Reshaping My Reality

Tuesday October 28th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

Back to work in the world of my reality. David Alan Grier left Nashville on an airplane with a hefty cashier’s check and is back filming his TV show for Comedy Central. That’s his reality. Mine was driving back to Chicago in my ’94 Toyota and stopping at a Motel 6 halfway home so I wouldn’t nod out and crash into a metal guardrail and perish in pieces.

Our worlds differ just a little. Until David or Frank Caliendo or Jeff Foxworthy call me to be part of their world I’ll have to live in the one I’m in for a while longer. I was at least part of the reason that put me here so if I want change it’s up to me to initiate the process.

That’s what I started to do today. I can see the future of where I’m going and it’s not the happy ending everyone dreams about. Lots of comedians and radio people my age or even older are not in a good way right now and I don’t want to be that way anymore. I want my lifetime of hard work to lead to something other than chasing my rent money each month.

I want some security. I want some residual income. I want some padding so I don’t have to risk my life driving to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan in February entertaining drunk ice fishermen in snow suits. If I am going to get that security I have to change directions.

Every road comedian is going through this thought process right now. The playing field is changing and those who can adapt will still be in the game. Those who can’t will be on the road driving an 18 wheeler. It’s about the only other job a comedian is trained to do.

I had lunch with Marc Schultz and Tim Walkoe today to discuss getting work from any and every other source possible. Cruise ships, corporate, colleges, commercials, whatever source of income that may be out there. Tim has been working cruises for a while and he has been very helpful. I’m not sure if that life is for me but it‘s smart to have options now.

Marc gets a few corporate dates a year and passes most of them to either Tim or myself. If one of us does it one year the other usually gets it in the future. Many times people like to hire a comedian again if the first one goes well and Marc, Tim and I make a good team.

Tim is hilarious offstage and cracks everyone up. He’s just a naturally funny guy and all the comedians quote his lines that aren’t even comedy lines. He just says them in regular conversation but they’re too funny not to repeat. I’m honored to be considered his peer.

We went to the Old Country Buffet which is our usual haunt for our lunches and we are all fine with that. We can spread out and hang out and eat all we want and it’s a fun break from the insanity of the world. Today was more about business and I wanted it that way.

I had to use the bathroom before we left and at the urinal rack was an old coot who was 75 if he was a day. He dropped a crisp resonant three octave fart that had to have lasted at least eight to ten seconds. It was world class. Then without missing a beat he turned to me and said ‘Holy Cripes - what’s the par on THAT hole?’ Life doesn’t get funnier than that.

I was laughing so hard I almost peed on my shoes. He winked and gave me the thumbs up and walked out the door with a strange look of pride on his face. That whole scene was one of the funniest moments I can remember in recent memory. I bet David Alan Grier or Frank Caliendo didn’t laugh that hard between the both of them as I did at the urinal rack.

I walked back to the table and told Tim and Marc what happened and they laughed hard too. I showed them the geezer who did it as he was walking back to the buffet line to get a plate of prunes or whatever he was eating. It reminded me of what my Grandpa would do.

Gramps would probably be very proud of me and how far I’ve come in show business. I took it way farther than he ever did but I’m not satisfied with where I am. I want to take it to the next level so I can get paid. I already did the hard part. I paid my dues to get an act.

Now I need to SELL that act to someone other than bar owners who only pay me in the $2-300 range a night for a 45 minute show. I’d be doing the same show in an auditorium that seats 2-3000 people but I’d get paid a lot more. Why not shoot for the higher target?

I had a good day of brainstorming today as I drove from lunch to several Target stores to buy three ring binders for comedy classes. Office stores are very high with those prices for some reason and I don’t know why. Target sells them in the $2.00 range while the big office supply stores sell the exact same brand for about $4.50. I cleaned out a few stores.

Now I’m going to be smart and build my own course the way I want it. In the past I was always rushing to print class papers at the last minute but no more. I am going to print up a big batch of them that will take a while to use up but it will be a worthwhile investment.

I also updated my bio and resume today and had 100 each of those printed up on bright paper and will start carrying those with me so I can pass them out when needed. These are the kinds of little steps I need to take every day so I can get myself out of my obscurity.

It’s about MARKETING and PROMOTION and SALESMANSHIP. Comedy is not the main ingredient of any of this right now. I’ve got an act and it’s funny enough. It’s let me survive this long and if I never write another joke I’ll still survive. Now I need to sell my customers on my abilities. Once I do that and get in the door I’ll be able to deliver funny.

I stopped at a used book store and bought a few more great books on marketing myself. I’ve already got a big stack but now I have a few more. The first one I’m going to read is a biography of Mary Kay Ash. It looks very interesting and I’m sure I’ll learn from her.

I also put in a little time on my taxes of all things. I found a really nice organizer to put my records and receipts in and I’ve been keeping very good tabs on all that lately. I won’t have the same tension I had this year next year. I am already ahead of the game even now.

This was a hard fought day but I did a lot of smart things. I’m starting to think in a good way and that’s how I should. Maybe there’s a chance for me to change my reality after all.