BLAST OFF!!

Tuesday March 10th, 2009 - Los Angeles, CA

WHOOOEEEE!!! And I mean that with a capital WHOOO and an even bigger EEEE! I can barely feel my toes or anything else as I hover over the bed at my hotel room directly across the street from the CBS Studios on Fairfax Avenue in Los Angeles. Today was my big day and it was totally worth all the effort I put in to get here. This was a day to savor.

First, the staff of the Late Late Show down to a person could NOT have treated me any nicer from the second I walked in to the second I left. They were beyond professional and now I see why the expression ‘the bigger they are, the nicer they are’ exists. These people went above and beyond to make me feel welcome and I felt at home right from the start.

Second, Craig Ferguson is FUNNY. Period. That guy is quick witted and hilarious and I am pleased to have made my debut on his show. Nothing at all against Letterman or Leno or Conan or Kimmel but I feel like my vibe fits in particularly well with what Craig does.

Third, the audience was primed and totally ready to laugh and a huge part of that was a guy named Chunky who does the audience warm up. He’s a friend of my friend Nancy Jo Perdue from Texas who also was in the audience today. Chunky kept the crowd pumped.

What an amazing experience all around. It was and still is surreal and seems like I had a stunt double play me for a few minutes and I was out of my body watching it from afar in a folding chair trying to soak it all in. It started and ended before I could comprehend it.

I read a quote from Jay Leno saying he compared his first Tonight Show to his first time having sex. It was a lot of fun when it happened, it was over way too quickly and when he was done the first thing he wanted to do was go right back and do it again. I totally agree.

After his two scheduled guests Craig had to tape some promos for something and he did a very funny job on those too. I’m telling you, the guy is naturally funny and audiences do love him and I see why. I was extremely impressed at how he pulled off his whole show.

It was my job to have to follow an entire show and Craig’s ad libbed funny promos and still appear to be relaxed and myself. NOT easy. I was strapped in with a clip on mike and I heard the director count back from ten and Chunky the warm up guy said my name and I walked from backstage smiling ear to ear and stepped on my mark on stage. I felt alive.

I looked into the camera mainly but also could see the audience right behind them and it felt like I was in a club. I opened with my first couple of lines and then it all went dark for a second and I felt totally lost. I switched gears in an instant and fired off a couple of lines out of order that got very nice laughs but then I ended up tripping on a line in the middle.

That could have totally been the death of it all but I just stopped for a second and took a breath and let it pause so they could hopefully cut it out. I started back again and kept on a nice pace until I saw the director holding up a 30 second sign way sooner than I thought.

I then went into my closer which got a solid laugh and applause and I said good night. It all happened so fast I didn’t really have time to enjoy it while it happened and I didn’t get to use probably half of the material I had worked on but I totally didn’t mind. That’s ok.

The main thing is I didn’t embarrass myself and that’s what my goal was. I pulled it off. I know I’m not the first person to flub a line and won’t be the last but what better persona for that to happen to than Mr. Lucky? It almost seemed like it was part of the master plan. The audience was primed to laugh and they were really hot. This was a lifetime memory.

Right before I went on Craig came over and shook my hand and told me to break a leg. The whole staff came by as I walked from the makeup room to the stage area and I felt as if I were a turkey being lead to the chopping block but in a good way. They were all very supportive but the main thing I heard most people say was ‘Have fun.’ Boy, did I ever.

That’s what I thought about as I walked out there. FUN. It’s fun to be a comedian and it couldn’t be more fun than to do it on national television in such a great environment as is provided by everyone on the show. I spent a lifetime getting ready to be here for one day.

I also thought of all my friends who were rooting me on and sending good wishes and it almost caused me to start crying as I walked out there. I thought of how proud the people that have passed on would have been today. My grandfather would have been beaming as would my cousin Jef Parker and C. Cardell Willis and Jimmy Miller and so many others.

To me this was as much for them as it was for me but it was for me too. I’ve never been anything other than a dented can and this means so much to have achieved this wonderful accomplishment considering where I’ve come from and I don’t want to forget this feeling.
It probably doesn’t mean anywhere near as much to anyone else but that’s ok. There is a new group of guests for tomorrow’s show and the world will keep spinning and life won’t change all that much for most people but for me my life and comedy career began today.

Today’s four and a half minutes was the start of a life on a new level and I want to treat it as such. It doesn’t mean I’m better than anyone and it doesn’t mean I won’t have to still do crappy gigs occasionally but what it does mean is that I have made it to an elite level. I came from a total beginner to being chosen to perform on a network television showcase.

The main feeling I have right now is relief but right after that it’s gratitude. I am so very thankful for not only this opportunity but the fantastic amount of backing and support I’ve felt from so many outstanding people. Joining me backstage were Russ Martin who came all the way out from Milwaukee to experience this. He said he wouldn’t want to miss it.

Kristi McHugh was there too as was Grace Fraga. They’re both sweethearts and loved it as well. Good people hanging with good people produces a vibe that is electric and that is how it felt all day. Everywhere I turned there were fun people who appreciated the whole magnitude of the scene and how much pure fun all of this actually was. What a memory!

Another important part of all this was that it was my friend Tom Green’s birthday. He too would have been extremely proud of everything this event meant and I was thrilled to have it happen on this day. Tom passed away from cancer two years ago now and it still is a mystery to me why a great entertainer and even greater person had to be taken like that.

Life is not fair and never will be. This is a world filled with injustice and sorrow and all kinds of horrible things and that’s even more of a reason to be grateful for the wonderful feeling I have now and to be surrounded by such positive people who make me feel like it wasn’t a waste of a life after all and in fact all of my dues paying over the years had merit.

This isn’t a day to dwell on anything other than the positive. I’m not looking to gloat or ‘stick it to so and so’ or anything like that. I’m not going to waste my time with that kind of thinking and I don’t need to. My time is limited as is all of ours and I want to focus on a way to get back to a situation like this and do it again. THIS is where I want to be again.

What would do that? Continuing to work on my act and keep improving. One thing this entire experience has done is completely rejuvenate my comedy skills. I have leapfrogged ahead many steps in just a few weeks of work and I won’t ever go back to the other way.

I will continue to polish and perfect the set I was working on for today and in just a few months I can guarantee you I will have it SCORCHING hot. I added a lot of new lines but those lines fit my character perfectly and they will help me to really take this to the level I know I can take it. This is only the beginning and if nobody else knows it I certainly do.

I’m starting to find my stride now more than ever before. This was a major step up and I am in no way thinking this is the end of the process. Far from it. Now I know what I have to do and I can go back and do it properly and avoid the mistakes I just made doing this.

I know it sounds like a football coach going off on his players after a victory but I made several mistakes throughout this process that I will not make again next time. I won’t get into them but I know in my heart where I goofed and that will help me improve and that’s fine with me. I’m not a perfectionist at all. I’m an ‘improvement-ist’. I want to get better.

I already have but in the next six months if I am fortunate enough to remain alive and in good health you will see a MAJOR improvement in all facets of my comedy performance. This has taken me to my highest level ever and has brought me to a level of the big boys.

I know in my heart I didn’t nail it tonight like I have the ability to REALLY nail it. This was a hot crowd on a hot TV show and I’m grateful for every one of those who were there but that wasn’t the whole me and I totally know it. I want to get that chance to blow them out of their underwear and leave them sitting there naked and worn out from laughing.

I’ve got a ways to go to get there but tonight was the greatest step of all - the first one. It was a major milestone in my life and my career, as in now I am starting to HAVE a career and not just a job hauling jokes to tiny towns in beater cars. This was a big step forward.