My Inner Corvette

Wednesday November 7th, 2007 - Milwaukee, WI/Lake Villa, IL

Fantastic day today. My inner engine is firing on all cylinders and I feel like a Corvette. I am in ‘the zone’ mentally and I love it. I am thinking straight and can feel all things going my way. I wish I could bottle this vibe and keep it for the rest of my life. If I could do that I would truly have success. For once in my life I think I have found what I am here to do.

There have been a lot of things happening lately on a lot of levels but depression has not been one of them. Maybe I’m jinxing myself when I say that but it’s true. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had a really deep funk and I’m delighted to report that fact. Those are not fun times and I hope I never have to experience one again. But is that realistic? I doubt it.

I feel bullet proof right now. No earthly force is going to stop me from living my dream. Putting this business idea together from nothing is my dream and I can feel it beginning to come to life. I got an email from the lawyer’s office today saying the trademark search has begun and they should know something in ‘five business days’. I am expected to pony up a $1000 retainer which I will do in the next few days. I am constantly learning and it all feels right like nothing I’ve ever done before. It feels like I’ve finally found my purpose in life.

My friend Max called me today and told me how proud he was of me for taking my idea and doing something with it. He is trying to overcome his dented can childhood too and he said I am a huge inspiration to him because he feels like there are no role models for him. I have felt the same way on many occasions and we had a long conversation about it. He’s a hurt kid trying to overcome the ugliness of the past just like I am. He is doing a great job.

We talked about how the dark times of depression come and suicide seems like the right thing to do. He has been there just like I have and he told me he’s never seen me happier. I agreed with him. I have NEVER been more excited about any project I’ve ever done. This one combines all of my loves and strengths and it seems tailor made for me and me only.

Max said that he loves to watch how excited I get when I talk about this project. He said he can see this putting me over the top and for the first time in my life I can see it too. I’ve been struggling for SO long that sometimes I felt like I was out of the game of life. Now it feels like I’m just getting into it and it’s starting to get interesting. I’m glad I didn’t take a bullet all those times when I felt like it. I’ve seen the lowest of the low now I want to get a view from the other end for a change. I will totally appreciate the sweet thrill of victory.

We talked about how it’s important for guys like us to follow through and make winners out of ourselves to inspire future dented can kids who have no role models. Both of us are still struggling with the past to a certain degree and we know we’re not the only ones. Far from it. Most people give up and never chase their dreams. They get drunk and defeated.

Max and I made a pact that we would never kill ourselves until we had at least a million dollars liquid cash in the bank. Then if we were still sad and depressed we could do it. But until that time we both have to stay in the game and slug it out as hard as we can slug it.

That’s what I feel like I’m doing now and I don’t think I could feel any better. I wish my vibe could be explained or dissected but I can honestly say this is the best I’ve ever felt for as long as I’ve been alive. A lot of things are coming together all at once and I feel great. I can’t guarantee how long this will last and maybe tomorrow I’ll be back at the door of hell but I doubt it. It just feels like I’m on the right path and I’m going to keep walking on it.

The phone wouldn’t stop ringing today. I got a call from Jeff Schneider in Pittsburgh for my advice on a radio talk show he wants to do with me as his sidekick. I had a few ideas I thought were good and he loved them. He also owns the Funny Bone there and he offered New Year’s Eve to me and I took it. I was off but Pittsburgh is a town I like so I’ll do it.

Girls are calling me too and I love it. Out of the blue I’m getting calls from women that I haven’t heard from in months or even years. Why is that? I must be putting out a vibe that is attracting all these things and I can definitely feel it being a positive one. But why is this happening now? Why didn’t it happen before? Why was I so low and couldn’t find a clue?

I wish I knew. I’m not complaining about this good plane I’m on but I wish I knew how to keep it here so I don’t slide back into the abyss. I had dinner with my cousin Brett and I told him how I was feeling and he has known me his whole life. He knows all of the brutal memories of childhood that are part of our family because he’s fighting it too. He and I do not want to become like our fathers just as Max doesn’t either. We’re all three succeeding.

After a great dinner I drove over to the comic book shop my cousin Jef used to own. He passed away in 2001 and I still miss him. We were very close and he too was a dented can. He came from nowhere to live his dream of owning a comic book shop and had no help. It was his life and he eventually had three shops in Milwaukee. He died at the age I am now.

Jef would have been really helpful with this project. He was a small business owner and I could have gotten tips from him on starting mine. He also was creative and understood the concept of intellectual property which is what this whole thing is based on. I thought up an interesting concept and if I can trademark it and develop it I can use it to sell both me as a person and my line of funny products too. Jef isn’t here in person but I can feel his spirit.

I know the guy who bought the stores and I wanted to run my idea past him and find out if it sparked any ideas with him. I think a lot of his customer base would like my idea and I wanted to pick his brain of how comic characters are marketed because that’s what I have with this idea. I’ll be playing a character that sells goofy humorous novelty items and I am not ashamed to admit that. I want to have a plan going in and he had some good ideas that I hadn’t thought of so it was worth the trip. I am taking time to really do my homework.

This was a productive day and I feel great but in reality I didn’t make any money or have sex with a gorgeous babe or watch the Packers win or anything like that. I was just feeling good because I am in tune with whatever I’m supposed to be in tune with. I enjoyed every bite of food and hanging with my cousin Brett and talking on the phone and whatever else came my way. Whatever caused me to feel this way is something I want to keep forever.