An Empty Mailbox

Friday October 9th, 2009 - Kenosha, WI

Another day with an empty mailbox and I’m glad I don’t own a gun because today’s the day I might have used it. This is a cruel test of my patience and I’m about to flunk it badly if I don’t get my check soon. I don’t care if they said it‘s in the mail, out of the mail, close to the mail, at Santa’s workshop, whatever. It’s all verbal flatulence to me. I don’t have it.

Not too many things are more frustrating then opening up my post office box door only to be able to look straight through and see NOTHING waiting for me after all this time. It left a cold ugly lump in my gut and I feel like I’ve been had once again. Promises are very easy to make but keeping them is another story. I am dealing with small time criminals.

Why does this have to be so long and drawn out and painful? What lesson am I to learn from getting hosed by a shyster and his bitchy tarantula wife who seems to be in constant and perpetual P.M.S. 24/7/365? All I can think of is that I must be paying for some awful thing I did in a past life and I have to shut up and take it or I’ll have to come back again.

This is the last place I ever want to come back to. How insane is the Earth if Brett Favre is playing for the Vikings and Barack Obama gets the Nobel Peace Prize? What did he do to earn it other than get the blind worship of the idiot masses, much like Favre has done?

Doesn’t anybody THINK? My belief in any kind of God is getting dimmer and dimmer, and the more I see stupid things happening, the more I think I’m the butt of the joke. Why do I feel so out of place here? The older I get the more I couldn’t care less if I live or die. I’m losing hope that good will ever prevail and when that’s gone it’s time to pack it all in.

This kind of meaningless minutia takes all the fun out of life. It reminds me of growing up and how most of my family acted. They never made fun a priority either and now most of those people are dead and what did it prove? Not a damn thing. It was all one big waste of time and breath and energy and I see the same thing happening here. It’s totally stupid.

I still think the Golden Rule is THE best single thought that has ever been unleashed on mankind at any time in history. If we’d only live by that one principle none of this insane prattle would be taking place and life would be SO much easier. I can’t see why it’s not.

Whatever situation happened at Giggles, they should have paid me that week and been done with it. I thought we had a good relationship as I’d worked there many times before. Had the owner come to me and told me he was having problems I’m sure we could have worked something out. Instead, it was a sneaky back door job and the bridge is torched.

I don’t ever want to work there and I especially don’t have anything good to say about a rotten puke that would knowingly bounce a check like that or his pukier wife who is now taking it upon herself to trash my name all over the internet. Yawn. Does anybody care? I surely don’t. I just want my money already. Where the hell IS it? The booking agency is no angel in this either. They knew checks were bouncing and still sent comedians there.

I’m sick of talking about this anymore. Sick and tired. Tired and sick. I’m sick of being tired and tired of being sick. I want my money and I also want to learn whatever I need to learn so this kind of torture doesn’t have to keep happening. I want to focus on my craft.

Being a comedian is supposed to be fun, and it usually is. It’s those other twenty-three hours that kill the buzz. I now see exactly why people shoot heroin into their toes or why postal workers flip out and bust caps in their coworkers asses. Some probably deserved it.

Karma is supposed to be the great equalizer but I don’t have much faith in that either. If I treated people like I’m getting treated by Giggles and the booker and even the raw deal I got at the Comedy Café all those years ago, I’d probably be dead by now. Why do they all get off without so much as a slap on the wrist? I don’t get it. I thought karma was equal.

I guess I don’t understand the big picture and right about now the whole thing is pissing me off to the very core of my existence. I should have gotten that Nobel prize for holding back on taking a pickaxe to the forehead of one of these bumbling soup heads. It’s been a challenge not to flip out on all of them but I do the best I can to just ignore their twaddle.

What if anything could cheer me up from this mounting mound of manure? A hot show. That’s the doctor’s order any time I’m feeling low and tonight I got a last minute call for a fill in gig in Kenosha, WI at a place called ‘The Nook’. I had the night off and it was an easy drive so I gladly said yes and I’m glad I did. I was pleasantly surprised all around.

A guy named Nick Rezny and his business partner Erica Hawkins are comedians in the Kenosha area who are just starting out and trying to get some shows going. They’re where I was when I started and I know how difficult it is to get any gigs going, especially at first.

The place they did the shows is an artsy coffee house type joint but it was really fun and there were people for both shows. There wasn’t a stage light so it was tough to see anyone performing and there was no mic stand either but the audience was there to see comedy so nobody seemed to notice. There were all age groups in attendance and I really had a blast.

There’s another younger comic named Ron Swanson and he was there too. He lives out in Lake Geneva and he’s booking his own show that I’m doing next week. There was also a young kid just starting out named Jesse Silva and some juggler named Steve that got his first paid gig tonight. They all went up and the audience was polite and listened intently.

The acts weren’t polished but they’re new and it reminded me of when I was that level. It’s a LONG journey and I saw their looks of admiration when I finished but I told them it was the same look I had when I used to see people like Danny Storts when I was starting.

These guys can do it too if they hang in there for 25 years like I did. That’s why it’s SO frustrating to have to deal with this money issue all this time into it. Tonight was different as I got paid IN CASH right after the show and they even threw in a $20 tip for coming in on short notice. Giggles and the Comedy Café both need to take lessons from these guys.