Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Tammy's Silent Treatment

Tuesday June 15th, 2010 - Lake Villa, IL

Today is my sister Tammy’s birthday. Even though she hasn’t spoken to me in going on 18 years now, I still remember. I’m sure she knows mine is in March too. This situation is completely stupid in my opinion, but after all these years I have no idea of how to fix it.

I’ve tried many times to make peace through other family members, including her own kids. I’ve tried writing letters and I really meant it when I said I was sorry. I never thought it would last this long, and it’s to the point now where none of my siblings speak to me.

I’m not claiming I was perfect, and never have. Yes, I blew up at her and I deeply regret it, but that was a different time. I don’t even want to go back there in my head, but I made a major mistake and I claim it 1000%. I’m not proud of what I did, but I was in a situation where I needed some help and she wouldn’t give it to me. I snapped out of gut reaction.

That happens to a lot of siblings, but to have an 18 year silent treatment seems just a tad harsh. She didn’t even give me a chance to explain why I did what I did. I’m not saying it would have justified it, but at least I did have a legitimate reason and it wasn’t her. I had a lot of overwhelming things going on in my life then that she had no idea were happening.

Had I had a chance to explain myself, I really think any reasonable person would see the circumstances for what they were, and move on. I know I would have. The punishment in my opinion was WAY more than the crime, and it’s festered into one big nasty old tumor.

Our family situation was never good, and Tammy and I were never close. We’re just two different people, and I’m even fine with that. I just resent the fact that she continues to be this way when I have repeatedly tried to settle it so we can all move on and begin to heal.

I made mention of it on my Facebook page this morning and responses have come in by the truckload. I’ve heard from more people about this than any other single post I’ve ever made. I knew I wasn’t the only one who’s experiencing this, but it’s more than I thought.

Mine is only 18 years, but I’ve heard from people well over twenty and even thirty. The human condition stays the same, so I knew my situation wouldn’t be unique. I don’t get it why there has to be so much coldness involved. We’re supposed to be helping each other.

I’m not one of those people who refuse to take blame. I had an aunt like that and I never once heard her say she was wrong. Now she’s dead and nobody misses her. My father did the same thing. Maybe Tammy is like that too. Eventually, we’re all going to be dead and I can’t think of one good reason for any of this. It’s to the point of starting to piss me off.

I screwed up. I’m sorry. How else can I say it? I guess I’m not looking for a relationship because I wouldn’t know what to say to her. She wanted it this way. It’s spread to the rest of the siblings, and it seems to be unfixable. We are who we are, but I think it’s necessary for us all to get a chance to heal from our hellish childhoods. This isn’t the way to do that.

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