Saturday June 25th, 2011 - Libertyville, IL What a difference a shower can make. I feel like a new man. Having the chance to scrub away a whole week’s worth of funky hospital goo was just what I needed to give me a ray of hope. It got blood flowing in places that needed it, and jump started my whole attitude. It’s hard not to get discouraged with all that‘s going on, and every little bit of positivity goes a long way to keep me from wanting to pack it in. I still don’t think I’ve grasped just how big of a life changer all this will be, and it’s all I can do to make it through each day. The biggest nightmare of all so far has been the changing of the dressing of my surgery wound. If there’s more physical pain a man can suffer, I don’t want to know about it. This has been enough pelvic torture for twelve lifetimes, and I’m still not out of the water yet. I’m going to have to do this myself for he foreseeable future, and that scares the hell out of me. It’s supposed to be twice a day at first, and then once a day after that. I’m supposed to remove the old dressing first, and then pack the wound with gauze and start over again. Good luck with that. Not only is the pain beyond description, it’s in a location that’s not exactly easily accessible. If I was a knuckle dragging orangutan, I might have a slight shot but as is with the equipment I have it’s going to take a mirror and a lot of random pokes. My nurse was instructed to do it today, and wouldn’t you know it she’d be a total hottie. Not only would pain management be a major issue, now the embarrassment factor kicked in right behind it. I know she’s seen it all, but when it’s my all she sees it’s not too funny. One extremely good thing I’ve been able to do is get out of my room and walk around a little. The nurses encourage it, and it beats laying in bed and rotting away. There’s a lot of room on the floor I’m on, and taking a few laps has proven to be more than a challenge. I got a nice round of laps in today, and it worked up a sweat for the first time in a while. Taking a shower right after that really felt good, but the whole time all I could think about was the torture to come. I didn’t want to have to use morphine, but that was a possibility. Little Miss Hot Pants came in, and I told her I wanted to try it without any pain meds of any kind to see how it would go. I soaked the hell out of the wound and gauze while I was in the shower, and sure enough, the dressing slid right off. She was able to replace it fast. Bill Gorgo came up to visit and not only brought a nice pile of magazines, he also had a book on Type 2 Diabetes that will probably help a lot. That was a very thoughtful gift but as I looked at it it started to hit home that I’m really going to have to deal with this now. It’s not a joke, but I never thought it was. For now, I need to focus on getting out of the hospital but after that I’m going to have a big time lifestyle change on my hands. Attitude will determine how it ends up, but I have to admit staying positive will be a major effort.
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