Eight...

Tuesday March 3rd, 2009 - Chicago, IL

The countdown continues at eight. I’m doing all the right things I need to do to be ready when the red camera light goes on next Tuesday no matter how listless I feel today, and to be honest I totally do. The only difference is I am looking past this bad spot to the payoff.

That’s something I usually am not able to do so I guess this is a positive. Usually I’m all consumed with this horrible feeling of darkness and hopelessness and it completely drains all of my energy. I don’t want to do anything but sleep and life itself seems like a waste of my time. It’s a black hole of emotional torture and I’m a scared little boy wanting to die.

How’s that for light and fluffy lunch chit chat at the diner over a cheeseburger? I’m just being honest about what these dark funky periods feel like and those who can relate know exactly how it feels and it’s probably hitting a little close to the bone. My friend Max can relate to everything I’m saying and I talked to him on the phone today. He is a true friend.

More than once we’ve talked each other off the ledge when we’re like this and we both get like this on occasion. I just helped him a couple of months ago and today he was very good about paying it back. He knew what to say to make me think good thoughts and I’m very grateful for that. He took my mind off the darkness and focused it on what’s good.

The fact that I’m in line to be on a national television show performing standup comedy is bordering on a miracle. From where I’ve come from and all the mistakes I’ve made and bad breaks I’ve gotten and the combination thereof, this is THE biggest break of my life.

Max made a great point that after these periods there always comes a creative surge and a period of clear thinking and that made me glad that this is happening now. He likened it to the period of labor before a birth. The pain is here now but next week the baby is due.

I really was starting to have doubts that this was ever going to happen at all. I have been out of touch with the L.A. scene for years and didn’t really have anyone to ‘put in a word’ on my behalf with any talent coordinators. I really thought I’d have to give up the dream.

My doubts are vanishing quickly though as I received an email from CBS today telling me where to report next week and when to be there. I must say I have never been treated better than I have by the two people I’ve been in contact with this whole time. They have been quick to answer emails and keep me informed and it’s been a pleasure all the way.

Once again I went to the Gurnee Mills Mall and walked until I was sore and sweaty but this time it was even earlier than before. I got it out of the way first and then ate a healthy lunch and went home and took a nap. I didn’t have any bad dreams and actually rested up.

Tonight I drove to Chicago to run through the set two times. Once was at Zanies and the other at an open mike. It’s not perfect yet but it’s improving. This is how to do it. I’m not letting depression steal my dreams. I’m doing my due diligence and I’ll be ready for L.A.