Milwaukee's Malignant Humor

Wednesday October 7th, 2009 - Lake Villa, IL

Hopefully my nauseating ride on the Insane-O-Whirl is coming to an end soon. I finally heard from the booking agency about the Giggles situation today and they sent me a copy of a picture of a cashier’s check that was overnighted to them in North Carolina because I guess me giving that imbecile my mailing address THREE TIMES didn’t sink in enough.

This is worse than a Three Stooges movie. I filled out a tax form when I thought I’d get paid the first time and my address is on that too. Now, he’s sending it overnight at a large expense down to North Carolina and apparently it’s going to get overnighted back to me.

I’m beyond speechless. Then, to top it off, there’s no added cash to cover my bouncing fees for the checks I wrote on his rubber one like he promised. They weaseled out on that as well. Then the agency gouged me for $200 for their booking fees they’ve been trying to collect for way too long. I’m going to end up losing money for the week and it all stinks.

What is it about Milwaukee and comedy clubs that can’t seem to get it right? They are a huge embarrassment to the comedy world and it’s been like that ever since I started. It’s a constant fight to get both respected and paid and it hasn’t gotten any easier in 25 years.

The names change but the abuse stays the same. Who the hell are these morons and why do they gravitate to the comedy business? Probably because it looks easy. All it needs is a person on stage talking and people show up and buy overpriced drinks, right? Sorry, it’s a lot harder than that. By the time these goof bags figure that out they’ve ruined their club.

Not only that, they’ve hurt comedy too. Milwaukee is laughed at by road comics due to the constant amount of insanity that comes out of there. There are all kinds of stories like this about bounced checks, and not only from Giggles. The Comedy Café has it’s share of horror stories too but somehow they both keep on stumbling along and it’s all just wrong.

The comedy community in Milwaukee is in shambles and always has been. The comics have been treated like dirt forever but since we’re dented cans we kept showing up for the stage time because it’s like a drug. We need it and will put up with anything as long as we get some of it. Club owners knew that and exploited it to the fullest and they still do now.

I’m finally maturing to the point I don’t have to keep getting humiliated and can say no but it’s all so unnecessary. The clubs there should be thrilled to get good talent cheap but that’s not enough for them. They have to keep making us chase down our money and put a monkey wrench into situations where one doesn’t need to be. Just PAY US. That’s it.

I’ll believe the Giggles check when I see it. No, that’s not enough. I’ll believe it when it CASHES. I’m Mr. Lucky after all, I very well could be the first person to have a cashier’s check bounce. Now THAT would be funny - to everyone else. I don’t know if I’d laugh. I do know that if I get it I’m going to use it specifically to finance a project that will put all this small time stupidity behind me. I hope this Insane-O-Whirl ride can finally be over.

None of this EVER happens when I work a real club. I’ve been working for Zanies for a quarter of a century and never had even one minor problem with them in getting paid, or a bounced check incident. They have three clubs in the Chicago area and one in Nashville.

I can always count on them to handle things professionally, and they do. Utah is another situation that has always been solid. I go out there and work for Keith Stubbs at Wiseguys and I get paid the exact dollar amount we agree on and there’s never been even one issue.

The Late Late Show on CBS and Byron Allen’s Comics.TV tapings both came off with ZERO problems. I was paid promptly and it was the exact amount we agreed on. Is there a trend here? Professionalism includes PAYING THE COMEDIANS. How hard is that?

I don’t want to waste my energy with any of this anymore. I should have gone after The Comedy Café owner who owes me $400 from 1994. The booker talked me out of it and it still irks me that I let her do that. It’s not ‘the principle’ either. It’s the MONEY. I earned that $400, even though putting up with their disrespect and abuse made it slave wages.

This is the same thing fifteen years later. It’s a different owner but the same result. Why does it keep going on, but only in Milwaukee? I have no idea and I don’t want to know at this point. I just want my meager money and move on. This time I won’t just let it slide.

I’m as sick of writing about this as most people are probably sick of reading it but that’s why I’m pounding it so hard. Most comedians eventually just give up and the club mutant wins. That’s what happened with the Comedy Café. I didn’t pursue it after a while and he thinks he ‘won’. Most of us won’t take it past a certain point because it’s too big a hassle.

We’re trying to stay booked and keep our cars running and work on our acts and all of a number of other things it requires to stay in business. We’re independent contractors with a shoestring budget and the bar owners know that. That’s why many of them exploit us. It becomes a situation of “If you won’t take it there’s another idiot who will.” And there is.

How different would it be if I’d owed THEM money? If I didn’t pay since 1994 I would have my name trashed around the country and not be able to get a booking until I paid off my debt. That or they’d take it out of my pay. What recourse do I have here other than put the word out so other comedians know what’s happening? It’s the only way I can fight it.

This is a real sore spot but I know I’m not the only one who feels it. I’ve always heard it through showbiz lore of people on the way up, most notably blues musicians. They’ve got some stories that make mine look like fairy tales and that’s terrible. They need to get paid too. I heard B.B. King won’t go on stage until he gets cash in a brief case. Good for him.

Entertainment is a rough racket. Talent is just the tip of the iceberg. All the other stuff is hidden from the audience, so the majority of people have no idea what goes on. I’ve really tried to be up front with these criminals but I’m done with them all. There are hundreds of millions of people in America other than them and I’ll do any future business on my own.