Business Decisions

Friday October 12th, 2007 - Alexandria, VA

I thought I was back in morning radio having to get up at 4am after getting in at 1. I was not in a good mood when I got home because of how the Chicago Style Standups group is going and in retrospect I should have stayed home. I was all wound up and didn’t get very much sleep at all. I rolled over at 3:45 and closed my eyes for ‘five minutes’. Luckily it’s a trick I’ve done before and I only overslept by ten minutes and rolled out of the rack at 4.

My plane was at 7 and I am so far out of civilization that I didn’t want to risk it. There is a lot of construction going on and sometimes it’s at night so I sucked it up and got started so I wouldn’t have to have any more stress in my life at 5am. I’m starting to learn. A little.

These are the kinds of days I want people that think comedy is easy to experience. There isn’t much funny at 4am with two hours of sleep knowing you have to be at the airport by 6 to catch a plane to a gig where you’ll just barely break even. This is not for everybody. I do love the time on stage but the process of getting to gigs is getting harder and harder.

There was a surprising amount of traffic on both the roads where I live and the freeways too. I’m glad I left early and it still was a snug fit on time but not a crisis. I pulled in to the long term parking lot at 5:40 and there wasn’t a spot to be found. Finally I saw a guy with a suitcase come out the exit door and I followed him down the row until he found his car.

It was a nice spot right by the tram entrance and I got on the train which was crowded. I ended up making it to the gate with a few minutes to spare but I still could have been there a little earlier for my tastes. I’m getting too old to be rushing like a maniac all the time. It’s a lot less hectic to show up an hour early and do a crossword puzzle or read a good book.

The plane ride was very turbulent and I thought I was going to yack quite a few times. It was one of the bumpiest plane rides I can ever remember and the landing was very tense. I usually don’t mind flying at all but today was a bit unpleasant. The guy next to me was not happy either and had a very east coast hard boiled attitude. He didn’t find anything funny.

Hey, if it was my time it was my time. It would have been nice to have sat next to a sexy woman rather than a bearded shark in a silky suit but I lived to tell about it so that’s ok by me. It made me think yet again of how short life is as the plane bounced around the sky as a ping pong ball would bounce around in toilet water. There are no guarantees and I get it.

That put me in an even better mood when the plane landed. Once again I have a little bit of bonus time to keep doing what I’m doing. I should have died several times before but it keeps getting put off for whatever reason. I’m not going to take it for granted and keep on working even harder. Every day is a gift and I tried to enjoy the rest of the day to the hilt.

I got to the hotel and it was around lunch time so I asked the clerk if there were any nice places to eat. ‘IHOP’ he said. I wanted a local place and then he said ‘Oh, Red Lobster.’ It didn’t occur to him that Red Lobster wasn’t a local joint. I just smiled and said thanks.

Then he said ‘Oh wait. I know a place that’s just like Red Lobster only they don’t serve any kind of seafood. They have steaks and stuff.’ I couldn’t help laughing out loud. If you hear that line in a movie or TV show someday you’ll know where I got it. Life wrote it. It made me laugh the whole day and maybe it was the way he said it but I will remember that line for the rest of my life. Maybe you had to be there but I was and it was really hilarious.

The main reason I took this gig was to hang out with my good friend Jerry Thomas. We go back too many years to count and any time I am in the DC area it’s always fun to hang and chat. He is originally from Milwaukee and we have a lot in common. He is now doing comedy but also wrote for radio joke sheets for years. He is now doing standup himself so we have that to talk about too. Plus we’re both Packer fans but that conversation was a bit short this time. There wasn’t anything to say after the last game so we kept the talk happy.

Jerry and I hit the Chinese buffet by the hotel and thought we had plenty of time to grub up before the show. Traffic is hellacious in these parts and of course we got stuck trying a left hand turn where we shouldn’t have and it was a big mess. I love Jerry but he’s not the most directionally sound driver on the road and I thought we’d never make it to the show. Again, it’s a hilarious scene in a movie but not very fun to live out in reality. I was tense.

I did end up getting to the show on time but I didn’t know that as we were driving and it caused a lot more stress than either one of us needed tonight. I need to watch my time in a situation like this especially where I haven’t worked the club before and am not totally ‘in’ with the booker yet. Good thing I checked in an hour before the show as a courtesy to the manager. I’ve run shows before and not knowing if the comedians are in town is NOT fun.

Chicago Style Standups is becoming not fun as well. I like the guys and I like the idea of several comics sharing one mike but as it sits it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere near an avenue I want to go riding along on someone else’s vision. I signed up as a soldier and I’m getting too busy with my own projects to keep showing up for door deals without any sort of guarantee on any level. I’ve been around a long time and that’s not the way to operate.

I’m not angry or bitter or anything but thankful for the guys letting me be a part of it this last couple of years. It could maybe be built into something bigger but it needs to be run as a business by business minded people. Comedians running anything business like is usually not a good idea but here I am going to attempt my own business all by myself. I do think it is of the utmost importance to have ONE person running something like this so somebody is in charge and everyone else knows where the buck stops. That’s my theory and now I’ll see if I’m right. If I’m wrong I’ll gladly admit it but for now that’s what I’m going to do.

Maybe if I show a flair for business I can come back and breathe some financial life back into the group and we can get out of our rut and start making things happen. I really liked my experience with the guys and if I’m asked to do shows again I will if I’m available but to make a commitment for a collaboration of comedians trying to rise from the ashes with no financial backing is not smart business right now. I need to make some retirement cash.