What's In A Name?

Sunday January 6^th, 2013 – Nashville, TN

   I’m extremely grateful for the work in Nashville this week, but I’m also glad it’s over. This has never been one of my favorite places to work, even though I genuinely like the people who work at the club. They’re very friendly and they always treat me great, but audiences here stare at me.

   They did again this week, but I’ve learned to expect it so I didn’t panic. The right thing to do is shut up and know there’s a paycheck involved. I don’t like to do that as a rule, but in these times it’s the correct decision. Work is getting harder to come by, so rather than complain I’ll be quiet.

   There are literally hundreds of comedians who would have loved to have this gig, so I’ll take it as a victory and move on. It was a chance to practice in front of a Southern crowd all week, and I know in my heart I did the best I could. It wasn’t the response I’m used to, but that’s how it goes.

   I read an interview with Benny Hill once about how he absolutely hated to work in the northern part of England when he started because audiences there stared at him. He said he never did well, but then he became famous and got booked on a Northern tour and they adored him. Go figure.

   A major part of the entertainment business or business in general is being a known commodity. If I were known in Nashville I’m sure I’d kick ass. I’m not, so to them I’m just another run of the mill Yankee – and they don’t like Yankees as a rule. To them I’m the one who has the accent and I have to prove myself every single time I step on their stage - sometimes with every single joke.

   There’s a definite underlying tension, and some nights it can be thicker than others. I used to be intimidated by it, but now I’ve learned to expect and accept it. It’s nothing personal, and if I want to get paid I’ll shut my mouth and do the best I can which is exactly what I did all this weekend.

   Nobody cares if I liked any of the shows – and I didn’t. They were really difficult, but I smiled a lot and was polite to all who came up to say they enjoyed the show. I’m happy to acknowledge the effort of anyone who takes time to come up to me at the end of a show. I appreciate them all.

   I think it’s of the utmost importance to be polite in those situations, and I try to do so to a fault. It really doesn’t matter what I think about anything. On this night I was booked here, and nobody in that audience had anything to do with it. Taking my frustrations out on them is unprofessional.

   What I need to do is find a way to get booked in places where they come specifically to see me and not just a random comedy show. I’ve been trying to crack that bastard of a nut since day one, but I still haven’t done it and that needs to change. I have a very solid act, but being an unknown dilutes that significantly. There’s only so high of a level I can ever reach with a crowd like this.

   I’ve seen comedians work when the audience knows them and it takes everything to a sky high level instantly. The audience loves the comedian before the show ever starts, and that’s the point I have been trying to reach since I started. It’s been a lot harder to reach than I ever imagined, but I still hope to get there before it’s all over. I might not get it in Nashville - but then again I might. 

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Baggage Removal

Saturday January 5^th, 2013 – Nashville, TN

    I made it to Nashville, rental car and all. That’s just a minor glitch, even though it happened at an inopportune time. Nobody here will know or care, so I won’t bring it up. I’m glad to get work the weekend after New Year’s Eve, as that can tend to be a difficult one to scrounge up any gigs.

   Having a whole day alone in a car to think about life can be good or bad depending on the day. Today it was good, as I kept my focus on what I need to do to make the future better. The past is gone, and dwelling on it would make me drive the car into oncoming traffic. I don’t need that.

   The fact remains, I need to find a way to become a draw. Period. How to do that is beyond me, or I would’ve done it long ago. But I do need to do it. If and when that ever happens, I’ll be able to work anytime I want. Faulty driver’s side doors on rattletrap cars won’t be an issue anymore.

   I’m sure I’ll have all kinds of other issues, but I’ll worry about those when I need to. For now, getting there is enough of a challenge to have kept me busy for decades. It’s time to make a push, and to do that I’m going to have to adjust my game. How much I’m not sure, but it will be some.

   The first thing I’m doing is just getting rid of as much clutter as I can. That alone helps me feel better and also clears space in my life for new and hopefully much more exciting things. I hauled a big load of CDs and DVDs with me to sell at a used record store here. I’d heard they paid well.

   Apparently I’d heard wrong. They gave me $254 for a huge load of what I thought was quality stuff, but I took it just to be rid of it from my life. I suppose I could have sold it on Ebay or taken a booth at a flea market, but that’s not my goal. I have all of the songs I want saved on my iPod.

   It’s taking a step back to hopefully take several steps forward. If I do hit pay dirt at any point, I can buy any CD or DVD I want. Better yet, I bet I’ll be able to call up the actual people who did the songs or movies and meet them in person for lunch. For now I’ll keep quiet and suck a bullet.

   My goal by the end of this year is to have the bare minimum as far as possessions go. It will be a whole lot easier to move anywhere if I have to if all I have to do is pack the trunk of a car with a laptop computer, a few clothes and maybe some books. Other than that, what do I really need?

   Everything starts in the mind, and that’s where I’m doing my biggest cleaning. What I’ve been doing hasn’t produced the results I wanted, so I need to make adjustments. If there are faults (and there are many) I need to correct them. There’s plenty to keep me busy all of 2013 and beyond.

   Unfortunately, all that’s guaranteed is today. I have to make the most of every day and I’m out to do exactly that. Little by little I’ll start to see positive change and improvement, as that’s what I’m consciously putting into my life. Getting rid of as much baggage as possible makes it easier.

   I won’t be satisfied unless I give it my absolute best shot. If I do that and I fail, I’ll live with it. I’ll be disappointed, but that’s life. Not giving my best shot is unacceptable, and I won’t allow it. I’ve wasted enough valuable time as it is. It feels good to finally be putting a better plan in place.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Open Door Policy

Friday January 4^th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL/Nashville, TN

   It took four days for the first crisis of 2013 to pop up, and I’ll take that as a positive. It’s been a lot sooner in other years, so hopefully things are improving. I must say I didn’t fully expect it to pop up when it did, and of course it came at the most inconvenient time. That’s what a crisis is.

   I needed to get to Nashville today, and I got up at 3am hoping to make it through the rush hour of Chicago with minimal delay. There’s never a great time to go through downtown, as nastiness can ensue at any time. All it takes is one little incident or construction and it’s clogged for miles.

   Also, it doesn’t help living where I live, as getting to the Interstate is a hassle unto itself. I’m so far away that depending on when I leave traffic can be a nightmare before I ever get there. I have to be very careful when I make road trips, but I know it. I thought I had it all figured out. Wrong.

   I had my car warmed up and packed, but my driver’s door issue I thought was fixed apparently wasn’t and I couldn’t close my door. I was farting around with it for twenty minutes and it would not cooperate no matter what I tried. The latch just won’t work, and I’m totally helpless to fix it.

   I felt like ripping the damn door off the hinges after a few minutes of playing with it in the cold weather, but that wouldn’t accomplish anything. I needed to get to Nashville, and hadn’t planned on playing the surprise role of Mr. Goodwrench with a rusty screwdriver at 3:30 in the morning.

   To make it much more aggravating, there’s an automatic seatbelt that engages when the door is closed, and every time the door closes past a certain point it kicks in. Since the latch didn’t work, it kept sliding up and down over and over and making it a scene out of a movie. It would be very funny as a movie scene, but not today. Things like this are rarely funny while they’re happening.

   The only way to drive the car is to hold the driver’s door shut as I’m driving. Whenever I made a turn, the seat belt would slide up and down like a gag reflex and vehemently remind me there is no such thing as a free car. I’m paying more for this one than if I’d bought a brand new Cadillac.

   A few days ago I noticed one of my headlights was out, but it’s only a loose wire and I’m able to hit it like Fonzie and it pops right back on. That’s happened a dozen times now, and one more hassle that’s not worth my time. This will make a funny comedy bit at some point, but not now.

   My only alternative was to wait for a rental car place near me to open at 7:30am. I hadn’t made a reservation, and all they had was a full size Mazda which was also full price. It’s going to suck a substantial chunk of my profit out for the week not to mention gas, but I didn’t have a choice.

   Welcome to the world of self employment. I took the gig in Nashville to pay bills and start out the year a little ahead, but now I’ll be lucky to be able to break even. One thing that little Nissan does is get great gas mileage, and when I can get the door to stay closed it really runs extremely well. I’m still very grateful to my friend Richard for giving it to me, but the costs of both money and frustration are making me have second thoughts. Too bad life doesn’t allow any Mulligans.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary

Three Painful Lessons

Thursday January 3^rd, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   The newness of 2013 is rubbing off already, but that’s ok. If anyone has put in more work than me improving themselves and planning for future success in the last three days, I would sure like to meet them and hear what they’ve been doing. As for me, I have been putting in 18 hour days.

   There’s only been three of them this year, but I’ve managed to squeeze every bit of whatever I can out of all of them. I know I won’t be able to keep up a pace like this forever, but at least I’m starting out strong. That’s how momentum starts, and I can use all I can get – the positive that is.

   I’ve had negative momentum too, and I don’t want to go anywhere near that. It’s easy to revert back to old habits, that’s why I’m attempting to change as much as I can for good. I’ve been on a very encouraging roll for three days, and hope to maintain it as I head to Nashville this weekend.

   The hard part is fitting everything I want to do into my waking hours. I’ve had that problem for years, and it’s coming home to roost again. I’ve got a full phone inbox and hundreds of emails to answer, and people are starting to ask “Hey, are you angry at me?” No, sorry. I’m just one guy.

   There are a few people I am angry with, and I’m not sure how to handle it. Vince Skolny owes me $2400 for the comedy show/class I was scheduled to do last March in West Virginia, and that really infuriates me. Tom Sobel and I negotiated a deal with him in good faith, and he has treated us as if we don’t exist. A deal is a deal – or at least I thought so. I could really use that cash now.

   Another one is Chicago comedian Paul Kelly. I sold him a car for his son on good faith several years ago now, and he still owes me $500. If I owed him $500 he’d have the National Guard out looking for me, and rightfully so. Again, a deal is a deal. I gave him the car, where’s my money?

   Still another one is Will Clifton. I trusted him with another car I had years ago that he wanted for his son who turned 16 at the time. He didn’t have money to buy the kid a car, and I sold him a sweet little Mercury Cougar I had for what I paid for it just because I wanted the kid to have a car and to let Will be the hero and a good dad. I didn’t need the money then, but I totally do now.

   That was $1500, and he never paid me one cent. I was more than lenient and tried to be nice in all three of these cases, but all three bit me in the ass and it’s festering. That money would go far in paying off my IRS debt, and technically it’s mine but how am I ever going to get it back? The damage is done, and all three of those goofs are probably laughing they stuck it to me. It hurts.

   This really makes me lose faith in humanity, and I’m sorry I was so stupid it took not just once but THREE separate incidents to drive this lesson into my cement like skull. I don’t make a habit of treating people like that – especially when they went out of their way to do me a solid favor.

   This is why the Mafia wacks people. Who wouldn’t be upset if they were disrespected like this for years? I’ll probably not see my money again, and that’s bad enough. I so should have gotten paid up front in all three instances, and this is a painful lesson I won’t soon forget. It still hurts.

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An Inside Job

Wednesday January 2^nd, 2013 – Niles, IL

   I’m hitting the ground running in 2013, and getting myself prepared for a special year on many levels. I truly believe this can be the single most memorable year of my life, and I plan on doing my part to give it a chance to happen. I’ve been working too hard for too long for there not to be a payoff for all my struggles. This is the year something good happens. I’ll bet my pancreas on it.

   The reason I believe it is that I’m changing myself from the inside. I’m thinking about all kinds of things I haven’t focused on before, and I can feel it’s the right thing to be doing. Also, over all these previous years I’ve been making mistakes left and right but I’ve learned all kinds of lessons that I can use to make much smarter decisions than I would have then. I’ve reached full maturity.

   That doesn’t last forever, and I know that. Boy, do I know that. I feel myself getting older on a daily basis, and now it’s a race against the clock to see if I can do anything positive with this pile of knowledge I’ve accumulated over a lifetime. Every day counts, and I don’t want to waste any.

   I realize now more than ever being a one man band just isn’t going to cut it. I’m going to have to team up with all kinds of people on all kinds of projects if I’m going to move myself ahead of where I am now. It’s out of my comfort level, but that’s the only way to grow. Anyone who ever accomplished anything worthwhile got out of their comfort zone, and that’s what I need as well.

   My first connection of the year was my friend Marc Schultz. Marc has been in my corner since I met him probably ten years ago, and he’s also looking to move forward with his life and career. He books entertainment acts of all kinds, not just comedians. He’s looking for a way to step up to the next level like I am, and I know we can help each other. It wouldn’t take much to leap ahead.

   Both of us are veterans of the business, but for whatever reason haven’t made a big push to get ourselves ahead like we probably could if we made the effort. Maybe it’s because we’re not like a lot of entertainment types and we don’t have an insane desire to get ourselves noticed. For a lot of people, it has been quite successful. I’ve never felt the need to pursue it to a psychotic level.

   There’s a fine line between work ethic and psychosis, but I think I’ve got a much better handle on it now. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone, and there’s a lot of comfort in that. Knowing I not only have ability but also put in my time developing it gives me a confidence that feels like I’m Yoda. It’s an empowering feeling, yet I don’t feel a need to lord it over anyone. It’s mellow.

   I’m going to do what I do, and do it well. I’m going to get in front of people who can help push me to the next level, and it’s going to happen. I know it. I’m going to Nashville to work at Zanies this weekend, and that’s a good place to start. I’ll keep working all year, and something will pop.

   Brian Dorfman at Zanies is in contact with most of the top agents in Hollywood, and I’m going to flat out ask him who I can contact who might want to take me on. All I need is ONE, and I am on my way. Marc will help me in the corporate market, and I need someone there too. I could use someone in a lot of places on my behalf, and that’s what I’m building. I just wish it were sooner.

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Fast Forward

Tuesday January 1^st, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL/Gurnee, IL

   2013 is here, and I don’t know how I know it but I know it’s going to be the biggest year of my life. There aren’t a whole lot of other big years to compete with, but this one is going to prove to be special. For some reason, I feel it in my bones and I’ve struggled too long to not get a reward.

   This is going to be my transition year, and I’m going to do all I can to maintain a positive vibe starting from today on. The past is the past, and it’s gone. I’m in a really good mindset right now, and I’m going to look ahead and make better decisions. I think I can still have a productive life.

   Today I got up earlier than most comedians I know would on New Year’s Day and drove to the Gurnee Mills Mall to do three full laps of exercise walking. I usually get worn out with two laps, but I wanted to set a higher standard for this year and come out of the box firing on all cylinders.

   I did my laps, and when I was through I could barely walk to my car but that’s ok. It’s the good kind of pain, and my goal is to work out at least six days a week the entire year and take my level of health higher than it’s ever been. Again, there’s not much to compete with but it’s worthwhile.

   I also started what I intend to be a regular day of fasting each week. I’ve read about it for years, but never tried it consistently. I remember reading in the ‘70s Larry Hagman used to fast one day a week and the thought of it was extremely foreign at the time – especially being a Wisconsinite.

   Most of us aren’t used to missing one meal ever, much less one a week. I didn’t eat one morsel of food today, and I drank as much water as I could pour down my gullet. I think we all are very much in need of better hydration, and I’m making it a point to start off this year on a high note.

   I’m also interested in meditating on a regular basis. I’m not turning into some ‘woo woo’ kook or hippie type, but spiritual growth to complement physical growth is a perfect fit. I need to grow in all areas as we all do, but it’s so easy to let it lapse and I just refuse to allow for it any longer.

   I put some Wayne Dyer on my iPod, and I always love listening to him. He’s got a ton of audio products, and I have quite a few of them. I love music too, but I’m going to use my walks to tune myself into more spiritual things in addition to the music as well. It took me long enough to open my eyes and get caught up to the 21^st Century, but I’m already feeling the benefits of technology.

   I also worked on my website plans today, and that felt great to finally get that in motion. I have let it lapse too long, and it’s time to get caught up. I also started what I hope to be a regular tweet on each of my three Twitter names - @dentedcandobie, @schlitzhappened and @uranustweets.

   It’s hard enough to do one name regularly, but if I’m going to do it right I’ll make it happen for three. One is myself, the other one for Milwaukee based contacts and the last for King of Uranus stuff. These are all projects I find worth my time, and I’m chipping away at them starting today. I am going to give whatever time I have left my absolute best effort. I’ve farted around for most of my life, and if I don’t put out a full effort pretty soon it’ll all be over. This is my year to let it rip.

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A Smooth Transition

Monday December 31^st, 2012 – Reno, NV/Rosemont, IL

   Back home for New Year’s Eve. The trip back wasn’t nearly as hectic as I thought it would be, and other than a brief detainment from a pair of TSA chimps it actually went quite smoothly. I’m just not able to hide my disdain for the whole airport ‘security’ process, and I’m sure it shows.

    What a scam, and a waste of everyone’s time and money to pay these mookazoids to rummage their way through luggage and clog the toilet of everyone’s day. Have they ever found even ONE life or death situation besides the shoe bomber? That guy looked like a maniac, and that’s exactly my point. Sticking the cattle prod up granny’s poop shoot looking for mortar shells is a complete waste of energy, and that’s exactly what they were doing today. They were bothering everyone.

   The two that got to me had Barney Fife attitudes that could be felt across Nevada. I tried to put my smart ass comment urge on hold, and it was all I could do not to let loose on them in front of the entire line of us who just wanted to get where we were going. They were determined to make life miserable for as many weary travelers as they could, and they were being very successful.

   My breach of national security was not taking my liquids out of my carryon bag – even though I didn’t do it on the way out. They made a big deal of it and pulled me out of line to go through it so they could find the bazooka I’m sure they thought I was carrying, but all they could find was a bottle of shampoo that was over 3 ounces, or whatever the legal limit is. They took it of course.

   Sure they did. I don’t blame them. I guess I forgot about the big rash of terror plots that require four ounces of cheap shampoo to ignite dirty bombs, and of course their training ground is Reno, NV. I know there has to be some kind of monitoring of airports, but the way they do it is stupid.

   Stupid or not, that’s how it is after 9/11 and I doubt if it will change any time soon. The whole world is getting more insane by the day, but strangely I am finding myself getting at least a little smarter in my old age. I don’t know how I’ll be able to use it to my advantage, but I’ll surely try.

   I spent the flight from Reno to Las Vegas, my two hour layover time and my flight to Chicago making plans for 2013. I don’t know why I haven’t done this my whole life, but for some reason the plans just flowed. I had some kind of cosmic vision that flowed out of me, and I knew what I needed to do. Maybe I always knew it, but I didn’t execute the plan. This time I think I’ll do it.

   I made a list of things I should do daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly. I’ve had all kinds of to do lists before, but this one flowed out of me through the pen and it felt like it was coming from a source other than me. I knew it was right as I was doing it, and I feel like I have a crystal clear vision of exactly what I need to do this coming year. If I do it, I feel it will be my best year ever.

   My friend Russ Martin was kind enough to pick me up at Midway Airport and take me over to Jim McHugh’s house to get my car. I made it to Zanies in Rosemont, IL to host the two shows as a fallout replacement. I’ll gratefully take the money, and it was a fun night working with Fortune Feimster and Russ Williamson. Another year gone, but I have a positive vibe about 2013. Really.

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