new entertainment complex so hopefully they’ll be here for a long time to come.
If I ever get to record a television special this would be a perfect location to do it. That would be a great decision to have to make but this place is definitely in the running. I have several places I enjoy working where I like either the town or the club itself or the owner.
Very few places do I like all three but this is one of them. There are three brothers who run the club and I have no idea what the hierarchy is but they’re all very nice to me. I have never had a problem getting exactly the amount of money we agree on and everything else is well above average. The hotel is very nice and the club comps our drinks and bar food.
That’s all a part of the grind that really matters after a while. Some places put us up in a total hovel just to save a few bucks in the short run. In the long run it doesn’t do anything but create resentment between the comics and the owners and I’ve seen it happen often.
I’m actually pretty low maintenance on the road. I don’t drink or do drugs so that’s not a problem and I show up on time and do the best shows I can. I don’t complain about a lot of things like I’ve seen other comics do and unless it’s totally out of line I just roll with it.
The deal with the radio station had nothing to do with me so that’s a non issue. I hope it clears up for the club’s sake. Craig Glazer really works hard and he’s a fair and honest guy from all my dealings with him. I’d like to see him get treated that way by the radio guy and see the club packed every week whether I’m here or not. Life is too short to fart around.
Don’t I know that. I’ve been the king of farting around with all kinds of stuff I need to be leaving alone and getting going on other stuff I need to put in it’s place. I have a new class scheduled to start this week at Zanies and I’m excited to be able to get back to that again.
I have a website that needs updating and a Uranus Factory Outlet business to develop so I can say that I have ‘money coming out of Uranus‘ and mean it. There is so much to do in such a short period of time that I have no time to waste. I’m finishing this up early and will pack my car before the show and head out directly after. Good or bad, this week is over.
Actually it was way more good than bad. The little things that went wrong weren’t even close to the things that went well. I hung out with some super people and I did actually do several good shows and I also had some world class barbecue I can’t get anywhere else.
As far as road weeks go this was a good one. I need to keep things in perspective. I’m a comic very grateful to be working. I’ll use the money I make this week to invest in myself and go back to Chicago and tee it up again. The clock keeps ticking. I’m still in the game.
Getting ready for the long drive back to Chicago after the show tonight. Despite the few glitches this was still a fun week. I like it here. The people are very friendly as a whole and everyone at the club is nice from the owners on down. The club itself is gorgeous and in a spanking new entertainment complex so hopefully they’ll be here for a long time to come.
If I ever get to record a television special this would be a perfect location to do it. That would be a great decision to have to make but this place is definitely in the running. I have several places I enjoy working where I like either the town or the club itself or the owner.
Very few places do I like all three but this is one of them. There are three brothers who run the club and I have no idea what the hierarchy is but they’re all very nice to me. I have never had a problem getting exactly the amount of money we agree on and everything else is well above average. The hotel is very nice and the club comps our drinks and bar food.
That’s all a part of the grind that really matters after a while. Some places put us up in a total hovel just to save a few bucks in the short run. In the long run it doesn’t do anything but create resentment between the comics and the owners and I’ve seen it happen often.
I’m actually pretty low maintenance on the road. I don’t drink or do drugs so that’s not a problem and I show up on time and do the best shows I can. I don’t complain about a lot of things like I’ve seen other comics do and unless it’s totally out of line I just roll with it.
The deal with the radio station had nothing to do with me so that’s a non issue. I hope it clears up for the club’s sake. Craig Glazer really works hard and he’s a fair and honest guy from all my dealings with him. I’d like to see him get treated that way by the radio guy and see the club packed every week whether I’m here or not. Life is too short to fart around.
Don’t I know that. I’ve been the king of farting around with all kinds of stuff I need to be leaving alone and getting going on other stuff I need to put in it’s place. I have a new class scheduled to start this week at Zanies and I’m excited to be able to get back to that again.
I have a website that needs updating and a Uranus Factory Outlet business to develop so I can say that I have ‘money coming out of Uranus‘ and mean it. There is so much to do in such a short period of time that I have no time to waste. I’m finishing this up early and will pack my car before the show and head out directly after. Good or bad, this week is over.
Actually it was way more good than bad. The little things that went wrong weren’t even close to the things that went well. I hung out with some super people and I did actually do several good shows and I also had some world class barbecue I can’t get anywhere else.
As far as road weeks go this was a good one. I need to keep things in perspective. I’m a comic very grateful to be working. I’ll use the money I make this week to invest in myself and go back to Chicago and tee it up again. The clock keeps ticking. I’m still in the game.
Saturday Night Heaver
Saturday April 4th, 2009 - Kansas City, KS
Saturday night is supposed to be THE night in the comedy business. I would assume it’s that way for theatre, improv, live music and probably every other kind of entertainment as well. It’s the main night people go out and it’s usually to a destination planned in advance.
As a rule there are no free tickets given out on Saturday night. That’s the ‘money night’. That’s when the club makes it’s nut and in turn pays the comedians. That’s usually when a club is packed the most and in theory that’s when the best audiences show up. If they paid to get in in theory they’ll usually listen and enjoy the show. Usually. Not tonight however.
Not for me at least. There was something in the air tonight and I was way off my game. I don’t know what it was but I could feel it immediately. The early show was hard work to even keep their attention for 45 minutes. They were very chatty and didn’t gel as a crowd. I kept trying different bits to get them in a groove but they never came totally together.
I’ve had plenty of audiences like that over the years but not usually on a Saturday. It’s a matter of investment. If people get in free they don’t have anything invested in a show and maybe they’ve never seen live entertainment before as strange as that may sound. I am still amazed at how many people have never seen live comedy before but it’s just a fact of life.
I have enough experience to be able to pull off 45 minutes on stage under even the most difficult of circumstances. It may not be fun for me but sometimes I’m not there for me so I have to suck it up and do my time so the club can make their money and give me mine. It can make for a long night when it’s not going well but that’s what makes a professional.
George Clinton said in an interview that he’s able to fake it when things aren’t going like they’re supposed to and when I read it I couldn’t imagine what he meant. I just assume the band knows what they’re doing but now that I think about it there must be a ton of things that can go wrong. He’s got twenty or thirty or more people on stage at once to oversee.
Then there’s the audience. I guess since I love the music I assume everyone else there is a fan too. I never experienced it from the stage and I would have to believe even they have off nights too. I’m there to see George and I know how great the band is when they’re on their game so I can cut them a lot of slack on any given night. They’ve proven themselves.
I thought about all that tonight as I stood there trying to get through the early show. I’m pretty hard on myself as a critic and expect a level of excellence most others don’t. I know how I can do it and if I don’t reach that level it bothers me. I want to give every single one of my audiences my very best show possible. I don’t expect perfection but excellence I do.
Part of my problem was I didn’t watch the show before me. That’s not smart but I had a comedian friend I hadn’t seen in years come by to visit and we started talking and before I knew it it was time for me to go on. His name is Elliott Threatt and he’s from here and we worked together many times as I was coming up the ranks. He’s a wonderfully nice guy.
Elliott is very entrepreneurial. He’s always been into opening businesses and we just hit it off from way back. He has a GNC store here in Kansas City and also some businesses in the airport too. I think it’s a book store and a snack shop but I know he’s got a contract at least for the next fifteen years so that pays his bills. He’s got a family and this is his home.
Even still, he’s still a comedy lifer as am I. No matter what he’s doing he still enjoys that time on stage and we talked about that. Both of us are thinking about other things to bring in a buck but when it’s all said and done we’re still comics, even on off nights like tonight.
I was glad the first show was over and I had a huge group coming to see me for the late show. My friend Jerry Agar’s realtor is a great guy and came to see me once before. He is a huge fan and I’m very flattered that not only did he come out but he brought a big crowd of others out to specifically see me. They must have had over twenty people in their party.
Elliott went up and did some time for the second show and it went fine but by the time it was my turn they were very drunk and they bought me even less than the first crowd did. I could tell I was in trouble in the first two minutes when my opening lines met with silence.
To make it worse there were two tables of hot women right up front on each side of the stage. One was well behaved but so hot they were distracting to look at. The other was an entirely different situation. They were not well behaved at all and I couldn’t shut them up.
They’d talk on their cell phones and text and get up to go to the bathroom one after the other and come back and start talking again and I tried to make a joke about it but it got in the way after a while. The audience was difficult enough without this and after quite a few attempts to be nice and politely request they keep it quiet I brought out the heavy artillery.
I couldn’t believe it as I was saying it but I dropped the big ‘C’ bomb on them. I felt the energy drain out of the room as it usually does and then I was really in trouble. They were pretty stunned to say the least and the one I directed it to started crying and they left very shortly thereafter. I wasn’t sad to see them go but I was embarrassed that I dropped a ‘C‘.
Jerry’s friend Brian and his group were there and that really bothered me for the rest of the night. I worked my ass off trying to get the audience back and I could feel the river of sweat flowing down my back as I let loose with everything I could give them to bring the energy back. I knew as it was happening this wasn’t the real me but they didn’t know that.
I can’t remember a time when I was happier to see a five minute light than tonight. I saw it and my heart rejoiced that the torture would soon be over. I finished up with my closing bit which has gotten me out of many an ugly situation before tonight but it just laid there.
I didn’t want to face Brian’s group but they loved the show and were all thrilled to meet me. I apologized but they thought I was great. In fact some said how the ’C’ bomb did the job and made the women shut up, which it did. But they weren’t offended. I could tell they all had fun and were nice people too. Go figure. What a night this was. I’m glad it‘s over.
Saturday night is supposed to be THE night in the comedy business. I would assume it’s that way for theatre, improv, live music and probably every other kind of entertainment as well. It’s the main night people go out and it’s usually to a destination planned in advance.
As a rule there are no free tickets given out on Saturday night. That’s the ‘money night’. That’s when the club makes it’s nut and in turn pays the comedians. That’s usually when a club is packed the most and in theory that’s when the best audiences show up. If they paid to get in in theory they’ll usually listen and enjoy the show. Usually. Not tonight however.
Not for me at least. There was something in the air tonight and I was way off my game. I don’t know what it was but I could feel it immediately. The early show was hard work to even keep their attention for 45 minutes. They were very chatty and didn’t gel as a crowd. I kept trying different bits to get them in a groove but they never came totally together.
I’ve had plenty of audiences like that over the years but not usually on a Saturday. It’s a matter of investment. If people get in free they don’t have anything invested in a show and maybe they’ve never seen live entertainment before as strange as that may sound. I am still amazed at how many people have never seen live comedy before but it’s just a fact of life.
I have enough experience to be able to pull off 45 minutes on stage under even the most difficult of circumstances. It may not be fun for me but sometimes I’m not there for me so I have to suck it up and do my time so the club can make their money and give me mine. It can make for a long night when it’s not going well but that’s what makes a professional.
George Clinton said in an interview that he’s able to fake it when things aren’t going like they’re supposed to and when I read it I couldn’t imagine what he meant. I just assume the band knows what they’re doing but now that I think about it there must be a ton of things that can go wrong. He’s got twenty or thirty or more people on stage at once to oversee.
Then there’s the audience. I guess since I love the music I assume everyone else there is a fan too. I never experienced it from the stage and I would have to believe even they have off nights too. I’m there to see George and I know how great the band is when they’re on their game so I can cut them a lot of slack on any given night. They’ve proven themselves.
I thought about all that tonight as I stood there trying to get through the early show. I’m pretty hard on myself as a critic and expect a level of excellence most others don’t. I know how I can do it and if I don’t reach that level it bothers me. I want to give every single one of my audiences my very best show possible. I don’t expect perfection but excellence I do.
Part of my problem was I didn’t watch the show before me. That’s not smart but I had a comedian friend I hadn’t seen in years come by to visit and we started talking and before I knew it it was time for me to go on. His name is Elliott Threatt and he’s from here and we worked together many times as I was coming up the ranks. He’s a wonderfully nice guy.
Elliott is very entrepreneurial. He’s always been into opening businesses and we just hit it off from way back. He has a GNC store here in Kansas City and also some businesses in the airport too. I think it’s a book store and a snack shop but I know he’s got a contract at least for the next fifteen years so that pays his bills. He’s got a family and this is his home.
Even still, he’s still a comedy lifer as am I. No matter what he’s doing he still enjoys that time on stage and we talked about that. Both of us are thinking about other things to bring in a buck but when it’s all said and done we’re still comics, even on off nights like tonight.
I was glad the first show was over and I had a huge group coming to see me for the late show. My friend Jerry Agar’s realtor is a great guy and came to see me once before. He is a huge fan and I’m very flattered that not only did he come out but he brought a big crowd of others out to specifically see me. They must have had over twenty people in their party.
Elliott went up and did some time for the second show and it went fine but by the time it was my turn they were very drunk and they bought me even less than the first crowd did. I could tell I was in trouble in the first two minutes when my opening lines met with silence.
To make it worse there were two tables of hot women right up front on each side of the stage. One was well behaved but so hot they were distracting to look at. The other was an entirely different situation. They were not well behaved at all and I couldn’t shut them up.
They’d talk on their cell phones and text and get up to go to the bathroom one after the other and come back and start talking again and I tried to make a joke about it but it got in the way after a while. The audience was difficult enough without this and after quite a few attempts to be nice and politely request they keep it quiet I brought out the heavy artillery.
I couldn’t believe it as I was saying it but I dropped the big ‘C’ bomb on them. I felt the energy drain out of the room as it usually does and then I was really in trouble. They were pretty stunned to say the least and the one I directed it to started crying and they left very shortly thereafter. I wasn’t sad to see them go but I was embarrassed that I dropped a ‘C‘.
Jerry’s friend Brian and his group were there and that really bothered me for the rest of the night. I worked my ass off trying to get the audience back and I could feel the river of sweat flowing down my back as I let loose with everything I could give them to bring the energy back. I knew as it was happening this wasn’t the real me but they didn’t know that.
I can’t remember a time when I was happier to see a five minute light than tonight. I saw it and my heart rejoiced that the torture would soon be over. I finished up with my closing bit which has gotten me out of many an ugly situation before tonight but it just laid there.
I didn’t want to face Brian’s group but they loved the show and were all thrilled to meet me. I apologized but they thought I was great. In fact some said how the ’C’ bomb did the job and made the women shut up, which it did. But they weren’t offended. I could tell they all had fun and were nice people too. Go figure. What a night this was. I’m glad it‘s over.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Heavy Pettiness
Friday April 3rd, 2009 - Kansas City, KS
No go on the rock radio show this morning but I’m not upset about it. I knew none of it was about me so I don’t even want to give it a second thought. Would it have been nice to get on? I guess so. The guy has the top rated show in town and the last two times I was in it did put some butts in seats. I was able to make the crew laugh and I felt they liked me.
They probably did like me then but unfortunately this week the guy has a bug up his ass about the club owner Craig so that means I’m just out of luck. Whatever. It’s not like I’m experiencing this for the first time. Bob and Tom physically threw me out of their studio.
I still haven’t been able to find out exactly what I did to deserve that but apparently I did break some rule they had that nobody told me about. Again, whatever. I was on that show several times before and did pretty well but one day everything changed and now I’m out.
Will I ever get back on the show here in Kansas City? I hope so. It really is a very strong show and the guy is excellent at what he does. I never had any personal jags with him so it should all blow over but who knows? Sometimes people believe their own press clippings.
My friend Jerry Agar worked in the same building with this guy when he was in Kansas City and they had some heat too. The guy can be a pain to deal with apparently but that’s the privilege of having high ratings. People will put up with a lot of things…for a while.
There will come a time when those ratings are gone and everything will change but that’s not now so why worry about it? I don’t have anything against the guy here but I hate to be in the middle of this ugliness. Craig busts his ass and I think he’s being disrespected here.
I thought I was very much disrespected by Bob and Tom and I still do. It’s not a matter of that they have a huge show in over 200 markets. It’s a matter of human to human and I had been nothing but nice to them. If I made a mistake which I apparently did they should have told me and I would have quickly and sincerely apologized. But they kicked me out.
This is the kind of stuff that always reminds me of Martin Mull’s quote ‘Show business is high school with money’. How true. He said she said games like this make me puke. It’s supposed to be FUN and it can be but when things like this happen it taints all of the fun.
Things like this make me want to be even nicer to people. I know I’m not perfect but I’ll put my reputation as a human being up with just about anyone and I have to think I’ll be in the top percentile. Maybe it’s a good thing I’ve struggled so long because it does allow me to have a much better feel for the big picture and how unimportant most things really are.
There’s no reason to be an ass to people, at least on a large scale. I guess I haven’t had a taste of success like the guy here or Bob and Tom but when I do I don’t want to act like a spoiled little baby. I want to be classy and have people say “Damn, can you believe what a nice guy he is?” That’s the ultimate challenge in life and I want to win the ultimate victory.
No go on the rock radio show this morning but I’m not upset about it. I knew none of it was about me so I don’t even want to give it a second thought. Would it have been nice to get on? I guess so. The guy has the top rated show in town and the last two times I was in it did put some butts in seats. I was able to make the crew laugh and I felt they liked me.
They probably did like me then but unfortunately this week the guy has a bug up his ass about the club owner Craig so that means I’m just out of luck. Whatever. It’s not like I’m experiencing this for the first time. Bob and Tom physically threw me out of their studio.
I still haven’t been able to find out exactly what I did to deserve that but apparently I did break some rule they had that nobody told me about. Again, whatever. I was on that show several times before and did pretty well but one day everything changed and now I’m out.
Will I ever get back on the show here in Kansas City? I hope so. It really is a very strong show and the guy is excellent at what he does. I never had any personal jags with him so it should all blow over but who knows? Sometimes people believe their own press clippings.
My friend Jerry Agar worked in the same building with this guy when he was in Kansas City and they had some heat too. The guy can be a pain to deal with apparently but that’s the privilege of having high ratings. People will put up with a lot of things…for a while.
There will come a time when those ratings are gone and everything will change but that’s not now so why worry about it? I don’t have anything against the guy here but I hate to be in the middle of this ugliness. Craig busts his ass and I think he’s being disrespected here.
I thought I was very much disrespected by Bob and Tom and I still do. It’s not a matter of that they have a huge show in over 200 markets. It’s a matter of human to human and I had been nothing but nice to them. If I made a mistake which I apparently did they should have told me and I would have quickly and sincerely apologized. But they kicked me out.
This is the kind of stuff that always reminds me of Martin Mull’s quote ‘Show business is high school with money’. How true. He said she said games like this make me puke. It’s supposed to be FUN and it can be but when things like this happen it taints all of the fun.
Things like this make me want to be even nicer to people. I know I’m not perfect but I’ll put my reputation as a human being up with just about anyone and I have to think I’ll be in the top percentile. Maybe it’s a good thing I’ve struggled so long because it does allow me to have a much better feel for the big picture and how unimportant most things really are.
There’s no reason to be an ass to people, at least on a large scale. I guess I haven’t had a taste of success like the guy here or Bob and Tom but when I do I don’t want to act like a spoiled little baby. I want to be classy and have people say “Damn, can you believe what a nice guy he is?” That’s the ultimate challenge in life and I want to win the ultimate victory.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Keeping It In Neutral
Thursday April 2nd, 2009 - Kansas City, KS
Another serving of fresh hot radio this morning with an order of politics on the side. It’s an uncomfortable situation but I’m right in the middle of it and I really don’t enjoy it at all. It’s the ugly side of comedy, radio and show business in general and they’re overlapping.
There’s a rock morning show in town that’s got absolutely monster ratings. There aren’t many other situations like it and everyone wants to be on that show. I can think of but few other examples of this other than a Brother Wease in Rochester, NY or a Tom Barnard in Minneapolis and not many others. The guy here has been a big winner in town for years.
The last two times I was in Kansas City I was on the show and did very well. I liked the guy and his news woman and I thought they really did a strong show. I still think that and I just assumed I would be on again but there have been some politics going on and I have been blown off for two straight mornings. I may be on tomorrow but nobody knows yet.
This has nothing at all to do with me personally and I have to handle it delicately. This is between the radio guy and the owner of the club Craig Glazer. Craig is a true character in town and I mean that in a good way. He’s infamous and famous at the same time and he’s really into show business. He is an actor and producer and has been around the LA scene.
He just wrote a book about his life called ‘The King of Sting’ and it’s a true crime story of how he did stings for the government to catch drug dealers. He wasn’t an angel and did prison time but he is up front about everything and talks about it freely. I thought my bank robbery story was a good one until I met Craig. He can go toe to toe with me and more.
Although he has jet black hair and a tan and a deep gravelly voice and drives a Porsche and likes to play the role of a bad ass gangster type he really does have a heart inside and I genuinely like the guy. Maybe it’s because he’s a Pisces like me or whatever it is but he’s a teddy bear inside and we’ve always gotten along very well the times I came here to work.
He and the radio guy were in business apparently with a nightclub deal a while back and I really don’t know all the details. I don’t want to know and it’s none of my business but it is still a sore spot and there have been some feelings going back and forth between them.
I really don’t want to get involved in it and I don’t want to take sides but Craig is in the bad position because he needs the radio exposure more than the radio guy needs to put us comedians on the air. His show is already a strong number one and he can get along quite dandily without having me or any other of Craig’s comics on his show. I understand that.
I also understand that Craig and I are in business together this week and we need to get as much publicity as we can to put asses in seats so I have to be ready to go if they will let me and I will do exactly that. I don’t want to take sides in this. I just want to get on the air and pump up the shows. Again, this is part of show business most people never get to see. I don’t want to see it myself quite frankly but it’s a reality and I have to tiptoe around it.
Another serving of fresh hot radio this morning with an order of politics on the side. It’s an uncomfortable situation but I’m right in the middle of it and I really don’t enjoy it at all. It’s the ugly side of comedy, radio and show business in general and they’re overlapping.
There’s a rock morning show in town that’s got absolutely monster ratings. There aren’t many other situations like it and everyone wants to be on that show. I can think of but few other examples of this other than a Brother Wease in Rochester, NY or a Tom Barnard in Minneapolis and not many others. The guy here has been a big winner in town for years.
The last two times I was in Kansas City I was on the show and did very well. I liked the guy and his news woman and I thought they really did a strong show. I still think that and I just assumed I would be on again but there have been some politics going on and I have been blown off for two straight mornings. I may be on tomorrow but nobody knows yet.
This has nothing at all to do with me personally and I have to handle it delicately. This is between the radio guy and the owner of the club Craig Glazer. Craig is a true character in town and I mean that in a good way. He’s infamous and famous at the same time and he’s really into show business. He is an actor and producer and has been around the LA scene.
He just wrote a book about his life called ‘The King of Sting’ and it’s a true crime story of how he did stings for the government to catch drug dealers. He wasn’t an angel and did prison time but he is up front about everything and talks about it freely. I thought my bank robbery story was a good one until I met Craig. He can go toe to toe with me and more.
Although he has jet black hair and a tan and a deep gravelly voice and drives a Porsche and likes to play the role of a bad ass gangster type he really does have a heart inside and I genuinely like the guy. Maybe it’s because he’s a Pisces like me or whatever it is but he’s a teddy bear inside and we’ve always gotten along very well the times I came here to work.
He and the radio guy were in business apparently with a nightclub deal a while back and I really don’t know all the details. I don’t want to know and it’s none of my business but it is still a sore spot and there have been some feelings going back and forth between them.
I really don’t want to get involved in it and I don’t want to take sides but Craig is in the bad position because he needs the radio exposure more than the radio guy needs to put us comedians on the air. His show is already a strong number one and he can get along quite dandily without having me or any other of Craig’s comics on his show. I understand that.
I also understand that Craig and I are in business together this week and we need to get as much publicity as we can to put asses in seats so I have to be ready to go if they will let me and I will do exactly that. I don’t want to take sides in this. I just want to get on the air and pump up the shows. Again, this is part of show business most people never get to see. I don’t want to see it myself quite frankly but it’s a reality and I have to tiptoe around it.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The 700 Mile Club
Wednesday April 1st, 2009 - Kansas City, KS
I feel like a zombie today after the long day yesterday. I was up at 4am and running like a maniac to finish my errands before heading over to the Jerry Springer taping. I forgot to mention I got to be on the show at the end segment where the audience gets to have at the freak panel. The producer said they wanted to have funny insult lines so I gave them one.
A few years ago I ad libbed a line on a heckler that laid him out. He was rowdy hillbilly goofball who wouldn’t shut up and I said ‘I really wish you would have stayed home and
(had sex) with one of the bullet holes on your trailer.’ The audience cheered and so did the other comics and wait staff too. That line has been passed around quite a bit since I said it.
I’ve used it many times since and I like to save it until things really start getting ugly so I can haul it up out of nowhere and sting some drunken idiot with it right between the eyes. It’s gotten to the point where quite a few people have requested it. That’s not common for a heckler line. I thought it would be a good opportunity to own it by using it on television.
There weren’t very many good lines being thrown around by other audience members so I raised my hand and Jerry stuck the mike in my face and I let it fly. His head snapped back in laughter and the audience erupted and I got a thumbs up from the producer on the set.
I have no doubt it will be on the show so I can say I did the Jerry Springer show and the Craig Ferguson show in the same month. NOW I’m starting to get some momentum going on TV. What’s next, Leno? Letterman? COPS? I thought it would be fun to do so I did it.
I paid for that fun by having to drive all the way to Kansas City to do radio this morning. I thought it would be 550 miles but after my errands it turned out to be 700. I had to fight bad weather and bad traffic in Chicago and I didn’t end up getting to town until 4:30am.
This is the part of comedy nobody sees. I could barely stay awake the last three hours of driving but I needed to be in town and there were no excuses if I wasn’t. That’s part of my responsibilities as a headliner and if I don’t do media the club has a right to dock my pay.
I got into town and found my hotel and slept for maybe an hour and then got up and had to find my way to the radio station by 7am sharp. I did three interviews on three stations in two hours plus I taped a few segments to be run on Friday morning. They weren’t kidding when they said I would be all over the radio and hopefully it will help to sell a few tickets.
I faked it pretty well for two hours but after breakfast with the club owner Craig Glazer I went back to the hotel and crashed out. Well, I tried to anyway. The maids didn’t get the meaning of a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign and kept knocking to ask if I needed any more towels.
The club is in a huge new entertainment complex called Legends at Village West and it’s absolutely spectacular. If I’m going to be out on the road this is the kind of place I want to work. I like the town and the owner and the staff is friendly. I hope I can sell some tickets.
I feel like a zombie today after the long day yesterday. I was up at 4am and running like a maniac to finish my errands before heading over to the Jerry Springer taping. I forgot to mention I got to be on the show at the end segment where the audience gets to have at the freak panel. The producer said they wanted to have funny insult lines so I gave them one.
A few years ago I ad libbed a line on a heckler that laid him out. He was rowdy hillbilly goofball who wouldn’t shut up and I said ‘I really wish you would have stayed home and
(had sex) with one of the bullet holes on your trailer.’ The audience cheered and so did the other comics and wait staff too. That line has been passed around quite a bit since I said it.
I’ve used it many times since and I like to save it until things really start getting ugly so I can haul it up out of nowhere and sting some drunken idiot with it right between the eyes. It’s gotten to the point where quite a few people have requested it. That’s not common for a heckler line. I thought it would be a good opportunity to own it by using it on television.
There weren’t very many good lines being thrown around by other audience members so I raised my hand and Jerry stuck the mike in my face and I let it fly. His head snapped back in laughter and the audience erupted and I got a thumbs up from the producer on the set.
I have no doubt it will be on the show so I can say I did the Jerry Springer show and the Craig Ferguson show in the same month. NOW I’m starting to get some momentum going on TV. What’s next, Leno? Letterman? COPS? I thought it would be fun to do so I did it.
I paid for that fun by having to drive all the way to Kansas City to do radio this morning. I thought it would be 550 miles but after my errands it turned out to be 700. I had to fight bad weather and bad traffic in Chicago and I didn’t end up getting to town until 4:30am.
This is the part of comedy nobody sees. I could barely stay awake the last three hours of driving but I needed to be in town and there were no excuses if I wasn’t. That’s part of my responsibilities as a headliner and if I don’t do media the club has a right to dock my pay.
I got into town and found my hotel and slept for maybe an hour and then got up and had to find my way to the radio station by 7am sharp. I did three interviews on three stations in two hours plus I taped a few segments to be run on Friday morning. They weren’t kidding when they said I would be all over the radio and hopefully it will help to sell a few tickets.
I faked it pretty well for two hours but after breakfast with the club owner Craig Glazer I went back to the hotel and crashed out. Well, I tried to anyway. The maids didn’t get the meaning of a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign and kept knocking to ask if I needed any more towels.
The club is in a huge new entertainment complex called Legends at Village West and it’s absolutely spectacular. If I’m going to be out on the road this is the kind of place I want to work. I like the town and the owner and the staff is friendly. I hope I can sell some tickets.
Jerry Springer Taping
Tuesday March 31st, 2009 - Kansas City, KS
Today was one for the bucket list. My friend Dale Irvin had an extra ticket to a taping of The Jerry Springer Show and he said after combing his list of contacts to look for anybody who might be warped enough to enjoy something like that he said my named jumped out.
I took that as a major compliment. I love to experience any kind of entertainment live to see what I can learn and I’ve often talked about wanting to see a Jerry Springer taping. He was a guest on our morning show on the Loop and I really liked him. He’s very intelligent.
We had him on the air by phone several times and he was always very gracious with us. Our studios were in the Hancock building and he lived there at the time and I’d see him at the bank inside it where we both had an account. He never acted like anything other than a guy waiting in line at the bank and more often than not people didn’t recognize him at all.
One morning after he was on I walked up to him at the bank and introduced myself and thanked him for being on the show and he was very pleasant. We chit chatted a minute and after that when I saw him we’d nod and smile. He just seemed to be very down to earth.
I remember I happened to be working in Cincinnati when he was a news anchor there. It was his very last night on the air before going to Chicago to start this show. He had one of his final thoughts about it and wasn’t sure if it would be a success or not but he was going to try it anyway and see what happened. As it turns out he made a pretty good decision.
Who in America hasn’t seen The Jerry Springer show on TV? His name alone describes a whole genre and he‘s become a part of pop culture and Americana. How many people in life get their name chanted by a studio audience year after year? He is as famous as it gets.
I wanted to see how it all came together live and when Dale called I jumped at it. Dale is a fan of entertainment too and he’s quite a showman himself. He’s a member of the Hall of Fame of the National Speakers Association and like Jerry Springer he’s a super showman.
The whole process was fascinating. The studio was a lot bigger than I imagined just like the Craig Ferguson show studio was a lot smaller. We were packed in and told what to do by a producer guy who made it very easy to understand. They have it down to a science at this point and after telling us what we needed to do he brought Jerry out to do a warm up.
Jerry did a few minutes of old jokes which caused Dale and I to wince. We took turns at hitting the punch lines right before Jerry did and the people in front of us looked at us like we were his writers or something. Both Dale and I would have destroyed that audience if we had the chance but that’s not why any of us were there. We wanted to see the freaks.
Jerry said the show has been running for 18 years and they tape 200 shows a year so that means he’s done about 3600 shows. WOW. That’s amazing. The shows can all be rerun in perpetuity and they are on in other countries too. The money has to be flowing like water.
I’ve been to tapings before and they can get quite long and boring. This show is taped in real time so it flies right by. Once the tape starts the show keeps moving. There’s music at the commercial breaks and then the show starts back up again. It all flowed very smoothly.
They made us go through a metal detector much like airport security and they checked us all with a photo I.D. for some reason. If I were a terrorist I don’t think I’d try to attack anyone at a Jerry Springer taping but I’m sure they have their reasons for doing it. It’s all down to a system by now and it’s worked for 18 years so who am I to question any of it?
A lot of things caught my attention during the process. One was how relatively normal most of the audience looked. They weren’t the trailer dweller types that are portrayed on the show at all. It was just a cross section of Chicago people gathered together in a room.
Another point I noticed was how easily a crowd can be manipulated. The producer was able to get a group of total strangers to yell and scream and chant and just about anything else he could want just by telling us to do it. It was fascinating to see how we all followed and did whatever he told us to. I knew I was there to be a part of it so I followed him too.
Still another thing that jumped out was just how absolutely ignorant people can be even when they’re told something over and over again. There were rules that Dale sent me and one of them was ‘no cell phones’. I saw that and didn’t even bring mine into the building.
That’s what I took ‘no cell phones’ to mean. I left mine in the car, knowing I was going into a TV taping and they didn’t allow them. Not a problem. Then the producer made the announcement again. And then we were warned one more time before the taping started.
I turned to Dale and said “I’ll bet after all this there will STILL be some pinhead who’ll have a phone go off.” Sure enough. About five minutes into the taping a phone went off in the audience and it stopped the taping. I was still shocked even though I predicted that it would happen. How stupid ARE people? Quite. This is why Jerry Springer is a rich man.
The actual show formula fascinated me too. There were three segments with people who started to tell their story and then Jerry would bring out more facts and keep it moving. He would then bring out another guest and then an almost fight would happen. It’s a lot like a professional wrestling formula where they don’t actually fight to any clear cut decisions.
They would run around the stage and almost get some licks in but the bouncers kept it a safe distance away. Again it involved crowd dynamics and the louder the crowd yelled the more the people on stage would chase each other. I found myself yelling along with them.
I have to believe most of these people are actors. In the wrestling business a staged fight is called a ‘work’. A real fight is called a ‘shoot’. This was a great work and I am fine with that. I love good entertainment and anything done well can be classified as that. Wrestling has been around for many years and that’s a total work. Even so people still pack arenas in droves to see it. Jerry Springer’s work has been going for 18 years and it’s working well.
Today was one for the bucket list. My friend Dale Irvin had an extra ticket to a taping of The Jerry Springer Show and he said after combing his list of contacts to look for anybody who might be warped enough to enjoy something like that he said my named jumped out.
I took that as a major compliment. I love to experience any kind of entertainment live to see what I can learn and I’ve often talked about wanting to see a Jerry Springer taping. He was a guest on our morning show on the Loop and I really liked him. He’s very intelligent.
We had him on the air by phone several times and he was always very gracious with us. Our studios were in the Hancock building and he lived there at the time and I’d see him at the bank inside it where we both had an account. He never acted like anything other than a guy waiting in line at the bank and more often than not people didn’t recognize him at all.
One morning after he was on I walked up to him at the bank and introduced myself and thanked him for being on the show and he was very pleasant. We chit chatted a minute and after that when I saw him we’d nod and smile. He just seemed to be very down to earth.
I remember I happened to be working in Cincinnati when he was a news anchor there. It was his very last night on the air before going to Chicago to start this show. He had one of his final thoughts about it and wasn’t sure if it would be a success or not but he was going to try it anyway and see what happened. As it turns out he made a pretty good decision.
Who in America hasn’t seen The Jerry Springer show on TV? His name alone describes a whole genre and he‘s become a part of pop culture and Americana. How many people in life get their name chanted by a studio audience year after year? He is as famous as it gets.
I wanted to see how it all came together live and when Dale called I jumped at it. Dale is a fan of entertainment too and he’s quite a showman himself. He’s a member of the Hall of Fame of the National Speakers Association and like Jerry Springer he’s a super showman.
The whole process was fascinating. The studio was a lot bigger than I imagined just like the Craig Ferguson show studio was a lot smaller. We were packed in and told what to do by a producer guy who made it very easy to understand. They have it down to a science at this point and after telling us what we needed to do he brought Jerry out to do a warm up.
Jerry did a few minutes of old jokes which caused Dale and I to wince. We took turns at hitting the punch lines right before Jerry did and the people in front of us looked at us like we were his writers or something. Both Dale and I would have destroyed that audience if we had the chance but that’s not why any of us were there. We wanted to see the freaks.
Jerry said the show has been running for 18 years and they tape 200 shows a year so that means he’s done about 3600 shows. WOW. That’s amazing. The shows can all be rerun in perpetuity and they are on in other countries too. The money has to be flowing like water.
I’ve been to tapings before and they can get quite long and boring. This show is taped in real time so it flies right by. Once the tape starts the show keeps moving. There’s music at the commercial breaks and then the show starts back up again. It all flowed very smoothly.
They made us go through a metal detector much like airport security and they checked us all with a photo I.D. for some reason. If I were a terrorist I don’t think I’d try to attack anyone at a Jerry Springer taping but I’m sure they have their reasons for doing it. It’s all down to a system by now and it’s worked for 18 years so who am I to question any of it?
A lot of things caught my attention during the process. One was how relatively normal most of the audience looked. They weren’t the trailer dweller types that are portrayed on the show at all. It was just a cross section of Chicago people gathered together in a room.
Another point I noticed was how easily a crowd can be manipulated. The producer was able to get a group of total strangers to yell and scream and chant and just about anything else he could want just by telling us to do it. It was fascinating to see how we all followed and did whatever he told us to. I knew I was there to be a part of it so I followed him too.
Still another thing that jumped out was just how absolutely ignorant people can be even when they’re told something over and over again. There were rules that Dale sent me and one of them was ‘no cell phones’. I saw that and didn’t even bring mine into the building.
That’s what I took ‘no cell phones’ to mean. I left mine in the car, knowing I was going into a TV taping and they didn’t allow them. Not a problem. Then the producer made the announcement again. And then we were warned one more time before the taping started.
I turned to Dale and said “I’ll bet after all this there will STILL be some pinhead who’ll have a phone go off.” Sure enough. About five minutes into the taping a phone went off in the audience and it stopped the taping. I was still shocked even though I predicted that it would happen. How stupid ARE people? Quite. This is why Jerry Springer is a rich man.
The actual show formula fascinated me too. There were three segments with people who started to tell their story and then Jerry would bring out more facts and keep it moving. He would then bring out another guest and then an almost fight would happen. It’s a lot like a professional wrestling formula where they don’t actually fight to any clear cut decisions.
They would run around the stage and almost get some licks in but the bouncers kept it a safe distance away. Again it involved crowd dynamics and the louder the crowd yelled the more the people on stage would chase each other. I found myself yelling along with them.
I have to believe most of these people are actors. In the wrestling business a staged fight is called a ‘work’. A real fight is called a ‘shoot’. This was a great work and I am fine with that. I love good entertainment and anything done well can be classified as that. Wrestling has been around for many years and that’s a total work. Even so people still pack arenas in droves to see it. Jerry Springer’s work has been going for 18 years and it’s working well.
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