If there’s a one person operation with a more hectic schedule than mine, I’d sure like to meet that person and compare notes. I’m stretched about as far as I can go, and I’d hire an assistant in a second if I knew who to ask. Right now, I don’t have time to think about it.
I’m still amazed I didn’t die in that car wreck early this morning. How many times have I been in this situation before? Too many to count, but more than thrice. It’s always in the wee hours in an oddball location, but that’s where my life’s path quite often takes me.
What I can’t figure out is why it keeps happening. Am I supposed to learn some crucial life lesson I keep missing? If so, I hope I get it soon so I can stop having to deal with this on such a regular basis. This is three in the last two years, and they’re not even my fault.
Still, it’s borderline miraculous I’ve been able to walk away from each of them without a single scratch. Nothing. I had some sore ribs from the last one but that was an especially nasty direct hit to the rear end from the other car going about 60 miles an hour. No biggie to have some sore ribs. I’m lucky I had any ribs left at all. That one really dodged a bullet.
This one did too though. I was driving down Highway 12 in Wauconda, IL and that’s an empty stretch of road. I know it well because it’s on the way to Jerry Agar’s house so I’ve driven that way quite often. There were very few cars out at 4am, and I was beat from my two day moving marathon. All I wanted to do was get to Jim McHugh’s house by 4:45.
I was passing through one of the few traffic signals which was a solid green when I saw headlights coming pretty fast from my right side. It caught me by surprise but sure enough the vehicle came right through the red light and I swerved out of instinct to avoid a crash.
My car fish tailed out of control and slid into the ditch and kept sliding into some brush and trees like a pinball machine. I was totally calm for some reason like I’ve always been during each one of these incidents over the years. It’s like I’m about to check out and I’ve made my peace with the universe. There was no panic, I was just observing all the action.
The panic set in when I discovered I’d lived through it. I absolutely HAD to make sure I made it to the airport in time to catch my flight, even if I had to call a cab. I got out to see the damage and saw I took out the whole rear end. The trunk was full of one final moving load but much of that was strewn about in the woods. I wouldn’t have time to retrieve it.
The car was still running and amazingly it was still functional. This should be a great ad for Toyota, and if they want to make me their designated spokes-wrecker, I’ll gladly do it. I’ve already walked away from wrecking three in two years, what more do I have to do?
I was stuck in that ditch pretty good, but years of winter driving have taught me how to rock a car back and forth to get momentum going so that’s what I did. After a few stabs at it I was able to get it out of the gully and onto the side road and I was on my way again.
My tail lights were torn off, and I can’t believe I didn’t get stopped by anyone until I got to Jim’s house. I thought for sure I’d have to get a tow and go through all that hassle, but I didn’t. It was empty the rest of the way and I pulled up to Jim’s house a few minutes early even. Needless to say, he was as shocked as I was when I told him about what happened.
This ruined the whole reason why I brought the car over in the first place. Jim is a really great friend, but it’s also a win/win because sometimes he’s short a car and can use mine to run errands if he needs to. That won’t happen this time, and now it’s just a big hassle.
I didn’t have time to worry about that as I had to get to my flight. I flew from O’Hare to Houston, and then on to Belize City, Belize. I had middle seats on both flights and it’s not as easy to sleep in those, so basically I stayed awake even though I was beyond exhausted.
I’d never been to Belize City before but it makes Gary, IN look like Beverly Hills. It’s a long cab ride to the ship from the airport and as we got into the city I saw how lucky I am, even though I’m living like a bug in America. I’ll take my lifestyle over theirs every time.
After the cab ride I had to take a ferry boat to the ship. That’s usually not a problem but on a day like this when everything was going in every direction, I just wanted to get there and get some sleep. I could feel my whole body ache from the move, and my stress level was rising the longer I went without sleep. Everyone has limits, and I reached mine today.
We finally arrived and I checked in with the ship and discovered we had shows tonight. In the past, they’ve usually not made us work on a travel day. Not today. I was scheduled for two shows, and funny was the last thing on my mind after these last few hectic days.
My show was at 8:30 but I went down for the 7:30 show to introduce myself and let the manager know I was there. Also, I didn’t trust myself to not fall asleep and miss my show entirely. I took a long hot shower to try and wake up a little and then showed up at work.
The other comic this week is a guy named Happy Cole. What a great name. He’s one of the top acts in the company from what I’ve heard, and I can see why from seeing his show tonight. The guy is velvety smooth, and has crafted some well written material concerning life on the ship. He’s a veteran and a pro and I respect his position. He‘s totally earned it.
Plus, he’s a big sports fan. That’s always a big green light with me. If someone can talk sports, we’ll usually get along fine. When I worked with Tim Allen years ago, that’s what kept us talking for most of the night back stage. It removes all barriers, and two true fans of sports can usually find something to talk about all night. Happy and I will get along.
Unfortunately, tonight wasn’t the night I was looking to hang with anyone. I was out of gas and ready to sleep for a week, but I had to do my shows. Ugh. That’s how the luck of the draw came out this time, so I didn’t complain. I went up and had a very good show at 8:30, but the 10:30 was a red hot killer - probably the best set I’ve done on a ship to date. I had no idea why it went so well, and the people had no idea how truly exhausted I was.
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