A Giant Leap For Uranus!

Thursday June 12th, 2008 - Lombard, IL

Highs and lows are part of life but in the entertainment business they come a lot quicker than in real life. One minute life is euphoric and the next it’s horrific. I am a wreck from a lifetime of this and there seem to be a lot more downs than ups. Today I got to taste both.

The major up happened when I was able to FINALLY see something actually up on the Uranus Factory Outlet website. Granted, it’s only a ‘coming soon’ page but at least it’s up and running. Well not quite running. Yet. First it has to crawl. Then walk. THEN it’ll run.

This was one small step for Dobie, one giant step for Uranus. I knew this wouldn’t be a cakewalk and I’ve been distracted by several things along the way but getting to this point is nothing short of a major thrill. To come from an idea in the shower and breathe life into it is what makes me get out of bed every morning. I’ve finally seen the birth of my baby!

That’s what it is though, a baby. Babies need nurturing every day and they poop and pee without notice or caring. They cry and need attention at all hours of the day or night and it will be a strain on my wallet too. I now have a responsibility to raise it up into adulthood.

It was fun to admire the page for a minute or so but now I have to get products made so I can sell them. I also have to get my financial situation straight so I can get paid for them too. I need to eventually take credit cards but a paypal account is needed and I also need a crash course on sales tax and taxes in general so I don’t get myself stuck in that mud pit.

I’m going to be in with the big boys now and this is exactly the situation my students go to right after they graduate comedy class. Graduation is fun and everyone laughs and it’s a wonderful audience of friends and family. But that lasts for ONE night. Then it’s right out into the real world and that’s quite often where the joy ride stops. This is the same for me.

Everyone dreams about starting a business of some kind. It looks easy and it sounds fun and who doesn’t dream of making a million dollars and living on Easy Street? I am not at all naïve enough to think the hard part is over. It hasn’t even started yet. All I did was put my first toe into the water of a shark infested pool. Now I need to dive in and swim in it.

I have some good people around me but I know I need to find more. I need to consult as many people with actual business experience as I can to avoid the pitfalls most newbies in business make. I’m going to be tight with my money because I don’t have a lot right now.

There are a lot more steps I need to make after this one including getting the real site up soon. I will look into making some products and realistically I want to be in place to have some sort of a Christmas rush later in the year. I would be thrilled if I could turn a profit.

There’s no guarantee of that though. This is all a crapshoot and I’m used to a crap catch. It sure is an adventure though and I am enjoying it more and more. Seeing that page up on the screen made me feel like a proud papa for sure. But I still have to make a living now.

That’s where the downer part came in. I had a private corporate show for some financial planners out at the Westin Hotel in Lombard tonight and it was a total kick in the groin of my ego and self esteem. Just when I think things are pretty good I have a show like this to bring me back from Uranus but quick. The degree of difficulty on this one was five stars.

I got this gig from Tim Walkoe who I really like. He’s one of the best comedians in the city and he did this group last year. He recommended me for this and said it was good for him last year. I talked to one of the partners in the firm and he seemed like a very nice guy so I didn’t think anything of it until I got to the hotel and saw the situation I was facing.

These people were in meetings all day since about 8am. Most of them were over 40 and many were older. They had just had a huge dinner after a cocktail hour and after that there was a power point presentation and then an awards ceremony for all of the top 15 sellers.

These people were tired and tipsy and full of red meat and then I got my usual intro that came from someone with ZERO entertainment experience and made it even harder. When he said my name about half of the people got up and left, most of them in the front rows.

To make it even worse there were no stage lights and I had to stand in front of a podium which took up most of the stage. Oh, and there was no formal microphone either. The guy who brought me up handed me a clip on lapel mike which didn’t work so they had to find another one and that postponed things for a minute or so while even more people left.

Right before I went on I asked one of the partners in charge how much time he wanted me to do and he said ’Oh, about an hour.’ WHAT? There was NO WAY anybody could have entertained these people for an entire hour after a long day like that. I was screwed.

All I could do is my best and I did. I held the mike rather than put it on because it had a weak battery and I couldn’t be heard anyway. I ripped as much clean stuff off the top as I could and they laughed some but then they hit the wall and I could have lit my testicles on fire and they would have yawned as I screamed in agony. This was way past their limit.

They were not mean people at all but I don’t think they were expecting a comedian and I know they weren’t expecting me to do an hour so I got off on a pretty big laugh at the 48 minute mark. I could tell the people were glad it was over but nobody was more than me.

After the show it was the awkward process of getting paid. Usually in gigs like this they have a check ready and I get it right after the show and that’s it. I waited around and got a funny look from all the partners until I said politely ’Are we going to square up soon?’

One of the guys said ‘You want to get paid NOW? What, do you think I should just get a checkbook and write one NOW?’ Uh, yeah. That would be great. But it didn’t happen. I guess he hadn’t been privy to protocol for hiring entertainment and he told me to ‘bill us through Walkoe and I’ll take care of it.’ Oh. I didn’t know that was part of the deal. I said thanks and left but there was a sinking feeling the whole drive home. Come on, Uranus!