Friday December 25th, 2009 - Milwaukee, WI/Lake Villa, IL
Another Christmas comes and goes, but this one wasn’t brutal at all. It wasn’t even bad. I actually felt good the whole day, and that’s pretty remarkable since I woke up in a Motel 6 and for the first time in recent memory don’t own a car. Well, I own PART of a car, but most of it looks like it went through a giant blender. Hey, at least I woke up. I’m grateful.
My back was even sorer than when I laid down because the mattress was saggy. I don’t know if that was because they haven’t changed it in years or if it was the constant barrage of lard asses using it as their honeymoon suite. Either way, I was still happy to wake up.
I needed to get some sleep after my drive-a-thon to Duluth and back and it didn’t matter where I got it, as long as it wasn’t behind the wheel. I dropped off the rental car two hours before I had to but I had no place else to go and I wanted to get it back before a new crisis had a chance to bubble up out of nowhere and cause me grief. I didn’t have the energy.
I woke up feeling refreshed and peeked outside my window to see a gray, rainy day that sure didn’t look like Christmas. Not in Wisconsin anyway. It looked like Seattle on a day that would have sent Kurt Cobain over the edge so I closed the drapes back up and turned on my computer. It was too early to call anyone and I didn’t have a way to go anywhere.
I brought a few videos with me to watch in case I got bored or depressed, but I was way too tired and was asleep about ten minutes after I got to the room. One of the videos I had was ‘The Secret’, which I hadn’t seen in quite a while. I watched it and it immediately put me back in the excited state I was in when I saw it the first time. That is a powerful video.
Many people have criticized it and picked it apart, but those wank poles will never have anything that pleases them. They look to pick everything apart, and I’m just not into that. I also think there’s an actual effort involved and just wishing something true won’t make it so. There’s a medium ground in there somewhere and that’s where I want to always be.
I really do believe that thoughts become things and most if not all self help publications of all kinds boil down to the same basic message - what a person thinks about most often is what manifests itself in that person’s life. Period. The bible says it and so does a whole lot of other sources. I believe it to be true, but somehow we all tend to get out of rhythm.
The Law Of Attraction works, but it has to be followed correctly. I watched that video this morning and it spoke directly to ME, just like it did the first time I saw it. I was in an unbelievably positive place for a long time after, and I just got out of it somehow. I think a lot of it had to do with that I didn’t continue to pack my mind with positive ingredients.
I’m not saying I have to listen to motivational tapes every day or that they’ll take all of my problems away. What I’m saying is, I have to make a total commitment to creating the exciting life I’ve always wanted to live. Sometimes I’ve come close, but others have been downright pathetic. It’s up to me to readjust my entire life and it starts in my own head.
I’m thrilled I chose to watch The Secret again, and I’m not going to let it die there. I am going to keep filling my head with solid brain food and keep growing into the person I’ve always wanted to be. That person is a WINNER, and everyone knows it. He’s dynamic on stage and off, and he’s constantly creating quality projects and attracting fantastic people.
I’ll admit I’ve been a little shaky in a few areas lately. Diet and exercise have been very inconsistent, and there’s no reason for it. None. I’ve had some nice streaks where I feel as good as I’ve felt in years, and then I’ll just let it all go and pack my colon full of red meat, sugar and anything else that I’ll need a doctor to remove some day with a jack hammer.
The people I choose to be around is another thing I need to work on. I love to be around positive, fun, intelligent creative people and I have many I already know. They can stay as long as they like, but the other lowlifes have to go. I won’t tolerate any of their petty little grade school BS and if I never see them again, I won’t miss them. I don’t miss them now.
I could go off on several examples, but why waste key strokes on those cretins? They’ll never help me or see my vision so piss on all of them with an infected bladder. They’re as dead to me as my father, and he can’t hurt me anymore either. Let them all find peace, but let them do it as far away from me as possible. I don’t want their toxic energy close to me.
There are way too many good people that I don’t have to deal with anyone I don’t want to. What a relief that is! I’ve made it this far by doing it my way, now if I just smarted up a little and do it correctly I bet I’ll see amazing improvements in a short amount of time.
My friend Tom Orlando is definitely one of those on the good list. He’s got a very good vibe going in his own life, and I’m glad we’ve reconnected. He was in Milwaukee to visit his relatives for Christmas and was nice enough to swing by the Motel 6 and pick me up.
Tom has the entrepreneurial spirit and has done very well for himself, but like me he is very creative and doesn’t always do great with details. He’s got people around him in his world that do have those skills, and he’s learned to use them effectively and mesh with all the things he does well. He is a great mind to bounce ideas off of, and we did on our ride.
We’ve known each other since grade school, and then went our separate ways. Now it’s over thirty years later and we’ve got a lot more in common than we did even then. We’ve both been bitten by the radio bug and it’s bitten us back, but not in a good way. I’m still a struggling mope while Tom has figured out other ways to skin a cat. I totally respect that.
I want to leave a trail of good stories behind in my life. There have been some clinkers, but who doesn’t have those? I want to show unbelievable kindness and concern for others and be thought of as a shining example of a guy that overcame his past and helped others.
I want to find love and peace and squeeze every last drop out of my potential and not be the loser and waste of sperm my father tried to tell me I was. He’s dead, and soon enough I will be too. I don’t have time to waste on small time pinheads. It’s time to think BIG.