Twelve Is Elvis

Saturday February 7th, 2009 - Memphis, TN

I’m in Memphis and thinking about marketing. Who better to model than Elvis Presley? We do have one thing in common - five letters in our first name and seven in our last. It’s about all we have in common but at least it’s a start. Elvis is the ultimate marketing study.

Is there a bigger single name in the entertainment industry in the last 50 years than Elvis Presley? Do we really need the Presley? Elvis is a one name dynamo that conjures images of sideburns, swinging hips and a glitter jumpsuit. Viva Las Vegas. Blue Suede Shoes. A hunk o’ hunk o’ burnin’ love. I don’t think there will ever be another act as big as he was.

The reason for it is he was the ultimate example of somebody being in the right place at the right time and everything fell together. Did he have talent? Absolutely. Charisma? He was bathing in it. Good looks? Chicks threw themselves at him. He had it all. Elvis really was the king and he lasted for twenty years alive and even longer dead. What can I learn?

Uh, after thinking about it for a while I learned I am not even close to being Elvis other than having the same amount of letters in our first and last names. He hit it at 22 and was dead before he reached the age I am now. I guess I’ll have to forge my own life story and nobody will probably ever want to tour my house when I’m dead other than a junk hauler.

Still it was fun to take a ride over to Graceland and walk around a little. Last time I was there I took the tour but I didn’t need to again and just walked around and took in the gift shops looking for marketing ideas. I’m starting to think like an entrepreneur and no place on Earth is a better example of marketing than Graceland. I had fun watching it all work.

Elvis was the ultimate redneck in many ways. Most of them have a car on blocks in the yard but Elvis has a JET. That’s class. People pay to walk through an airplane parked in a parking lot. That’s a classic example of American entrepreneurial genius if I ever saw it. I’m sure Elvis was probably sick of being Elvis but he sure was a moneymaking machine.

My friend who tagged along on this trip is starting to really get on my nerves. He’s nice and all that but his quirks are not my quirks and we almost came to blows over it when he wanted to have me park in a parking lot to avoid getting my window smashed because he saw a pickup truck in front of me with a smashed window. It got to the point of yelling.

I try to be very easygoing but he was nagging me like a granny and I couldn’t take it for much longer and I blew my cork pretty good. It’s MY car and MY trip and if I want to get broken into damn it that’s MY call. He wouldn’t let it go and it pissed me off and I blew.

I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset me so much but he pushed all my buttons and it really chapped my ass. I can’t deal with that trivial little minutia very well and that’s probably a good reason why I never got married. I’d rather be alone and do things my way than have to suck it up and shut my mouth and be miserable because someone else thinks it should be done a different way. Sorry, if I’m paying the bills Mr. Lucky calls the shots. Period.

Other than that this has been a fun week. The feature act is a funny kid out of Charlotte named Carlos Valencia who’s a little green but has a sharp mind and nice potential. He’s in his twenties and wears a porkpie hat like the Blues Brothers and looks Jewish and does jokes about it. He’s a nice kid and I enjoyed working with him. I think he’s got a future.

People used to tell me I was that kid when I was in my twenties too. ‘You’ve got a nice thing going there kid’ they’d say. ‘Stay with it.’ Well I did stay with it and now I’m a guy telling other kids to do the same. Carlos and I had a nice talk backstage about where he is going and what his goals are and he’s got a firm grasp of the offstage part of the business.

That’s something that I had to work at and still do. I used to just do what I thought was funny and not worry about what anyone else thought. I thought if the audiences laugh I’ll get bookings. HA! How stupid was I? I didn’t realize how much of a political campaign a career in show business actually is. Hell, LIFE is a political campaign. We all deal with it.

Someone should write a book about that subject. If I knew more on how to be good at it I would but I’d BUY the book of someone who could show me how to hide my boredom and disdain for total imbeciles and not have them know it. I’ve never been able to do that.

On the other hand if I like someone they REALLY know it. I feel that way about all of the people here at the club this week. The owners John Marks and Sammy Martin are two of the nicest and most honest people I’ve ever worked with and for and I would drive here for nothing and help them out if they ever needed me. They are on my all time faves list.

I think it’s a kindred spirit thing. Those guys are slugging it out just like I am and they’d be out on the road trying to feed their families just like I am if it weren’t for them running this club. Now they’re closing it in two weeks and they aren’t sure what they’ll be doing.

They have the same concerns as I do about the economy and the comedy business and a future income after the road days are over. They’re both my age and that’s just how it is. I bonded with those guys immediately and as long as they run shows they’ve got my loyalty forever. No matter what I’m doing if they call me I’m there for them. That’s how I feel.

The shows tonight were again off the hook. The first show especially was a monster but the second one didn’t stink. They were a little rowdy but nowhere near the zoo it was last night. I read them well and spiced it up a little because I could see that’s what they would react to the best and they did. I did the job this week and earned every penny of my pay.

I feel bad my friend is having marital issues but it was a mistake to bring him along and in the future I’m going to be more careful. I’ve had people in the past tag along with me on the road for various reasons and it’s a week of babysitting in many cases. I don’t want to have to make sure the other person is entertained. I’m here to work and I want to focus.

I did get a chance to hit the Rendezvous restaurant and have some of their famous ribs. I’d told my friend how good they were and he agreed. At least we didn’t argue about that.