Cosmic Constipation

Sunday July 7^th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL 

   I’ve stopped hosting my paranormal radio show ‘The Mothership Connection’ for a few weeks now, but I still find myself thinking about a lot of the subjects we discussed. That show was a big part of who I am naturally – up to and including not being able to find a steady flow of income.

   I really wonder if any of this life has any meaning whatsoever. Is there some sort of big cosmic script being played out, or are we all just random monkeys throwing poo? Either way, I can’t see the logic and I feel more lost now than when I started pondering all these deep questions as a kid. 

   What the hell are we all doing here, and why don’t we know? None of it makes sense, and that drives me nuts. It seems like we should have some kind of a purpose, but nobody has ever found out what it is. Some may have thought they did, but at the end of the day nobody knows for sure. 

 

   I get frustrated as hell thinking about all this kind of stuff, but I think of it often anyway. I wish it wasn’t such a top of mind issue and that I could enjoy life more, but it really bugs me that I am trapped on such an insane cosmic plane. Did I ask to come here? If I did, I must’ve been drunk. 

    

   According to a lot of the ‘woo woo’ people I interviewed on the radio show, we’ve all chosen a very distinct life path before we ever get here and we then come to play it out for the purposes of educating ourselves and personal growth. I don’t know if I believe that or not, but it’s interesting.

   I don’t know what I believe anymore. Is there a God? Who can say for sure? It seems like there should be something in charge that knows more than us, but who? Where? Why? How? It is all a giant mystery, and has been for as long as we’ve been around. And who knows how long that is? 

 

   Has it been millions of years? Billions? Are we from here originally or is this space pebble just a terrestrial truck stop our ancestors dropped us off on their way through space?  There are many theories by many people, but again nobody has any concrete proof. I’m wigging out wondering.

   Are there parallel universes out there? What about time travel? Is it possible for me to go back in time and live my life over again from a certain point? There have been movies made with that concept for years, so I know I’m not the only one to have thought of it. I wonder if it’s possible.  

   I wonder if I did indeed choose my life path before I got here, and if so why I would choose the unbelievably wacked one I did. It seems beyond crazy, but I’ve had enough at least semi credible people swear that all of us choose our circumstances before being born that I have to consider it.

   It would be less stressful if I could stop thinking about all of this, but I know I can’t. It bounces around in my head all the time, and makes me feel like an unimportant speck in the big picture of the enormity of everything. It doesn’t matter if I live or die, so why am I here to wonder about it? And if we’re all going to die just to come back again, why don’t we just stay alive from the start?

   I truly hope I don’t have to come back to this planet again. I’ve had enough of a sniff to know I don’t plan on settling here. If I’m supposed to learn something while I’m here, I’m trying to let it sink in but I have to say I feel like I’m missing the big picture somewhere. I’m drawing a blank.

   Maybe I’ll do the radio show again at some point, and maybe not. One thing I know for sure is I’ll never stop wondering about stuff like this. It seems like a cruel joke we’re all left in the dark.