Fun vs. Money

Wednesday December 12^th, 2012 – Rockford, IL/Mt. Prospect, IL

   The caravan of fun keeps rolling - even though I have no idea for how much longer. I’m loving what I’m doing more now than at any time in my life, but the money is just not there and I admit it concerns me more than a little. Fun is great and I’m all for it, but stress often overshadows it.

   It wouldn’t take all that much to turn my life completely around, and I wouldn’t have to pester anyone ever again. I’d have my daily needs taken care of, and I could spend even more time with all the enjoyable projects I’m doing now. Nothing would change much except the level of stress.

   Today was another prime example. I did another fill in talk radio shift on WNTA in Rockford, IL and I barely made it to the station because I had some errands to run which included bills that needed paying before service charges would make them even higher. It was hectic from the start.

   Lines weren’t moving quickly today for whatever reason and I had to wait behind every halfwit peanut head Neanderthal who couldn’t grasp the inner workings of a pen. The more I had to wait in line and place after place, the further behind my schedule got.

   The last half hour of my journey to the radio station became a race against the clock, and shot my stress level higher than Uranus.

   I knew I was going to cut it short, but it became obvious at the end I wasn’t going to make it to the station by 3:05 so I called the producer and told him what the situation was. I put the pedal to the metal on my ‘free’ 1993 Nissan and actually got that little roller skate up to 105 at one point.

   That added to my stress level and I made it to the station and sprinted down the hall to get into the studio and made it by mere seconds. Nobody was upset but me, but having to constantly be in a state of panic over money drains one’s soul – or at least the creative part of it. I’ve had enough.

   But when I got on the air it started getting fun again, and the shift ended up going quite well as it usually does. I’m feeling myself getting much better as a talk show host, and more comfortable going off on unexpected tangents when I feel the situation calls for it. I’m enjoying the chance to learn on the job, and when I’m on the air it’s like being on stage. I’m focusing on that by itself.

   After the radio show I got back in my car and went to Comcast’s Mt. Prospect, IL studio for an appearance on the holiday edition of Mike Preston’s “Psychobabble TV” cable access show. I’ve never not had fun doing that, and tonight was no different. I love working with Mike any chance I get, and I feel like I’m a part of the team. Again, the creative energy there makes it all worth it.

   Too bad there’s no financial remuneration in it for any of us, and all of us felt that pinch as we went out for something to eat after the taping. We were all tapped out, and ordered the cheapest items we could find that would fill our stomachs without cleaning out our wallets or self esteem.

   How long is anyone supposed to go on like this? I thought for sure I’d get at least SOME kind of payoff by now, but I’m still living like I started comedy last week and it feels really wrong to be here this late into the game. The only thing that keeps me going is fun, but there’s a lot of it.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Out Of Body

Tuesday December 11^th, 2012 – Rockford, IL

   As crazy and frustrating as my life has been and even with the high degree of disappointment I tend to feel on a regular basis, the one constant I can hang my hat on is that I love what I do on a consistent basis. I may not love the financial compensation, but my creative hunger is satisfied.

   I know there aren’t many people who can say that, and I love that part of my life. It’s probably the only thing that keeps me from jumping into an active volcano – that and not knowing of any active volcanoes in my immediate vicinity. The point is that without this passion I’d be history.

   I thought of it today as I was on the radio on WNTA in Rockford, IL. My friend Jim McHugh tagged along, and it’s even more fun doing the show when he’s in the studio. We were bantering back and forth and having a blast, and I had an out of body experience and saw the big picture.

   Jay Leno talked about that in an interview many years ago. He said he knew his act so well that at a certain point he could think about something completely different like what he might have to eat after the show or his dry cleaning while he was on stage performing. That concept fascinated me, even though I couldn’t comprehend it then. I was still trying to master the basics of comedy.

   Then one night out of nowhere, I was doing the exact same thing. It’s like I jumped right out of my body and was in my own audience as I was performing. I was free to think about anything or nothing, and knowing that took everything to a much higher level. I felt I was finally “getting it”.

   Radio can be like that too. It’s a performance, and there’s a buzz attached to it just like comedy – although it’s not as intense. Comedy is a short powerful jolt that’s an hour or less while radio is longer and steadier. A good radio show buzz can last up to four hours and be quite the intoxicant.

   Today it was only a two hour shift, but we were firing on all cylinders and it was tremendously fun on several levels. It’s great to hang out with Jim, and the producer Howard Bailey Murray is both competent and a genuinely nice person. The vibe in the studio could not have been better.

   We took it even higher by inviting our friend and fellow Chicago comedian Dwayne Kennedy on to plug the TV show he’s writing for and to get some air time. Dwayne is a comedic genius of the highest order, and Jim and I are both fans. Dwayne doesn’t get nearly the respect he deserves.

   Jim also invited singer Emily Hurd to join us. She’s from Rockford originally, and an amazing talent in her own right. She writes her own material and has a powerful voice, and any time I am able to promote somebody locally I always will. Her work is available at www.emilyhurd.com.

   As we were on the air, I had one of those out of body experiences and was able to see just how cool it was to be doing what we were doing. I was in a studio with friends that I like and respect, talking to others I like and respect on the phone. I have no idea who was listening, but I know at least somebody was because we got calls the entire time we were on the air. I didn’t get rich, but I did get paid and have been asked to come back tomorrow. I’m on the right track. More of this. 

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Air Waves

Monday December 10^th, 2012 – Rockford, IL

   Back in the radio groove. I received a text message from Jim Stone asking if I’d be available to fill in this week on the 3pm to 5pm shift on WNTA in Rockford, IL, and although I was still tired to the bone from my stress riddled epic drive through the elements yesterday I said yes anyway.

   I really like and respect Jim, and whatever I can do to help I will. He’s the Operations Manager for all the stations at Maverick Media in Rockford, and that’s not an easy job. He has all kinds of annoying details to look after in addition to hosting his own morning show on WXRX ‘The X’.

   Whatever Jim gets paid isn’t enough, but that’s radio for 99.999% of those who ever get in it as a career. Dreams of signing a bazillion dollar Howard Stern or Rush Limbaugh type deal are just that – dreams. Howard and Rush do fine, but everyone else has to squeak out whatever they can.

   So many insane cuts have been made in the radio business in the last several years that anyone who still has a job actually has about three as that’s how much work they’re doing. Every station I know of is a skeleton crew, and nobody knows when those next cuts will come – but they will.

   I heard from some of my radio friends that the Clear Channel evil empire executed yet another round of nationwide cuts last week – just in time for Christmas. If there is indeed a hell and those heartless reptiles aren’t occupying ringside seats next to Satan along with Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer and my father, then I don’t want to go to heaven. I don’t see how they can live with themselves.

   It’s not just Clear Channel either, but they’re the big one. They’ve got stations in markets of all sizes from coast to coast, and I’ve felt their wrath myself. I was shown the door in Salt Lake City in 2001, and I still don’t see the reason for it other than they want to exist on the extreme cheap.

   Pesky details like putting out a quality product have never been the issue. All they look for are ways to continually trim the budget and eliminate the presence of human beings. It’s beyond my comprehension how they can continue to be allowed to butcher what used to be a business filled with creative, intelligent and interesting people, but they totally do. Can someone please stop it?

   I saw the list of some of the talent that got gassed in this latest purge, and it made my stomach turn to see how out of control it’s getting. Local icons that have been at the same station for years or even decades are being flushed like truck stop toilets all over the country and it disgusts me.

   I’ve been on that chopping block myself, and it usually happens around the holidays to make it all the more excruciating. My heart goes out to all those people who gave of themselves for years only to be tossed away like chewed gum. Radio itself is the ultimate loser for it, but doesn’t care.

   Good people with talent are getting screwed over, but I don’t see it stopping any time soon. I’d love to have a full time job with decent pay in a big market, but I don’t see it happening to me or very many others in the near future. I’ll continue to get my radio fix whenever Jim Stone decides to call, but it’s only a part time proposition. He’s lucky to have a job himself, and he knows that.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Piper Payment

Sunday December 9^th, 2012 – Milwaukee, WI/Harris, MI

   Today was the day to pay the piper for all the weather breaks I caught on this week’s run to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I knew when I accepted the booking that the wrath of winter could end up with a starring role as the week unfolded, and that’s exactly what happened. I can’t bitch.

   I left a day early on Wednesday to hedge my bet, and I’m glad I did. It eliminated a lot of stress or at least postponed it until today. I had smooth sailing from home to Sault Ste. Marie, and from Sault Ste. Marie to Negaunee. It snowed a bit from Negaunee to Milwaukee, but not a whole lot.

   I crossed my fingers and toes before going to sleep after last night’s shows I’d be able to dodge the bullet one more day, but that doesn’t happen to Mr. Lucky. It started snowing about half way to my friend Russ Martin’s house who lives on the south side of Milwaukee. He wanted to come along for the ride and do a guest set at the Island Casino in Harris, MI, and I was happy to oblige.

   The scheduled opening act was Steve Purcell, who lives near Madison, WI. He was also on the bill in Milwaukee, but drove home after the shows as comedians tend to do whenever possible. It isn’t a thrill to stay in a hotel past the first few times doing it, and I totally get it. He has a family.

   It started snowing about halfway between Russ’s house and Madison, and didn’t let up all day. It got wetter and sloppier, and it was the kind of snow that made lane changes almost impossible and required both hands on the wheel to keep the car on the road. My knuckles were lily white as I kept both hands on the wheel at all times and my eyes glued to the road. This was road combat.

   It got even harder as we crossed the border from Marinette, WI to Menomonie, MI with about a 50 mile home stretch to the Island Casino in Harris. It’s all two lane highway on US 41 which merges with US 2, and conditions worsened by the mile. We made it within just a few minutes.

   Showtime at this gig is 7pm Eastern Time, which is 6pm Central Time. That’s a lot earlier than most show times, and it’s good and bad. It makes it more difficult to get there on time, especially after doing two shows in Milwaukee the night before, but it also ends early to give us a head start on the drive home. Steve had to get home for work in the morning, and we all knew it going in.

   There was a surprisingly large audience waiting for us when we got there, and the show ended up being a lot of fun. There’s a radio personality named Bo Reynolds who hosts the show, and he used to work in Chicago. He’s a great guy and very hip, and sets the tone for a really fun show.

   Russ, Steve and I had a blast on stage as is per usual at this gig. It’s a long drive, but the people really enjoy the shows and we love doing them. What none of us loved was the journey home. It kept snowing while we were on stage, and we crawled back to Menominee at 25 miles an hour.

   To make it worse, we hit Packer traffic on I-43 from Green Bay to Milwaukee and that slowed us down further. By the time I got home I was ready for a massage or a sedative – or both. I love to perform, but getting there and back can be pure stress. I should be a piper. They get paid well.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Sweet Home Cooking

Saturday December 8^th, 2012 – Milwaukee, WI

   Anytime I get to perform in a first class venue like the Northern Lights Theatre at Potawatomi Casino, I’m in a good mood. No, it’s better than that. I’m ecstatic! I live for places like this, and it fulfills my mental picture of what being in show business is about. This is how it should be.

   It’s even better that it happens to be in my home town, and I finally got what I always wanted when I started in comedy – respect. Every performer wants to be recognized in their home town, but ironically that’s the place it’s usually the most difficult to get it. I know all kinds of comedian friends who tell me stories of how they don’t work in their home town due to festering conflicts.

   Boy, can I relate to that unfortunately. I’ve had more than my share of unpleasant dealings with slithering serpents and unscrupulous imbeciles over the years, and I thought it would never end. I don’t suffer bullies well and never have, and all too often that’s the type that runs comedy clubs.

   They know comedians are hungry to get stage time, and are willing to do just about anything to get it. It’s like crack to an addict, and the club owners know it. They don’t have talent themselves other than being able to sell drinks, and we’re the attraction that brings people in to order them.

   Of course there are exceptions, and not all comedy club owners are Satan’s henchmen – but the majority of those I’ve dealt with in Milwaukee over the years are frighteningly close. For reasons I still have never figured out, it’s just never been a town that nurtures the growth of comedians or entertainers of any genre. I hear the same complaint from musicians, singers and most all others.

   It saddens me to know my home town doesn’t have a respectable ‘scene’, but that’s just how it is and always has been. Cities like Minneapolis and Boston and San Francisco are comedy towns but Milwaukee just isn’t. That’s why it means so much to perform at such a stellar venue locally.

   The sound and lights are fantastic, and there’s a gigantic stage for me to roam around like I like to do. The working conditions are absolutely perfect, and after having to deal with more than my share of squeaky microphones and ‘lighting systems’ that were nothing more than a 40 watt bulb over the years it’s absolute heaven to walk into a situation that has it figured out from the get go.

   The people I deal with are also top shelf all the way. The stage manager Steve makes everyone feel at home, and whenever I walk into the dressing room I feel like I’ve arrived. There’s always a refrigerator full of ice cold drinks, and we get a delicious meal either before or after our shows.

   If nobody else appreciates these perks, I certainly do. It’s taken a lifetime to earn them, and I’m grateful every time I get to walk out on that stage. Tonight I had two very fun shows, and I had a line of people after each one telling me how much they enjoyed it. Some of them I’ve known for years, but there were also strangers who said they’d heard my name and wanted to see my show.

   I totally feel at home working this stage, and I’d love to do my ‘Schlitz Happened!’ Milwaukee themed show here at some point. It would be the ideal location, and I’m ready to try it in 2013.

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A Pleasant Payback

Friday December 7^th, 2012 – Negaunee, MI

   Oh, how sweet little victories can be. After a lifetime of consistent inconvenience and constant scheduling snafus, I finally caught a break and something fell into place. I don’t know when this will ever happen again - if ever, so I’m going to squeeze every last drop of satisfaction out of it.

   The Upper Peninsula of Michigan run I’m on this week has always had ridiculous routing with an insane amount of driving involved. It’s always been an extreme test of stamina, and weather is more often than not a major factor that can turn everything ugly in a hurry. It has happened often.

   What screws things up is the Saturday night in Milwaukee at the Northern Lights Theatre at the Potawatomi Casino. It’s a fantastic venue and I love playing there more than just about anywhere else I can think of, but having to do all that driving can really take a lot of the fun out of the run.

   Not only that, there has been a vacant Friday on this run for years, and it’s a big inconvenience not to mention a kick in the wallet. It’s almost impossible to find a Friday to fill that hole due to the scarcity of population in the U.P. There are only so many gigs to be had, and it’s not many.

   One of the very few if not the only option to try for is Pasquali’s Pizza in Negaunee, just west of Marquette. That place has been doing comedy shows for probably years or longer, and I have worked there more times than I can count – especially in the early days when I needed the work.

   It’s been a long time since I’ve done it, mostly because of the long drive involved. I just don’t enjoy making the North Woods tour for one night, but since I was going to do it anyway I asked the booker if it might be available this particular week. It usually comes with a Saturday booking in Sheboygan, WI so I wasn’t sure if it would work but I didn’t think it would hurt to at least ask.

   The booker has a hard time filling it also, as gas prices have sucked the profits from everyone’s wallet. I told her I was going to already be up in the U.P., and it might be a good fit for all if she could find a local for the Sheboygan gig that would only do the Saturday. That’s what happened.

   Everything worked out perfectly for once, and I couldn’t be more delighted. It’s only about 175 miles from Sault Ste. Marie to Negaunee, but I’d have to drive more than 500 to get myself back to Milwaukee anyway, so this was like a night off. Plus I was able to pull down another payday.

   The guy in charge at Pasquali’s is Clark Gravedoni, one of the absolute nicest people I’ve ever worked for at any level of my comedy journey. He really goes out of his way to treat comedians well, and is honest as the snow is high in the U.P. He has always been a peach to work for, and I felt I owed him a great show for stealing his money all those times when I was a brutal opener.

   This is a place that’s good for training purposes, and that’s no insult to Clark. It’s a small town, but the people come out to see a show and they are unbelievably enthusiastic and friendly. I have vivid memories of stinking up that stage when I started, but Clark kept booking me back and I’m very grateful for that. I felt I owed him my best show tonight as a payback, so that’s what I did.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

A Babbling Boozer

Thursday December 6^th, 2012 – Sault Ste. Marie, MI

   I am in a foul mood right now, and I need to get over it. I will, but not for a while. I had to fight a babbling drunken woman who would NOT shut up through most of my show tonight, and I did not enjoy it in the least. I’ve had to deal with idiots like this for a lifetime, and I have had my fill.

   This was the worst case scenario, as she was sitting right in the front row and was a little older and looked like someone’s mother. She had a high pitched squeaky voice that kept getting louder as the show went on, and I could hear her every slurred rambling word as I tried to finish my set.

   I tried to be polite the first half a dozen times she interrupted, but after a while I had to lay into her pretty hard which I never enjoy - even though the crowd always does. They were going crazy with delight as I ripped her a new one, and I was just wishing it was over. I’ve been here before.

   Steve Allen has a quote I have referred to often that says “Sooner or later every live performer gets tired of having to entertain drunks.” I am SO there, and I’m having a harder time hiding my disdain for those who do it. It’s flat out rude, but most of the ones who do it are totally clueless.

   In fact, 99% of them will come up after the show and want to babble even more. They actually think they have helped the show, and will often go off on another tangent and tell me about some irrelevant detailed facet of their life I didn’t need to hear about and I’m trapped with no escape.

  That’s exactly what happened tonight, and I just wasn’t up for that kind of torture. She backed me into a corner and I could smell her boozed up breath as she demanded to know why I was so rude to her when all she was doing was ‘helping’. I tried to flag down a security guard, but they didn’t see me and I had to sit there in pain as she blocked other people who wanted to say hello.

   The sad part was, it was a very nice audience and they really enjoyed the whole show – heckler destruction included. The drunk herself called it ‘hackling’, and several people picked up on that as they came up afterward. These are delicate situations, as I can’t be mean even though I’d love to just smack her in the face three or four hundred times with the business end of a snow shovel.

   I’m sorry this has to be a part of the business, but on the club level it always has been and isn’t about to go away any time soon. Very few places police an audience, and nobody but a comedian knows how difficult it can be to work around situations like this. Everyone thinks we must like it or something, and when we throw out lines and the crowd laughs they assume we’re handling it.

   Ripping ‘hacklers’ is a skill I have always been able to rely on, but after thousands of them it’s lost any appeal whatsoever. I don’t care if the audience always loves it or not, I’m past it. Why is it so difficult for someone to just sit there and enjoy the show they paid to see? I never got that.

   Unfortunately, quite often they have been let in free and aren’t there for comedy at all. But they ruin the night for those who are. I’m sorry this happened, and I really like the people at Kewadin Casino. They treat comedians well, but this happens everywhere. Drunks are not in short supply.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary