Where's My Woman?

Saturday May 31st, 2008 - St. Charles, IL

More progress today on a few levels. The one that interests me the most is the situation with the sweetie blonde waitress at the Red Schoolhouse restaurant just across the border in Wisconsin. I’ve been going in there for weeks now just to try and get some one on one time to talk to her a little. She’s always busy and in another section but today I lucked out.

That whole place is right out of Mayberry and it’s packed with interesting characters. If I’m near it and it’s breakfast time I’ll usually stop in to check out the show. I have tried to get myself in a position to meet this particular waitress but every other one is a cutie too.

But not like my honey pie. There’s just something about her that I really like. She’s very easygoing and has a great laugh and the customers really like her. She always has a lot of the regulars there asking to be sat in her section when they walk in. She’s very friendly.

That’s the main thing I want in a woman. I don’t need a head case at this time in my life because I’m one myself. I’ve waited this long to get married because I didn’t want to have to compromise my hopes and dreams but now I’ve finally started to figure some of it out.

I just want to have a nice girlfriend to share my life. It’s finally going pretty well after a lot of years of turmoil and insanity and I didn’t want to put a wife and especially kids in a position to have to make them miserable too. I have really come a long way in my life.

Now I’m looking for someone to enjoy the good times. Looks aren’t as important to me as the vibe between us but I don’t want to have to settle for a hairy warthog either. I don’t claim to be Brad Pitt myself but I still want to hook up with a woman I find attractive.

I’ve got a lot of them around me at the moment and I’ve got to start mingling with them at some point. It’s difficult to make time for all of them but I have to pick one out and get started here pretty soon or I’ll never have a shot at that family I’ve always dreamed about.

Kids would be nice and they don’t have to be mine. I’m ok with being a step father in a positive situation but so far I just haven’t found that yet. Maybe I’ve been putting out the wrong vibe but now that needs to change so I’m changing it. I want to meet a nice girl in the near future that I can start up a relationship with that isn’t a psychotic taskmistress.

Is this one at the restaurant ‘the one’? I don’t know but I know there’s something about her that I know I like. Yes she’s good looking but there’s something more in there and I’ll see if I can make something happen. I didn’t get a lot of time with her today but we did do some talking and I made her laugh a couple of times so that’s at least a positive. I think.

I’ll keep it on the ‘things to do’ list and see how it works. I’ve got several others that are also to my liking and I’ll keep working the list until something hits. At least I’m making a conscious effort to get more women in my life. It’s usually been the luck of the draw but I think it’s a skill like anything else. I have to get out there and make myself a ladies man.

All I need is one. I just want one that I can get along with and we can enjoy each other’s company. That’s not an easy task and I’ve never had any examples in my own life to have as a model for my own relationships with women. My Grandparents fought like the Crips and Bloods and my father’s idea of gentle was hitting my step mother with an open hand.

That’s why marriage and even long relationships have scared me my whole life. I don’t think I’d be like my father but I know my grandfather was miserable in his marriage and I was miserable enough in my own youth to not want to bring a woman into my dark lair.

I’m a whole lot better now and have had a lot of fun doing what I wanted to do for years but now I’d like to share it with someone special. Whoever I get will get a lifetime of very sincere love from someone who never got a chance to show it to anyone else. Lucky her.

Lucky me too. I bet that will ignite an even bigger fire in my creativity too. I would love to have a partner to work on Uranus Factory Outlet with and also to share the spoils too. I read about my mail order guru E. Joseph Cossman and how he and his wife built up their multi million dollar business together and then they enjoyed the wealth in the later years.

I’d love that too. My early years have been learning about life and exploring what’s out there in the world but now I’ve seen it and got that out of my system. Now I want to have a relationship with a great woman who wants to have a healthy relationship with me and not the dysfunctional emotional boxing matches I’ve seen all of my life from my family.

Making progress in that direction is very encouraging and it’s healthy growth and not an extension of the insanity I grew up around. It took me extra long to get to this place but an earlier marriage would have ended by now and I’m glad I sucked it up and gutted it alone.
Now my vibe is positive in many ways that it’s never been before. I feel a lot of energy I’ve never possessed and I’m liking it. Tonight’s shows at Zanies were also positive. The audiences weren’t as great as they’ve been the rest of the week but they were still not bad.

I took it upon myself to give them my very best tonight and I took a couple of hours and went over my act before the show. I don’t think I’ve done that more than five times in my entire life but I knew it wouldn’t hurt. I went over my set and had a plan going in there for both shows. I wanted to add new bits and sprinkle them in with the old and I did just that.

I changed around my order and said some of the older bits in a new way with a different inflection or cadence or degree of animation or whatever I could think of to keep growing as a performer. I felt like I was in command up there both shows and it was a good night.

This whole week has been pretty good. I’m starting to get up and running after the latest low point with how I felt after that Topeka fiasco weeks ago. I may or may not get my pay that was promised to me but it did force me to regroup and that’s a good thing. I am really in a good place right now and need to keep thinking about that rather than the horrors of a small time monkey house. May is over but it was a nice gateway into the summer months.