Two...

Sunday March 8th, 2009 - Kenosha, WI

Two days to go and every hole in my body is puckering. I’m not so much afraid as I am just hoping to get this over with without incident. That hasn’t happened a lot in my life so unfortunately I have a lot of not so positive experiences to try and block out of my head.

This is all good practice and discipline and no matter what happens I have improved my work ethic and made some very solid positive comedy decisions. I have structured this set very well and there are a lot of strong lines in it…IF I can manage to deliver all of them.

That’s my major obstacle right now. I don’t know if I have short term memory loss or a few brain synapses missing or whatever but I am having the hardest time with keeping all the lines in order. I just am. I’ve done very little acting but when I have I’ve had the exact same problem. I said the lines differently every time and that drove the other actors crazy.

I like to perform in the moment. It’s fresh and to me, funnier. It’s also very dangerous to work that way but that’s what I enjoy the most and that‘s how I‘ve always done it. It‘s the most difficult way but I guess I wouldn‘t enjoy it if it wasn‘t. I love ultimate challenges.

I totally understand why the network doesn’t want it done that way and I’m doing what I can to comply with their rules. I don’t want to make anyone’s life miserable - especially mine. I want to go out there and make a strong first impression so I will get asked back.

When I was in Utah I was asked to be on a TV show on PBS that tried to find homes for abandoned children. There were a few other media people involved and it was a volunteer situation to help get the word out. They brought us together for a pre show meeting and it froze me in my tracks. I couldn’t get anything right in the practice run and I was horrible.

The other people all gave me that look of ‘Oh oh, this one’s an idiot’ and one asked me if I wanted to bow out of the project. I really believed in it and I said I’d be ok but I didn’t know what I would say or do when the camera light came on. I took my turn and knocked it out of the park because I spoke from the heart and off the cuff and it lit up the phones.

The director and others all broke out in applause when I was done and I remember how I felt both before and afterward. Beforehand I kind of felt like I do now. I wasn’t sure how I would do it but I really knew I had it in me and didn’t back out. It turns out I was right.

That’s how I feel about this whole situation. I know in my heart I’m ready for this and I shouldn’t be feeling these feelings of apprehension but I totally am. Tomorrow morning I will record the final final draft and play it over and over and over again until I know it by heart even if it means playing it all the while on the plane. I need it to be second nature.

I don’t want there to be any bad vibes at all. I’m doing this for ME but also for the other dented cans of the world who will never even get this big of a shot. I’m also doing it for a lot of people both living and dead that I love and respect. I want this to be fun for many.