Saturday November 6th, 2010 - Freeport, Bahamas Why it’s taken this long for me to even start doing smart things is beyond me. But I am. Has it been a case of outright flaming stupidity? Overt laziness? Preoccupation with many trivial distractions? Maybe it’s a combination of all that, but I’m finally getting it in gear. Today was extremely productive. I went through my entire compilation of notes for new material ideas and extracted the ideas I like best and divided them into three potential five minute sets for future television appearances. As I did it, I knew it had been long overdue. Some of the ideas are self contained jokes ready to start polishing, and others are topics I want to delve into further and shape into jokes. I hand picked the ingredients I wanted to use, and it’s up to me to flesh it all out into three workable sets. I know I can achieve that. It becomes a matter of memorization and having the confidence to trot it out on stage on a nightly basis. In a perfect world, I’d open with one of the sets every show to establish an identity of being Mr. Lucky, which I really don’t do as well as I could. I should be able to pull off a whole headline set from start to finish and leave zero doubt as to my identity. In the old days, comedians would start from scratch and develop a forty-five minute set of material until they thought it was finished, then they’d record it. The recording was the finished product, then they’d retire that material and start all over from zilch. It’s kind of similar to what I’m doing, but on a much smaller scale. I‘m not going to totally start over. Maybe I’ll do that eventually, but for now I’ll do it one step at a time. If I can have three five minute chunks of television ready material available in the next six months to a year, I’ll be ahead of almost everyone else working. Most people aren’t working on one set for television. I’ll have three. I have to switch material anyway, so why not have a purpose? The other comedian I’m working with is a lady who bills herself as ‘Just June’. What an amazing lady she is. I’d heard her name forever, and like me she’s been on the road since the mid ’80s boom years. She’s got a unique style and audiences absolutely LOVE her. She’s barely five feet tall and maybe 100 lbs, but she casts a huge shadow on that stage. I haven’t seen a charismatic performer like that in a long time. She’s new to the ships as a performer, but she said she was a cruiser for years and has found her home. Good for her. We hit it off immediately, probably because both of us don‘t tolerate B.S. at all. I could feel it when I met her and she told me she liked me right away too. Some comedians have apparently spoken ill of June’s style, because it’s not traditional. It isn’t, but her ability to get an audience to fall in love with her is what makes her great. She’s earned her stripes. We hung out for a late breakfast and ended up talking comedy for about four hours until it was time for lunch. We’re about as polar opposite as two people can get, but we’re both lifer comedians so that’s what brought us together. I bet we‘ll be friends for a long time.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Up For The Down Time
Friday November 5th, 2010 - Somewhere At Sea The two main benefits I can hope for from spending time at sea are a steady income and a chance to work on side projects without interruption. I wanted peace and quiet, and I got it. This is the ultimate opportunity to crank out some major chunks of my best work ever. Today I got so into what I was doing, I didn’t leave my cabin until show time. I was in a creative groove, and when that happens I tend to lose all track of time. It’s a fantastic way to use all the spare time that comes with this gig, and if I’m smart I’ll get a payday twice. I’ll get paid for the shows now, and then again down the road for whatever products I’m able to create with my chunks of time out here. That’s the key to real wealth, and precious few ever get to have that chance. Writing a book or a screen play takes a whole lot of time and even more effort, which is why most people never try. I’ve got a tailor made chance. That’s why it’s so smart for me to keep doing these ships as long as they’ll have me out here. I can use the days to work on whatever I choose, and I looked over my options most of today and I’ve got a lot to work on. I bet I could be out here ten years and never run out of projects to finish, plus every week I’m out I’m putting a chunk of cash away for later. Today I got out my master list of comedy notes, and it blew me away. I hadn’t looked at those notes in months, and I’d forgotten just how many unused ideas I have. It’s probably as much or more than I have now, and I’m considered one to have a whole lot of material. I was discouraged and encouraged at the same time, as I probably should have started to ease this stuff in a long time ago but didn’t. I tried for a while, but it’s not always easy to slip in new material and polish it. I couldn’t just go out there with fifty brand new jokes and automatically get laughs with each one. It takes time to burn things into my memory. My act really relies on rhythm, and I think it takes me even longer to craft something to fit what I do. Sometimes I have to add a syllable or two or even a couple of words so it’ll sound like the rest of my act. Then, it gets in my memory and stays there so I can pull out bits and pieces of it when I need it. That’s just how I work, and always have. It’s a style. For whatever reason, that style sure worked tonight. Wow, what a difference a new ship makes. Last week was my best week by far, but tonight took it even higher. It was my two show night, and the second was standing room only. They were ready to go from “Hello“. I even threw in a couple of the lines I’d been looking at earlier in the day, and they got a laugh. That tells me even more I really need to work more new jokes in on a regular basis. A comedian’s work is never done, but when the audiences are like tonight, I don’t mind. This is only one of many projects I want to work on. My comedy class notes need work, as does the ‘Schlitz Happened!’ show outline. Uranus Factory Outlet is still in the mix as is the movie script and book for the bank robbery story. I’ve got my work cut out for me.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Charleston Challenge
Thursday November 4th, 2010 - Charleston, SC Another new adventure. New port city. New staff to meet. New people to entertain. Too bad I’ll be doing it all on the oldest ship in the entire fleet. Every previous week has had a lot of adjustments for me to make, so why not this one too? I’m sure getting an education. This week’s cruise leaves from Charleston, SC and goes to Nassau, Bahamas. I have no idea where else it stops, if anywhere, and like last week I’m on for the full five days. Most other cruises are either three or four days and off, or seven days with me staying on board while passengers change. Those are the best, because I get paid for two separate weeks. Each cruise has a different length of duration and destination and the company is trying to fit comedy into each of them. I’m assuming they’re bouncing me around to see where I might fit in the best, and I think they really are trying to give me an opportunity. I will just shut up and show up as long as they’ll let me and sock the cash away like a greedy pirate. This sure can be a tough test though. Going through airport security is getting WAY old already. The last thing I feel like doing at 6am is taking my shoes and belt off and hearing some minimum wage halfwit with a plastic badge bark instructions like I’m in the army. Last week, everything seemed to go smoothly with no effort whatsoever. This week has been a lot different, and it’s only the first day. My flight this morning was into Charlotte, NC and then I had to take a shuttle to Charleston to make it to the ship by at least 4pm. My seat on the plane to Charlotte was almost in the very back of the plane. By the time everyone got their bags off, I was in a race for time to make my connection. Of course my gate was clear on the other side of the airport, THE most difficult situation imaginable. Sure enough, by the time I got my bag and made it to the new gate, I was within three or four people from the very last ones on board. I was drenched in sweat, and I can’t believe the airline can’t help someone when this happens. They knew it was a far walk and didn’t even give me a warning much less a ride on one of those emergency golf carts that beep. Charleston was worse. I found the shuttle to the ship, but some lady lost her luggage in Atlanta and they waited for the possibility of it arriving on the next flight. It didn’t, and it made us almost miss the ship. This particular port requires us to be dropped off by a crew van, and finding one with an empty seat was pure hell. Nothing fell together to help me. Just as I finally managed to jump through all the hoops, I received a call from the office in Miami asking if I’d made it. I was just going through final security games but I made it with about two minutes to spare. Stress and tension, welcome back to my life once more. This week is going to be a challenge. I feel it. I’m going to shut my mouth and do what my superiors tell me. I’ll give my very best on stage, and that’s the best anyone could do. Every week seems to be it’s own little unique puzzle to solve. This is a brand new one.
Hump Day Flashback
Wednesday November 3rd, 2010 - Decatur, IL
Some days, everything works out like it’s supposed to. Today wasn’t one of them, but it all came together onstage and that’s all I really care about. Everything else I can deal with if the show part goes well, and it totally did. It just happened to be here at the wrong time.
I agreed to do a last minute fall out in Decatur, IL at a sports bar I’ve worked at least ten times before. Probably more. It used to be booked by the Funny Business agency, but they ran it into the ground by sending sub par comics week after week. The venue went with a new booker and they’re trying to bring it back. I hope they do, as I’ve always liked it here.
The sports bar is located inside a gigantic hotel and convention center which used to be a Holiday Inn. It isn’t anymore, but still an impressive complex. Comedy gigs in locations like this are what made a lot of the road comic’s income back in the day. There were a lot of them all over the place and strung together they allowed us to piece together a living.
Life is great when the gig and hotel are in the same place. It’s a few hundred feet to get from shower to stage, and most of the gigs were pretty decent. There are fewer and fewer of them these days, but tonight was a throwback to the time when they were everywhere.
The stage, lights and sound for the Decatur gig were never that great, but the people did come out to laugh for the most part and I remember having some rock solid shows at this place. There were also a few where I wanted to jump onto some rocks, but not that many.
One thing I do recall is every time I came back here there was a new manager running it and a different radio station hosting it. That’s pretty typical for these one nighters in small towns, and of course some situations will always be better than others. Tonight was great.
The host was a total sweetheart named Storm who does afternoons at the rock station in town. I had to do a phone in interview this afternoon, and she was sharp and funny on the air which doesn’t happen often. Usually the jocks hate having to put us on the air and it’s a mutual feeling from most comedians who don’t want to do it. Still, it’s part of the game.
I always knew from the start how important doing good radio is. I’ve been on both sides of the issue and the fact is more people will hear a two minute interview on the air than if I headlined any particular venue seven nights a week for a year. Radio gets the word out.
The people who showed up tonight were totally there to laugh. They were with me from start to finish, and lined up to buy a CD afterward. Storm did a great job hosting, and they even upgraded the sound and lights since last time I was here. I enjoyed myself all night.
I didn’t enjoy the drive there and back, and the ‘road chops’ I used to have for so many years are fading quickly. I feel it. I used to be able to drive 1000 miles in a day and go on stage without a hitch. Tonight was barely 500 miles round trip and it seemed like forever. The money wasn’t great either. I’m getting the message. My road dog days are numbered.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
A Moving Experience
Tuesday November 2nd, 2010 - Lake Villa, IL I’m in a tight spot. So what’s new? I’ve been in them my whole life, but not exactly like the one I’m in now. In a nutshell, I have to find a place to live and move all my stuff there by the end of this month. The trick is, I’ll be gone for most of it working on cruise ships. All in all, I’ll have maybe four actual days of work time and I’m not even close to being ready to go yet. Everything I own is in disarray and in piles, and the last thing I want to do is have to sort through boxes and/or haul a bunch of garbage to the dump or bags of stuff to the Salvation Army. I hadn’t planned on having to move so quickly, but alas here it is. I’ve been moving my whole life, and I’m really sick of it. I’ve never had a place to call my home, except when I bought a house in Utah when I lived there. Oh, I called it home, but the bank eventually called louder and I ended up losing it. Moving out of there was a nightmare, and really cleaned me out of self esteem, dignity and hope. It was humiliating. Since then, I’ve actually been pretty stable - at least for me. I lived in Chicago for a few years and even though it wasn’t a great place, it was a great location. I love big cities and if I could find a reasonable place there I’d go back in half a second. There are some areas that aren’t fun, like parking, but for the most part I love the energy of living in a big city. Moving out here to Hooterville has been a good experience for the most part. I was able to help the person I stayed with get over her divorce financially, and we had so very little actual contact that we never had a chance to clash in any way. We both had our own lives and rarely if ever crossed paths. If there ever has been a win/win situation, this was it. Technically, I live in a basement but it’s really not that bad. The place is fixed up and is clean and doesn’t look like a basement at all. I’ve got furniture, cable TV, a bathroom and plenty of room to pile my stuff. That’s part of the problem, I’ve acquired a lot of stuff in a two and a half year period, and now I have to pack it all up and move it all in a few days. I really don’t know what I’m going to do or where I’m going to go. I have several offers from friends, friends of friends, and even strangers. I’m very grateful for all of them, but I really don’t have time to go look at every place that may be available. I need to find a fast solution or throw the stuff in storage and live in hotels for a while until I can find a place. The schedule for the ships will determine a lot of what happens as well. If I get offered a long run out at sea, I might not have to worry about rent for a while. That would be the best solution. If I came home with a wad of cash, I could take my time and be able to get a place I choose - not an emergency stop gap like I’ve been doing for most of my life. One thing I’m not going to do is worry about it. The worst case scenario is I’ll throw it all out and start over with a few clothes and books. Gandhi allowed himself to have only six worldly possessions, and one of them was his glasses for reading. Maybe I can do the same. Six possessions is a bit lean though, unless one of them is a bag full of $100 bills.
Just Plane Stupid
Monday November 1st, 2010 - Miami, FL/Lake Villa, IL Another travel day. That’s what takes the major toll on a live entertainer, but I don’t see a way around it any time soon. What would work better instead, holograms? Recordings? A live show requires an act to be there, and that means travel becomes a part of the mix. I myself am mixed on it. On certain days, I can handle it. If all goes smoothly, I shut my pie hole and go with the flow of everything. But how often does EVERYTHING run like it’s supposed to? That’s the catch. On any given day, something’s going to go off track. That’s when the stress starts, and that’s what they pay us for. The shows themselves are the bait which keeps us coming back, but the travel becomes an obstacle course. I used to really enjoy it because I was seeing so many new places. Now, I just barely tolerate it all. The worst pain in the ass by far is airport security. What a joke. I can’t believe we have no better system in place for catching ‘terrorists’, than sticking an invasive cattle prod up the poop shoot of business travelers and grandparents. It’s all ‘random’, but have we ever seen a plane to Omaha get blown out of the air with a bazooka carried by a housewife? There has to be a better way. They have frequent flyer points for passengers, how about a similar one for security passage? If I passed safely through security ten times this month is it really necessary to make me strip down to my shorts and rifle through my luggage for five minutes looking for weapons grade plutonium or secret plans for a terrorist takeover? Airport security is the civil service of the law enforcement industry, and I have a disdain for those people stemming way back from childhood. As much as I loved my grandfather, he was a civil servant and a big proponent of it for his kids. Both my father and uncle had civil service jobs for years, and not one of them were ever happy, challenged or satisfied. I loved Gramps dearly, but he admitted at the end of his life there was a big hole in his soul for not chasing his show business dreams. Civil service was ‘safe’, but even then he got passed over for a big promotion he thought he should have gotten so he still got a bad deal and screwed over. He thought he was playing it safe, but in the long run he lost out. My father and uncle also fell for the lure of ‘safe’, and both of them were miserable for their whole working lives as well. They didn’t have the guts to start anything on their own and became two more piss ants in the big maze. I decided early I wasn’t going to do that. I know I shouldn’t look down at anyone, but I can’t help it. If someone settles in life for sitting in a toll booth or rummaging through my luggage at the airport, I have NO respect for that choice and I think deep down inside they’re basically losers. Maybe I’m wrong. There are exceptions to every rule, but not many. Look at the average wank who works in airport security. Who does it remind you of? Barney Fife’s cousin. Some halfwit with a tin badge spewing out commands for me to take my belt off. I for one think it’s all a joke.
Monday, November 1, 2010
No Tricks, Just Treats
Saturday October 31st, 2010 - Somewhere At Sea Life just keeps getting better. This was by far the best week I’ve had at sea to date, and I hope it’s not the last. Everything fell into place in every way, and all I had to do was show up and ride the wave. It was almost too easy. Shows went smoothly, people were friendly, food was delicious and there were no weather problems or any other glitches to deal with. And as an added treat, I was able to watch every play of my beloved Green Bay Packers shutting out the New York Jets 9-0. I was pleasantly surprised to see the game pop up as I flipped through the limited amount of channels we get hoping to hit on anything besides a Paraguayan soccer match or ship instructional video. Sure enough, there was the game! Then, I received the unexpected super special added attraction double dip bonus delight as I got to watch the Minnesota Vikings lose and Brett Favre get himself a jaw breaker for Halloween and get toted off the field in a golf cart. I had to pinch myself, but it was real. Life does indeed go in streaks and when it’s good it’s great. When it’s bad, it’s absolute hell on Earth. I wish there could be a little moderation, but that never seems to be part of the equation. It’s all or nothing, but this week has been leaning toward the all. I‘ll take it. To make it all even better, I spent most of yesterday and today working on my plans for 2011. I am putting together a master list of projects I want to get accomplished and how I intend to get them done. I came up with a running order of importance and I don’t believe I’ve ever had this much of a solid written out plan in place this early in my entire life. I think it’s very important to have goals written down and printed out so they can be put in front of me to remind me to not drift off and wander like I’m prone to do. I will be in a big state of flux for a while as I’m between places to live, and everything will be either in storage or not in front of me so I’ll make up a three ring binder and keep it all together. I was also proud of myself for putting together a calculated plan of attack both onstage and off for comedy in the new year. I really need to tweak a lot of things, and like a home owner has maintenance to keep an eye on, so do I. The better maintained the house is, the longer it lasts. I know it’s time for me to update and upgrade, and I’m going to do it right. The football pleasures were an added bonus, but totally unnecessary to count this week as a major success. I didn’t feel like I had my ass handed to me by the audiences like I did other weeks. Louis Ramey was very fun to work with, and I felt his humor did not get the full appreciation it deserved from some of the audiences. His act is both smart and funny. He did fine, as did I, but we’re both used to coming up through the comedy clubs of the ’80s and this is just a different situation. People came up to us both after the shows to ask for pictures, and both of us got told we were funny. But, I really enjoyed his act and know how long he’s been doing it and how hard he’s worked and I think he should have been a lot more appreciated. I guess it isn’t just me after all. Still, this week was very enjoyable.
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