Tuesday September 8th, 2009 - St. Charles, IL/Chicago, IL
Here’s my current strategy for changing my life: SHUT UP AND DO SOMETHING. It might be unimaginative and simple but today it worked pretty well. The good thing is that nothing I do now will matter in 50 years and probably a lot sooner so the pressure is off.
I want to get all of these things done for ME, plain and simple. I have a vision of things I still want to accomplish in my life and I’m now in the process of seeing how close I can get to making that vision a reality. I suppose I could just coast the rest of the way but I am never going to be satisfied with that. I have a burning desire inside that’s getting stronger.
We’ll all be dead soon enough or at least not in the current form we’re all in now so I’m not going to worry about anything but the present. Every day is a gift and even though it’s easy to forget that it really rings true. My goal is to squeeze all the life out of every day.
Today I got up and made a decision to go to the mall and take at least one lap to break a sweat. Time was an issue and I didn’t want to make it any more of one so I settled for one brisk lap. It really does feel good to walk and I’m starting to make it a part of my routine.
I felt the pump in the car as I drove home and took a steaming hot shower. I love taking showers because I often have some of my best ideas in there. I let my mind wander and it shoots me back a variety of ideas I rarely get any other time. I don’t ask why, but it does.
After my shower I got dressed and looked around at all the piles that surround me and I felt nauseous. There are books and papers and sports cards and clothes and things I know I need to keep more organized but for whatever reason I just haven’t. It’s overwhelming.
There’s no way I can clean it all up perfectly in a day and that’s what’s so frustrating to me. It took months to get like this and it will at least be weeks before I can untangle it all. I’m always running somewhere and it’s going to have to be an ongoing project if I expect to get it done. It can’t be all or nothing no matter how much I want that. It‘s a big mess.
What was bothering me the most was my email backlog. I had that under control not all that long ago but again it’s hundreds deep and I felt choked by it. I sat down and started to weed out the ones that were either totally useless or not relevant anymore and I slowly but surely started to make progress. I shut myself off from everything and got into a rhythm.
Six and a half hours later I pared the mountain of 600 emails down to right around 150. I personally answered people and apologized for being so far behind and after a while the load felt lighter after every single one. It was an amazing feeling of both accomplishment and relief as I watched the numbers dwindle more and more. It was like a mental enema.
I knew as I was doing it that was the absolute correct choice for today. The piles of stuff in my living area can wait. Nobody else cares but me. Emails involve other people and for every one I answered it started or restarted interaction with someone. That’s very positive.
I had a comedy class session begin at Pheasant Run Zanies in St. Charles, IL tonight so I made sure I was ready to go. I’m always tweaking and updating and making it better so I spent an hour doing that again. One thing I can absolutely guarantee is nobody who takes my class will EVER get cheated. I won’t allow that. Period. I’ll work harder than anyone.
We had a really fun class and even though I don’t enjoy doing all he administrative stuff for now I’m doing it anyway. My ex business partner is NOT going to keep me from what I love to do and five minutes into class tonight I remembered how much I enjoy teaching.
I never ever get sick of being around comedy. In it’s purest form it’s a drug better than any other I could imagine. It’s part intoxicant, part puzzle and part lifestyle. My entire life is centered around that time on stage and no matter what else I have to do to earn a living I will always love everything about the actual art form of comedy. It’s my reason to live.
Michael Jordan had basketball as his passion and he was spectacular at what he did, but his prime is over and it won’t ever come back. He’s got money and fame and memories to last a lifetime but the actual process of him playing the game is absolutely 100% finished.
He can coach basketball or buy a team or just about anything else he wants but playing, at least on the highest level, is not an option anymore. I have to say teaching a good class runs a very close second to actually performing. The students really get into it and I know I’m teaching them from the heart. When it’s clicking I feel like I found my life’s purpose.
It’s very much like an athlete transitioning into a coaching career after playing. I’m still in the mix but someday like Michael Jordan my days will be finished as well. It’s a much longer shelf life in comedy though and even if I pull a hamstring I can still go up on stage and get laughs. Either way, I love being around it. I get energized when I’m near comedy.
After class I drove into Chicago to be a guest with Jerry Agar and the Kidders on WGN at 1am. Jerry is filling in on the overnight shift and asked if we wanted to come on for the last hour and talk about what it’s like to be a comedian. Ken Sevara and Tim Slagle and I probably have close to 90 years of experience between us and we all have lots of stories.
I love listening to the radio late at night on long drives and I know WGN is a monster of a signal so we probably got exposed to a whole bunch of people who would never hear us on Saturday mornings during our regular spot. The station put a pod cast of it on their site at www.wgnradio.com and Jerry will get a copy and put it up on www.jerryskidders.com.
During a commercial break we talked about how cool it is to be just hanging out on one of the biggest radio stations in America. It’s like a 50,000 watt tree house where four guys are hanging out and just swapping stories and busting balls. It felt like we were hanging at a diner after a show, which comedians have been doing for years. We all really enjoyed it.
I wish I could have productive days like this more often. I got a lot done in many facets of life and all of it felt right. I didn’t get home until 6am but that’s ok. I needed all of this.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Falling Into Place
Monday September 7th, 2009 - Bristol, WI
Goodbye summer, we hardly knew ye. I don’t have any pairs of white pants to put away but if I did they’d be gone as of today. Hello fall and all that goes with it: football, falling leaves and back to school. The days are getting shorter and it’s time to get down to work.
I didn’t accomplish nearly what I intended to this summer and that frustrates me greatly. I thought I’d be going into the fall with some momentum behind me but all I have to look at are the various unfinished projects I wasn’t able to get to. I was too busy working on all my other projects and instead of feeling that momentum at my back all I feel is worn out.
Today was a perfect example of how it’s been going. The Mothership Connection radio crew all wanted to go to the Bristol Renaissance Faire as today was the last day of the run for this year. I really like the crew and I really like the Renaissance Faire but today wasn’t the day I felt like going out there. I have a pile of things to do and I wanted to work on it.
I didn’t want to be rude so rather than not show up at all I showed up late and hung out for a few hours and watched the freak show unfold before my eyes. It was hot and sweaty at first but it cooled off nicely and it wasn’t a horrible experience at all but now I’m even farther behind than I was when the day started. It’s been like this for months and months.
When I go do one thing three other things get left undone and it’s to the point I feel like I’ll never catch up. I’ve got piles of tax receipts laying around and unread articles and big piles of mail I need to sort out and answer and of course my emails are piling up again as well. I had those under control for a while but now they’re piled even higher than ever.
I don’t see this not being a problem for the foreseeable future so I’m going to have to be very calculated as to what I need to do to manage this problem. I’ve had some suggestions from several people like Tony Talley who told me to read Stephen Covey’s books on how to manage time. Personally I find Covey flamingly dull, but maybe I need to try it again.
Bill Mihalic told me to type out my goals in my blog so people can call me on it when I veer off course as I’m known to do rather frequently. That could work I suppose but first I think I need to work on making it interesting. The main reason I do this is to keep track of my life but right next to that is I want to be an example to younger comics on the way up.
Hopefully they can learn by both what I do correctly and what I completely mangle. I’ve managed to do each and I’m still striving to weed out the manglings. Those don’t help me very much anymore. At one time I could learn from mistakes. Now they just annoy me. In a perfect world I’d be on my way now after all I’ve been through but that isn’t happening.
Struggle is still a major part of my life and I really thought I’d be past that by now. I’ve managed to make it this far doing things my way for the most part but now that I’ve made it here the rules seem to be changing completely. Life isn’t what it was when I started and now I feel like I’m farther off course than ever. What happened? I thought I was doing ok.
Part of it is just way too many things on my plate that I’m trying to run myself. I haven’t got the time or energy to pull everything off that I thought I could and I need to both scale back and delegate tasks to others if I’m going to have any of these things actually come to be as I’d envisioned them. ONE product well done is better than a dozen done half assed.
I have huge aspirations and then when I try to accomplish them unexpected things get in the way as they always do and I get distracted. Before long dust gathers and all the energy I had in the beginning is channeled elsewhere and nothing gets done. It’s SO frustrating.
I suppose I could blame some or even most of it on the fact that I’m left handed and all that goes with that but that’s a cop out. Lots of lefties are scattered like me and think right brained and abstract like I do but it’s no excuse. If I’m to succeed I need to conquer this.
Call it A.D.D. or hyperactivity or manic depression or whatever else comes to mind but I’m not going to let it defeat me. If I continue to let myself drift I’ll crash on the rocks and that will be it. I have to regroup and reorganize and plan my time out and then not wander from that plan hour to hour, day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year.
Sometimes I get on a good roll and then it comes crashing down like a house of cards. It isn’t easy to be a self starter but that’s the only way to really win. What I need the biggest boost with is delegating tasks to others. I have trust issues and I’m the first to admit that.
This is all part of being a dented can and it’s why I’m writing everything out in a diary. I hope I can make a blueprint for someone in the future who looks at what I’ve done with what I’ve been given and does even more with his or her gifts. I want to be an inspiration.
If I was rich and handsome and in my 20s and well connected and in exactly in the right place at the right time I’m sure this daily diary would be a lot more exciting to a lot more people but I’ve got what I’ve got and that’s what I’m working with. I’m struggling to pay rent in my 40s as I watch businesses I’ve dedicated my life to crumble before my eyes.
That’s just how it is but I’m not the only one dealing with it. Lots of my friends are too, both in comedy and in radio. Times are tough all over and looking back on it my biggest mistake was not picking either radio or comedy and going after ONE of them rather than trying to do both. I achieved minor success in both but I think I should have chosen one.
Now I’m thinking I may have to make that choice after all but it’s twenty years too late. Comedy is dead, at least on the club level and radio isn’t far behind. Do I go full bore and try to be a road dog for as long as I can handle it or do I quit that and focus on things like Jerry’s Kidders on WGN or The Mothership Connection on WLIP? I have no solid clues.
Or, do I chuck all of it and get a job for a while and develop my mail order business that I’ve let sit idle way longer than I wanted? Uranus Factory Outlet is still a great idea in my opinion but I’m not making any progress on it two years later. And what about my classes at Zanies? I’ve got those going too. Something has to give and soon. I can’t do all of this.
Goodbye summer, we hardly knew ye. I don’t have any pairs of white pants to put away but if I did they’d be gone as of today. Hello fall and all that goes with it: football, falling leaves and back to school. The days are getting shorter and it’s time to get down to work.
I didn’t accomplish nearly what I intended to this summer and that frustrates me greatly. I thought I’d be going into the fall with some momentum behind me but all I have to look at are the various unfinished projects I wasn’t able to get to. I was too busy working on all my other projects and instead of feeling that momentum at my back all I feel is worn out.
Today was a perfect example of how it’s been going. The Mothership Connection radio crew all wanted to go to the Bristol Renaissance Faire as today was the last day of the run for this year. I really like the crew and I really like the Renaissance Faire but today wasn’t the day I felt like going out there. I have a pile of things to do and I wanted to work on it.
I didn’t want to be rude so rather than not show up at all I showed up late and hung out for a few hours and watched the freak show unfold before my eyes. It was hot and sweaty at first but it cooled off nicely and it wasn’t a horrible experience at all but now I’m even farther behind than I was when the day started. It’s been like this for months and months.
When I go do one thing three other things get left undone and it’s to the point I feel like I’ll never catch up. I’ve got piles of tax receipts laying around and unread articles and big piles of mail I need to sort out and answer and of course my emails are piling up again as well. I had those under control for a while but now they’re piled even higher than ever.
I don’t see this not being a problem for the foreseeable future so I’m going to have to be very calculated as to what I need to do to manage this problem. I’ve had some suggestions from several people like Tony Talley who told me to read Stephen Covey’s books on how to manage time. Personally I find Covey flamingly dull, but maybe I need to try it again.
Bill Mihalic told me to type out my goals in my blog so people can call me on it when I veer off course as I’m known to do rather frequently. That could work I suppose but first I think I need to work on making it interesting. The main reason I do this is to keep track of my life but right next to that is I want to be an example to younger comics on the way up.
Hopefully they can learn by both what I do correctly and what I completely mangle. I’ve managed to do each and I’m still striving to weed out the manglings. Those don’t help me very much anymore. At one time I could learn from mistakes. Now they just annoy me. In a perfect world I’d be on my way now after all I’ve been through but that isn’t happening.
Struggle is still a major part of my life and I really thought I’d be past that by now. I’ve managed to make it this far doing things my way for the most part but now that I’ve made it here the rules seem to be changing completely. Life isn’t what it was when I started and now I feel like I’m farther off course than ever. What happened? I thought I was doing ok.
Part of it is just way too many things on my plate that I’m trying to run myself. I haven’t got the time or energy to pull everything off that I thought I could and I need to both scale back and delegate tasks to others if I’m going to have any of these things actually come to be as I’d envisioned them. ONE product well done is better than a dozen done half assed.
I have huge aspirations and then when I try to accomplish them unexpected things get in the way as they always do and I get distracted. Before long dust gathers and all the energy I had in the beginning is channeled elsewhere and nothing gets done. It’s SO frustrating.
I suppose I could blame some or even most of it on the fact that I’m left handed and all that goes with that but that’s a cop out. Lots of lefties are scattered like me and think right brained and abstract like I do but it’s no excuse. If I’m to succeed I need to conquer this.
Call it A.D.D. or hyperactivity or manic depression or whatever else comes to mind but I’m not going to let it defeat me. If I continue to let myself drift I’ll crash on the rocks and that will be it. I have to regroup and reorganize and plan my time out and then not wander from that plan hour to hour, day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year.
Sometimes I get on a good roll and then it comes crashing down like a house of cards. It isn’t easy to be a self starter but that’s the only way to really win. What I need the biggest boost with is delegating tasks to others. I have trust issues and I’m the first to admit that.
This is all part of being a dented can and it’s why I’m writing everything out in a diary. I hope I can make a blueprint for someone in the future who looks at what I’ve done with what I’ve been given and does even more with his or her gifts. I want to be an inspiration.
If I was rich and handsome and in my 20s and well connected and in exactly in the right place at the right time I’m sure this daily diary would be a lot more exciting to a lot more people but I’ve got what I’ve got and that’s what I’m working with. I’m struggling to pay rent in my 40s as I watch businesses I’ve dedicated my life to crumble before my eyes.
That’s just how it is but I’m not the only one dealing with it. Lots of my friends are too, both in comedy and in radio. Times are tough all over and looking back on it my biggest mistake was not picking either radio or comedy and going after ONE of them rather than trying to do both. I achieved minor success in both but I think I should have chosen one.
Now I’m thinking I may have to make that choice after all but it’s twenty years too late. Comedy is dead, at least on the club level and radio isn’t far behind. Do I go full bore and try to be a road dog for as long as I can handle it or do I quit that and focus on things like Jerry’s Kidders on WGN or The Mothership Connection on WLIP? I have no solid clues.
Or, do I chuck all of it and get a job for a while and develop my mail order business that I’ve let sit idle way longer than I wanted? Uranus Factory Outlet is still a great idea in my opinion but I’m not making any progress on it two years later. And what about my classes at Zanies? I’ve got those going too. Something has to give and soon. I can’t do all of this.
Five Star Food Favorites
Sunday September 6th, 2009 - Pittsburgh, PA/Lake Villa, IL
The long drive home from Pittsburgh got even longer as I stopped for lunch at good old Mama Guzzardi’s Italian restaurant in North Canton, OH. I’ve loved that joint since I first was taken there years ago by my comedian friend Tim ‘Polish Thunder’ Marszalkowski.
It’s just a little hole in the wall in a tiny strip mall next to a Laundromat on one side and a bakery on the other but boy is the food fantastic. Cheap too. Any time I’m even close to the area I always try to stop for a good meal, even though today it meant I had to hang out at the Laundromat for an hour reading because Mama’s doesn’t open Sundays until noon.
That put me behind schedule but it was worth it. The food was just as great as ever and I’m glad I waited. Places like this are what make road life tolerable and I’ve found a lot of them over the years. Not that anyone asked but I made up a list of my all time favorites.
Besides Mama Guzzardi’s in Ohio, here are some other classics, in no particular order:
-Canter’s Deli on Fairfax Ave. in L.A. is a 24 hour place where comics have hung out for years. It’s filled with characters at all hours of the day and has delicious food of all kinds.
-Miss Letha’s Barbecue in Hattiesburg, MS. Without a doubt, THE best barbecued ribs I have ever tasted. Not only that, outstanding beans and potato salad too. This is the bomb.
-Piccolo Pete’s in South Omaha, NE. I stopped there on my birthday one year and had an amazing T-Bone steak, home made bread, home made salad dressing, all for under $20.
-Juicy’s in Reno, NV has some of the best hamburgers I’ve ever eaten. I don’t know what makes these so special but they are and whenever I’m back there I have to stop to get one.
-Pink’s in Los Angeles is a hot dog joint that is always jammed. Everyone in L.A. knows about Pink’s and many celebrities can be seen there at any given time munching on a dog.
-Jake’s Deli in my hometown of Milwaukee still has the best corned beef I’ve ever eaten. It’s greasy, fatty, thickly cut and out of this world delicious. I’ve never found any better.
-The Rendezvous in downtown Memphis serves up ‘dry ribs’, which absolutely explode with flavor from the first bite. They’re very unique and I never miss them when I’m there.
-Jack Stack Barbecue in Kansas City is all about the best of K.C. barbecue in one place. I’ve tried a lot of places in Kansas City but I like this one the best. It’s pure pork pleasure.
I know none of these places are healthy but they sure are tasty. If I ever do have a chest grabber I’ll have earned it and hopefully I’ll have all these joints flash before my eyes as I leave the surly bounds of Earth. I know as I get older I’ll have to watch what I eat and all that but for many years I did get to sample some of the best food around. And I loved it.
The long drive home from Pittsburgh got even longer as I stopped for lunch at good old Mama Guzzardi’s Italian restaurant in North Canton, OH. I’ve loved that joint since I first was taken there years ago by my comedian friend Tim ‘Polish Thunder’ Marszalkowski.
It’s just a little hole in the wall in a tiny strip mall next to a Laundromat on one side and a bakery on the other but boy is the food fantastic. Cheap too. Any time I’m even close to the area I always try to stop for a good meal, even though today it meant I had to hang out at the Laundromat for an hour reading because Mama’s doesn’t open Sundays until noon.
That put me behind schedule but it was worth it. The food was just as great as ever and I’m glad I waited. Places like this are what make road life tolerable and I’ve found a lot of them over the years. Not that anyone asked but I made up a list of my all time favorites.
Besides Mama Guzzardi’s in Ohio, here are some other classics, in no particular order:
-Canter’s Deli on Fairfax Ave. in L.A. is a 24 hour place where comics have hung out for years. It’s filled with characters at all hours of the day and has delicious food of all kinds.
-Miss Letha’s Barbecue in Hattiesburg, MS. Without a doubt, THE best barbecued ribs I have ever tasted. Not only that, outstanding beans and potato salad too. This is the bomb.
-Piccolo Pete’s in South Omaha, NE. I stopped there on my birthday one year and had an amazing T-Bone steak, home made bread, home made salad dressing, all for under $20.
-Juicy’s in Reno, NV has some of the best hamburgers I’ve ever eaten. I don’t know what makes these so special but they are and whenever I’m back there I have to stop to get one.
-Pink’s in Los Angeles is a hot dog joint that is always jammed. Everyone in L.A. knows about Pink’s and many celebrities can be seen there at any given time munching on a dog.
-Jake’s Deli in my hometown of Milwaukee still has the best corned beef I’ve ever eaten. It’s greasy, fatty, thickly cut and out of this world delicious. I’ve never found any better.
-The Rendezvous in downtown Memphis serves up ‘dry ribs’, which absolutely explode with flavor from the first bite. They’re very unique and I never miss them when I’m there.
-Jack Stack Barbecue in Kansas City is all about the best of K.C. barbecue in one place. I’ve tried a lot of places in Kansas City but I like this one the best. It’s pure pork pleasure.
I know none of these places are healthy but they sure are tasty. If I ever do have a chest grabber I’ll have earned it and hopefully I’ll have all these joints flash before my eyes as I leave the surly bounds of Earth. I know as I get older I’ll have to watch what I eat and all that but for many years I did get to sample some of the best food around. And I loved it.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Surviving The Road
Saturday September 5th, 2009 - Pittsburgh, PA
Another day on the road. I always wished I would’ve kept track of every hotel I’ve ever stayed and every restaurant I’ve ever eaten in and every gig I’ve ever done just so I’d have some kind of record to go back and look at now. After a while it all turns into a giant blur.
This weekend was one of countless hundreds. I love the Four Points by Sheraton Hotel and I love the fact that the gig is right in the hotel. That’s always a plus. I had lunch with Jeff Schneider who booked me and owns the club with his brother Keith. We ate at The Olive Garden and it was very good even though Jeff didn’t buy. He’s just not that way.
So many things are variables in the comedy world. One night can be a great gig with the worst of accommodations while the next night can be a five star hotel with a small crowd. Sometimes they feed us and other times they don’t. Some audiences are into it and others are drunk and chatty. It really does take a survival instinct to be able to last on the road.
This particular weekend is very low pressure. I volunteered for it and knew what I’d be in for. There was no guarantee of crowds but I knew I’d have a nice hotel and at least the chance to make a few bucks so I enjoyed the whole experience. Tonight was a fun show.
We had about 35-40 people and they were there to laugh. They were between 30-50 and dressed nicely and I had them from the first ten seconds. We all knew it was a small show but I also know how to perform for an audience after a lifetime of preparation. I didn’t let it bother me and knew I could come back whenever I want so I gave them my very best.
I was scheduled to do 50 minutes but ended up doing about 55 because I liked them and was on a roll at the end. I wanted to pound them hard so they felt like they got their ticket price’s worth and would come back and I did that. I think this room will work eventually.
I’ll basically break even for the weekend but I did get a chance to go up and work out in front of a live audience and I used the opportunity to polish a few bits that I have meant to work on for a while. I had a plan when I went up and usually I don’t so that’s a positive.
Still, what I really want is to work for packed houses in good venues. I want to develop a strong following of people who come specifically to see me and I want to give them the best show they’ve ever seen. Then, I want to shake their hands and thank them for coming and take pictures or sign autographs or whatever else would make their night a smash hit.
I know how much I enjoy good entertainment and if I can provide it for others I’ll feel I accomplished something in life. I’m getting there with my show but I still have a ways to go for the fan base part. Slow weekend or not, 40 people won’t make me a superstar soon.
I’m still out here slugging though. I have a couple of gigs trickling in and I looked at my material file master list today and realized I have so much new stuff to add it’ll take years to squeeze it all in. I have work to do onstage and off and that’s ok with me. I still love it.
Another day on the road. I always wished I would’ve kept track of every hotel I’ve ever stayed and every restaurant I’ve ever eaten in and every gig I’ve ever done just so I’d have some kind of record to go back and look at now. After a while it all turns into a giant blur.
This weekend was one of countless hundreds. I love the Four Points by Sheraton Hotel and I love the fact that the gig is right in the hotel. That’s always a plus. I had lunch with Jeff Schneider who booked me and owns the club with his brother Keith. We ate at The Olive Garden and it was very good even though Jeff didn’t buy. He’s just not that way.
So many things are variables in the comedy world. One night can be a great gig with the worst of accommodations while the next night can be a five star hotel with a small crowd. Sometimes they feed us and other times they don’t. Some audiences are into it and others are drunk and chatty. It really does take a survival instinct to be able to last on the road.
This particular weekend is very low pressure. I volunteered for it and knew what I’d be in for. There was no guarantee of crowds but I knew I’d have a nice hotel and at least the chance to make a few bucks so I enjoyed the whole experience. Tonight was a fun show.
We had about 35-40 people and they were there to laugh. They were between 30-50 and dressed nicely and I had them from the first ten seconds. We all knew it was a small show but I also know how to perform for an audience after a lifetime of preparation. I didn’t let it bother me and knew I could come back whenever I want so I gave them my very best.
I was scheduled to do 50 minutes but ended up doing about 55 because I liked them and was on a roll at the end. I wanted to pound them hard so they felt like they got their ticket price’s worth and would come back and I did that. I think this room will work eventually.
I’ll basically break even for the weekend but I did get a chance to go up and work out in front of a live audience and I used the opportunity to polish a few bits that I have meant to work on for a while. I had a plan when I went up and usually I don’t so that’s a positive.
Still, what I really want is to work for packed houses in good venues. I want to develop a strong following of people who come specifically to see me and I want to give them the best show they’ve ever seen. Then, I want to shake their hands and thank them for coming and take pictures or sign autographs or whatever else would make their night a smash hit.
I know how much I enjoy good entertainment and if I can provide it for others I’ll feel I accomplished something in life. I’m getting there with my show but I still have a ways to go for the fan base part. Slow weekend or not, 40 people won’t make me a superstar soon.
I’m still out here slugging though. I have a couple of gigs trickling in and I looked at my material file master list today and realized I have so much new stuff to add it’ll take years to squeeze it all in. I have work to do onstage and off and that’s ok with me. I still love it.
Pittsburgh - The Sequel
Friday September 4th, 2009 - Pittsburgh, PA
Here’s something I didn’t expect - I’m back in the Pittsburgh area for the second straight weekend. Same owners, different location. This is at the Four Points Hotel by Sheraton in a northern suburb called Cranberry. I’ve been to Pittsburgh quite a bit but never this part.
The same brothers who own the other Funny Bone I worked last week decided to open a club out here and happened to have a headliner opening this weekend. I found out about it when I talked to one of the owners and we ended up cutting an oddball last minute deal.
Basically we‘re gambling on some business. They just opened the place and it’s located in a room adjacent to a sports bar and restaurant in the hotel complex. It’s a nice room for comedy and I think it will eventually work but so far they’ve had rather weak attendance.
They’re coming into the strong business time now but Labor Day weekend can go either way. Last week they did ok and there was a Steelers game on Saturday night. It’s only one show a night on Friday and Saturday and that’s an easy gig. There’s no Steelers game this weekend so we thought there might be a good chance of drawing at least a few customers.
The deal we cut is that I will be paid for my expenses to get out here and back and if we get enough people for shows we’ll work out a split of the take. Last weekend they did two shows with football on Saturday but this week there’s no football so I risked it and came.
At the very least I’ll stay in a fantastic hotel for the weekend and even though that’s not a thrill anymore it could be worse. It was a last minute chance to make a couple of bucks and I’m grateful for the opportunity. I used the drive out here as my mobile office and got a lot of business done in the car. I caught up on all my phone calls and I needed to do that.
I even got a few bookings I didn’t expect. Jim Stone from WXRX in Rockford called to ask if I could put a show together in October for some UAW workers. Of course I could. I also heard from a guy way up north who wants me to open for some band at a casino on a Thursday in late September for decent pay. Gigs coming out of the blue like this are great.
They won’t make me rich but they will take some pressure off as I continue to work on filling my calendar. I still need to make the rounds with all the club bookers I like and am hoping to work for either again or for the first time. I’m weeding out the leakers and only going to approach those I want to work. Still, that’s a lot of places and I need to get to it.
It’s always a chore to keep up with bookings but as I found out the hard way not doing it leads to big holes in the calendar. With clubs closing and the number of comics getting bigger or at least staying the same it becomes a game of musical chairs. It’s all numbers.
Of course there were only four people tonight and they cancelled the show but I knew it would be a risk when I took the gig. It was at the last minute and I got a lot of productive work done in the car today so I’m not upset at all. Some people tomorrow would be nice.
Here’s something I didn’t expect - I’m back in the Pittsburgh area for the second straight weekend. Same owners, different location. This is at the Four Points Hotel by Sheraton in a northern suburb called Cranberry. I’ve been to Pittsburgh quite a bit but never this part.
The same brothers who own the other Funny Bone I worked last week decided to open a club out here and happened to have a headliner opening this weekend. I found out about it when I talked to one of the owners and we ended up cutting an oddball last minute deal.
Basically we‘re gambling on some business. They just opened the place and it’s located in a room adjacent to a sports bar and restaurant in the hotel complex. It’s a nice room for comedy and I think it will eventually work but so far they’ve had rather weak attendance.
They’re coming into the strong business time now but Labor Day weekend can go either way. Last week they did ok and there was a Steelers game on Saturday night. It’s only one show a night on Friday and Saturday and that’s an easy gig. There’s no Steelers game this weekend so we thought there might be a good chance of drawing at least a few customers.
The deal we cut is that I will be paid for my expenses to get out here and back and if we get enough people for shows we’ll work out a split of the take. Last weekend they did two shows with football on Saturday but this week there’s no football so I risked it and came.
At the very least I’ll stay in a fantastic hotel for the weekend and even though that’s not a thrill anymore it could be worse. It was a last minute chance to make a couple of bucks and I’m grateful for the opportunity. I used the drive out here as my mobile office and got a lot of business done in the car. I caught up on all my phone calls and I needed to do that.
I even got a few bookings I didn’t expect. Jim Stone from WXRX in Rockford called to ask if I could put a show together in October for some UAW workers. Of course I could. I also heard from a guy way up north who wants me to open for some band at a casino on a Thursday in late September for decent pay. Gigs coming out of the blue like this are great.
They won’t make me rich but they will take some pressure off as I continue to work on filling my calendar. I still need to make the rounds with all the club bookers I like and am hoping to work for either again or for the first time. I’m weeding out the leakers and only going to approach those I want to work. Still, that’s a lot of places and I need to get to it.
It’s always a chore to keep up with bookings but as I found out the hard way not doing it leads to big holes in the calendar. With clubs closing and the number of comics getting bigger or at least staying the same it becomes a game of musical chairs. It’s all numbers.
Of course there were only four people tonight and they cancelled the show but I knew it would be a risk when I took the gig. It was at the last minute and I got a lot of productive work done in the car today so I’m not upset at all. Some people tomorrow would be nice.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Follow The Bouncing Check
Thursday September 3rd, 2009 - Lake Villa, IL
It was the 3rd of September. A day I’ll always remember. ‘Cause that was the day…that my patience died. If anyone ever wants to anger, insult and infuriate an entertainer, just do the following: bounce a paycheck. That’s our biggest nightmare and today I had to live it.
A gig I did recently ended up bouncing my check after I’d written a few other checks to pay some other bills. I went to my post office box and found the big stack of ‘happy mail’ from my bank telling me of the situation and those envelopes don’t even have to be open to know something’s wrong. They just look wrong sitting there and I knew I was screwed.
I’ve never been one to take checks as a rule but gigs are giving them out more and more lately. One thing I learned early was to get CASH after every gig and usually it’s not a big deal. Most bookers and clubs take care of it and we’re paid after we do our show. Usually we just have to fill out our tax forms so we get a 1099 and then we get a stack of money.
Those stacks aren’t always thick but it is real American money. Even in Canada. I never had any problems getting paid when I’ve worked in Canada because I knew going in I had American money coming at the end of the engagement. Most people get it all worked out.
Apparently not this time. I’ve had a few checks get bounced over the years and it’s a big hassle all around. Honest mistakes can happen I suppose but it’s still a pain in the ass that I really don’t need this far into the game. I’m the headliner, make sure my money is there.
There should have been cash ready to go after the show and in the past there was but I’d worked for this person before so I took a chance. Big mistake. I feel very disrespected and it hurts. I’ve done favors for the guy and to get treated like this is the last straw. I’m angry and not in the mood for excuses right now. I want my money and I want it in cash. NOW.
The guy called back and said he was sorry but that he didn’t have it. That made me even more irate but what can I do? I’ve done more than my share of good shows there and I’ve even turned down better paying engagements because I thought the guy was loyal to me.
Boy, was I stupid to think that. He said “I hope we still have a relationship.” NO. We do not have a relationship and apparently we never did. If you’ve got a hamburger restaurant, you have to make sure you have a supply of meat and buns to make the product. If you’ve got a comedy club, PAY YOUR HEADLINER. Period. Everything else comes after that.
I wrote an email to the booker and explained my situation and the whole thing repulses me. I’ve got enough other projects to chase right now without having to go get the money I earned for doing quality shows. It was low money as it was but now it‘s just an insult.
Handling this situation will be delicate and although I want to take a golf club and break out all his windows right about now that won’t prove anything and I’ll go to jail. I have to shut my mouth and wait to see what happens. And people wonder why I have trust issues.
It was the 3rd of September. A day I’ll always remember. ‘Cause that was the day…that my patience died. If anyone ever wants to anger, insult and infuriate an entertainer, just do the following: bounce a paycheck. That’s our biggest nightmare and today I had to live it.
A gig I did recently ended up bouncing my check after I’d written a few other checks to pay some other bills. I went to my post office box and found the big stack of ‘happy mail’ from my bank telling me of the situation and those envelopes don’t even have to be open to know something’s wrong. They just look wrong sitting there and I knew I was screwed.
I’ve never been one to take checks as a rule but gigs are giving them out more and more lately. One thing I learned early was to get CASH after every gig and usually it’s not a big deal. Most bookers and clubs take care of it and we’re paid after we do our show. Usually we just have to fill out our tax forms so we get a 1099 and then we get a stack of money.
Those stacks aren’t always thick but it is real American money. Even in Canada. I never had any problems getting paid when I’ve worked in Canada because I knew going in I had American money coming at the end of the engagement. Most people get it all worked out.
Apparently not this time. I’ve had a few checks get bounced over the years and it’s a big hassle all around. Honest mistakes can happen I suppose but it’s still a pain in the ass that I really don’t need this far into the game. I’m the headliner, make sure my money is there.
There should have been cash ready to go after the show and in the past there was but I’d worked for this person before so I took a chance. Big mistake. I feel very disrespected and it hurts. I’ve done favors for the guy and to get treated like this is the last straw. I’m angry and not in the mood for excuses right now. I want my money and I want it in cash. NOW.
The guy called back and said he was sorry but that he didn’t have it. That made me even more irate but what can I do? I’ve done more than my share of good shows there and I’ve even turned down better paying engagements because I thought the guy was loyal to me.
Boy, was I stupid to think that. He said “I hope we still have a relationship.” NO. We do not have a relationship and apparently we never did. If you’ve got a hamburger restaurant, you have to make sure you have a supply of meat and buns to make the product. If you’ve got a comedy club, PAY YOUR HEADLINER. Period. Everything else comes after that.
I wrote an email to the booker and explained my situation and the whole thing repulses me. I’ve got enough other projects to chase right now without having to go get the money I earned for doing quality shows. It was low money as it was but now it‘s just an insult.
Handling this situation will be delicate and although I want to take a golf club and break out all his windows right about now that won’t prove anything and I’ll go to jail. I have to shut my mouth and wait to see what happens. And people wonder why I have trust issues.
Plenty On My Plate
Wednesday September 2nd, 2009 - Chicago, IL
Another whirlwind day with no time to spare. I woke up at 7am and headed straight for the Gurnee Mills Mall to take my laps. I know I could walk just about anywhere but I feel at home at that mall. It‘s got enough room to let me walk without bumping into anybody.
One lap can be a challenge but today I did two. I’ve been pretty good at keeping up so I wanted to push it a little. I felt worn out when I finished but it was a good feeling because I know I had a workout. My legs were like noodles and blood was pumping to places it’s avoided for far too long. I’m the youngest one by far out walking but I don’t mind at all.
I see all kinds of older people there and most of them have me by 20 years or more. I’m the young buck and knowing all the chickadee grannies are checking me out as I strut my beefcake past them makes me feel like Fabio for a few minutes. Hey, why not enjoy it?
Some of the people there are in rough shape. I see people who’ve obviously had strokes limping gingerly with the help of a cane or walker and it makes me grateful for whatever tiny bit of youth I do have left. There are no guarantees that won’t be me in the future but hopefully if I can improve my health I can avoid that. I really have very lucky until now.
My life has been spent as a road comic and healthy lifestyle choices aren’t usually a part of that world for most of us. I was always very athletic and wiry but that sure hasn’t been the case for years. One trip to Taco Bell for lunch and another to Wendy’s for dinner with cheese on everything and cola beverages to drink add up to a lifetime of bad food choices.
There’s probably enough special sauce stuck in my aorta right now a cannibal would get confused on a blind taste test between my heart and a Big Mac. I admit my discipline is as weak as it gets when it comes to food but so much of it tastes so good and I’ve had a great time sampling it all over North America. At least if my heart pops I’ll have had my fun.
I guess I still can have some fun but not like before. I used to eat whatever I wanted as it pleased me but now it’s really catching up. I need to scale WAY back and live an entirely different lifestyle if I have a shot to make it to old age. Heart attacks don’t necessarily run in my family but my grandfather had a bypass and my father had a heart operation as well.
That being said, I had lunch today with my writing partner Rick Kaempfer. He was also my former morning show producer at The Loop. He grew up in Germany and speaks very fluent German. Rick is extremely intelligent and like me has way too many projects going at any given time. Still, he’s a published author and works hard and keeps plugging away.
We met at the German Brau Haus on Lincoln Avenue in Chicago. He is a big fan of that place as am I and today we got together for the first time in ages. He ordered a deliciously decadent bratwurst platter and I had my favorite which is liverwurst with a steaming bowl liver dumpling soup which comes with it. I met my quota of liver laden food and I was in absolute heaven as I ate it. I enjoyed every bite. Liverwurst plus Rick equals a quality day.
He really has been great to work with and now it’s time to sell the infamous bank story. We’ve got it almost finished in about our fifth or sixth draft but we both agreed we’ll get it done very quickly as soon as we get a nibble. It’s up to me to start looking for nibblers.
After lunch it was back to the Royal George Theatre for another run through of our live Jerry’s Kidders theatre show. We all had more input that made sense and we were joined by some friends like Jerry’s wife Ann and Kipper McGee and Vicki Quade’s friend Carla who was a director of plays and offered up some solid advice. Everyone did. We’re on it.
We all got together for dinner afterward at an Italian restaurant right down the street on Halsted and it was outstanding. If I’m going to indulge this was the day to do it as I had a wonderful meal at two different restaurants. This is why I need to walk a mall every day.
It’s a good problem to have though. How bad is it that I have wonderful friends and we enjoy each other’s company in fantastic restaurants? I had that experience twice today and I’m thrilled for both opportunities. The meals were delicious and both were centered on a business theme where all of us could score a substantial pay day. That’s as good as it gets.
After dinner I met up with my speaker friend Todd Hunt. I had a video of his and forgot to give it to him when I saw him just recently so I did that but we also hashed out ideas as he is a huge fan of the theatre and knows how it operates. He offered up some suggestions I never thought of and I’ll tell them to Jerry and the other guys ASAP. Todd really helped.
It was 8:30 by the time I started to head home but I don’t feel like I wasted my day at all because we had a productive run through of the play. There was improvement from where we were yesterday to today just because all of us were thinking about it. We’ll keep doing run throughs and shape it into something for Vicki to sell. We’re all encouraged by this.
When I got home I talked to my grade school friend Tom Orlando for an hour. He’s one of my favorite people, mainly because he gets exactly what I’m talking about on so many levels. He’s been in radio and understands that meat grinder but he also has been a winner in business and is a naturally hilarious guy. He easily could have been a full time comic.
Tom is very supportive of the Uranus Factory Outlet idea and has been from the start. It is exactly two years now since I thought of it but it’s still not anywhere close to becoming the moneymaking machine I pictured then. I’ll have to tweak it and rethink my battle plan but I’m not going to give up on it any time soon. Tom said he’ll help me and I believe it.
Between Uranus Factory Outlet and comedy classes and rehearsing for a Kidders show and all the stuff I didn’t get to today, I’ve got all I can handle on my plate and even if my daily output of work is good, I’ve got all kinds of things to do the next day. And the next.
But I love doing it all, even walking the mall. That’s a peaceful time when I can think at my own speed, which is manic at the slowest. I don’t have time for a wife and that’s just a reality so I guess I should enjoy what I can about having freedom to do whatever I choose.
Another whirlwind day with no time to spare. I woke up at 7am and headed straight for the Gurnee Mills Mall to take my laps. I know I could walk just about anywhere but I feel at home at that mall. It‘s got enough room to let me walk without bumping into anybody.
One lap can be a challenge but today I did two. I’ve been pretty good at keeping up so I wanted to push it a little. I felt worn out when I finished but it was a good feeling because I know I had a workout. My legs were like noodles and blood was pumping to places it’s avoided for far too long. I’m the youngest one by far out walking but I don’t mind at all.
I see all kinds of older people there and most of them have me by 20 years or more. I’m the young buck and knowing all the chickadee grannies are checking me out as I strut my beefcake past them makes me feel like Fabio for a few minutes. Hey, why not enjoy it?
Some of the people there are in rough shape. I see people who’ve obviously had strokes limping gingerly with the help of a cane or walker and it makes me grateful for whatever tiny bit of youth I do have left. There are no guarantees that won’t be me in the future but hopefully if I can improve my health I can avoid that. I really have very lucky until now.
My life has been spent as a road comic and healthy lifestyle choices aren’t usually a part of that world for most of us. I was always very athletic and wiry but that sure hasn’t been the case for years. One trip to Taco Bell for lunch and another to Wendy’s for dinner with cheese on everything and cola beverages to drink add up to a lifetime of bad food choices.
There’s probably enough special sauce stuck in my aorta right now a cannibal would get confused on a blind taste test between my heart and a Big Mac. I admit my discipline is as weak as it gets when it comes to food but so much of it tastes so good and I’ve had a great time sampling it all over North America. At least if my heart pops I’ll have had my fun.
I guess I still can have some fun but not like before. I used to eat whatever I wanted as it pleased me but now it’s really catching up. I need to scale WAY back and live an entirely different lifestyle if I have a shot to make it to old age. Heart attacks don’t necessarily run in my family but my grandfather had a bypass and my father had a heart operation as well.
That being said, I had lunch today with my writing partner Rick Kaempfer. He was also my former morning show producer at The Loop. He grew up in Germany and speaks very fluent German. Rick is extremely intelligent and like me has way too many projects going at any given time. Still, he’s a published author and works hard and keeps plugging away.
We met at the German Brau Haus on Lincoln Avenue in Chicago. He is a big fan of that place as am I and today we got together for the first time in ages. He ordered a deliciously decadent bratwurst platter and I had my favorite which is liverwurst with a steaming bowl liver dumpling soup which comes with it. I met my quota of liver laden food and I was in absolute heaven as I ate it. I enjoyed every bite. Liverwurst plus Rick equals a quality day.
He really has been great to work with and now it’s time to sell the infamous bank story. We’ve got it almost finished in about our fifth or sixth draft but we both agreed we’ll get it done very quickly as soon as we get a nibble. It’s up to me to start looking for nibblers.
After lunch it was back to the Royal George Theatre for another run through of our live Jerry’s Kidders theatre show. We all had more input that made sense and we were joined by some friends like Jerry’s wife Ann and Kipper McGee and Vicki Quade’s friend Carla who was a director of plays and offered up some solid advice. Everyone did. We’re on it.
We all got together for dinner afterward at an Italian restaurant right down the street on Halsted and it was outstanding. If I’m going to indulge this was the day to do it as I had a wonderful meal at two different restaurants. This is why I need to walk a mall every day.
It’s a good problem to have though. How bad is it that I have wonderful friends and we enjoy each other’s company in fantastic restaurants? I had that experience twice today and I’m thrilled for both opportunities. The meals were delicious and both were centered on a business theme where all of us could score a substantial pay day. That’s as good as it gets.
After dinner I met up with my speaker friend Todd Hunt. I had a video of his and forgot to give it to him when I saw him just recently so I did that but we also hashed out ideas as he is a huge fan of the theatre and knows how it operates. He offered up some suggestions I never thought of and I’ll tell them to Jerry and the other guys ASAP. Todd really helped.
It was 8:30 by the time I started to head home but I don’t feel like I wasted my day at all because we had a productive run through of the play. There was improvement from where we were yesterday to today just because all of us were thinking about it. We’ll keep doing run throughs and shape it into something for Vicki to sell. We’re all encouraged by this.
When I got home I talked to my grade school friend Tom Orlando for an hour. He’s one of my favorite people, mainly because he gets exactly what I’m talking about on so many levels. He’s been in radio and understands that meat grinder but he also has been a winner in business and is a naturally hilarious guy. He easily could have been a full time comic.
Tom is very supportive of the Uranus Factory Outlet idea and has been from the start. It is exactly two years now since I thought of it but it’s still not anywhere close to becoming the moneymaking machine I pictured then. I’ll have to tweak it and rethink my battle plan but I’m not going to give up on it any time soon. Tom said he’ll help me and I believe it.
Between Uranus Factory Outlet and comedy classes and rehearsing for a Kidders show and all the stuff I didn’t get to today, I’ve got all I can handle on my plate and even if my daily output of work is good, I’ve got all kinds of things to do the next day. And the next.
But I love doing it all, even walking the mall. That’s a peaceful time when I can think at my own speed, which is manic at the slowest. I don’t have time for a wife and that’s just a reality so I guess I should enjoy what I can about having freedom to do whatever I choose.
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