The 'Dicks Mix'

Friday October 3rd, 2008 - Shelbyville, IL

I’ve been dreading this trip for a while now but it has to be done. I’m getting as ready as I can to drive to Shelbyville, IL to do a gig in a bowling alley. I had it booked earlier but it was in the summer and nobody showed up. Not one. I really didn’t want to go back again but the owners were very nice people and they requested me so I will do it - this one time.

I need to stop doing gigs like this. It’s not being elitist or condescending but I have been a comedian far too long to be doing bowling alleys a little too far from home. There’s one in LaSalle/Peru, IL that’s actually fun and the same person who books that booked this so I took it thinking it would be the same. Wrong. That being said this is my last time there.

I won’t be near a computer later so I am writing my daily dose of due diligence now. I’ll hopefully have nothing to add to it tomorrow - if I’m lucky. The gig will go fine and I will get paid and everyone will be happy and I’ll drive back home and continue with my work.

There will be a nice full crowd and no bad hecklers and the owners will make money as well as the comedians. I’m going down there with J.T. Newton who was the guy I did the drive with last time so we know how to get there and we’ll have no problems. He’s a nice guy and his act isn’t filthy and if all goes well we’ll use the time in the car to brainstorm.

One thing I did yesterday I want to document is create a collection of sports cards with a common theme that I call the ‘Dicks mix’. Many years ago I was at a card show in Detroit and one of the dealers I met was a guy named Rick Behar. He’s Joy Behar’s brother from ‘The View’. He’s a very funny guy and had a special collection of cards he had compiled.

It was exclusively of guys with names that were suggestive or had vulgar implications. I laughed hard when I saw it and said that some day I’d have my own. Now I do. I’ve been compiling the cards for a while now but I finally made time to sort them all into a binder.

There are of course a couple hundred guys named ‘Dick’ but there are a lot of others too like ‘Joe Adcock’ and ‘Woody Held’ and ‘Willie Long’ and all kinds of other names for a kid to giggle at as puberty starts to hit. I thought they were funny then and I think so now.

This is a kind of thing that would be PERFECT to put up on the Uranus Factory Outlet website. What kind of card collection would the King of Uranus have? It would be filled with Dick Butkuses and Gene Brabenders and Pete LaCocks and everyone in between.

My ‘Hall of Fame’ page is amazing. There is Dick Ricketts, Dick Pole, Dick Post, Dick Such, Dick Wood, Dick Felt, Dick Shiner, George Kunz and Rusty Kuntz. These are ALL real people apparently and I’ve got their cards to prove it. It’s hilarious. This is a winner.

I know this is juvenile and immature but I think I’m finally starting to get to the pulse of what the public likes. I am going to show this collection around and see what kind of vibe I get back from it but I can predict the guys will LOVE it. Off to Shelbyville to pay bills.