A Glorified Hobo

Friday February 6th, 2009 - Memphis, TN

The comedy road life as I know it is coming to an end. For me anyway. I can feel it and in some ways I embrace it. In others it scares the hell out of me because it’s been such an ingrained part of my being my entire life that I don’t know if I can just stop cold turkey.

This week in Memphis has the typical ups and downs of life on the road. The club here is one of my very favorites in the country. It’s run by two comics named John Marks and Sammy Martin who know how it is and have created a wonderful working atmosphere to look forward to. They train their audiences and make sure it’s a very comic friendly gig.

The hotel on the other hand is a different story. It’s a flea bag run by middle easterners who think waking Caucasians up numerous times before 8am is a tradition in America. It might have been a nice joint back in ‘77 when Elvis died but that’s the last time I think it was painted or remodeled. It’s not horrible but it wouldn’t be the place I’d choose to stay.

I’ve stayed in enough toilets over the years to just let it ride and not bitch and that’s the plan this week too but after a lifetime on the road it does beat a person down after a while and I talked to John Marks about it. He asked me how the hotel was and I just shot him an angry scowl and we both laughed. He’s a road comic too and knew exactly what I meant.

We talked about it and I totally knew where he was coming from and why they put us in a place like this. They got a deal and the club is closing soon so God bless them for being able to save a couple of bucks. I don’t have a problem with it at all but a few comics gave John some heat about it and that’s a good way to weed your name out for future bookings.

The place we’re staying is less than a minute drive from the club and it’s next to a lot of restaurants and is right off the freeway too. It’s easy to find and for three nights it’s ok but there’s a Motel 6 right across the freeway ramp for the probably the same price and that’s where I’d choose if it were up to me but it’s not. So I’m stuck in the Curry Chicken Inn.

That’s the thing about life on the road - it’s always different. Some weeks the hotel is an absolute palace and the gig is pure hell. Sometimes it’s the opposite. Sometimes both can be really good or both can be really bad. Then a few days later everything is reshuffled.

The reason I say road life is ending at least for me is that I have outgrown it. It’s not fun and exciting like it used to be and it’s not leading anywhere. When I started I needed it to get my comic chops and learn my craft. I’ve done that and more and not only have I been successful at learning my craft I’ve really enjoyed the hands on education about life I got.

Now it’s time to get a hands on education about other things. I know how to be a comic and I know how to live like a cockroach on the road and be a glorified hobo. That was fun for a while but now I have to learn about being in business and taking a week off to come down here just delayed that process yet again. I love John and Sammy and I’m glad to get a chance to work with them one more time before they close but it’s coming to an end.

The next step is to either weed out the road life on this level or take it totally to the top. I don’t think the Blue Collar Comedy Tour stayed in any joints like this and that’s a good thing but all those guys were road comics and they’ve all been through what I’m doing.

The shows are great but the other part is a grind. If I’m doing big shows in theatres and staying in five star hotels and have a tour bus and/or get to fly everywhere it makes it a lot easier to reason being away from home. The road is still a grind even in the best of all this but at least there’s a payoff at the end - HUGE money. Right now I’m still squeaking by.

Putting in my time to develop a mail order business is just a smart thing to do right now in many ways. I’m not getting any younger and while I’m still breathing I want to hook up a new stream of income so I don’t have to keep staying in places like this much longer. If I do take a road gig somewhere I want to have enough money to stay where I want to stay.

Still, I’m glad I came this week. The first show tonight was packed and I was in a zone. I always love working this room and part of that is that they train their audiences to laugh and appreciate good comedy. They book solid comics and John or Sammy host the shows and they’re both excellent emcees and keep it moving correctly. It makes a big difference.

The late show was completely the opposite. There was a birthday party for some young hottie and there were about 30 people who came on a bus. They were gassed before they got off the bus and there was no chance for any of us. The show was doomed before it got started but that’s also part of the ups and downs of road life. Late show Friday is a pisser.

There were several stunning young women in the group and all the comics were staring and drooling and gawking but even that didn’t help the show. It was Nagasaki and we had to work around it which is difficult to do. This is when nobody wants to be the headliner.

I made it through and actually got some laughs from the rest of the audience but it was a struggle the whole way. John apologized but I told him he didn’t have to because we have all experienced shows like this over the years. It’s part of comedy and any lifer knows it.

Ups and downs. That’s what road life is. One show is a treasure. The next one is torture. I can deal with it but I can’t keep coming this far to do it. There are enough gigs closer to home where I can still develop my business during the day and build some financial base.

Another ‘up’ was the delicious rack of ribs I had before the show tonight. Sammy is one of the best chefs anywhere and runs the restaurant in the club and it’s OUTSTANDING. I think Sammy would be a world class restaurateur if he wanted but he has the comedy bug just like all of us and that’s what he enjoys doing. He’s good at it too so that’s his choice.

The ups way outweigh the downs over the years and I’m glad I lived my life like I did. I have wonderful memories of traveling all over North America and I appreciate the chance I got to live my dream. Now my dream is evolving and this part is winding down. I loved it and savor it and will enjoy the rest of my week in Memphis. But it’s time to move on.