Saturday November 27th, 2010 - Somewhere At Sea I had a very bizarre dream last night that I can’t stop thinking about. It was one of those extra vivid ones with razor sharp detail that seem like they’re really happening. This isn’t the first time I’ve had a dream like that, and when they happen they linger in my mind for years after. I can even remember a few I had as a kid with amazing detail and full clarity. I’ve started to pay way more attention to things like this ever since I started hosting the Mothership Connection paranormal radio show on WLIP, and my mind is open to a lot of new possibilities I never thought of before. I don’t want to fly out past Neptune and Pluto without first considering a logical or sensible answer, but I admit I don’t know the truth. In this latest dream, I’m relaxing after a show and hanging out with friends. There are a lot of my favorite people there, and I can feel myself really enjoying their company. Some new guy comes back stage and starts hanging out with us, but nobody knows who he is or how he got there. He starts to join the conversation, and it feels like we‘re hitting it off. The other people are all eventually gone for whatever reason, and I quickly glance down at my watch and know I have a plane to catch. The other guy puts on his dark glasses and leather biker jacket and I immediately realize it’s my father. He’s not at all the nasty mean spirited caustic bastard I remember so vividly. This was a completely different life form. I don’t know why I remember this particular dream so vividly, but I totally do. I’ve had others that I tried to write down as soon as I woke up, and could only piece together a few sketchy details that made absolutely no sense. I’d look at my notes to see “Sliding down a giant spoon, waiting for Fred Flintstone to give me a haircut.” Hmmm, not a life changer. This one really touched something inside. I had NO idea who this guy was, and I really did find myself liking him. Then when he put on the glasses and jacket and I realized who it was, it totally caught me off guard and I felt like I’d been had. He looked me in the eye as he was putting on his jacket, then he turned away as if he knew I’d want him to leave. I woke up right after that and laid in my bunk for a while trying to figure it all out. First I had to figure out where I was. That’s always been a common theme ever since I’ve been on the road. Even if I’m home, wherever home might be at that time, it always takes me a few seconds to recall where I am and get my bearings straight. I figured out I was at sea. Then the details of the dream played over and over in my head and I wondered if there’s any deeper meaning to it or if I need to stop eating close to bedtime. Actually, I’m getting a lot better at that and haven’t been eating much at all after about 7pm. That wasn’t it. According to a lot of things I’ve read in the past year or so, there’s a belief that the dead can and do communicate with the living in exactly that manner - through dreams. I’m not saying I think that’s what it was, or if I believe it at all. I’m just saying that’s what people have written. Could it be a possibility? Of course it could, and I keep an open mind to it. I’d really like to run this scenario past a dream interpretation expert and see what comes back. Why was this so vivid? Why did it happen now? I know I felt only recently that I’ve finally been able to forgive him, but that was weeks ago now. Shouldn’t it have happened then, or is my brain just late in sorting out details. Whatever the case, it got my attention. Years ago, I had a similar dream with my grandfather. Actually, the only thing that was similar at all was the vividness of it. The outcome was completely different. Gramps and I were very close, and he died a painfully slow death from cancer in December of 1981, the year I graduated high school. His last few months up to hospice care were hard on us all. When Gramps died, there was a huge hole in my life. I was 18, and if I ever needed him and his wisdom, that was it. He was the peacemaker, and all hell broke loose immediately after he passed. I desperately hoped for some kind of sign telling me he was looking down or up or over or whatever he had to do to maintain contact. Nothing. I only felt the void. Several years later, I had a very vivid dream out of nowhere just like this one. In it I saw Gramps, but he was very far from me and very much in pain. He looked old and shriveled and almost embarrassed to see me. I tried running to him in the dream, but he blew me off and turned away. I felt a coldness from him I’d never felt before and I could see his pain. That one took me by surprise, but I didn’t tell anyone about it because I didn’t have any idea who to tell. I figured it was just a bad dream and left it at that, but it was just so vivid and felt so real I couldn’t forget it and still can’t. I’ve seen Gramps a few more times in a dream situation like that, and he’s always looked horrible and it seems like he’s hurting. The more I reach out to him, the more he seems ashamed and doesn’t want to talk to me at all. I’ve also had a few dreams where my grandmother shows up, but I don’t get a sense of pain with her. She just shows up to basically say hello, and goes back to her business. I don’t feel any particular warmth or coldness from her at all, and it hasn’t happened often. This kind of stuff is just plain weird. I can’t explain it. Is it just a dream? Probably, but I have plenty of dreams and these are a whole lot different. They stand out because they are so realistic. I’ve had some other realistic ones about being on stage, but even those do not have the impact as the ones with the dead people coming back to me. Those are intense. Wherever the old man is, I just hope he finds his own peace at this point. The damage is done as far as his parenting skills went, and all his kids have to deal with the cruel way he dealt with us all. Me wishing him to rot in hell won’t do anyone any good. I have no idea if there even is a heaven or hell or God or anything like that. I’ve got my own problems. This whole thing does make me think though. I’ve heard some unflattering things about my grandfather, even though I thought he was a saint. In my eyes, my father was pure evil but maybe I only saw that side of him and there’s a lot more I’m missing. I don’t know, or know if I should even care at this point. He’s dead, and we never had a relationship or any reasonable facsimile. That’s why this dream stands out so much. Does it mean anything?
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