Five...

Thursday March 5th, 2009 - Vernon Hills, IL

Halfway there and things are looking up. If nothing else I am doing my due diligence on this project and that alone makes me feel good. It’s a feeling of deep satisfaction knowing I didn’t half ass this project at all. I put in my time and gave it my full effort and whatever happens now is out of my hands. I will show up in L.A. on March 10th and take my shot.

I want to be prepared in every way so I can make sure I give my very best that day. I did three more laps in the mall today and even though I’m still sore from the last few days it’s very satisfying to stay on course. I feel like I have a plan and I’m working it exactly right. Day after day I’m working through my doubts and fears and depression and it feels right.

Walking is a great way to get the blood pumping and a sweat bubbling and it allows me to visualize not only my set but the rest of my life as well. Sometimes my mind wanders a little but I bring it back and think about the things I need to be thinking about right now. I am in my own little world but it allows me to keep growing and getting stronger each day.

This is totally my time to shine now and whatever I’m going to do I’m going to do. I am at an age where I’m overdue for a big break and if this isn’t it or at least leads to it I might never get that shot again. I don’t take it lightly and I’m really grateful for this opportunity. I have to believe talent will find it’s level and I have been blessed with comedic ability.

I want to fill my head with good vibes and not let anything get in my way. Tomorrow is my ex business partner’s birthday and I’m just going to let it pass. Sending him a scathing email is not worth my time even though at one point I was looking forward to it. He is not preparing to be on national TV. He’s suckling his mother’s teat living at home at age 43.

There are plenty of leeches like that who have never or will ever feel the thrill of all this I’m doing right now. Billy Joel’s brother in law apparently ripped him off for millions but no matter how much money he got he will NEVER feel the thrill of what it’s like to be an outstanding entertainer like Billy Joel. They can steal money but they can’t steal the thrill.

NOBODY can steal my lifetime of experience and all the dues I paid to get to this point to be standing on the verge of my big chance. I want to enjoy it all. I want to relish and be able to savor every single second of the time I’m standing there doing my set on camera.

I got an email from Keith Alberstadt who just did his Letterman shot recently. He gave me two bits of advice: 1. Have fun. Remember that you'll always remember this moment.
2. Take your time. I know your style tends to make you talk fast. By no means break your style, but I found that by slowing down a little, the audience was able to enjoy it more.

He’s completely correct. I do talk very fast and that is my style but I’ve been working at tempering that and it will be a conscious effort on my part to slow down and let it breathe. In a club I like to pummel the audience and it’s very effective when it works and most of the time it works quite well actually. This is a different animal and I need to respect that.

Tonight I had my best performance of the set so far. I did it in Vernon Hills at Zanies at the front of my act. I headlined the show but the emcee John DaCosse told them to let me work my set out up front and then we would start my show. It was the first time I went up without my notes and it started to show some flow which made me feel extreme relief.

This just isn’t normally the way I work so I have to take that into consideration but they couldn’t care less about that at the show. They want me to be FUNNY. Period. They have no interest in what’s easy or not easy for me or how I’ve done it in the past. This is a fact. I don’t take it personally and I know I need to be able to deliver the goods on March 10th.

What made me feel a lot better was listening to an interview with Quincy Jones on how the Thriller album was made. I have a special edition of it and the interviews are fantastic. There’s also a rough cut version of Billie Jean that showed how a skeleton of a particular entity can be a lot different than the actual finished product. This was no where near that.

Michael Jackson hemmed and hawed and the lyrics weren’t finished yet and it wasn’t a song at all really. It was a demo and a building block on what would become a huge hit. It feels the same for me too to be doing the set now. It’s nowhere near a finished product.

I better shake my booty a little if I want it to be one. I’ve only got five days to get it to a place I can work with it so ready or not here it comes. Any other time in life when I really needed to have something come through it did and I have full confidence it will yet again.

Taking the time I’m taking to go over it as many times as I am and analyzing each line and trying to say it different ways is all part of why I’m feeling so good about it. I’ve been a comedian my whole life and have never come even close to working this hard before on a single set for any reason. It may be uncomfortable now but I know it will pay off soon.

What’s extremely flattering is how people around me are so confident I’ll do well. ‘Oh, don’t worry about it. You’ll be great. I just KNOW it!’ It’s the common response and it’s very reassuring to hear it because I still have that little seed of doubt somewhere in there.

I’ve had too many oddball breaks in my life to assume anything is smooth sailing. I had thought my stint on the Loop was my big break and we were poised to ride that for a nice little run but that got yanked out from under all of us and nobody knows why to this day.

This is a little different though. This is a one time shot which will hopefully lead to a lot of other shots if I’m lucky. Unfortunately luck does have something to do with it and I am going to have to have some good luck to parlay this one opportunity into a solid career.

I have to remember that Mr. Lucky is a character I play onstage and Dobie Maxwell is a real person who does have good things happen to him while he’s playing the role of a guy who has bad luck all the time. I don’t need to get those roles confused because in the past I think I totally did. This is going to be fun and no matter what happens I’ll be grateful.