Thursday March 10th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL Today would have been my good friend Tom Green’s birthday. He passed away from a horrible bout with cancer too soon in 2007, and was one of the most talented entertainers I’ve ever seen. He gave everything he had in every show, and I always learned something every time I watched him work. He was a pro’s pro, and one of my favorite people ever. Like me, Tom could be very picky about how his shows went, and very demanding, or at least appear that way to some. I know exactly how that is, as I’m looked at by some in the exact same way. Tough. They don’t get the fact a good entertainer wants to give each audience the best show possible, and will do whatever it takes to make sure that happens. I still am baffled as to why good people have to die so early. Tom was only 50, and had a lot of entertaining still left in him. He loved to share the talents he had, which were both vast and varied. He lived to please audiences, and he did it over and over again. He was a big time talent stuck in a small time town unfortunately, and never was fully appreciated. The smart people knew how great Tom was, and I guess I’ll just have to deal with it that the old saying ‘the masses are asses’ is absolutely true. Alexander Hamilton let that rip in 1790, and it’s gotten a lot worse since then. Average people like average things, and there are way too many average people in this world to suit my taste. Tom was way above that. I had lunch with my web person Shelley, who like millions of Americans needs to find a job to keep her bills paid. She has kids to feed, and lost her job at Godiva Chocolates a while back and it’s coming down to the nitty gritty. Unemployment has run out, and she needs to find an income very soon. Way too many Americans are getting to that point. She is such a hard worker and good honest person I wish I could hire her myself. She’s a helper and a giver like I try to be, and she’s not afraid to work for a living. She just can’t find the right gig. I know she wants to do comedy, but that’s not where to look to find any kind of stability. Kids have a nasty habit called eating, and they just won’t stop doing it. Shelley does a fantastic job of hosting the Mothership Connection radio show when I’m gone on the boats, and I wish we all got paid for doing that but we don’t. I tried to at least cheer her up as a friend and have lunch and let her vent a bit, but she really didn’t. She’s a tough chick, and one of the sweetest humans I know. Why do good people get screwed? I also had an appointment with a lady who knows the guy who’s working on the website for ‘Schlitz Happened’ and applied to help me with personal management stuff. She sent me an email and asked if we could meet up and discuss the possibility of me hiring her to help me with some of the things I need help with, which are many. I was really impressed. Her name is Julie and she is one sharp lady. She’s a single mom and has an ex who isn’t helping, and needs to earn a living to feed her kids. She chooses to keep a positive upbeat attitude and is just the kind of person I need to help me get organized. I know she’ll help.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Psychic Searching
Wednesday March 9th, 2011 - Kenosha, WI
Still thinking about my casino incident yesterday. Or was it a catastrophe? Maybe it was more of a cosmic kick in the keester, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Whatever it was, it got my total attention and kept it. Somewhere inside me there’s some kind of sensitivity to something related to psychic energy or a sixth sense, and it happens in random spurts.
I have no idea how to control it, or if it can be controlled at all. I can’t say it shows up any specific time, place or circumstance, because it doesn’t. A few times it’s happened at the wheel of my car, but not always. It’s just a feeling that drifts into my brain at random, and whenever I’ve acted on it it’s always been right. ALWAYS. I wish I could control it.
Maybe I can, but I haven’t looked into it. I’m sure there are books on increasing psychic powers, and 99% of them are scams - BUT, if there wasn’t some degree of truth in all this there wouldn’t be scammers able to con common folk out of their hard earned cabbage.
This kind of stuff fascinates me and always has. I think it’s more closely related to some explainable concept such as the Law of Attraction more than voodoo flim flam or like my cousin Brett calls it - ‘moonbeams and stardust’. There are too many examples available.
All of us are individual energy producing outlets, and all of us produce different energy. That energy manifests in the form of vibrations, and the whole good or bad vibes concept is a direct result. If changing our vibe changes our energy, it should change results also.
I really think there’s something to the Law of Attraction. Allegedly ‘The Secret’ left out a few important ingredients, but that doesn’t mean we don’t become what we think about or achieve things first conceived in the mind’s eye. That’s where it starts, but what else is in that mix of ingredients in the old brain pan? Are there tools in there we’re not using?
I’m going to read up more about all of this, if for no other reason to make conversation on the Mothership Connection radio show on AM 1050 WLIP. I know I’m by far not the only one to have had experiences like this, and I’m not even upset about not winning the big jackpot yesterday. I would have liked to have it, but I truly believe I’ll get even more.
It’s got to be a mindset thing. Just like the Law of Attraction, what one thinks about all the time is what manifests itself into one’s life. Earl Nightingale’s “The Strangest Secret” says the same thing, as do most self help books and courses around. Thoughts are things.
I know I can improve on everything in my life, and it all starts in the mind. My thoughts sometimes get scattered and can be all over the place, and my life reflects it more than I’d like it to. I wish I had a natural flair for organization, but I really don’t. I need to improve.
Maybe that’s why I’m here. Allegedly, we all have missions to accomplish while we are here and each of us have different lessons to learn. I know I’ve got a long way to go when it comes to a lot of things, so I choose to shut up and learn rather than complain about it.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Casino Cruelty
Tuesday March 8th, 2011 - Milwaukee, WI Up to Milwaukee today to connect and reconnect. I still need to find a home location to use as a base for ’Schlitz Happened!’ so I can work out the bugs and polish it into a show that flows seamlessly from one bit to the next. That‘s a process, and I want to find a place that won’t break me for theater rental. This is a work in progress, and I’m learning a lot. I was driving around downtown and out of nowhere came a strong urge to go straight to the Potawatomi Casino because it was time to win money. I’m a sporadic gambler at best, and it’s not something I make a habit of doing. Rarely do I make a conscious effort to go to any casino. If I’m working in one, I may risk a scant few bucks on random occasion. Today was different. My little inner voice told me to go straight there immediately, and that’s what I did. Video poker is usually my game of choice, and I especially like the one that plays up to fifty hands at a time. There are never more than a few of those machines, and often there’s a wait to get on one. Not today. I walked right up and sat down to play. I had two $20 bills in my wallet, and I decided that was my limit. I’ve experienced this ‘inner voice’ thing a few times before, and it’s usually right on so I expected to win a few bucks at the very least. I started playing at the two cent level and too soon $20 was gone. I had to play the other one, and I bumped it up to the nickel level. That took a little bit longer, but that eventually the second $20 got sucked up too. I carry an emergency $100 bill in my wallet and it’s been sitting in there so long I almost didn’t remember I had it. I reluctantly stuck the $100 bill into the machine and jumped up to the quarter level to expedite the process. If I’d win, I’d win. If not, I’d admit to hearing voices and move on. On the first hand, I thought I’d pressed ’maximum bet’, but the touch screen wasn’t very sensitive and I only ended up playing one hand instead of the full fifty I had intended to. Of course, for the first time ever, I was dealt four deuces and an ace. I sat there stunned. I won 1000 quarters, which was $250. That’s great, but I would have hit the jackpot with a maximum bet, and I fully intended to do it on that one hand. $250 times 50 is $12,500. There was a married couple playing the two machines to my right and they both saw me flinch and cry out in disgust. They said they’d never seen that happen and I said now they did so they’d have something to talk about forever. I sat there for a few minutes stewing. What is this inner voice, and how did it know that hand was coming up? Also, why did that touch screen malfunction and I only won the $250? I appreciate $250, but the big one would have been a lot better. Technically, I won it. In reality, I ended up blowing $140. I kept playing for a while, and eventually built the $250 up to $650. I was hitting hands I’d never hit before. I went up and down with levels and ended up playing for a couple of hours. Eventually, it was all gone, but I did have fun playing. The universe can be cruel. Was there a specific lesson I was supposed to learn from this? I thought I had learned it as a kid from my grandfather who told me “Gambling money has no home.” How correct he was. People may ’win’, but it’s only for a while. Eventually, that money leaves again. What was the right decision here? Had I left with the $250, I’d have been up for the day and in fine shape. I ended up playing, and got it up to $650. That would have been quite a bit better, and I’d have been in even better shape. That would have let me carry five $100 bills in my wallet as an emergency fund, or do whatever else I wanted. But I chose not to. Instead, I sat there trying to hone in on that inner voice, and see if I could control it with when I’d make a maximum bet on the quarter level. I’d play a number of hands on maybe the two cent level, then bump it up to the nickel and try a maximum bet. Sometimes I was right and other times not. It was a guess, and I didn’t sense any kind of a pattern with it. I think whatever psychic message I may have gotten was for that big jackpot hand and it was over after that hand came up. I blew it with the malfunction of not making 100% sure the maximum bet was in place, and there’s nobody to blame - not even me. It happens. I’m not angry, and I’m not even disappointed after that fact. Would it have been nice to walk out with several thousand dollars? Of course, but I wasn’t planning for it so it’s not a major loss. Had I entered a contest with a prize of $12,500 and lost, it may have put me in a sour mood. This was a lark, and in the end I look at it as only really losing my $140. Actually, it wasn’t even that bad. That $100 had been sitting in my wallet since summer because that’s when I started working cruise ships. I put it there in case I’d need it for cab fare or a hotel in a foreign country where they wouldn’t take a credit card. It was sitting in there for probably nine months, and I don’t really look at it as lost income. It was extra. The $40 isn’t the end of the world either. I often take 1% of my income and designate it for gambling on lottery tickets, scratch offs, whatever. I hadn’t bought any in months and this was it. I had an opportunity to walk away with several hundred dollars profit, but that wasn’t enough. I was greedy, stupid or a little bit of both. Still, I really had fun doing it. I don’t often get a chance to play for that long, and I really enjoyed it. I scored on some big hands, and that feels really good. It’s not like I’m going to slide into the pit of being a degenerate gambler, and it’s not a vice. I’ll probably not gamble again for several months. I wish I could pinpoint what that feeling is though. I can never control it, and it happens only once in a great while - but when I get it, it’s always right. This should be a hint from the universe to put my mind in constant position to receive rather than wander aimlessly. If nothing else, this will make a hell of a scene in a movie. If I didn’t live it, I would not believe it. But it really happened, and somewhere in the universe there’s an extra $12,500 floating around waiting to be claimed. I’m claiming it, but have no idea how to go collect it. I’m going back to work, hopefully I’ll EARN it. That’s the money that has a real home.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Comedy Stars Rising
Monday March 7th, 2011 - Chicago, IL The older I get, the more I realize just how small a role I have in the big scheme of life. Here I am, an infinitesimal speck of cosmic dust drifting through the universe hoping I’ll be able to make some sort of positive impact somewhere. To date, I’ve failed miserably. I haven’t even come close. I look back at all the hopes and dreams I had as a newbie in comedy and what piss poor half ass results I actually managed to get, and it’s downright embarrassing. I didn’t put half a dent in what I wanted to, and now it’s getting late to do much of anything. Kansas was right, all we are is dust in the wind and I’m blowing away. Nothing makes me feel more that way than hosting the Rising Star Showcase at Zanies in Chicago. I haven’t done that in a long time because I was working on the cruise ships, and boy was there a loaded show tonight. There is a thriving new generation of talented comics coming up the ranks, and I can see the game passing me by. It’s very humbling. I’ve been getting a lot of that lately. Maybe I need it. I didn’t think I was getting too big for my britches, but maybe I was. Just about the time I thought I was doing halfway well, I see all these new kids coming up and it makes me think I missed the career boat entirely. One after another, I watched these kids go up and knock it out of the park. I was glad to give them all solid introductions and sacrifice myself for the good of the show, as that’s a major part of being a good emcee. Unfortunately, that’s not how to become a star myself. I don’t know if it’s being a star that I want though. I just want to have people come to a show to see me, not just come to a show I happen to be on no matter what position that is. Not one of the people in the audience tonight was there to see me, they just came to see a comedy show - and a great one it was. They got way more than they paid for this evening. Names that might not register much now like Adam Burke, Pat McGann, Emily Galati, Michael Isaac, Pablo Rodriguez (a new one), Ryan Wingfield, Nate Weatherup and Mike Lebovitz are all well on their way to making that dent in life I never found a way to make. They’re out there slugging it out like I did for so long, and I see bright futures for all of them. But, it’s a hard game and an even harder lifestyle. That’s what weeds out potential and thins the herd. I’ve seen many a talented performer get sidetracked by life’s foibles. I wish the best for all these kids coming up. I know how hard it is, and I see comedy in a whole new perspective from this side of the game. I know I can help young talent find a solid path, as I’ve hacked my way through the jungle and found some not so good ones. Bert Haas and I had dinner before the show. He wants to expand the comedy classes at Zanies, but there are severe space limitations. Bill Gorgo is doing a great job teaching the beginner levels, but eventually there will be more need for advanced classes. I still love to teach and mentor young comics, and I see there are all kinds of good ones on the way up.
Monday, March 7, 2011
The Funny Bone And Joan
Sunday March 6th, 2011 - Pittsburgh, PA/Fox Lake, IL Sunrise. Sunset. This was probably the last time I go to Pittsburgh to do the Funny Bone there, and if it is I‘m fine with it. I’ve come full circle. I began my quarter century of road adventures there, and now it looks as if that‘s the place I’ll finish up. How symmetrical. What a roller coaster ride it’s been. Absolutely everything has changed during that time, including The Funny Bone’s physical location. The club has moved three times, and now it’s in the Radisson Inn Green Tree, not far from downtown. It’s nice, but not what it was. Back in the day, the Funny Bone in Pittsburgh ROCKED. The first location was on the south end of town in the Penn Hills section on Route 51. It was nothing special to look at, and in fact it was a bit dingy and run down - but that place cranked it out with the best of any comedy clubs I’ve ever seen. People came out to laugh, and the audieces were great. Like my hometown of Milwaukee, Pittsburgh was blue collar and had a large number of people who liked to go out - even during the week. I remember that club being packed for every show Tuesday through Saturday, with three red hot shows on Saturday to finish up. There was an Arby’s right across the street and between or after shows we’d get food to take back to the club or hotel. I remember a super hottie named Joan who I hit it off with, and was in love from the first minute I met her. She was a sweetie too, and I was smitten. One wouldn’t picture an Arby’s in Pittsburgh to be the place to meet hot chicks, but she stood out. She was Playboy material, and all the comics knew of her. I got to know her in the times I went there, and actually had the stones to ask her out. And she even said yes! I was probably 22 and she was about 19 or 20, and I was super excited about taking her out. Too bad I’d asked her on a Saturday, and was leaving the next day. There wasn’t any internet to stay in touch with each other, and by the time I came back she wasn’t working at the Arby’ anymore and I never saw her again. But all these years later I still remember. She really was a looker too. Most hotties like that aren’t named ‘Joan‘, with no offense to the women who are. They’re named ’Mona’ or ’Racquel’ or something that oozes sex appeal, like Joan did. Pittsburgh isn’t known for cranking out beatuties like that, even if there are a lot of nice looking women there - and there are. This one was a cosmic fluke. I wonder whatever happened to her? I’m sure she hooked up with some steel worker or cop or blue collar dude and cranked out some babies. She’s now in her 40’s and couldn’t turn a head if she wanted to. Or maybe not. Maybe one of the Steelers players stopped at that Arby’s and swept her off her feet and she’s living on easy street with a sweet life. Whatever it is, it’s not what it was for either of us. I was a young punk with hopes and dreams and something to prove. Now, all I wanted was to get my money and get home to start working on my next adventure. My youth is gone, but I still want to chase a dream.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
A Cadillac Adventure
Saturday March 5th, 2011 - Ft. Wayne, IN/Pittsburgh, PA
Back on the road. I had a weekend in Pittsburgh booked before being asked to perform at the benefit show last night for the Continental Showcase radio show. I wouldn’t cancel on a booker without calling, and I tried to make it right with the Pittsburgh club owner.
I offered to either just come in on the Saturday, or postpone the weekend to a date down the road. He chose the Saturday, so I did it. If nothing else, I’m a man of my word. If I say I’ll do something, I’ll do my best to do it - even if it means losing money, which I’ll do.
I wanted to rent a car, but I got to the place late and it was closed. I was going to head to Milwaukee last night and drive as far as I could and get a hotel rather than drive the entire way to Pittsburgh, which is a chunk of real estate. Instead, I had to press the old war horse Cadillac into service which is always a risk. Not only that, the gas it sucks is a money pit.
After the Milwaukee show I got in the Caddy and rubbed the steering wheel for any bit of good luck I could squeeze out of it. Being stuck between Milwaukee and Pittsburgh is not my idea of adventure these days. I wanted to fulfill my commitment and come home.
I made it to Ft. Wayne, IN and got a hotel room there. That’s another expense, but I will lose money anyway for the week so I wanted to be safe and get some sleep. I drifted off to sleep but got jarred awake with a phone call at 9:55 telling me it was time to check out.
I get screwed out of an hour because of the time change, but that’s life. Then, there was a loud knock at my door at 9:59 my time telling me in no uncertain terms my time was up and it was time to go. I should have stayed at the Motel 6 across the street, but I wanted to help out the little guy. So much for that. The light they left on for me was an ‘EXIT’ sign.
The Cadillac sucked gas as it usually does, but it rode smoothly the whole way. I do like the feel of riding in a big old road yacht, and if I was going to eat money anyway at least I had a comfortable ride. I had plenty of time to think, and I used my time the best I could.
Pittsburgh will always have a special place in my heart comedy wise. It will always be a pleasant memory because it was the very first time I did a real live away from home week on the road and got paid for it. It was a thrill, but little did I know what I was getting into.
That was January of 1986, and I remember it because it was the week the Space Shuttle blew up the first time. I don’t know if that was symbolic or not, but it does help me put it all into a time frame. I was so young and stupid then with a lot to prove to a lot of people. I was supposed to do 15 minutes as the opener, but I doubt I had that much solid material.
Now, I was the wily veteran closer, and had more than enough material. There were two shows at the Radisson Hotel where the Funny Bone now is, and the crowds were the good solid laughers I remembered from all my years here. I ripped it up both shows, and didn’t even rub it in about the Super Bowl like I thought I would. These people were too nice.
A Humble Pie Buffet
Friday March 4th, 2011 - Milwaukee, WI
The life of an entertainer is never easy, but some days can be downright nasty and extra difficult to deal with. Today the bakery of life was serving up humble pie, and I had three pieces with my name on them to munch without the benefit of milk to wash them down.
Depending on the level of one’s skin thickness, each situation has its own level of pain attached. That can go from ‘stings a little’ to ‘call an ambulance’ to anywhere in between. After a while, there seems to always be a lingering level of inner pain that never leaves.
The three that stick out today aren’t new, but I wasn’t planning for any of them. First, it was an insult comedians hear all too often - “I know I’m just as funny as YOU, but I just never had time to get in the business.” How ignorant, but I hear it a lot. My bleeding ass.
Funny has little to nothing to do with any of being a professional comedian on a day to day basis. Dealing with chiseling bookers and having to constantly travel are bad enough. In fact, years of that helps amputate whatever natural funny that may be inside someone.
We who do have the trouser plums to even try it find out quickly how insane the whole thing is, and we’re either scared off or too in need of the attention from strangers to back out. It’s easy to say “I’m just as funny as YOU,” but unless you get out there and actually DO it - keep your crumb infested pie hole zipped. But, people will think what they think.
The person who said it not only said it in a condescending way, but is a prominent name in Milwaukee and would be recognized immediately if I revealed it, which I won’t. I’m in no mood to argue, so I’ll let it go. Whether I’m funny or not, at least I went out and did it.
The second flaming ego dart came from a person I’ve known for many years who I met with to see about producing some ‘Schlitz Happened!’ shows. We’ve worked on stuff in the past, even though it was many years ago now. I thought we had a good working vibe, but I guess I was wrong. He sat there and ripped the show up one end and down the other.
I couldn’t believe it, only because it was so thorough and again condescendingly said in an icy tone. Every imbecile and their grandmother knows what funny is in their mind, and have heaping scoops of advice to hand out even when they’re not asked for. Critiques are one thing, but ripping something in ignorance is totally different. I sat there and took it.
Then I had to sit and hear him tell me how much he could bring to the table and how I’d be fortunate to have him work with me on this project, because he’d be the one to make it a household name. I swallowed hard and thanked him for his time - the last I’ll ask for it.
The third humbler was at The Bavarian Inn for my friend Robert Deglau, who hosts The Continental Showcase, a German radio show which has been on for 55 years. He’s a great guy and I’m flattered he asked, but there were a lot of older people who had no idea what I was doing up there. I tried my best, but it was a struggle. All this keeps a guy humble.
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