Saturday March 16th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL
I’m not a fan of being off on a Saturday, but that’s how today worked out. My calendar is filled for the next eight weeks, and hopefully I’ll keep adding to it after that. I don’t ever want to have a free Saturday, as that’s the ‘money night’ for a comedian. I want to perform every chance I get.
Once in a while it’s nice to have a night off though, and this one came at a good time. I’ve been hitting it hard of late, and there are a lot of projects that need my attention. The Schlitz Happened shows in Milwaukee are coming up in April, and I feel extremely confident they’ll do very well.
I know what I’m doing as far as that goes, and now it’s a matter of getting locals in Milwaukee to recognize and embrace it as a brand. Once the word gets out, I think I can spread it around for years and have an extended run. I’d be thrilled to earn a living with less travel. I’ve had my fill.
I’d also love to at least make an attempt at having a family of my own at some point. I’m never going to be ‘normal’ in that department and I resigned myself to it long ago. I wasn’t ready to be a husband or a father when I had the chance, and I totally knew it. I’m glad I did, as by now life would be a lot more complicated than it already is because I’d be dealing with exes and children.
I was so sensitive to the fact that I had a miserable relationship with my father that I was afraid of doing exactly that to children of my own. I made excuses in my head to avoid having to give it a shot, but in reality it was plain old fear. I didn’t know how to deal with it so I chose to ignore it.
Now, when most people my age are starting to prepare for grandchildren and all that goes with it I find myself never married and entering the game for the first time. Once again, I’m the out of place freak. That’s a role I’ve played to death in life, and it gets old quickly. But here I am again.
I used my Saturday off to go on two dates, a lunch and a dinner. I know several women I really like, and I feel that some of them actually like me back. I’m not looking to be a womanizer, but I really would like to have someone special in my life I can share some of the good things that are happening right now. I’ve spent most of my life being a lone wolf, but that role can get stale fast.
Sometimes it’s the only way, as I’ve been unwilling to give up my pursuit of living the comedy dream. Most women aren’t willing to share a man with anyone or anything, and comedy can be a very demanding mistress. I wasn’t willing to ditch my dream and be ‘normal’. I wasn’t ready for that, and I’m glad I didn’t. I’d really be miserable now if I had stopped doing comedy years ago.
Being on a live stage or in front of a microphone on the radio is the only thing that comes close to making me feel alive and always has been my passion. Most of my friends who are in comedy are either divorced or unhappy, but most of my friends out of comedy are the same. It’s not easy.
Will I ever find a Mrs. Lucky? I’m not even thinking that far out. I’d just like to have a woman I can hang out with regularly and be myself. I don’t care about pillow shams or carpeting, I want someone who is fun to be with and gets me. Does she exist? I’m kicking some tires to find out.