Tuesday May 17th, 2011 - Greenfield, WI For the third straight year, I was asked to host a bikini contest at Hooters in Greenfield, WI. For a Tuesday night, that’s a dream gig. Nobody makes money on a Tuesday in these times, and all I had to do was host the show and look at women. Talk and gawk. I’m in. I’ve always enjoyed working with Hooters, and I’ve done it in a few places with various radio stations I’ve worked for. They always keep things professional and never allow it to cross the lines of decency. I’m not a prude by any means, but it’s better to keep it classy. What a brilliant marketing plan they’ve been able to execute for decades now. They’ve become a mainstream part of Americana, and that’s not easy to do in any business. I think it has to be due to a solid vision from the top that’s been well executed through the ranks. I probably should know who the top people are at Hooters, but I don’t. I do know I’m as impressed as impressed can get with the guy I deal with in Greenfield, Bob Hall. That guy is one sharp knife, and I love working with him. He’s got both smarts and people skills. That’s a combination about as potent and nitro and glycerin in my book. Bob knows his stuff inside and out, and there’s a lot to know to pull off one of these events. First, there’s a large circus tent structure that needs to be set up in the parking lot. I’m sure there has to be a permit of some sort, and he has to go through the city fathers to get all that in place. Then, he needs to pick a date, get sponsors, judges, a sound man, a host, and that hasn’t even included one contestant yet. Dealing with 18-22 year old women has got to have the highest pain in the ass stress rating there is, slightly ahead of a cat burglar and not quite at the level of hostage negotiator in the Middle East. I‘ll bet that‘s one crisis after another. Sure, they’re great to look at, but working with them on a daily basis has to be pure hell on Earth in a business situation. Every Hooters manager has to deal with how many girls? 30? 40? 50? Whatever it is, I don’t envy them at all. Bob makes it look easy, and each of the three contests I’ve hosted has gone off without a hitch or a glitch. The staff is great. I try my best to get the crowd into it, and make the girls all look like supermodels. None of them were ugly, but after five or six hot babes in bikinis walk by, what’s to say without taking it into the gutter? That’s why I get paid, and I did my best to make the show classy. Weather wasn’t great this year, and it was flat out cold by the end of the night when the sun went down. Those girls were in bikinis, and I know they had to be freezing. I saw the looks of disappointment on a few that didn’t win, and I felt bad for them. Life isn’t fair. Beauty contests are a lot like comedy contests. They’re subjective. Who’s to say who’s more beautiful than another? The judges - but who says they know anything? Life can be cruel, and I felt for those girls. The contest was a big deal to them, but only one could win and that’s just how life is. Still, it was fun to host it, and I hope Bob calls again next year.
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