Saturday September 3rd, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL Step by step, I’m changing my entire life around to be exactly what I want it to be. It’s a total mental and physical makeover from the ground up, and I’m the one calling the shots. I’ve been in and out of this kind of feeling before, but this is different. It’s from within. It doesn’t mean I won’t have any bumps in the road, but I’ve had more than my share of those for years and I know how to bounce back. My time is running out, and I am putting all my eggs in one basket. I’m either going to be The King Of Uranus or a stumble bum. This is the most consistent momentum I’ve ever had. It’s only been a couple of months, so I can’t get cocky. Had I had this kind of vision and consistency years ago, who knows where I’d be? But I didn’t. So here I am. Maybe I had to go through all the insanity I did to learn certain tough lessons I wouldn’t have been able to comprehend any other way. What I do know is, I’m right where I’m supposed to be now. It feels right, and the past is gone. My father is dead, but more importantly so is all his influence. I’ve learned to let the bad energy go, and that’s been beyond huge in making everything else fall into place. I’m sure that’s what makes other’s lives miserable too. I’ll bet 99% of prisoners have an issue with one or both parents, and don’t know how to let it go. Maybe it comes with age, but I don’t think it does to everyone. I’ve seen old people still pissed off about their past. We all get dealt the cards we’re dealt, then we have to play them. I wasn’t dealt the best hand, but I’m starting to play it better than I ever have, and I know I have a chance to win. As it turns out, the game of life is solitaire. We don’t play against others - it’s ourselves. There’s only a certain amount of blame that can be placed on others, and then it’s time to shut up and move on. I’ve FINALLY reached that point, and it wasn’t easy. There are many things I think are a legitimate gripe, but who am I going to bitch to? Nobody cares. Knowing that, the best answer is to ignore what anyone else says or thinks and live for pleasing myself. If anyone else happens to come along, great. If not, it doesn’t bother me in the least. I’ve got all I can handle working on my own problems. That keeps me busy. I’ve been listening to as many self help audio programs as I can recently, jam packing as much food for thought as possible into the deepest crevices of my brain. I have enough CD and tape programs to last six lifetimes, and I’m making a conscious effort to listen. Some are better than others, but one I’ve heard years ago and am listening to again is a fantastic program by Brian Tracy called “The Luck Factor”. It talks about how we all get bad breaks, but there are ways to put ourselves in a position to have the best shot to win. It’s been hitting me hard with all kinds of great information, and I’m letting it soak in. I’ve listened to a lot of this kind of stuff, but this is up there with the best I’ve ever heard.
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