Late For LaCrosse

Wednesday October 24th, 2007 - LaCrosse, WI

Today was a lot of things from a lot of different areas of life. I don’t think I can take too many days like this because I am about ready to nod off at the keyboard from just this one. I ended up leaving Nashville at around midnight and of course the rain started pounding as I started driving and it made it very difficult to make any time. It made the drive harder.

I stopped at a Waffle House in Bowling Green, KY and there was a guy playing a guitar and singing gospel music. He was with another guy who came over and politely asked if it would be ok if he played while I ate. There wasn’t anyone else in there but the staff so we all listened to him strum the guitar and warble a few tunes. Actually he was pretty good. It was a surreal scene that makes stopping at a Waffle House in Kentucky at 2am worth it.

Seymour, IN was as far as I could make it without killing myself. I was nodding out a lot and more than once I found myself on the shoulder or headed toward a guard rail. I should be dead by all accounts from all the long trips in the rain like this I’ve made in my life but I somehow have avoided meeting my fate snoring. I came close a few times so I decided not to tempt the fates anymore and I got a room at 4am. I slept until 9:30 and started driving.

That was the worst use of a hotel room I’ve made in years but I needed to sleep and that was all the time I had so I had to eat the cost. Sleeping in the pouring rain in my car at the rest area isn’t my idea of fun anymore. There was a time when I would have done that and not even thought about wasting the money on a hotel but this isn’t that time. I had $40.

I made it to Indianapolis for a lunch with my friend Greg Phelps. Greg is having a tough time with a business partner of his too who drained a big chunk of money out of their joint account and we talked about how much that hurts. He lost more money than I did and has to deal with the guy in court suing HIM so he’s got it worse but my situation is still ugly. I will get over it though and am already just thinking of ways to move past it and roll ahead.

There was a super hot waitress at the restaurant we went to who was in her late 30s. We hit it off really well for some reason and that made a delicious lunch even better. She was a sweetheart and very good looking and had no rings anywhere in sight. I didn’t even let her know I was a comedian but she still said ‘I just LOVE funny guys like you.’ I am on a hot streak with women lately and I can feel it. I’m feeling a lot of flirting and I’m not upset. It goes in cycles and the tide is definitely IN. She waved and blew me a kiss as I walked out.

The long drive was now ahead of me and I knew it. I bought a book on CD of the Kevin Trudeau book ‘Health Secrets THEY Don’t Want You To Know About’ just because that was what caught my eye at the bookstore. It was a twelve CD package and I had a healthy drive so I figured I’d try to think about my health while I made it. Also I was sick of radio.

Kevin Trudeau has always intrigued me. He’s my age and has always been a hustler with various products. He had a shady reputation for a while and did prison time but he has had a lot of success with his books and infomercials. I bought the program to learn from him.

I was pretty disappointed with the whole package. I bought a copy of his book both new and then found another copy at a thrift store for three bucks. He did write and publish it all himself and that’s not easy to do. I always respect people who can pull off a project from a single idea and he has really parlayed his entrepreneurial skills into a self made empire. I’m hoping to do the same with my business idea and I will use Kevin Trudeau as an influence. He lives in Chicago from what I’ve been told so maybe I can even meet him live some day.

The sinking feeling of being late and not being able to do anything about it started to get sinkier as I weaved in and out of construction barrels and slow moving trucks. I humped it as hard as I could and had the Mitsubishi red lining at about 95 miles an hour. That’s not a very smart thing to do but I was late and I needed to make up some time. I am an imbecile for doing it because I could have easily wound up dead or with a gigantic speeding ticket.

All of this brought back memories as I was racing through the slalom on I-90. It’s been a long time since I had to drive like a total maniac to barely make the gig but not too long that I can’t remember that feeling. I can’t stand it and I don’t ever want to feel it again but I always say that until the next time when I’m late. This just goes with a life on the road.

The name of the place tonight was ‘Loon’s In LaCrosse’ and I’ve been here a few times before. The actual setup is very nice but I’ve usually had rough shows here. Either I had a weak opener or a young rowdy college crowd or something came up that I wasn’t fond of. It wasn’t that way tonight though. The audience was strong and nobody cared I was late.

The opening act was a nice guy out of Milwaukee named James Ervan Berry. He uses a middle name because there’s another guy named James Berry apparently. The other James Berry is white and the one I worked with is black and I thought it would be funny to make a show with both of them performing together. They could maybe even team up for some kind of project like a CD or DVD and that might get some attention. I don’t have a clue if the other guy is funny but the one I worked with definitely is. I’d work with him anytime.

I actually had a very good show. I was so tired from driving all I thought about was my act. I lost track of time and ended up doing a little over an hour. I hadn’t planned on that. I also didn’t plan on two hot blondies coming up to me after the show and inviting me to a college bar down the street. I might have gone but I was too tired from driving 864 miles. I don’t particularly enjoy bars in general much less college bars but these two would have made it worth the trip even if it was just to shoot some pool or something. But I was beat.

A lot of people came up and shook my hand after the show and said things like ‘You’re the BEST comedian I’ve ever seen.’ That’s very flattering to hear that and I am always as nice as I can be but then I looked at the list of who’s coming and I knew that I should be.

I really need to get my business idea going because it scared me to look at those guys on the list. They’re all older than me and not really going anywhere and I don’t want to ride a train that’s headed for Oblivion City. They’re not bad people at all but working these gigs has a shelf life and my expiration date is coming up soon. Still, it was fun one more time.