Scared Shipless

Friday July 16th, 2010 - Lake Villa, IL

   Here we go again. Yet another chapter in my life is getting ready to open, and I have no idea what’s going to happen. I’ve faced this exact same situation too many times before to count, and every single time the results have never been what I pictured, so why worry?

   Change is the one thing that’s constant in life, but that doesn’t mean adjusting to it is an automatic glitch free process. There are a lot of adjustments to be made any time there’s a scene change in life, and I’ve had more than my share of them. I admit I‘m a bit nervous.

   Switching schools was always a hassle. I know a lot of kids had to do it way more than I ever did, but I did my share and it was always a whole lot of worry over nothing. It’s only a different group of people, but the concept is still the same. It’s a classroom with lessons.

   I was always able to handle the academic part, it was the people part that frightened me. Would I fit in with everyone? Would I fit in with anyone? How about even one? I always managed to find enough friends to get along no matter where I went, but I didn’t know it going in. Many nights before a new school I would lay awake, wondering what to expect.

   My radio moves were another example. It takes guts to pack a car with every possession one has and head off to life in a strange town…alone. I’ve done that several times as well, and there can’t help but be at least a little bit of anxiety on the road to town not knowing a single soul except for the guy who told me to move there - the same one who’d fire me.

   Another vivid memory is the night before the infamous bank robbery trial. I knew I had to testify in federal court against my life long best friend, and there was no way out of it at all. I didn’t want to do it, but he forced my hand and I had to. It was a horrible experience, but strangely not as bad as I had imagined. I did what I had to do, and then it was all over.

   This situation is nothing like that. Actually, it’s quite pleasant. I’ve been asked to come along on not only a FREE cruise, but I get paid to audition for future work. I am a perfect fit for the job at hand, and have spent a lifetime preparing for this opportunity. I’ll nail it.

   Still, that’s not the main issue. I want to find a place where I fit in. I’m not looking to be a troublemaker or high maintenance, but I wasn’t in radio either and I kept getting fired at each stop through no real fault of my own. I kept showing up at the wrong time. Enough.

   Is this the right time to be doing this? I have to say, I really don’t know. Ten years ago it would have been a major thrill to be hitting cruise ships, but was I ready for it back then? Quite honestly, I don’t know that either. Maybe yes, maybe no. But it didn’t happen then.

   It’s happening now, and I didn’t even ask for it. It came out of the blue, and I allowed it to play it’s course and become reality. I could have said no, but I didn’t. I’m exploring the possibilities of this on many levels, even though I’ve heard all kinds of stories about ships both good and bad. Like before, nothing will be what I pictured. This is a new experience.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary