Football Frustration

Saturday September 8th, 2007 - Lake Villa, IL

Up early this morning to go see my friend Jerry Agar’s son Tanner play football. He is a great kid and I have known him since he was born. He’s a freshman in high school and his life is going to be a lot different than mine in a good way. Jerry and his wife Ann are some of the nicest people I’ve ever known and they are great parents to all three of their kids.

Tanner is the oldest and he’s always been a whiz kid. He’s very smart and athletic and is going to be successful at whatever he wants to be. He’s good looking and all the girls love him and if I didn’t like the kid so much myself it would make me puke. He won the lottery in life but he isn’t at all cocky or full of himself. He is a very level headed kid and will be a productive adult, as will his brother and sister. They’ve been raised correctly and it shows.

Bert Haas is the booker of Zanies and I know and like his kids too. He’s got three of the best I’ve ever met and between Jerry and Bert they could make the Brady Bunch look like the Munsters. Those are six kids who are going to be prepared to have successful lives. I’ll be proud of all of them no matter what they do in life and I enjoy watching them grow up.

I couldn’t help but feel a little sadness as I watched the game today. I never got a chance to play any high school sports growing up because my grandmother not only was paranoid that I’d get hurt but she hated sports altogether. She couldn’t care less about it and neither did anyone else in the family. My father and stepmother and uncle all hated sports and that was always very lonely for me. I had nobody at home to talk sports with and it killed me.

My grandfather liked sports but not as much as I did. He would take me to games so I’d get to see and experience it first hand. He was sick with cancer by the time I was in school and everyone else poo pooed the idea of me playing any kind of sports for my high school. I never did get over that and no matter how hard I try to forget about it it bothers me still.

Yes, football players can get hurt. So can anybody else. So what? It’s part of life. A high school kid should get a chance to play on his football team if he wants. It’s not about what could go wrong, how about what could go RIGHT? Learning about team work and all the effort that goes into it and also trying to impress the girls at that age is what it’s all about.

I remember Fridays in high school when all the football players got to wear their uniform jerseys to class. I always felt like a weenie and wanted to be on the team too. It was a very big letdown and I begged and pleaded with my grandmother to let me play but she said no. She was raising me and I didn’t have much choice other than to run away and join a circus or something. I was very good in gym class and the coach asked if I’d go out for the team. I told him I wanted to but couldn‘t. He called my grandmother and got his own earful too.

How stupid is all of that now? No, I never would have made it to the NFL. I was a short white kid but I was pretty fast and loved to play and I would have had some fun memories of my high school years to look back on now and lie about how good I was. Any injuries I may have gotten would long be healed by now but today the emotional injuries still stung.

But I didn’t tell anyone that and cheered for Tanner and his team to win. They walloped their opponents 28-6 and it wasn’t even a contest. Tanner scored a touchdown and also a two point conversion run on another touchdown. I couldn’t have been more proud of him.

These are lifetime memories for him and I’m so happy that at least someone I know and like is getting to have them. I was sitting on the sidelines and he didn’t know I was there. I saw him run off the field after he scored his touchdown and he saw me sitting there and his eyes just lit up inside that helmet. I smiled and nodded to him. No words were necessary.

Life is so random. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it and if there is it’s going to remain a mystery as long as we’re here. I look around at how it all works out and I can’t figure out any patterns. It seems like we all get what we get when we’re born and if we don’t like it - too bad. Personality, genetics, physicality, talents, intelligence or the lack thereof seems to be given to us at birth in our own personal DNA gift box but it’s random.

Comedy is a perfect example. Lots of people want to be comedians but only a select few are really gifted. They want it and want it but it’s not in the cards. They try to do it but not very well and no matter how long they are in it deep down inside they know they are not a natural. I can think of many people in this category and I know it bothers them. Then there are the opposite people who are naturally funny and could be comedians but choose not to do it. They are either too lazy or find something else to do and don’t make a career of it.

I have always known I have a special gift for comedy. I made people laugh as a kid and I could always do it easily in most situations. Stages never scared me and I never had to put the effort into coming up with an act that a lot of people do. I know a lot of people want it but only a few get it. I wanted sports when I was a kid but I just didn’t have it. It wasn’t in the cards for me and I’m still disappointed but that’s how it goes. Comedy is my football.

As I get older I’m grateful for my gift of comedy more than ever. If I had had a career as an athlete it would have long been over by now and I’d be sitting around wishing I was 22 again and reliving the past. Michael Jordan is my age and as great as he was it’s all over. It must be difficult for him to wake up every day and know that he’s had his time in the sun.

At least I still get to hope for mine. If I do hit it I’ll be a late bloomer but that happens in comedy from time to time. It NEVER happens in sports. Not too many kids from the high school class of 1981 are going to make the NFL this year but maybe their kids have a shot.

It’s up to me to keep plugging away at comedy and not quit now. I don’t think I could if I wanted to because I don’t have any other job skills. Radio is done for now and this is my living for the foreseeable future. I realize that a lot of people envy my life and would trade places with me in a second and I have to remember that next time things get rough. I am in a good place and have a chance to make it better. Time for me to buckle down and do it.

Next week starts a two week road swing to Toledo and then Houston. I have to prepare for a new set of classes too. I’ve got a lot of stuff brewing. What’s Michael Jordan doing?