Wiping My Assets

Thursday July 9th, 2009 - Waukegan, IL

My big personal purge officially started today. Step one was meeting up with Jerry Agar at the Waukegan Auto Auction and signing over the Toyota Camry he’s been storing for a while. It still runs very well and Jerry even stopped to run it through the car wash to make it shine like a new nickel. And it does. I have no doubt someone will buy it this Saturday.

I stuck some money in that car and it served me pretty well but there were little things it needed that I didn’t want to spend money on like fixing the radio antenna and also the CD player which Jerry’s son Tanner jammed. It also needed some front end work and at some point it would have started to cost serious money so I chose to send it down the road now.

Cars truly do have personalities just like houses. Or pets. All are unique and I have had good ones and bad ones. This one wasn’t really either one but I didn’t love it like the one I wrecked in Milwaukee in December. That one was a real peach and I wish I still had it.

But I don’t. So I bought the next one and stuck more than I wanted to in it and even if it did last me for thousands of trouble free miles I’ll part ways with it and start over. I’ll put the feelers out for another one and hopefully I can score one I want to keep a little longer.

Wheeling and dealing cars is not the fun it used to be. I’m only doing it now because of financial restraints. My credit is in the toilet and I have to fly under the radar until my big lotto check gets here. I think I’m going to sue Ed McMahon’s estate for the ten million he said he said was going to be mine. I’ve got all his letters as proof, now I need a lawyer.

On the way back to Jerry’s house we stopped at a car repair place he goes to so the guy could look over the other Camry to see exactly what was wrong with it. The radiator leak worried me a little and I was right. He said it would need not only that eventually but also a rear oil seal at some point and those aren’t cheap. I’m going to peddle that one as well.

It looks really clean and still starts with a flick of a key and has brand new tires but it’s also got some nickel and dime stuff I don’t want to deal with. Hopefully I can unload both cars and pay off my credit card and start over with something cheaper that stays that way.

If I have any significant road gigs I’ll rent a car or ride with the other act like I am going to do tomorrow with Jim Flannigan. He’s driving us to Hannibal, MO. I’ll pay for the gas and we’ll be sure and get there and back without a hassle. The peace of mind is worth it.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to get much comedy work done today but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t rolling around in my head. I know this is all going to be very good in the long haul so I wasn’t upset at all. I have an idea of what I want for the big picture and I’m doing it.

Worldly possessions don’t really mean much anyway. Michael Jackson’s estate now has the daunting task of unloading all of his baubles and trinkets and I bet that’s going to be a world class pain in the ass. When I croak I want all of my possessions to fit in a car trunk.