Mel Brooks Syndrome

Tuesday June 17th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

The Agar has landed. Tonight was our very first Jerry’s Kidders show ever and I guess I should be ecstatic about that but I’m not. Actually I’m feeling pretty miserable right now. The apple that is my life keeps revolving and now the wormy side is exposed. I hate that.

Sometimes it takes a while but that worm always shows up again and it’s here today. It has been gone for a while and I don’t ever miss it but when it’s back I can tell right away. It’s like trying to drive a car in the wrong gear. Something’s wrong and I know it. Now it becomes a matter of how to fix it. Am I able to pop it into gear or will I blow the tranny?

On paper I should be very excited right now. This came from an idea Jerry Agar had so I could be a part of his show to a real live show booked at Zanies that has the blessings of a major radio station that has promoted us to the hilt on the air. All those things are great.

But it was still a major disappointment that we were not jam packed to the gills tonight. It was ‘pretty full’ by all accounts and for a Tuesday night in the summer with gas prices higher than they’ve ever been and the NBA finals and baseball on and blah blah blah but it’s still not what I expected. I was expecting it to be packed nuts to butts but it wasn‘t.

That makes me feel lower than Mike Tyson’s credit rating but what can I do? WLS did a wonderful job of promoting us and the people who did come had a fantastic time but we still didn’t take it to that elusive ‘next level’. The fact is it’s hard to put people in a room. People say they’re going to come and maybe they mean to but life just gets in the way.

I know I should be thankful for what we did do and I am but after a lifetime of slugging it out in the minors it would be SO nice to finally get that elusive payoff. I know it’s only the first night and we’re booked all week and the weekend will probably be ok and all the same excuses I’ve heard year after year but it still a kick in the groin to see empty seats.

It doesn’t escape me that there are flood victims all over the Midwest who had all of the possessions they own float three states away. I am also aware that there are troops over in Iraq who have to sleep in the sand to protect my freedom. There are all kinds of legitimate things to feel sad or disappointed about but this is the one that did me in. I feel we failed.

Maybe it’s the temperamental ‘artiste’ in me. Maybe it’s ego. Maybe it’s all the times it was pounded into me as a kid how I would never amount to anything. Whatever it is I am feeling mighty low right now but I can’t show it to the guys or especially to the audience.

Jerry knows how I get. Many times I’ve called him asking to give me one good reason I shouldn’t drive my car head first into an oncoming truck and he’ll at least listen because I know he can’t relate to the pain. He’s too normal. That’s a great thing and I tell him to be grateful he doesn’t get this low because it isn’t very fun. I need to fight to stay positive. It does feel good to type it out just so I can let my feelings out. I’m really disappointed right now but I have to suck up and shut up because in the end nobody really gives a rat’s ass.

That’s good in a way because who really wants the buttocks of a rodent anyway? I don’t want to dwell on a few empty seats on a Tuesday night in the summer but it’s a lot deeper than that. This is the culmination of a lifetime of work and it feels like I missed the boat.

I have heard excuses my whole life. ‘Oh, you should have been here LAST week. It was PACKED!’ It’s always something. The weather’s too hot or too cold. There is some event in town that happens once every fifty years that takes people away from the shows. I can’t believe how many times I’ve heard ‘Wow, you picked the wrong week to be here buddy.’

Did I really pick it? If I did I want to choose again. I want to choose the week where the show I’M on is the draw in town and the place looks like the welfare line with everybody wrapped around the building waiting to get in. I want us to be the hottest ticket in town.

To me this feels like I have prepared a great meal and spent years cooking it and when I put it out nobody wants it and it’s rotting on the plate. I want to see people enjoying it and having sauce all over their fingers and mouth and smacking their lips because it’s yummy.

I know how to do a comedy show. So do the other guys on the show. We’ve all been at this for years and we were expecting it to be like the Beatles at Shea Stadium or at least a little bit of that mania. The truth is there are a lot of things to be positive about after all.

The fact is we did have a very good show in a very legitimate club. In Chicago Zanies is ‘the’ comedy club and we got our first booking there. Jerry and I met 20 years ago when I was just the opener at Zanies in St. Charles. He was working for a tiny AM station with a signal that couldn’t make it anywhere close to Chicago. Now that station is off the air.

Twenty years later I have headlined at all the Zanies so many times it’s not even a thrill anymore. Yes it’s still great but it isn’t the mythical far away aspiration it once was. It’s a job now and I’ve done it and done it well. I’m one of Zanies top acts and Jerry is one of Chicago’s top radio personalities at WLS. We both came SO far from where we started.

Mel Brooks said he felt every one of his movies was a complete failure because he had such grandiose plans in his head when he started but what came out always disappointed him. I guess I feel the same way. Mel Brooks had several major hit movies and is a huge success by most people’s standards but by his own he was a schmuck. I feel that way too.

I talked with Tim Slagle after the show and he felt a little disappointed too. He thought more to my way of thinking that he was expecting roses and panties and room keys to be piling up in front of the stage while we were on. Well maybe not that but more than what actually happened. Nobody that was there had a bad time and they all lined up to meet us.

Ken Sevara was thrilled. He is a very positive guy and a wonderful politician. He knows how to say the right thing at the right time and is a glass half full kind of guy. He kept this in perspective and made some great points after the show. We did do a strong show and it was enjoyed by those who attended. Mission accomplished…but I’m still disappointed.