The King Of Dents

Tuesday July 7th, 2009 - Lake Villa, IL

It’s a good thing I don’t own a handgun or I would have pulled an Elvis and blasted out my TV screen during coverage of the Michael Jackson funeral today. Enough already. He was a fantastic entertainer. Got it. I was a fan. My heart goes out to his kids and almost all of his family except his snake bastard father Joe. I can’t believe they let him in the joint.

By all accounts Joe Jackson was a first class horse’s ass. He was selfish and abusive to all his children and embarrassed and humiliated his wife by cheating on her and fathering children with other women. Michael talked about having nightmares about the bastard for years and I’m sure if the other kids were interviewed there wouldn’t be many happy tales.

I would bet everything I have that no matter how many Grammy awards Michael might have won it still didn’t make any of those horrific memories go away. Dented cans share a bond of having to overcome childhood pain for as long as we live. Michael was one of us. His fame and fortune may have been a distraction but the deep rooted pain was still there.

I said it before and I say it today. I AM GLAD MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD. He’s a dented can and a tortured soul and he gave of himself with good intentions until there was nothing left to give. His music will be around forever but now I hope his soul gets to have a little nourishment and he gets to finally have peace. The circus for him is finally over.

For everyone else it’s just starting. I for one am up to my clown hat with all of it. I don’t even want to turn on my TV or radio because something else will make me want to go get that gun and start shooting through the screen or the speakers. Between Al Sharpton and a host of other maggots clamoring for air time I can’t stop my gag reflex from going off.

I do feel bad for the kids and by all accounts Michael never did to his kids what his own father did to him. As far as the child molestation charges go, that’s a whole other issue. If he did do it then I’m glad he’s dead for different reasons but I am not qualified to judge.

Watching what I could stand of all the insanity today I couldn’t help but notice how out of control and unfair life really is. Even in death Michael Jackson can pack thousands into an arena while I’m sure Karl Malden, Fred Travelina and Farrah Fawcett’s funerals didn’t even show up on page 12 of the Kalamazoo Nose Blower Thrifty Nickel Shopper Times.

That’s how life is on this freakish little planet. We each get our own individual puzzles to solve and it seems like they were randomly passed out with no rhyme or reason for any of it. I sure don’t have any more answers now than I did when I started. I’m not getting it. It’s not Michael Jackson at whom I’m disgusted, it’s mass media and the idiot masses.

It still sticks in my craw about his father though. That guy seems to be continuing a long and insidious reign of terror unchallenged. I wonder if Michael ever got his chance to say whatever he wanted to say to his father? I got mine but it was very disappointing. Then he died and it was over. Now Michael is dead before his father but I wonder if it’s ever over?

Jerry Agar called me in the middle of the TV coverage and I’m thrilled he did. He asked me to get together for lunch and go over some ideas for a website for Jerry’s Kidders so it can start bringing in some income. He’s got a family to feed and I could use a few buckos myself. Necessity is the mother of invention and life for both of us right now is a mother.

We’re in a completely different situation than Michael Jackson but who isn’t? That’s not anything most of us could ever relate to unless we lived it ourselves. I for one am glad for not having to. I have enough problems trying to find some kind of clue to my own puzzle.

What really is in short supply right now is money. Jerry has mouths to feed and is in the horrible position of having to give up on his dream after he achieved it and was a success. I still can’t believe he got fired from not only WABC in New York but also WLS here in Chicago. He was doing the job and especially in Chicago he was starting to hit his stride.

It wasn’t his fault he lost his gig(s) but he did due to circumstances beyond his control. I can totally relate to that because I had the same thing happen to me. I can bitch about it in a blog until I wear the prints off my fingers and so can Jerry but the situation is the same.

That’s what we talked about over chili dogs. There’s no time for anger or vengeance or anything else but DOING something to make a living. Being on WGN is nice but unless a steady stream of income comes from it we’ll both be homeless soon. ‘Nice’ doesn’t pay.

Ken Sevara and Tim Slagle are in a similar situation. As comedians we need to look for work every week and places are either closing their doors or paying MUCH less then they used to either because they’re doing less shows on less days or revenue just isn’t there.

The supply of comedians keeps growing as well, even though many are of poor quality. That doesn’t matter though, they’ll undercut on price and make everyone’s life miserable because they go into a situation and stink up the joint and burn that venue out on comedy. I’ve seen it happen time and time again, especially on the better paying private shows.

The entire comedy business has changed since I got in it as has my position in it. When I started I was able to make a living way before I should have. I learned on the job and did not have a clue of anything other than I knew I really loved being on stage. Had I been the comedian I am now in 1989 rather than 2009 I would be a flat out millionaire for sure.

Headliners were paid really well and flown in and treated like rock stars back then. All I wanted was to achieve headliner status and I thought my troubles would be over. Ha! Was I stupid to ever think that but that’s what I thought. I finally achieved it and not only is my life not trouble free, the pay is actually shrinking rather than going up. I had poor timing.

These are just facts. What business isn’t on the decline right now? Tattoos maybe but if I have to work at a tattoo parlor to make a living that’s when I’ll suck a nice big bullet for sure. The gravy train seems to be over but that doesn’t mean opportunity isn’t still there if I look hard enough. Jerry and I started to do that today. I doubt if we’re in Michael’s will.