Quack Like A Duck

Saturday April 11th, 2009 - Chicago, IL

Another week of shows in the books. It seems like I was just in Kansas City but that’s a week ago now. Ancient history. There are different comics there this week and they finish up their week tonight too. Then we all move on again. It’s a big game of musical chairs.

It really does get to be a grind after a while. Pack. Unpack. Check in. Check out. Rent a car. Return the rental car. It’s always something and it never stops. Then every week there are new faces to match with names. That’s always a challenge because they all know each other and only have to remember one name but I have to try and keep all of them straight.

I absolutely think everyone who works at a comedy club should wear a name tag. It’s an overwhelming task to even attempt to remember the names of everyone but we have to do it anyway. It’s good business but it’s still very difficult. Every week there’s a fresh batch.

Zanies in Chicago is my home club and I still don’t know everyone’s name there. They are always hiring new box office people or wait staff and they come and go so fast I can’t keep up with everyone. And they don’t know who I am either. It sure keeps me humble.

Tonight we had three shows at Zanies. That’s a throwback to the old days when most of the big clubs did three on Saturday and some even did three on Friday too. That was back when most of the staffs and comics too were heavily into cocaine. Coincidence? Maybe.

Cocaine is an insidious drug and I am SO glad I never got into that scene. It ran rampant when I was starting out not only in comedy but in people my age in general. I saw nothing to gain from it so I stayed away from that and booze too. I may not have made the correct decisions in some facets of my life but those were two smart choices I won’t ever regret.

Three shows in one night is no easy task. I can’t imagine trying to do that high or drunk. It requires full mental concentration and it’s physically draining as well. By that last show I have to really be on the ball so I don’t end up repeating my material. It all runs together.

The first two shows tonight were pretty good but not great in my estimation. Again, I’m pretty picky so I won’t get into the details but they were still solid shows. Both audiences were a little on the quiet and conservative side but that’s Saturday night in Chicago. They paid top dollar to see a show so they can do whatever they want. It wasn’t a train wreck.

The third show was one of the oddest situations I’ve ever had to deal with. Some drunk moron tried to heckle me by literally quacking like a duck. No joke. At first it seemed like he may be choking on food or something but then he kept it up whenever I tried to speak.

The audience started yelling at him to shut up but he wouldn’t. This went on for at least ten full minutes. I nailed him with some lines but he wouldn’t stop. It was just goofy and I didn’t really know what to do after the first five minutes but stand there and try to keep on going but when I did he’d start up again. A quacking duck. A drunken schmuck. My luck.