Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Another day off, and with nothing to do and no place to be it’s way too easy to drift into no man’s land. These are the idle days that can lead to big trouble. I’m glad I don’t have a glaring vice, as today would have been the perfect day to lose myself in it. Instead, I chose to lose myself in dreams and preparation of projects I really want to go after hard in 2011.
It’s very difficult to have discipline on days like today. The other comedian Happy Cole is gone, so that takes away the main person to hang with. I don’t really know anyone else on the staff well enough to call and ask to hang out and the crew bar and mess area are all filled with people who don’t even speak English. It really can get lonely out here quickly.
Today’s port was Roatan, Honduras. I’ve flown out of here before and it’s not the best for walking around and exploring like I would in say Cozumel, Mexico. There are a few trinket shops to scour, but I’ve got all the trinkets, baubles and clutter I need in storage at home that I haven’t even sorted through. The thought of buying any more of that is crazy.
Maybe I should have gotten off the ship and walked around a little, but I didn’t. I did go to the observation deck on the ship but that got uncomfortable when too many passengers started to recognize me. I don’t mind if they come up after the show, but on my own time I just wanted to hang out and get some work done. I wasn’t rude, but I didn’t stay long.
I didn’t feel like doing much of anything at all, but I knew that wasn’t the right answer. Having absolutely nothing to do sounds great in theory, but it’s pure danger. I still recall telling my grandpa I had nothing to do one day when I was about 8 years old. He loaded me up with all kinds of unpleasant chores for the entire day, and I never did that again.
It wasn’t funny back then, but I laughed about it today. Gramps really had a wonderful way of imparting timed release doses of wisdom, and his time bombs have helped me get through some dark ugly days. They still do, and I need to write out in book form his many lessons that continue to keep me in line even today. Gramps was my greatest gift ever.
He had plenty of his own human faults, and I don’t think he was happy for the majority of his life - but he sure pulled out the stops when it came to me. He didn’t pull punches or sugarcoat anything, he told it like it was. He pushed me to be the best I could be, and had no sympathy for laziness or lack of effort. If it wasn’t for Gramps, I’d really be lost at sea.
That’s all I thought about today as I went over my pages of notes, ideas and projects I’m working on for 2011. It’s been a couple of weeks since I really delved into this stuff, but I made major progress last time and I was impressed with the amount of groundwork I laid.
I did several hours more today. I took each project I want to develop and listed all of the steps in the order I think I need to do them to make them grow. I worked on comedy notes and career ideas, and also a book of what I learned from Gramps. It should be very easy to put on paper - he wrote it very clearly on my heart and soul, all throughout my childhood.
There’s something remarkable about the human spirit when it’s backed into a corner in a pinch that I’ve never seen fail. The mind comes out swinging and gets the job done in a way I’ll never understand. I knew I had to do thirty new minutes they hadn’t seen, and my subconscious mind came through with flying colors. I even had some material left over. That’s three completely different thirty minute sets without repeating anything. That’s a tall order, I don’t care what anyone says. Most comedians never have to work that way, so this is a real workout. Personally, I like to have my whole repertoire in my head for every audience, and then I can pick and choose what I want to give them for any 45 minute set. That gives me a lot of freedom to really mix it up, and the results are some very unique shows that are not only fun for audiences, but for me too. Doing the same old stuff every time loses it’s luster after a very short time, even though it’s good to have a polished set. This was great practice tonight, and I actually wouldn’t mind doing it again if it should be needed. I’m glad I was able to help allow Happy Cole get home for Thanksgiving with his family. Everything else was secondary. Doing five shows wasn’t anything out of line. That fifth show was extra tricky though, as I didn’t know who had seen me when or if at all. It was a port day too, which always makes it tougher because many of them have been cocktailing in the sun since early afternoon. Each of the five shows had added challenges. I could have phoned it in, but I didn’t. If I’m going to be out here working, I want to get the most out of it from a comedy standpoint. I’m not above earning every penny they pay, and in fact I wouldn’t want it any other way. If someone comes out to see me perform, my goal is to always give them the absolute best I have. Phoning it in isn’t good for anyone. As I get older, I realize that every time I step on a stage could very well be my last. Had my latest car wreck last week smeared me like a bug on a windshield, my very last shows would have been on the Destiny last week. I gave my all there and was happy with them. It’s not pleasant when an audience doesn’t like me, but I can live with it if I know in my heart I’ve given my absolute best effort. I’m getting a lot better at that as I get older, and it feels great to turn a crowd around when at first they were stiff or indifferent. That effort is never wasted if in the end they come around and can be shaped into a productive entity. I learned a lot from tonight’s marathon. The reason I went on about it in such detail was to help aspiring performers who may read this in the future. Whether I’m living or dead is of no consequence, the lesson is the same - give it all you’ve got in every performance, no exceptions. When there are kids, drunks, repeats, whatever. Give it all up every time up. I’m still a student of the game, and I’m going through in my mind how I could have done even better shows. For example, it’s Thanksgiving week. Do I have any bits about it? NO. Does it come up every year? Yes. Would it behoove me to have at least a few jokes on the topic next year? Of course. Even after good shows, there’s still room for improvement.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
If there’s a one person operation with a more hectic schedule than mine, I’d sure like to meet that person and compare notes. I’m stretched about as far as I can go, and I’d hire an assistant in a second if I knew who to ask. Right now, I don’t have time to think about it.
I’m still amazed I didn’t die in that car wreck early this morning. How many times have I been in this situation before? Too many to count, but more than thrice. It’s always in the wee hours in an oddball location, but that’s where my life’s path quite often takes me.
What I can’t figure out is why it keeps happening. Am I supposed to learn some crucial life lesson I keep missing? If so, I hope I get it soon so I can stop having to deal with this on such a regular basis. This is three in the last two years, and they’re not even my fault.
Still, it’s borderline miraculous I’ve been able to walk away from each of them without a single scratch. Nothing. I had some sore ribs from the last one but that was an especially nasty direct hit to the rear end from the other car going about 60 miles an hour. No biggie to have some sore ribs. I’m lucky I had any ribs left at all. That one really dodged a bullet.
This one did too though. I was driving down Highway 12 in Wauconda, IL and that’s an empty stretch of road. I know it well because it’s on the way to Jerry Agar’s house so I’ve driven that way quite often. There were very few cars out at 4am, and I was beat from my two day moving marathon. All I wanted to do was get to Jim McHugh’s house by 4:45.
I was passing through one of the few traffic signals which was a solid green when I saw headlights coming pretty fast from my right side. It caught me by surprise but sure enough the vehicle came right through the red light and I swerved out of instinct to avoid a crash.
My car fish tailed out of control and slid into the ditch and kept sliding into some brush and trees like a pinball machine. I was totally calm for some reason like I’ve always been during each one of these incidents over the years. It’s like I’m about to check out and I’ve made my peace with the universe. There was no panic, I was just observing all the action.
The panic set in when I discovered I’d lived through it. I absolutely HAD to make sure I made it to the airport in time to catch my flight, even if I had to call a cab. I got out to see the damage and saw I took out the whole rear end. The trunk was full of one final moving load but much of that was strewn about in the woods. I wouldn’t have time to retrieve it.
The car was still running and amazingly it was still functional. This should be a great ad for Toyota, and if they want to make me their designated spokes-wrecker, I’ll gladly do it. I’ve already walked away from wrecking three in two years, what more do I have to do?
I was stuck in that ditch pretty good, but years of winter driving have taught me how to rock a car back and forth to get momentum going so that’s what I did. After a few stabs at it I was able to get it out of the gully and onto the side road and I was on my way again.
My tail lights were torn off, and I can’t believe I didn’t get stopped by anyone until I got to Jim’s house. I thought for sure I’d have to get a tow and go through all that hassle, but I didn’t. It was empty the rest of the way and I pulled up to Jim’s house a few minutes early even. Needless to say, he was as shocked as I was when I told him about what happened.
This ruined the whole reason why I brought the car over in the first place. Jim is a really great friend, but it’s also a win/win because sometimes he’s short a car and can use mine to run errands if he needs to. That won’t happen this time, and now it’s just a big hassle.
I didn’t have time to worry about that as I had to get to my flight. I flew from O’Hare to Houston, and then on to Belize City, Belize. I had middle seats on both flights and it’s not as easy to sleep in those, so basically I stayed awake even though I was beyond exhausted.
I’d never been to Belize City before but it makes Gary, IN look like Beverly Hills. It’s a long cab ride to the ship from the airport and as we got into the city I saw how lucky I am, even though I’m living like a bug in America. I’ll take my lifestyle over theirs every time.
After the cab ride I had to take a ferry boat to the ship. That’s usually not a problem but on a day like this when everything was going in every direction, I just wanted to get there and get some sleep. I could feel my whole body ache from the move, and my stress level was rising the longer I went without sleep. Everyone has limits, and I reached mine today.
We finally arrived and I checked in with the ship and discovered we had shows tonight. In the past, they’ve usually not made us work on a travel day. Not today. I was scheduled for two shows, and funny was the last thing on my mind after these last few hectic days.
My show was at 8:30 but I went down for the 7:30 show to introduce myself and let the manager know I was there. Also, I didn’t trust myself to not fall asleep and miss my show entirely. I took a long hot shower to try and wake up a little and then showed up at work.
The other comic this week is a guy named Happy Cole. What a great name. He’s one of the top acts in the company from what I’ve heard, and I can see why from seeing his show tonight. The guy is velvety smooth, and has crafted some well written material concerning life on the ship. He’s a veteran and a pro and I respect his position. He‘s totally earned it.
Plus, he’s a big sports fan. That’s always a big green light with me. If someone can talk sports, we’ll usually get along fine. When I worked with Tim Allen years ago, that’s what kept us talking for most of the night back stage. It removes all barriers, and two true fans of sports can usually find something to talk about all night. Happy and I will get along.
Unfortunately, tonight wasn’t the night I was looking to hang with anyone. I was out of gas and ready to sleep for a week, but I had to do my shows. Ugh. That’s how the luck of the draw came out this time, so I didn’t complain. I went up and had a very good show at 8:30, but the 10:30 was a red hot killer - probably the best set I’ve done on a ship to date. I had no idea why it went so well, and the people had no idea how truly exhausted I was.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Nothing adds stress and pressure to life quite like having a strict time deadline added to an already unpleasant task. I felt the gun to my head all day as I cleared all of my worldly belongings out of where I’ve lived the last two and a half years. The more boxes I moved, the more that seemed to appear. It felt like Jesus’s loaves and fishes miracle in reverse.
Nobody realizes just how much junk is accumulated until moving time. I knew I’d let a few things add up, but not like this. It seemed as though I was a one man Sanford and Son junk removal service as I packed every trinket, bauble and ‘collectible’ I had to my name.
Thankfully I was able to move the bulk of my sports cards out recently or this probably would have been my last day on Earth. I couldn’t have handled lifting all those big heavy boxes up the stairs, into the car, out of the car and into the storage shed like I did with all the others I did today. I never like to ask anyone to help me move because it’s unpleasant.
I don’t like to do it, so why should I expose my friends to that torture? I always figured it was my stuff, and I should be responsible for moving it. This time was worse, as I really wasn’t prepared or packed with any kind of order. I had a time limit drop out of nowhere and had to be out in two days. Even if people did show up, I wouldn’t have been ready.
This has been one of the most grueling tasks I can ever remember having to do. I got up at 5am yesterday and worked solid until 1:30am this morning. Then I was back up at 4:30 because I couldn’t sleep worrying I wouldn’t be out on time. I drove to the Country Inn in Gurnee, IL to check my email, as I needed to get my airline information for my next trip.
It was one stressful thing after the other as I ran around doing errands between filling up my storage unit, which could have been packed a lot more efficiently had I had some time to do it. It was very symbolic of life in a way, having to rush through with limited options and make due. If circumstances were different, results would be different. But they’re not.
I could feel my energy and whatever exuberance I had at the start drain out of me as my legs and back began to throb with soreness every time I lifted a halfway heavy box. It was the ultimate workout that lasted TWO FULL DAYS. Let’s see Richard Simmons or Billy Blanks match that one. I should come out with a new video “Sweatin’ To The Deadline”.
Finally, after full day and a half of busting my ass physically like I can’t remember ever doing, my friend Shelly came over with a pickup truck I never knew her and her husband had. I never like to bother people, but Shelly is the greatest. Like me, she’s a helper and it shows. Sometimes that’s a bad thing because people take advantage, but that’s how it is.
I never want to take advantage of anyone, but especially people like Shelly. She showed up with the truck and we packed the little bit of furniture I do have, which consists of one table and a small cabinet with drawers to keep important papers, and moved it to the shed. We piled as much other stuff as we could around it and that’s where it will sit for a while.
Shelly also handles my website and co-hosts The Mothership Connection radio show on WLIP. Now that I’m gone for a few months, she and the rest of the panel have kept going and I couldn’t be happier about it. That show is fun and deserves to be on the air, but I’m not able to turn down the money from the ships so Shelly helps keep that going as well.
I’m totally grateful for all she’s done and all anyone else has done too, but something in my deep down psyche still has trouble trusting anyone. I don’t think Shelly is going to do anything to screw me over, but it’s happened so often in the past I can’t help but worry.
Today there was no time for worry or anything else but getting everything out of where I was staying. The other people were already out and this was my last chance. To make it even more of a challenge, I had a class to teach at Harper College by 7pm. That was THE last thing I wanted to do, but I made the commitment and wasn’t going to back out of it.
I also found a new situation to live which was a lot like my old one. The sister in law of the woman I originally made the deal with to rent from also has a house with a furnished basement not far away. She offered the same deal with the same rent, and I had to take it.
Do I want to live in basements the rest of my life? Of course not, but like where I was it isn’t horrible at all and there are a lot of upsides. I won’t have a lease, just like I didn’t all the time I stayed where I was. Yes, it ended a little inconveniently but nobody is angry at each other. We’re still friends and we helped each other out along the way. That’s good.
This situation should be very similar, and if it isn’t I can move out at any time. My rent will help her out and it’s a win/win. My future is so uncertain that it wouldn’t have been a smart thing to sign a lease anywhere, and I’m glad I didn’t have to. This is fine for now.
I can guarantee one thing though, the next time I move it will NOT be the stressful two day marathon of torture this one was. I will begin purging myself of any and all physical possessions as soon as I get the chance. My mind set has changed dramatically, and I am not interested in acquiring physical possessions. This planet isn’t my true home anyway.
I don’t know where that is, but I know I don’t need to be hauling most of the junk that’s in the storage area there. I’m going to weed out as much as I can, and travel light the rest of my life. If I really want a book or movie or CD, chances are I can find it pretty easily.
The class went very well at Harper College, but after that I still had work to do. I had a couple more loads to haul to the new place, and I was on a strict time schedule now. My flight was leaving at 5:30am and I couldn’t miss it for anything. Well I could, but I didn’t want to. If I missed the flight due to my error I’d likely be fired. I don’t want to find out.
On my way to the airport, some goofus ran a red light way out in the suburbs and I did not see it coming until it was too late. I swerved to miss him and slid into the ditch next to the highway and tore up the entire back end of my car which was filled with one final load of my stuff. I managed to get myself out, but now I’m going to need a car. Again.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Far too many overly serious topics are coming to the forefront at once lately, at least for my tastes, but they are. I want to focus on fun and funny and doing as much good with as much time as I have left on this cockeyed little space pebble for as many people as I can.
Too many other heavy issues are getting in the way lately. Veterans Day is one. I never make jokes about that, and I’m eternally grateful for my American heritage and all that is included with it…BUT, the whole idea of war itself repulses me. I know blood was shed in many generations so that I could enjoy life on a scale that’s the best it’s been in history.
That’s my complaint, I think it still rots in many ways. In my opinion, too many people don’t appreciate what we do have, and are taking down the rest of the country with them. In no way does that reflect on the brave soldiers who gave their lives - the ultimate price. They will have my never ending undying support. But why is war even necessary at all?
I have a number of people I’m not fond of, even a few I really can’t stand. I know there are also people that think I’m a pure bred grade A polecat’s pecker. So be it. We disagree as humans on some things, that just goes with the territory. But really, is murdering each other over any of it really necessary? I for one don’t think so. I try to bypass all the idiots.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to have caught on in the mass population. Human kind seems to be rotten to the core, and eventually it comes down to a big ugly fight that takes it to a level it never needs to get to, and then bodies start piling up. It’s a bigger version of hearing “someone’s going to lose an eye” from childhood, but it’s not adult. It’s asinine.
I’m not a daisy picking wackadoo and not realistic to think we don’t need to protect our families, but in the world I’d like to call home, we wouldn’t need a Veterans Day because all those people who bravely defended us with their lives would still be here to live theirs.
I never forgot my grandmother talking about her family over in Germany who were hurt in World Wars I and II, and how it affected their lives after. They couldn’t farm properly and it made it very difficult to feed their families and they all suffered from it. She knew veterans on both sides of the ocean, just regular people trying to survive the snares of life.
I personally don’t have one thing against anyone in Iraq, Afghanistan, or anywhere else. Unfortunately, all the wank poles I know live right here in America. I don’t like them, but I don’t plan on killing them either. I want to just live my life in peace and stay away from those who I choose to avoid. I think if we all really wanted that to happen, it would work.
I know war makes money and infuses the economies of nations and blah blah blah, but I still don’t have to like it. And I don’t. I can’t say what I would have done if I’d been born in the Vietnam generation, which I almost was. Do I respect those who went? Absolutely. But what about those who didn’t? I can’t honestly say that I have an answer for that now, and I don’t know when I will. This is way deep and my head aches just thinking about it.
I really think it all boils down to sincere respect and the good old reliable Golden Rule. I don’t care what anyone’s religious beliefs are, the Golden Rule is pure uncut 100% truth from not just the Earth, but the depths of the universe. It’s the most important rule of all.
If we really respected each other, we’d find a way to avoid wiping each other out and be focused on how we can find solutions to these touchy areas. We’re all stuck on this planet for as long as we’re here. ALL of us. All colors, religions, sexual preferences, educational levels, whatever. Let’s find a way to at least let those who think similarly get to enjoy it.
I don’t mind if someone chooses to be a Muslim, but don’t be telling me I can’t enjoy a nice greasy order of bacon in the morning if I feel like it. You don’t like it? Tough. But it shouldn’t get us to start burning each other’s flags over it, should it? I’m not that into it.
This all makes perfect sense to me, but what do I know? I’ve got my own problems on a much smaller scale, but to me they’re every bit as large. Our own personal problems seem bigger than life because we’re so close to them. I have all I can handle with my own life.
One other thing that’s a big deal is the whole Carnival cruise ship incident. I must have gotten 200 emails, texts and calls asking if it was me aboard that ship and wondering if I was going to survive. I’m totally flattered that many people care about me, but I have to say the public is completely misinformed on just how safe the whole cruise experience is.
I was guilty too, and I admit it. Until this summer, I’d never even seen a real live cruise ship up close and in person. WOW, what an impressive sight. I highly recommend that all the people who are so quick to point fingers and make fun see how well run and efficient these ships are, your tune will change immediately. I feel 1000% safe on a Carnival ship.
I’m not just saying that because I work for them, but they’re the leaders of the industry and they have 23 ships in their fleet which sail completely safe and incident free each and every week of the year without issue. Yes, there was a glitch on ONE ship. Inconvenience maybe, but no lost lives. And, the company gave them all a fantastic compensation deal.
Believe me, the Carnival people are focused on their passengers. If I screw up on stage, I’m out of a job. That’s a good thing, because it will keep me in line and force me to give my best product to the passengers who have come to know Carnival as a quality vacation.
I think it’s totally unfair every news story starts with “Carnival cruise ship…” just as if someone choked on food and the news said “Wendy’s hamburger…” Things go wrong in the real world, and accidents happen. Even the space shuttle blew up. Twice. I wouldn’t ride on that, but I feel very safe on any Carnival ship. I’ve seen how well several are run.
Flying is the same way. I’ve never been afraid to fly, ESPECIALLY after a crash. It’s a very sad fact of life, but in the jungle animals get eaten too. It’s a cruel world. If anything, now would be the perfect time to take a Carnival cruise. I’m sure it will be super safe way more than ever. Enough with this heavy stuff already. Time to lighten up and have fun.
Today would have been my father’s 73rd birthday. The longer he’s dead, the less I think about him quite frankly. That situation was just plain ugly, and it’s been a source of major pain for a lifetime. That relationship alone has probably put more dents in my can than all others combined, but I know it isn‘t just me. Father relationships are a major part of life.
My grandpa used to tell me that on both sides of every stripper pole there was a bad job of fathering - the girl dancing and the guy watching. Gramps was THE major influence in my life, the reason I’m not dead or in prison. His mentorship continues to help me today.
The few times I can remember speaking with my father, he always had a disdain for his father and said how they never got along. I guess that isn’t always the case, and those that get a second chance with grand kids often make up for their initial mistakes as parents.
Whatever went wrong in my father’s life, it sure was major. Like Anakin Skywalker, he not only went to the dark side - he became their poster child. The more I tried to carve out any kind of relationship with my father, the less it worked. We could never see eye to eye, and we spent a lot more years not talking to each other than in contact. It was a mismatch.
The one thing that’s been most difficult for me to deal with when it comes to my father is forgiveness. Try as I might to let go, I always clung to the mean spirited hurtful things he said and did and it’s been a major source of all things negative. I looked him in the eye when we had our face to face meeting and told him I forgave him, but I really hadn’t yet.
That was 16 years ago now, and it seems like an eternity. I saw him only one more time after that, and that was when my grandmother was going into a nursing home and all of us gathered at her house to clean out her belongings. He was being a pompous knob that day as he always did, and after a few short minutes I’d had my fill and got in my car and left.
When I heard he died, I didn’t have any emotion at all. In the years since, his memory is fading into the past and I think of him less and less. I can honestly say I tried my very best to salvage some kind of relationship with him, even though we never did. I did all I could from my side, but in the end it was a flaming flop. I was never able to truly forgive him.
I wasn’t even thinking about him or his birthday this morning when I went into my bank to deposit a check from the gig I did in Decatur last week. I saw it was November 10th and it hit me. It only took a split second to recall his image, but there was no anger attached.
The next thing that hit harder was that I was finally able to genuinely forgive him and let all that ugly past go. Just like that. I knew it was gone. It was a big relief. It was like a kid trying to lose a baby tooth that just wouldn’t come out. Eventually, it falls out all by itself and is never a problem again. That’s kind of how it felt today. I saw all the pain he put us all through, but it didn’t sting anymore. I was able to look at it for what it was, put it way in the past and know that he or his tyrant attitude would never be able to hurt me again.
I sat in the car for a few minutes trying to figure it all out, but then I decided it wasn’t important. That whole mess is over, and the damage has long been done. I still have the scars, but there are no open wounds anymore. He’s dead, and his power to hurt is gone.
If there was one person meaner than my old man it was his wife - my step mother. We never got along either, and as a kid I remember praying for her slow and painful death. It shamed me when I eventually got it, but I did. She had diabetes pretty bad and from what I heard it was quite nasty. Our relationship aside, I’m very sorry I wished that on anybody.
My grandmother was the one who told me about it, and she had Alzheimer’s disease at the time. She must have told me a dozen times in five minutes, and as soon as I heard she died I was able to immediately forgive her for whatever she may have done at any time in the past. She knew what she did, and now she would have to answer for it. I forgave her.
I knew when I had that feeling it would be permanent, and I wouldn’t change my mind later and get pissed off all over again. I don’t know how I knew that, but I did. And I was right - it’s never come back. I still think she was mean and nasty and we never got along, but I carry no grudge with her and let it go. It’s for me, not for her. I have my own faults.
When I had the feeling today about my father I knew that would be permanent as well. I don’t have to like him or rewrite history and say how great he was or anything other than just LET IT ALL GO and don’t claim it anymore. The damage is done, he’s dead, and he has to answer to the same source his wife did. If there’s justice anywhere, it’ll work out.
I’m not claiming perfection in anything and never have. I have plenty of my own black ink to erase from my life, but the old man sure didn’t make life easier for any of his kids. I know I’m not the only one who’s had to deal with this ugliness so my mission in life is to reach out to as many other dented cans as I’m able to find and give them my support.
Sometimes that can come from humor, but other times it’s just being real enough to be there and let them express their feelings. Dented cans are sensitive for the most part and it feels good to have others who can relate to their pain. I’ve had countless people come up and tell me how they can relate to the whole dented can theme, but I wish they couldn’t.
I wish I couldn’t. I wish I had a loving wife and family supporting me in whatever I did and me being the source of it all as the head of the household. Maybe I wouldn’t have the need to be a comedian, but that’s ok. I’m sure I would have found something else I liked.
So many good friends like Jerry Agar and Bert Haas have had wonderful families with amazing kids. They both have three of the most wonderful kids I’ve ever known, and for me to see them all grow up from babies is a privilege. That’s how life is supposed to be.
I never got that, and I’m not alone. I can’t change it, so all I can do is reach out for the rest of my life and encourage other dented cans like me to keep plugging. I’m not all the way there yet. Tomorrow is my mother’s birthday, and that one still has some raw nerves.