Thursday September 13th, 2007 - Toledo, OH
There have been idiots since the birth of humankind. These complete wastes of a sexual encounter have managed to survive throughout the generations and continue to dilute the gene pool on our home planet to this very minute. I don’t know why we can’t exterminate these jelly headed halfwits but for some reason like the cockroach they continue to breed.
There was a perfect example of it tonight at Connxtions Comedy Club in Toledo, OH. It was otherwise a really enjoyable evening and we were all having a lot of fun until SHE had to start inflicting her total stupidity on everyone with her uncontrolled vowel movements.
‘SHE’ was a twenty something sorority looking prissy missy who had an annoying little whiny squeak for a voice and for whatever reason starting babbling like an auctioneer right in the middle of the show. I don’t know if it was alcohol induced or clinical but it made the show a lot more difficult than it needed to be. I was doing quite well until SHE piped up.
It was college ID night and also open mike night and the crowd was very young. Usually I don’t do well in college age audiences but tonight they were really good. They were very polite and they listened and were good solid laughers and I started strong and got on a roll in a short time. I slowed it down and was animated and laid back and they were all into it.
Everyone but HER. She was a good looking blondie with her two tan blonde friends and I’m sure she’s never had to worry about anything in her life. Daddy buys her anything and her boobs sprouted early and boys liked her so she never had to learn any kind of manners.
She just started talking loudly to her friends and I called her on it politely and then later I saw her checking her cell phone messages and after that she decided she wanted to be part of the show because evidently something ELSE being the center of attention bothered her.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life it’s how to handle a heckler in a comedy show audience. I’ve had plenty of practice and I’ve seen just about every possible scenario that’s ever been imagined actually happen in real life. Sometimes it can get ugly and it’s not fun.
It didn’t really get ugly tonight but it certainly could have. It’s THE most delicate when a woman heckles because even if it’s her fault if I’m too mean (or perceived to be) then I look like the villain. I’ve seen it go the other way many times and then I’m in a big hole. It took a lot of years to get the experience and savvy to pull off tonight’s scenario but I did.
After about the twelfth time I slammed her (as always MUCH to the delight of everyone else) she just started yelling the word ‘CHEESE’ over and over again. I assumed that that was a reference to me being from Wisconsin but to hear it every fifteen seconds for several minutes didn’t make my job any easier. I fired off some more ad libs and they got a strong response but it just gets very old in a short time. What finished her off was when she threw it out one last time and I answered back ‘Cheese. Yes, I heard you. Is that what the doctor was sandblasting out of your crotch this morning?’ The audience’s roar drowned her out.
I love the ones that paint a vivid picture and come together on the spur of the moment. I was as nice to her as I could be for as long as I could be so when I nailed her with that one it was like Nagasaki and Hiroshima all rolled into one. The audience went into hysterics. It was delivered the right way at the right time and I didn’t get angry or cross the line with it.
When I first started I would look forward to teeing off on hecklers because it was a little jolt of therapy. I have always had a quick wit and even as a kid I could verbally lay out just about anybody I came in contact with. I didn’t want to do it but if I had to I could hold my own and defend myself. Comedy gave me the chance to make a few bucks while doing it.
There were times when I’d verbally batter a drunken moron so badly that audiences and even a few club owners would take the side of the heckler. He or she would fire up a lame little attempt at an insult and I’d fire back with a personal assault on their entire family tree that more than once got them out of their seat and had them heading for the stage. I never backed down from anybody who yelled out from the crowd and that comes from my past.
My father was a bully and I learned that bullies back down when you push back. What I was doing when a heckler yelled something out was fighting back against my father, NOT the drunken goof who probably had issues with his own father. I learned how to harness it over the years and now I am very comfortable with any situation and no longer take any of it personally. That is what now makes it so enjoyable for me. I know I’m going to win and I can just play with them for a while before going in for the kill. That’s what I did tonight.
I have no idea how this skill will ever help me in my life but as I have come up the ranks in comedy clubs it sure has helped me defend myself. Many a night when I’ve lit into some bumbling soup head I’ve had people line up to tell me it was the funniest thing they’d ever seen. I guess I’ve always been willing to say out loud what most people only think about.
My big yap has gotten me into plenty of trouble. One booker said to me once ’You have the outspoken big mouth of a star without having gone through the pesky trouble of being successful first.’ I guess he was right. If Sean Penn or Madonna say something they have a few million bucks to fall back on. I get to fight heckling bimbos in Toledo to pay my bills.
I was talking to my friend Byrd from the Loop the other day and he’s a big Beatles fan. He said John Lennon was very similar and just said whatever he thought which many times got him into big trouble. I wish I could have hung out with him. I bet we’d have hit it off.
Why does everyone have such a problem with the truth? No it isn’t always pleasant but I think that sugar coating it is even worse. It’s like dating. If someone doesn’t like someone else wouldn’t it be much easier if a person just knew the truth rather than hear all the ‘Call me next week’ twaddle which just wastes everyone’s time? Life doesn’t make sense to me.
At least I don’t have to live my life as that babbling bimbo from tonight. Her boobs are a shield from the real world now but when they drop like Michael Vick’s fantasy draft status she’ll be all alone and have to fend for herself with just personality. What an unfair fight.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
September 11th
Tuesday September 11th, 2007 - South Bend, IN
What is there to say about 9/11 that hasn’t already been said? Today is exactly six years into an entire shift in the way life is lived on our planet. It was the most significant event of the 21st century and I hope it isn’t topped any time soon. It was all over the media today as I flipped through both TV and radio stations and after a while it just got to be too much of a sad thing. All of the interviews with victim’s families and reliving the horror was not fun.
My life sure has changed since that day. I was living in Salt Lake City and had been fired from my radio job about a week before. I was about as low as I thought I could get at that point because I had bought a house and didn’t know how I was going to pay the mortgage and then my friend Warwick called from Chicago and told me to turn on my TV. Then like the rest of America I didn’t leave my couch for three days and watched the world change.
My grandparents used to talk about the shock and horror of Pearl Harbor. Every year on December 7th they would mention it and remember where they were and how it was talked about like the world was coming to an end. Much of the news was told word of mouth but in a short time everybody knew and it was a generational event that everyone related to.
I also remember my 8th grade teacher Miss Melcher (the one who told me I wouldn’t be able to find a job being a smart ass like I was in her class) telling us about how the news of the Kennedy assassination shocked her entire class when she was in school. That was their generational event for that era. TV helped bring it a little closer but it still wasn’t like now.
9/11 was completely different. We sat and watched it unfold like a horror movie right on our TV in our own living room. Walter Cronkite was on the phone getting fed bad rumors about JFK and he stumbled awkwardly through it in 1963 but we saw 9/11 unfold blow by blow and plane by plane live and in color for us to follow like a soap opera as it unfolded.
There were replays and reverse angles and slow motion just like football highlights and it was a feeding frenzy for every member of the media who was on the air reporting it live. It was breaking totally new ground on a lot of levels and everyone alive then remembers it all like it was yesterday. Something like that is such a vivid memory it burns into our psyches.
I will never forget the weekend of shows that week. All planes were grounded and I was not working that week but I got a call to go to Elko, NV to work a weekend gig in a hotel there. It’s about six hours from Salt Lake City and whoever was booked couldn’t get any flights so I filled in. Nobody was laughing about anything in America then including any of the comedians but after a few days of watching constant 24 hour death and destruction it’s time to have a laugh to change the somber mood. But what could be funny about all this?
That drive was very long and lonely as it crossed my mind over and over that I’d have an impossible job of trying to be funny a couple of days after the biggest tragedy in American history. I knew that every other comedian had the same challenge and all we could do was go up and do our best. I had a stiff show on Friday but Saturday was a laugh explosion.
Friday’s show was like everyone was distracted. Nobody wanted to deal with what we’d just watched on TV for three days and I couldn’t get them to pop more than just a handful of polite laughs during my whole show. I tried my hardest but that just wasn’t the place or the time for laughing quite yet. I apologized to the club manager but he wasn’t angry at all because he too was stunned from all of the chaos. He shook my hand and told me it was a horrible week to try to be funny and he was absolutely right. But I still had another show.
Saturday was completely different. That was like shooting fish in a barrel. They all really wanted a show and wanted to laugh and forget about the heaviest week in history and that was one of the best shows I can ever remember doing. It just flowed from all angles and it was therapy for everyone in the place including myself. I remember ending my set with my big closer which got huge laughs and applause breaks and then I said a sincere ‘God bless AMERICA…our home sweet HOME.’ That brought down the house and I could feel the tension bubble pop and the whole room began to start the healing process at that moment.
Watching the rehashing of it on TV today wasn’t something I wanted to relive right now in my life. I have enough problems with depression without this bringing me back down. It was horrible and tragic and people lost lives and I can’t imagine how horrific it was for the families of those who died that day so randomly and unexpectedly. It’s sad beyond words.
That being said, I still can’t help but wonder what the real story was behind all of it. We will never know the full truth just like we will never know what really happened to JFK. If it does come out it will be so far in the future that everyone who was alive at that time will be dead and those alive won’t care as much as those who lived it. Those memories linger.
I remember my grandparents talking about rumors going around back then concerning a cover up about Pearl Harbor. Supposedly Roosevelt knew all about it and turned his back because we needed to be in a war because it was good for the economy back in that time.
Was it true? Who knows? What about JFK? Who really killed him? Hard to say that too. Rumors are rampant about all sorts of ways 9/11 just didn’t add up. I remember my cousin Brett calling me a few hours after the towers went down and saying ‘This doesn‘t add up.’ He is a carpenter by trade and builds things for a living. He said there’s no way both of the towers could have fallen straight down like they did by sheer chance. He suspected a plot.
Whether any of this is true or what the true story is we all watched history change in one day six years ago today. Years from now people will look back at ‘pre 9/11’ as a mythical time of Leave It To Beaver innocence where all was right with the world and everybody in America was rich and problem free. The infamous ‘New World Order’ won’t be so nice. It probably started that day and we are sure to be in store for a lot more changes coming up.
I’m sick of thinking of all that for now. I just want to get some LAUGHS in Toledo this week. That’s my own personal ‘joke jihad’. I left from Lake Villa tonight and got a hotel room in South Bend, IN to break up the drive a little. I feel a lot better if I don’t have that big drive staring me in the face on a day I have to perform. This way is a lot more relaxed.
What is there to say about 9/11 that hasn’t already been said? Today is exactly six years into an entire shift in the way life is lived on our planet. It was the most significant event of the 21st century and I hope it isn’t topped any time soon. It was all over the media today as I flipped through both TV and radio stations and after a while it just got to be too much of a sad thing. All of the interviews with victim’s families and reliving the horror was not fun.
My life sure has changed since that day. I was living in Salt Lake City and had been fired from my radio job about a week before. I was about as low as I thought I could get at that point because I had bought a house and didn’t know how I was going to pay the mortgage and then my friend Warwick called from Chicago and told me to turn on my TV. Then like the rest of America I didn’t leave my couch for three days and watched the world change.
My grandparents used to talk about the shock and horror of Pearl Harbor. Every year on December 7th they would mention it and remember where they were and how it was talked about like the world was coming to an end. Much of the news was told word of mouth but in a short time everybody knew and it was a generational event that everyone related to.
I also remember my 8th grade teacher Miss Melcher (the one who told me I wouldn’t be able to find a job being a smart ass like I was in her class) telling us about how the news of the Kennedy assassination shocked her entire class when she was in school. That was their generational event for that era. TV helped bring it a little closer but it still wasn’t like now.
9/11 was completely different. We sat and watched it unfold like a horror movie right on our TV in our own living room. Walter Cronkite was on the phone getting fed bad rumors about JFK and he stumbled awkwardly through it in 1963 but we saw 9/11 unfold blow by blow and plane by plane live and in color for us to follow like a soap opera as it unfolded.
There were replays and reverse angles and slow motion just like football highlights and it was a feeding frenzy for every member of the media who was on the air reporting it live. It was breaking totally new ground on a lot of levels and everyone alive then remembers it all like it was yesterday. Something like that is such a vivid memory it burns into our psyches.
I will never forget the weekend of shows that week. All planes were grounded and I was not working that week but I got a call to go to Elko, NV to work a weekend gig in a hotel there. It’s about six hours from Salt Lake City and whoever was booked couldn’t get any flights so I filled in. Nobody was laughing about anything in America then including any of the comedians but after a few days of watching constant 24 hour death and destruction it’s time to have a laugh to change the somber mood. But what could be funny about all this?
That drive was very long and lonely as it crossed my mind over and over that I’d have an impossible job of trying to be funny a couple of days after the biggest tragedy in American history. I knew that every other comedian had the same challenge and all we could do was go up and do our best. I had a stiff show on Friday but Saturday was a laugh explosion.
Friday’s show was like everyone was distracted. Nobody wanted to deal with what we’d just watched on TV for three days and I couldn’t get them to pop more than just a handful of polite laughs during my whole show. I tried my hardest but that just wasn’t the place or the time for laughing quite yet. I apologized to the club manager but he wasn’t angry at all because he too was stunned from all of the chaos. He shook my hand and told me it was a horrible week to try to be funny and he was absolutely right. But I still had another show.
Saturday was completely different. That was like shooting fish in a barrel. They all really wanted a show and wanted to laugh and forget about the heaviest week in history and that was one of the best shows I can ever remember doing. It just flowed from all angles and it was therapy for everyone in the place including myself. I remember ending my set with my big closer which got huge laughs and applause breaks and then I said a sincere ‘God bless AMERICA…our home sweet HOME.’ That brought down the house and I could feel the tension bubble pop and the whole room began to start the healing process at that moment.
Watching the rehashing of it on TV today wasn’t something I wanted to relive right now in my life. I have enough problems with depression without this bringing me back down. It was horrible and tragic and people lost lives and I can’t imagine how horrific it was for the families of those who died that day so randomly and unexpectedly. It’s sad beyond words.
That being said, I still can’t help but wonder what the real story was behind all of it. We will never know the full truth just like we will never know what really happened to JFK. If it does come out it will be so far in the future that everyone who was alive at that time will be dead and those alive won’t care as much as those who lived it. Those memories linger.
I remember my grandparents talking about rumors going around back then concerning a cover up about Pearl Harbor. Supposedly Roosevelt knew all about it and turned his back because we needed to be in a war because it was good for the economy back in that time.
Was it true? Who knows? What about JFK? Who really killed him? Hard to say that too. Rumors are rampant about all sorts of ways 9/11 just didn’t add up. I remember my cousin Brett calling me a few hours after the towers went down and saying ‘This doesn‘t add up.’ He is a carpenter by trade and builds things for a living. He said there’s no way both of the towers could have fallen straight down like they did by sheer chance. He suspected a plot.
Whether any of this is true or what the true story is we all watched history change in one day six years ago today. Years from now people will look back at ‘pre 9/11’ as a mythical time of Leave It To Beaver innocence where all was right with the world and everybody in America was rich and problem free. The infamous ‘New World Order’ won’t be so nice. It probably started that day and we are sure to be in store for a lot more changes coming up.
I’m sick of thinking of all that for now. I just want to get some LAUGHS in Toledo this week. That’s my own personal ‘joke jihad’. I left from Lake Villa tonight and got a hotel room in South Bend, IN to break up the drive a little. I feel a lot better if I don’t have that big drive staring me in the face on a day I have to perform. This way is a lot more relaxed.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Not Enough Time
Monday September 10th, 2007 - Chicago, IL/Lake Villa, IL
Time management is becoming an issue. There are too many things going on and when I work on one thing everything else lags behind. Mondays are my busiest day and today was extra packed. It was squeezing the proverbial six pounds of potato salad into a two pound bag and the bag was breaking. But who eats proverbial potato salad and if they do why do they put it in a bag? Potato salad is supposed to be in a plastic container, right? I think it is but I don’t have any extra time left to devote to potato salad quandaries at the moment.
I just cleaned out my emails and phone calls in Utah last week but they’re starting to pile up again. I couldn’t answer them today because I was preparing to teach the new comedy class at Zanies in Chicago and after that I would host the new talent showcase. That’s my usual Monday schedule as of late and believe me it’s a full day of work. Not only that I’ve moved so far out in the sticks I have to leave extra early to make it into the city on time.
Today I needed to come in early to have dinner with Bert Haas. Bert is the booker and I had to cancel a couple of gigs coming up because of scheduling conflicts. He was working on some things and had time between that and the showcase so he suggested we go grab a meal and work everything out with schedules, classes and anything else that needed fixing.
I also needed to drop off laundry and pick up mail and run those kind of errands. I got a head start on traffic but still got trapped in pockets on the way in because it was raining. It shouldn’t have backed up traffic but somehow it did and that took even more time away. I made it to the city and fought more traffic and ran my errands and made it to Zanies about 4:30 to meet Bert who was also running late with a backlog of calls so I waited for him.
All these little things drain time away from life I’ll never get back. I can’t get to working on stuff if I’m stuck behind a truck in the rain on the freeway trying to get into the city. It isn’t only me and I don’t know what to do about it. Who’s got time to do everything? Not me. Day after day it’s a struggle just to get the basics done and everything else piles up.
I met with my writing partner Rick last week and still haven’t gotten ONE word finished on our movie script project. I need to do that but when? I had to teach class today and not only that Warwick was recording it so that was another issue. He was running late too and by the time we both got there we had had a full day of stress and class hadn’t even started.
Bill Gorgo sat in so he could see how and what I taught in case he ever might fill in for a future session. He’s already a teacher and a comedian too so I know he could do it but the method I’ve come up with over the years is pretty smooth by now and works well. It’s not necessary to switch it and he gets that so he felt like hanging out and observing this round.
I never mind at all because he really adds to the mix and the students are getting a bonus for their money. This looks like a good group and there are some real characters in it. I am always amazed that people still want to learn about comedy and this class is packed full of more. The class went well and we recorded it so now we’ll see if it can be cut up and sold.
That’s the key to everything I’m doing right now. How can I sell it? I love teaching but I have never made a lot of money from it. Bill is a full time teacher and is very good at what he does and is passionate not only about his teaching but about the students in his school.
I know I’m the same way with my class but it’s of legend how poorly teachers get paid. It’s been an issue for years and years and I don’t want to quit but I don’t want to work for nothing either. I make a few bucks at it but after gas and a hamburger and all the time I am spending preparing for each week I really don’t come out all that far ahead financially. I’m probably actually losing money in the long run but I enjoy it so much I don’t want to stop.
It makes it a little easier to get a chance to host the showcase shows. Over the years I’ve done enough showcase shows as a showcaser for free that it’s nice to finally get paid. That helps make it worth my drive into the city to teach but still it isn’t making me wealthy. I’m surviving and supplementing my income but the huge money isn’t ever going to be there.
That’s why I need to pull off something extra like the comedy classes on line or finishing up the movie script and selling it or some other kind of side project. My big idea I thought of in Utah is a money making enterprise also but that’s going to take a lot of steps to get it going and it’s nowhere near ready to start paying off any time soon. In fact it will cost me money as I get it started and I need to keep working so I can pay to get that project going.
I’m still doing what I enjoy though so no matter what happens at least I’ve got that. It’s all revolving around comedy in one form or another and that’s a HUGE positive as far as I can see. I’m not getting rich but I’m not starving either and my days are packed with what I have always wanted to do. I am sure I’m not the only one struggling with time issues but I’d be miserable if I was doing it while working a day job I couldn’t stand for low money.
I think that’s what most of the world does every single day and so no wonder everybody has a short temper and a bad attitude. Everyone is trying to do their own hustle and find a way to make a buck. I don’t have a problem with that but when it’s not honest it bugs me.
There are now several weasels ‘teaching’ comedy classes and I’ll admit that it absolutely bugs me. I’m not upset if a qualified comedian teaches one. Bill Gorgo can and has taught his own classes in the past and they were excellent. I would pay to take his class and he is qualified to teach. He knows how difficult it is and like me he does it because he loves it.
I just resent it when idiots spring up from the mud with no credentials as a comedian and then try to make off with the students’ money. They are the ones that charge the most and deliver the least in return. What amazes me even more is that there are people who will go to their classes and allow them to perpetuate the scam even more. It does rankle me a little but what can I do about it? I guess I’ll have to accept it because they‘re not going away.
True competition is healthy. Ford needs Chevy and McDonald’s needs Burger King. It’s a checks and balances thing and keeps things on the up and up. I am totally fine with other comedy classes. I just have a problem with ones that aren’t taught by actual comedians.
Time management is becoming an issue. There are too many things going on and when I work on one thing everything else lags behind. Mondays are my busiest day and today was extra packed. It was squeezing the proverbial six pounds of potato salad into a two pound bag and the bag was breaking. But who eats proverbial potato salad and if they do why do they put it in a bag? Potato salad is supposed to be in a plastic container, right? I think it is but I don’t have any extra time left to devote to potato salad quandaries at the moment.
I just cleaned out my emails and phone calls in Utah last week but they’re starting to pile up again. I couldn’t answer them today because I was preparing to teach the new comedy class at Zanies in Chicago and after that I would host the new talent showcase. That’s my usual Monday schedule as of late and believe me it’s a full day of work. Not only that I’ve moved so far out in the sticks I have to leave extra early to make it into the city on time.
Today I needed to come in early to have dinner with Bert Haas. Bert is the booker and I had to cancel a couple of gigs coming up because of scheduling conflicts. He was working on some things and had time between that and the showcase so he suggested we go grab a meal and work everything out with schedules, classes and anything else that needed fixing.
I also needed to drop off laundry and pick up mail and run those kind of errands. I got a head start on traffic but still got trapped in pockets on the way in because it was raining. It shouldn’t have backed up traffic but somehow it did and that took even more time away. I made it to the city and fought more traffic and ran my errands and made it to Zanies about 4:30 to meet Bert who was also running late with a backlog of calls so I waited for him.
All these little things drain time away from life I’ll never get back. I can’t get to working on stuff if I’m stuck behind a truck in the rain on the freeway trying to get into the city. It isn’t only me and I don’t know what to do about it. Who’s got time to do everything? Not me. Day after day it’s a struggle just to get the basics done and everything else piles up.
I met with my writing partner Rick last week and still haven’t gotten ONE word finished on our movie script project. I need to do that but when? I had to teach class today and not only that Warwick was recording it so that was another issue. He was running late too and by the time we both got there we had had a full day of stress and class hadn’t even started.
Bill Gorgo sat in so he could see how and what I taught in case he ever might fill in for a future session. He’s already a teacher and a comedian too so I know he could do it but the method I’ve come up with over the years is pretty smooth by now and works well. It’s not necessary to switch it and he gets that so he felt like hanging out and observing this round.
I never mind at all because he really adds to the mix and the students are getting a bonus for their money. This looks like a good group and there are some real characters in it. I am always amazed that people still want to learn about comedy and this class is packed full of more. The class went well and we recorded it so now we’ll see if it can be cut up and sold.
That’s the key to everything I’m doing right now. How can I sell it? I love teaching but I have never made a lot of money from it. Bill is a full time teacher and is very good at what he does and is passionate not only about his teaching but about the students in his school.
I know I’m the same way with my class but it’s of legend how poorly teachers get paid. It’s been an issue for years and years and I don’t want to quit but I don’t want to work for nothing either. I make a few bucks at it but after gas and a hamburger and all the time I am spending preparing for each week I really don’t come out all that far ahead financially. I’m probably actually losing money in the long run but I enjoy it so much I don’t want to stop.
It makes it a little easier to get a chance to host the showcase shows. Over the years I’ve done enough showcase shows as a showcaser for free that it’s nice to finally get paid. That helps make it worth my drive into the city to teach but still it isn’t making me wealthy. I’m surviving and supplementing my income but the huge money isn’t ever going to be there.
That’s why I need to pull off something extra like the comedy classes on line or finishing up the movie script and selling it or some other kind of side project. My big idea I thought of in Utah is a money making enterprise also but that’s going to take a lot of steps to get it going and it’s nowhere near ready to start paying off any time soon. In fact it will cost me money as I get it started and I need to keep working so I can pay to get that project going.
I’m still doing what I enjoy though so no matter what happens at least I’ve got that. It’s all revolving around comedy in one form or another and that’s a HUGE positive as far as I can see. I’m not getting rich but I’m not starving either and my days are packed with what I have always wanted to do. I am sure I’m not the only one struggling with time issues but I’d be miserable if I was doing it while working a day job I couldn’t stand for low money.
I think that’s what most of the world does every single day and so no wonder everybody has a short temper and a bad attitude. Everyone is trying to do their own hustle and find a way to make a buck. I don’t have a problem with that but when it’s not honest it bugs me.
There are now several weasels ‘teaching’ comedy classes and I’ll admit that it absolutely bugs me. I’m not upset if a qualified comedian teaches one. Bill Gorgo can and has taught his own classes in the past and they were excellent. I would pay to take his class and he is qualified to teach. He knows how difficult it is and like me he does it because he loves it.
I just resent it when idiots spring up from the mud with no credentials as a comedian and then try to make off with the students’ money. They are the ones that charge the most and deliver the least in return. What amazes me even more is that there are people who will go to their classes and allow them to perpetuate the scam even more. It does rankle me a little but what can I do about it? I guess I’ll have to accept it because they‘re not going away.
True competition is healthy. Ford needs Chevy and McDonald’s needs Burger King. It’s a checks and balances thing and keeps things on the up and up. I am totally fine with other comedy classes. I just have a problem with ones that aren’t taught by actual comedians.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sunday Fun
Sunday September 9th, 2007 - Lake Villa, IL
Packers win. Bears lose. Anything after that is gravy. Today was the opening day of the NFL season but I didn’t want to spend it inside watching TV because it was a perfect day to be outside enjoying the weather. This time of year is the best in Chicago and there will be plenty of days to rot on a couch somewhere and stare at football when it’s snowing.
Today was spectacular in the weather department. Sunny with a breeze and no humidity. I had some friends invite me to their rummage sale in the city and I went just to get out for a while. I ended up stopping at a few more and picked up some stuff to use as bonuses for people who buy a CD at a show. I always wanted to give away a bonus of some sort to all the people who buy something and now I have a bag of trinkets stuffed with cheap prizes.
Marketing gimmicks is something I really enjoy. I don’t know if I’m good at it but I like it. Finding out what sells and what the right price is is a game and I want to play it more. I have taken a mail order course from my friend Melvin Powers out in California and he has made millions in his lifetime and said it can still be done today. That intrigues me totally.
I listened to football all the way home and it’s always great when the Packers win. It’s a double treat when the Bears lose because there is a post game call in radio show hosted by two former Bears Doug Buffone and Ed O’Bradovich that’s classic radio. They holler and scream and swear and the callers whine and snivel and as a Packer fan it’s pure ecstasy. It is some of the most entertaining talk radio I’ve ever heard and I never get sick of listening.
What I really needed to do today was get my class paperwork ready for tomorrow. I’ve got a new class session starting and we’re going to record it to be hopefully sold online or as a DVD. I’ve tried it in the past but I always feel constricted by a mike when I teach. I’m one to ad lib and walk around the class to make a point but I can’t do that when we tape.
I spent several hours editing my old sheets and reworking some new ones so they all will come together and make a nice flow for both me as a teacher and for the students also. I’ll feel better knowing I put the time and effort into it that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time now. I know what I’m teaching but for a while now the worksheets I have been using have been outdated. Not anymore. I am organized and ready to go - for this week at least.
Next week I’ll need to do it all over again but I hope to do that while I’m in Toledo later this week working. That’s a great way to be productive on the road and I like to get things done instead of sit in a hotel and flip through the cable system. I have a busy week planned and they will all start getting busier if I have anything to say about it. It’s time for me to be cranking out products as much as I can. It took all these years to learn my craft, now I will make it pay off by creating some products to sell so I won’t have to starve when I’m old.
Today was very productive even though I invested a lot of time I could have used to get something else done. It turned out exactly how I wanted it to and tomorrow I will have no regrets in class. The students will get a bargain for sure. I hope it all translates on video.
Packers win. Bears lose. Anything after that is gravy. Today was the opening day of the NFL season but I didn’t want to spend it inside watching TV because it was a perfect day to be outside enjoying the weather. This time of year is the best in Chicago and there will be plenty of days to rot on a couch somewhere and stare at football when it’s snowing.
Today was spectacular in the weather department. Sunny with a breeze and no humidity. I had some friends invite me to their rummage sale in the city and I went just to get out for a while. I ended up stopping at a few more and picked up some stuff to use as bonuses for people who buy a CD at a show. I always wanted to give away a bonus of some sort to all the people who buy something and now I have a bag of trinkets stuffed with cheap prizes.
Marketing gimmicks is something I really enjoy. I don’t know if I’m good at it but I like it. Finding out what sells and what the right price is is a game and I want to play it more. I have taken a mail order course from my friend Melvin Powers out in California and he has made millions in his lifetime and said it can still be done today. That intrigues me totally.
I listened to football all the way home and it’s always great when the Packers win. It’s a double treat when the Bears lose because there is a post game call in radio show hosted by two former Bears Doug Buffone and Ed O’Bradovich that’s classic radio. They holler and scream and swear and the callers whine and snivel and as a Packer fan it’s pure ecstasy. It is some of the most entertaining talk radio I’ve ever heard and I never get sick of listening.
What I really needed to do today was get my class paperwork ready for tomorrow. I’ve got a new class session starting and we’re going to record it to be hopefully sold online or as a DVD. I’ve tried it in the past but I always feel constricted by a mike when I teach. I’m one to ad lib and walk around the class to make a point but I can’t do that when we tape.
I spent several hours editing my old sheets and reworking some new ones so they all will come together and make a nice flow for both me as a teacher and for the students also. I’ll feel better knowing I put the time and effort into it that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time now. I know what I’m teaching but for a while now the worksheets I have been using have been outdated. Not anymore. I am organized and ready to go - for this week at least.
Next week I’ll need to do it all over again but I hope to do that while I’m in Toledo later this week working. That’s a great way to be productive on the road and I like to get things done instead of sit in a hotel and flip through the cable system. I have a busy week planned and they will all start getting busier if I have anything to say about it. It’s time for me to be cranking out products as much as I can. It took all these years to learn my craft, now I will make it pay off by creating some products to sell so I won’t have to starve when I’m old.
Today was very productive even though I invested a lot of time I could have used to get something else done. It turned out exactly how I wanted it to and tomorrow I will have no regrets in class. The students will get a bargain for sure. I hope it all translates on video.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Football Frustration
Saturday September 8th, 2007 - Lake Villa, IL
Up early this morning to go see my friend Jerry Agar’s son Tanner play football. He is a great kid and I have known him since he was born. He’s a freshman in high school and his life is going to be a lot different than mine in a good way. Jerry and his wife Ann are some of the nicest people I’ve ever known and they are great parents to all three of their kids.
Tanner is the oldest and he’s always been a whiz kid. He’s very smart and athletic and is going to be successful at whatever he wants to be. He’s good looking and all the girls love him and if I didn’t like the kid so much myself it would make me puke. He won the lottery in life but he isn’t at all cocky or full of himself. He is a very level headed kid and will be a productive adult, as will his brother and sister. They’ve been raised correctly and it shows.
Bert Haas is the booker of Zanies and I know and like his kids too. He’s got three of the best I’ve ever met and between Jerry and Bert they could make the Brady Bunch look like the Munsters. Those are six kids who are going to be prepared to have successful lives. I’ll be proud of all of them no matter what they do in life and I enjoy watching them grow up.
I couldn’t help but feel a little sadness as I watched the game today. I never got a chance to play any high school sports growing up because my grandmother not only was paranoid that I’d get hurt but she hated sports altogether. She couldn’t care less about it and neither did anyone else in the family. My father and stepmother and uncle all hated sports and that was always very lonely for me. I had nobody at home to talk sports with and it killed me.
My grandfather liked sports but not as much as I did. He would take me to games so I’d get to see and experience it first hand. He was sick with cancer by the time I was in school and everyone else poo pooed the idea of me playing any kind of sports for my high school. I never did get over that and no matter how hard I try to forget about it it bothers me still.
Yes, football players can get hurt. So can anybody else. So what? It’s part of life. A high school kid should get a chance to play on his football team if he wants. It’s not about what could go wrong, how about what could go RIGHT? Learning about team work and all the effort that goes into it and also trying to impress the girls at that age is what it’s all about.
I remember Fridays in high school when all the football players got to wear their uniform jerseys to class. I always felt like a weenie and wanted to be on the team too. It was a very big letdown and I begged and pleaded with my grandmother to let me play but she said no. She was raising me and I didn’t have much choice other than to run away and join a circus or something. I was very good in gym class and the coach asked if I’d go out for the team. I told him I wanted to but couldn‘t. He called my grandmother and got his own earful too.
How stupid is all of that now? No, I never would have made it to the NFL. I was a short white kid but I was pretty fast and loved to play and I would have had some fun memories of my high school years to look back on now and lie about how good I was. Any injuries I may have gotten would long be healed by now but today the emotional injuries still stung.
But I didn’t tell anyone that and cheered for Tanner and his team to win. They walloped their opponents 28-6 and it wasn’t even a contest. Tanner scored a touchdown and also a two point conversion run on another touchdown. I couldn’t have been more proud of him.
These are lifetime memories for him and I’m so happy that at least someone I know and like is getting to have them. I was sitting on the sidelines and he didn’t know I was there. I saw him run off the field after he scored his touchdown and he saw me sitting there and his eyes just lit up inside that helmet. I smiled and nodded to him. No words were necessary.
Life is so random. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it and if there is it’s going to remain a mystery as long as we’re here. I look around at how it all works out and I can’t figure out any patterns. It seems like we all get what we get when we’re born and if we don’t like it - too bad. Personality, genetics, physicality, talents, intelligence or the lack thereof seems to be given to us at birth in our own personal DNA gift box but it’s random.
Comedy is a perfect example. Lots of people want to be comedians but only a select few are really gifted. They want it and want it but it’s not in the cards. They try to do it but not very well and no matter how long they are in it deep down inside they know they are not a natural. I can think of many people in this category and I know it bothers them. Then there are the opposite people who are naturally funny and could be comedians but choose not to do it. They are either too lazy or find something else to do and don’t make a career of it.
I have always known I have a special gift for comedy. I made people laugh as a kid and I could always do it easily in most situations. Stages never scared me and I never had to put the effort into coming up with an act that a lot of people do. I know a lot of people want it but only a few get it. I wanted sports when I was a kid but I just didn’t have it. It wasn’t in the cards for me and I’m still disappointed but that’s how it goes. Comedy is my football.
As I get older I’m grateful for my gift of comedy more than ever. If I had had a career as an athlete it would have long been over by now and I’d be sitting around wishing I was 22 again and reliving the past. Michael Jordan is my age and as great as he was it’s all over. It must be difficult for him to wake up every day and know that he’s had his time in the sun.
At least I still get to hope for mine. If I do hit it I’ll be a late bloomer but that happens in comedy from time to time. It NEVER happens in sports. Not too many kids from the high school class of 1981 are going to make the NFL this year but maybe their kids have a shot.
It’s up to me to keep plugging away at comedy and not quit now. I don’t think I could if I wanted to because I don’t have any other job skills. Radio is done for now and this is my living for the foreseeable future. I realize that a lot of people envy my life and would trade places with me in a second and I have to remember that next time things get rough. I am in a good place and have a chance to make it better. Time for me to buckle down and do it.
Next week starts a two week road swing to Toledo and then Houston. I have to prepare for a new set of classes too. I’ve got a lot of stuff brewing. What’s Michael Jordan doing?
Up early this morning to go see my friend Jerry Agar’s son Tanner play football. He is a great kid and I have known him since he was born. He’s a freshman in high school and his life is going to be a lot different than mine in a good way. Jerry and his wife Ann are some of the nicest people I’ve ever known and they are great parents to all three of their kids.
Tanner is the oldest and he’s always been a whiz kid. He’s very smart and athletic and is going to be successful at whatever he wants to be. He’s good looking and all the girls love him and if I didn’t like the kid so much myself it would make me puke. He won the lottery in life but he isn’t at all cocky or full of himself. He is a very level headed kid and will be a productive adult, as will his brother and sister. They’ve been raised correctly and it shows.
Bert Haas is the booker of Zanies and I know and like his kids too. He’s got three of the best I’ve ever met and between Jerry and Bert they could make the Brady Bunch look like the Munsters. Those are six kids who are going to be prepared to have successful lives. I’ll be proud of all of them no matter what they do in life and I enjoy watching them grow up.
I couldn’t help but feel a little sadness as I watched the game today. I never got a chance to play any high school sports growing up because my grandmother not only was paranoid that I’d get hurt but she hated sports altogether. She couldn’t care less about it and neither did anyone else in the family. My father and stepmother and uncle all hated sports and that was always very lonely for me. I had nobody at home to talk sports with and it killed me.
My grandfather liked sports but not as much as I did. He would take me to games so I’d get to see and experience it first hand. He was sick with cancer by the time I was in school and everyone else poo pooed the idea of me playing any kind of sports for my high school. I never did get over that and no matter how hard I try to forget about it it bothers me still.
Yes, football players can get hurt. So can anybody else. So what? It’s part of life. A high school kid should get a chance to play on his football team if he wants. It’s not about what could go wrong, how about what could go RIGHT? Learning about team work and all the effort that goes into it and also trying to impress the girls at that age is what it’s all about.
I remember Fridays in high school when all the football players got to wear their uniform jerseys to class. I always felt like a weenie and wanted to be on the team too. It was a very big letdown and I begged and pleaded with my grandmother to let me play but she said no. She was raising me and I didn’t have much choice other than to run away and join a circus or something. I was very good in gym class and the coach asked if I’d go out for the team. I told him I wanted to but couldn‘t. He called my grandmother and got his own earful too.
How stupid is all of that now? No, I never would have made it to the NFL. I was a short white kid but I was pretty fast and loved to play and I would have had some fun memories of my high school years to look back on now and lie about how good I was. Any injuries I may have gotten would long be healed by now but today the emotional injuries still stung.
But I didn’t tell anyone that and cheered for Tanner and his team to win. They walloped their opponents 28-6 and it wasn’t even a contest. Tanner scored a touchdown and also a two point conversion run on another touchdown. I couldn’t have been more proud of him.
These are lifetime memories for him and I’m so happy that at least someone I know and like is getting to have them. I was sitting on the sidelines and he didn’t know I was there. I saw him run off the field after he scored his touchdown and he saw me sitting there and his eyes just lit up inside that helmet. I smiled and nodded to him. No words were necessary.
Life is so random. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it and if there is it’s going to remain a mystery as long as we’re here. I look around at how it all works out and I can’t figure out any patterns. It seems like we all get what we get when we’re born and if we don’t like it - too bad. Personality, genetics, physicality, talents, intelligence or the lack thereof seems to be given to us at birth in our own personal DNA gift box but it’s random.
Comedy is a perfect example. Lots of people want to be comedians but only a select few are really gifted. They want it and want it but it’s not in the cards. They try to do it but not very well and no matter how long they are in it deep down inside they know they are not a natural. I can think of many people in this category and I know it bothers them. Then there are the opposite people who are naturally funny and could be comedians but choose not to do it. They are either too lazy or find something else to do and don’t make a career of it.
I have always known I have a special gift for comedy. I made people laugh as a kid and I could always do it easily in most situations. Stages never scared me and I never had to put the effort into coming up with an act that a lot of people do. I know a lot of people want it but only a few get it. I wanted sports when I was a kid but I just didn’t have it. It wasn’t in the cards for me and I’m still disappointed but that’s how it goes. Comedy is my football.
As I get older I’m grateful for my gift of comedy more than ever. If I had had a career as an athlete it would have long been over by now and I’d be sitting around wishing I was 22 again and reliving the past. Michael Jordan is my age and as great as he was it’s all over. It must be difficult for him to wake up every day and know that he’s had his time in the sun.
At least I still get to hope for mine. If I do hit it I’ll be a late bloomer but that happens in comedy from time to time. It NEVER happens in sports. Not too many kids from the high school class of 1981 are going to make the NFL this year but maybe their kids have a shot.
It’s up to me to keep plugging away at comedy and not quit now. I don’t think I could if I wanted to because I don’t have any other job skills. Radio is done for now and this is my living for the foreseeable future. I realize that a lot of people envy my life and would trade places with me in a second and I have to remember that next time things get rough. I am in a good place and have a chance to make it better. Time for me to buckle down and do it.
Next week starts a two week road swing to Toledo and then Houston. I have to prepare for a new set of classes too. I’ve got a lot of stuff brewing. What’s Michael Jordan doing?
Friday, September 7, 2007
Comedy Class Memories
Friday September 7th, 2007 - Lake Villa, IL
Yesterday I was all pumped up because I had a ton of things to start working on. Today I did NOTHING to make any of those things happen but it was still a very positive day. It started with a lunch meeting with one of my former students named Phil Gordon. Phil was one of my very best students ever and has stayed in touch like so many of them often do.
I’ve been teaching classes since 1993 and have well over 1000 people who have taken it. I started out in Milwaukee at Cardinal Stritch College co-teaching with a lady who used to book comedians. She was an alumni of the school and asked if I’d teach a class with her.
I didn’t know how to teach a class and didn’t really think it was possible to teach anyone to be funny but I needed money desperately at the time so I said yes. I’m very glad I did. It was a wonderful experience and I discovered that I was able to communicate what I knew about performing and writing to others very effectively and they wanted to hear about it.
We taught several classes and then I moved on to become the exclusive teacher for all of the Zanies clubs in Chicago where I have been ever since. I pour my heart and soul into all my classes and I have learned to really pack a lot of information into every session. I try to improve my skills by taking any other classes and seminars I can and that helps me grow. I spent a lot of years working at this to perfect my own system and I need to advertise that.
One thing I haven’t been good at is making money with this. By the time I split the fees with the club and my friend Warwick who handles all the administrative stuff I will clear a couple of bucks but I’m not getting rich on it like most people think I am. I teach the class because I enjoy it and I feel like I’m able to give something back. The thrill of teaching is a wonderful feeling and when someone comes back years later and tells me it was one of the best experiences they’ve ever had I am very moved. It happens quite a bit and I’m touched each time it happens. Helping people live their dreams is almost as good as living my own.
Phil Gordon is on a golden list of people over the years who have really used the class in the capacity it was meant to be used. He developed his five minute routine and then had an opportunity to perform it at a live show at Zanies in front of friends and family of students. Those shows are AMAZING and I never get sick of hosting them. The people love all the performers and are surprised at how good they actually are. I work hard to make sure they are all prepared and do my best to bring out the strengths in each student. I love to see the results on stage when even they are surprised by how well they do. I enjoy that process of getting them ready because it involves individual interaction and each student is different.
The main thing I can offer is encouragement. Doing standup comedy is a VERY difficult process that many people want to attempt but have no idea how and where to start. I have been through that myself and seen hundreds if not thousands of others go through it too. It can be very intimidating especially when a person is all alone so I try to make them not get overwhelmed by it all. I walk them through the steps and am right there with them and it is almost like a big brother helping a kid cross the street for the first time. I like to be helpful.
The truth is most people never take it much farther than the classes. The format has been tweaked over the years but the basic plan is to get them ready to perform a live graduation show in front of a real audience. It’s an adrenaline rush for sure and the look on their faces after the shows is priceless. It’s like a combination of the best Christmas ever and the first time they had sex all rolled into one. If I can help provide an experience like that I’m for it.
I try to make them feel special and tell them I’m proud of them and that they did good at something and all the other things every kid wants to hear from their parents. I never did. I know many of the students never did either. To see them come through the stages from an absolute beginner to going up and doing five minutes of comedy is quite a transformation.
Many times that’s all they need and they feel like they accomplished something and they did. It’s only a few that take it any farther and try to make comedy a career. Tom Clark is a kid who did that. He took the very first session of classes up in Milwaukee and now he’s out in LA doing very well. He’s headlining clubs all over and has done a few TV slots too.
Vince Carone is another kid out of Chicago that’s doing very well. He’s hungry and has a very bright future. He’s 24 and a good looking kid and will get on TV and make it click. I hope he remembers me and lets me drive his limo when he makes it big because he will. I love it when some of these guys come along because I can see the big picture before them when even they can’t. I just try to encourage and be there to help them get it all started.
Frank Caliendo was a guy like that. He opened for me his first time on stage when both of us worked at a bowling alley in Waukesha, WI. Frank worked at a batting cage and had a few impressions and knew a friend of mine who set up the show as a benefit to raise cash to send his son’s little league baseball team to some big tournament in Ohio or something.
I agreed to do the show as a favor to my friend and Frank was the opener. He was green but his impressions were dead on and the crowd loved him. He came up to me afterwards and I told him ‘Kid, a year from now I won’t be able to get you on the phone.’ He had ‘it’.
People always ask me if I’m jealous of Frank because he’s ten years younger and has an impressive resume of national credits and makes probably ten times what I make or more. No way. I’m not jealous at all. He does a TOTALLY different act than I do and I can’t do that. Not a lot of people can. That’s why he gets paid so much. People enjoy impressions and he’s one of the best I’ve ever seen. I wish him continued success and always will. He’s done quite well for himself and maybe someday down the road he’ll throw me a bone.
Even if he doesn’t I’m still happy for him. I’ll still do what I do and also teach classes. If I can keep finding Phil Gordons and Vince Carones and Tom Clarks I’ll be very proud. I’ll keep doing it as long as people show up and we’ve got another full class starting Monday.
Phil was thrilled to have the lunch and I helped him get a plan of attack and his energy is contagious. He’s got a future even though he’s older than me. There’s just something he’s got that makes the difference - passion. He has fun and it shows. I love that. I always will.
Yesterday I was all pumped up because I had a ton of things to start working on. Today I did NOTHING to make any of those things happen but it was still a very positive day. It started with a lunch meeting with one of my former students named Phil Gordon. Phil was one of my very best students ever and has stayed in touch like so many of them often do.
I’ve been teaching classes since 1993 and have well over 1000 people who have taken it. I started out in Milwaukee at Cardinal Stritch College co-teaching with a lady who used to book comedians. She was an alumni of the school and asked if I’d teach a class with her.
I didn’t know how to teach a class and didn’t really think it was possible to teach anyone to be funny but I needed money desperately at the time so I said yes. I’m very glad I did. It was a wonderful experience and I discovered that I was able to communicate what I knew about performing and writing to others very effectively and they wanted to hear about it.
We taught several classes and then I moved on to become the exclusive teacher for all of the Zanies clubs in Chicago where I have been ever since. I pour my heart and soul into all my classes and I have learned to really pack a lot of information into every session. I try to improve my skills by taking any other classes and seminars I can and that helps me grow. I spent a lot of years working at this to perfect my own system and I need to advertise that.
One thing I haven’t been good at is making money with this. By the time I split the fees with the club and my friend Warwick who handles all the administrative stuff I will clear a couple of bucks but I’m not getting rich on it like most people think I am. I teach the class because I enjoy it and I feel like I’m able to give something back. The thrill of teaching is a wonderful feeling and when someone comes back years later and tells me it was one of the best experiences they’ve ever had I am very moved. It happens quite a bit and I’m touched each time it happens. Helping people live their dreams is almost as good as living my own.
Phil Gordon is on a golden list of people over the years who have really used the class in the capacity it was meant to be used. He developed his five minute routine and then had an opportunity to perform it at a live show at Zanies in front of friends and family of students. Those shows are AMAZING and I never get sick of hosting them. The people love all the performers and are surprised at how good they actually are. I work hard to make sure they are all prepared and do my best to bring out the strengths in each student. I love to see the results on stage when even they are surprised by how well they do. I enjoy that process of getting them ready because it involves individual interaction and each student is different.
The main thing I can offer is encouragement. Doing standup comedy is a VERY difficult process that many people want to attempt but have no idea how and where to start. I have been through that myself and seen hundreds if not thousands of others go through it too. It can be very intimidating especially when a person is all alone so I try to make them not get overwhelmed by it all. I walk them through the steps and am right there with them and it is almost like a big brother helping a kid cross the street for the first time. I like to be helpful.
The truth is most people never take it much farther than the classes. The format has been tweaked over the years but the basic plan is to get them ready to perform a live graduation show in front of a real audience. It’s an adrenaline rush for sure and the look on their faces after the shows is priceless. It’s like a combination of the best Christmas ever and the first time they had sex all rolled into one. If I can help provide an experience like that I’m for it.
I try to make them feel special and tell them I’m proud of them and that they did good at something and all the other things every kid wants to hear from their parents. I never did. I know many of the students never did either. To see them come through the stages from an absolute beginner to going up and doing five minutes of comedy is quite a transformation.
Many times that’s all they need and they feel like they accomplished something and they did. It’s only a few that take it any farther and try to make comedy a career. Tom Clark is a kid who did that. He took the very first session of classes up in Milwaukee and now he’s out in LA doing very well. He’s headlining clubs all over and has done a few TV slots too.
Vince Carone is another kid out of Chicago that’s doing very well. He’s hungry and has a very bright future. He’s 24 and a good looking kid and will get on TV and make it click. I hope he remembers me and lets me drive his limo when he makes it big because he will. I love it when some of these guys come along because I can see the big picture before them when even they can’t. I just try to encourage and be there to help them get it all started.
Frank Caliendo was a guy like that. He opened for me his first time on stage when both of us worked at a bowling alley in Waukesha, WI. Frank worked at a batting cage and had a few impressions and knew a friend of mine who set up the show as a benefit to raise cash to send his son’s little league baseball team to some big tournament in Ohio or something.
I agreed to do the show as a favor to my friend and Frank was the opener. He was green but his impressions were dead on and the crowd loved him. He came up to me afterwards and I told him ‘Kid, a year from now I won’t be able to get you on the phone.’ He had ‘it’.
People always ask me if I’m jealous of Frank because he’s ten years younger and has an impressive resume of national credits and makes probably ten times what I make or more. No way. I’m not jealous at all. He does a TOTALLY different act than I do and I can’t do that. Not a lot of people can. That’s why he gets paid so much. People enjoy impressions and he’s one of the best I’ve ever seen. I wish him continued success and always will. He’s done quite well for himself and maybe someday down the road he’ll throw me a bone.
Even if he doesn’t I’m still happy for him. I’ll still do what I do and also teach classes. If I can keep finding Phil Gordons and Vince Carones and Tom Clarks I’ll be very proud. I’ll keep doing it as long as people show up and we’ve got another full class starting Monday.
Phil was thrilled to have the lunch and I helped him get a plan of attack and his energy is contagious. He’s got a future even though he’s older than me. There’s just something he’s got that makes the difference - passion. He has fun and it shows. I love that. I always will.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
My Inner Giant Is Awake
Thursday September 6th, 2007 - Lake Villa, IL
I can feel a lot of things starting to rumble in my life all at once. Less than a month ago I was about as low as I’ve ever felt and that says a lot. Now I am feeling an energy that tells me I am back in sync with whatever I’m supposed to be in sync with and I feel like I’m on track like never before. Something is going to pop, I just know it. I don’t think I have ever felt it exactly like this before but I know I feel something on the horizon. It must be what a dog or cat feels when there is an earthquake about to happen but this one is very positive.
Time and time again I read stories of people in show business who were just ready to go do something else and then something popped for them. It’s great to read those stories but I always thought about the people who nobody read about. They never made it and didn’t have anything written about them. I’m writing this so someone will know I gave it my all.
It’s way past the point of ‘making it big’ now. What does that even mean? I still haven’t got a clue and it’s so different for everyone. It was different for me too. Everyone thinks it must be that stereotypical mansion and lots of cars and getting to walk up the carpet at the Oscars and lunch at Spago with J. Lo or P. Diddy. Or both. I don’t think that’s it for them either. Life is a lot deeper and more complicated than that or at least I think it should be.
The older I get the less I care about a lot of things that used to be important to me. All I really want to do is keep growing as a comedian and be the very best one I can be. It used to be that I wanted to be one of the best of all time and I know my intentions were good in thinking that but now I don’t feel that way at all. The greats are the greats but it’s fruitless to compare anyone to anybody else. If I am mentioned in the same sentence at any time in the future with some of the all time legendary comedic performers that would be flattering but it doesn’t change the fact that I need to still keep improving and be the best ME I can.
That’s what it’s all about. My grandfather always harped at me about stuff like this and I can see now that he was SO right with all of it. He used me as his wisdom receptacle and I am grateful beyond words for the wealth of smarts he let trickle down to me. I’ve sure not always been right with my decisions but now I can feel a path opening up and something I am going to be very thrilled with at the end of it. What anyone else does is irrelevant now.
I know I whine and snivel all the time about working in toilets for low money and that is probably not going to change until I work in toilets for BIG money. That’s the key for me or at least I think it is. The security of having money in the bank would make me a lot less on edge sometimes but even that may not be the be all and end all I imagine it to be. I get a huge thrill out of being on stage and making an audience full of strangers laugh when it’s obvious that they didn’t come to see me. The pressure of delivering a strong show night in and night out is actually very attractive. When I make them pop I feel like I am a winner.
Many years ago Robin Williams dropped in at the Funny Bone in Milwaukee to do a set. The audience worshipped him for 55 minutes and then he got off and asked if any of what he did was funny. “I just never know anymore.” he said. “They laugh at everything I do.”
I really think that he was bored with it and that was about twenty years ago now. He’s a big star and makes big money and has all the things people like me are striving for and yet I have no clue if he’s satisfied or happy or not and I don’t think it guarantees it in any way.
My eyes seem like they’re opening on many levels lately and I wonder why that is? Am I getting older and is it natural? Are all the years of struggle finally starting to pay off? Does any of it mean anything or am I just a bipolar wack job and next week I’ll be looking for a pistol to suck on? I don’t know but what I do know is that I am starting to feel differently all throughout my being. I am gaining a confidence like I’ve never had and a wisdom too.
Am I shriveling up into Yoda? I better get an ear hair trimmer and a smock and start the Clone Wars before I go to Toledo next week. But I do absolutely feel a wonderful feeling of electrified energy running through me and I am seeing things in life on a higher level.
This huge idea I had last week in Utah is a major part of it. It is the culmination of years of struggle and pain and low times and my brain came together and gave birth to the idea. I feel like it’s an epiphany or moment of clarity or whatever name it’s going to have but it certainly does have me excited like I’ve NEVER been excited about anything in my life.
I will gladly write about it in detail in this very diary when I get it more concrete but for now I need to keep it quiet so nobody can steal my idea. I will say it’s a business idea that I had and I need to protect myself before I say anymore about it. I have to keep it low for now but then I’ll be trying to tell EVERYBODY. That’s when nobody will care about it.
Whether anyone cares about it or me or not I know it’s going to be THE most fun thing I have ever attempted. I really think I am going to pull this off and it will shock everybody but me. I’ve had ideas like this my whole life and they are all coming together right now. I am going to use my skills and learn from my past mistakes and take a chance and let it rip!
My energy is bubbling inside of me and I feel like I’m getting ready to climb my personal Mt. Everest. I’m not afraid to fail and I’m not afraid to succeed. I am afraid of NOT trying it at all but that won’t happen because am going to do this whether anyone approves of it. I was always shot down by so many people up in Milwaukee that I still remember it today. Whether it was my family or people I worked with or who ran the places I wanted to work I had many a clash with people who wouldn’t let me do what I wanted creatively. I’m very adamant about what I want to do and how I want to do it and most creative people are the same. I’m not mean, or at least not on purpose. I just don’t suffer fools and idiots well.
I’ve grown and learned a lot and am a different and better person all these years later. It will be fun to pull off this idea because it took a lifetime to prepare for it. Yes it could be a big moneymaker if I hit with it but if it isn’t it will have been a joy to try it at all. Let’s go!
I had lunch with Marc Schultz and Tim Walkoe today. They thought I was crazy but the majority of people I know do as well. It’s just a matter of who thinks I’m the good crazy. We had a fun lunch and they wished me luck. I don’t need luck this time. I know this is it.
I can feel a lot of things starting to rumble in my life all at once. Less than a month ago I was about as low as I’ve ever felt and that says a lot. Now I am feeling an energy that tells me I am back in sync with whatever I’m supposed to be in sync with and I feel like I’m on track like never before. Something is going to pop, I just know it. I don’t think I have ever felt it exactly like this before but I know I feel something on the horizon. It must be what a dog or cat feels when there is an earthquake about to happen but this one is very positive.
Time and time again I read stories of people in show business who were just ready to go do something else and then something popped for them. It’s great to read those stories but I always thought about the people who nobody read about. They never made it and didn’t have anything written about them. I’m writing this so someone will know I gave it my all.
It’s way past the point of ‘making it big’ now. What does that even mean? I still haven’t got a clue and it’s so different for everyone. It was different for me too. Everyone thinks it must be that stereotypical mansion and lots of cars and getting to walk up the carpet at the Oscars and lunch at Spago with J. Lo or P. Diddy. Or both. I don’t think that’s it for them either. Life is a lot deeper and more complicated than that or at least I think it should be.
The older I get the less I care about a lot of things that used to be important to me. All I really want to do is keep growing as a comedian and be the very best one I can be. It used to be that I wanted to be one of the best of all time and I know my intentions were good in thinking that but now I don’t feel that way at all. The greats are the greats but it’s fruitless to compare anyone to anybody else. If I am mentioned in the same sentence at any time in the future with some of the all time legendary comedic performers that would be flattering but it doesn’t change the fact that I need to still keep improving and be the best ME I can.
That’s what it’s all about. My grandfather always harped at me about stuff like this and I can see now that he was SO right with all of it. He used me as his wisdom receptacle and I am grateful beyond words for the wealth of smarts he let trickle down to me. I’ve sure not always been right with my decisions but now I can feel a path opening up and something I am going to be very thrilled with at the end of it. What anyone else does is irrelevant now.
I know I whine and snivel all the time about working in toilets for low money and that is probably not going to change until I work in toilets for BIG money. That’s the key for me or at least I think it is. The security of having money in the bank would make me a lot less on edge sometimes but even that may not be the be all and end all I imagine it to be. I get a huge thrill out of being on stage and making an audience full of strangers laugh when it’s obvious that they didn’t come to see me. The pressure of delivering a strong show night in and night out is actually very attractive. When I make them pop I feel like I am a winner.
Many years ago Robin Williams dropped in at the Funny Bone in Milwaukee to do a set. The audience worshipped him for 55 minutes and then he got off and asked if any of what he did was funny. “I just never know anymore.” he said. “They laugh at everything I do.”
I really think that he was bored with it and that was about twenty years ago now. He’s a big star and makes big money and has all the things people like me are striving for and yet I have no clue if he’s satisfied or happy or not and I don’t think it guarantees it in any way.
My eyes seem like they’re opening on many levels lately and I wonder why that is? Am I getting older and is it natural? Are all the years of struggle finally starting to pay off? Does any of it mean anything or am I just a bipolar wack job and next week I’ll be looking for a pistol to suck on? I don’t know but what I do know is that I am starting to feel differently all throughout my being. I am gaining a confidence like I’ve never had and a wisdom too.
Am I shriveling up into Yoda? I better get an ear hair trimmer and a smock and start the Clone Wars before I go to Toledo next week. But I do absolutely feel a wonderful feeling of electrified energy running through me and I am seeing things in life on a higher level.
This huge idea I had last week in Utah is a major part of it. It is the culmination of years of struggle and pain and low times and my brain came together and gave birth to the idea. I feel like it’s an epiphany or moment of clarity or whatever name it’s going to have but it certainly does have me excited like I’ve NEVER been excited about anything in my life.
I will gladly write about it in detail in this very diary when I get it more concrete but for now I need to keep it quiet so nobody can steal my idea. I will say it’s a business idea that I had and I need to protect myself before I say anymore about it. I have to keep it low for now but then I’ll be trying to tell EVERYBODY. That’s when nobody will care about it.
Whether anyone cares about it or me or not I know it’s going to be THE most fun thing I have ever attempted. I really think I am going to pull this off and it will shock everybody but me. I’ve had ideas like this my whole life and they are all coming together right now. I am going to use my skills and learn from my past mistakes and take a chance and let it rip!
My energy is bubbling inside of me and I feel like I’m getting ready to climb my personal Mt. Everest. I’m not afraid to fail and I’m not afraid to succeed. I am afraid of NOT trying it at all but that won’t happen because am going to do this whether anyone approves of it. I was always shot down by so many people up in Milwaukee that I still remember it today. Whether it was my family or people I worked with or who ran the places I wanted to work I had many a clash with people who wouldn’t let me do what I wanted creatively. I’m very adamant about what I want to do and how I want to do it and most creative people are the same. I’m not mean, or at least not on purpose. I just don’t suffer fools and idiots well.
I’ve grown and learned a lot and am a different and better person all these years later. It will be fun to pull off this idea because it took a lifetime to prepare for it. Yes it could be a big moneymaker if I hit with it but if it isn’t it will have been a joy to try it at all. Let’s go!
I had lunch with Marc Schultz and Tim Walkoe today. They thought I was crazy but the majority of people I know do as well. It’s just a matter of who thinks I’m the good crazy. We had a fun lunch and they wished me luck. I don’t need luck this time. I know this is it.
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