A Tankful Of Thankful

Friday May 30th, 2008 - St. Charles, IL

Today was filled with milestones and overwhelm. I’ve had feelings of overwhelm many times in my life but the difference is today that feeling is of gratitude. I am so thankful for so much it’s all I could think about all day and I need to acknowledge it to the universe.

It’s so easy to get in a rut and focus on the negative or what I don’t have but today was a day of celebrating what has gone right. When I started doing comedy I had no idea what it took to pursue it or if I had any abilities but I forged ahead anyway. If I could have looked ahead then and seen where I am now I would have sold my soul and a lung and a kidney.

It turns out that would have been a better deal than what I actually did give up. I gave it ALL my whole life to get where I am and took more than my share of lumps. I had to get here on my own without any coat tails to ride on and to make it worse I did a lot of stupid things along the way to make it even more difficult. I learned my lessons but it was hard.

It still is. I sometimes get lonely and depressed and think I’ve wasted my life and have a lot of serious doubts as to what I’ve done with what I’ve been given but today I got a hint that I actually did a few smart things after all. It made me feel like I‘m still in the game.

I took my walk this morning through the Gurnee Mills Mall. It’s about a half hour a lap and a nice workout. I took two laps and was just finishing up when Jerry Agar called and said his family would be gone tonight and asked if I wanted to hang out. Tomorrow is his birthday and I was going to call him anyway so I said I would take him for birthday chow.

He took a train from WLS out to Geneva and I picked him up there. We started working together when he was at a station out there and I was just starting at Zanies as an opener. I had no idea that all these years later our lives would have taken us to both be on WLS. He has totally earned it but I have too and we talked about that as we drove through Geneva.

We passed where the old station used to be located and then passed the Baker’s Square restaurant where we had breakfast for the first time after his show. It was closed down but the building was still standing and if it was open we would have had to have eaten there.

Instead we went to a steakhouse in St. Charles I had been to before. It was a great place and I had Alaskan king crab legs that were the best I ever had. ‘Market price’ was $45 the last time I was there but today it was $71. What, is OPEC now in the king crab business?

Even though it cost a lot more than I expected I still bought and didn’t mention it. Jerry had a nice chunk of prime rib that looked delicious and the food was still as marvelous as I remembered it from before. We had a relaxing feast and talked about what we’ve built.

We’ve both been through a lot of down periods and rejection and it’s great to see how it paid off. Jerry has a job at WLS and is making his mark in a huge market. He let me come along for the ride and now our Jerry’s Kidders idea has legs and is about to start walking.

Whether it makes us millionaires or not doesn’t matter at this point. Getting it to where it is now from just an idea is what’s so damn satisfying. We sat in that Baker’s Square for many a breakfast wondering what our futures would be. He went one way and I went in a completely different direction and now all these years later we’ve hooked back up again.

I ate my crab legs and enjoyed every bite. I dunked them in butter and it might give my aorta even more blockage than it already has but it tasted like heaven. I earned every bite with my own efforts and I was thankful for every sumptuous mouthful. It was orgasmic but as I finished I realized I don’t have a need to do this ever again. I can live without it.

It wasn’t the expensive meal in a nice restaurant that made me so grateful. It was all the events that made today possible. All those mistakes that educated me to learn my craft of comedy that got me hired so many times and allowed me to live my dream was the rush.

If I have to eat beans and ramen noodles the rest of my life I will still be grateful for the process that feels so satisfying to me today. I’m not the weak opener I was when I started. I’m a SOLID headline act now and nobody would doubt that. Even those who think I’m a complete putz always say ‘He’s very funny BUT…’ and that’s all the proof I’ll ever need.

I thought about how far I’ve come as a comic tonight during the show. Richard Reese is the middle act this week and he’s very green. He’s from Omaha and I think this is his first paid week on the road. He’s 26 and a very sharp kid but his act is all over the place. All of us are all over the place when we start. It goes with the territory. I was the same way too.

He is supposed to do 30 minutes but both last night and tonight he bailed at about 16 or 17. That’s a major shortage but I can totally relate. The first week I was in that spot I was in Pittsburgh at the Funny Bone and I ran out of material at about the same point. The guy who bailed me out was a Boston comic named Jay Charbonneau. He really saved my ass.

I don’t know what happened to Jay but I hope he’s doing well. He covered the time for me with no problem and now it was my turn to cover for Richard. He’s the wide eyed kid that I was back then and he apologized and felt awkward exactly like I did in Pittsburgh.

I sat him down and told him how nobody is ready to make the jump into a new position but we all have to do it anyway at some point and the first few times aren’t easy. I had the horrible feeling of knowing I was out of material way before I was supposed to be and he did too the last couple of nights. I told him to not worry and pay it forward just like I am.

I thought he was going to give me a kiss and his eyes lit up like a pinball machine. He’s a smart funny kid and will catch on just like I did. We all need a jump start and he’s going to be fine. This was my turn to pay back that favor Jay Charbonneau did for me in 1986.

I let it rip again tonight and I could only think of how much sheer fun it’s been to get to this point. I covered Richard’s time without blinking and had a blast doing it. Jerry was at the back of the room laughing and I’m totally grateful for how far we‘ve both progressed.