Dreams Come True

Saturday February 2nd, 2008 - Milwaukee, WI

What a night! My show business dream came true. I was at the Northern Lights Theatre for the second week in a row and I had a blast for the second week in a row. It’s a fun gig on many levels and everything went according to plan or better. That doesn’t happen very much in my life so when it does I need to acknowledge it, claim it and hope to do it again.

I think some of the dents are finally starting to come out of my can. Tonight’s vibe was how I always thought it was supposed to be and how I pictured it way back when I started doing comedy. I was a different person then and very confused and hurting and wanting a chance to prove myself in any way I could. That’s what most people in show business are.

We all want that acceptance we missed or thought we missed as a kid and entertaining a group of total strangers is about as close a substitute for the real thing as it gets. Applause and laughter is medicine to us and we’ll do anything to get it. It’s very difficult but we’ve got to have it so that makes it even more stressful and sometimes takes away the fun of it.

All I really wanted when I started was to be recognized in my home town of Milwaukee as a comedian. Period. I didn’t need national fame or have any Hollywood dreams then. It only meant something to be recognized in the home town. Looking back on it I think I am like so many others who have turned to comedy in that it was a veiled cry for family love.

I talk to other comedians all the time and most of them have stories of how they’ve had horrible experiences trying to do the same thing. Many of them don’t even get a chance to work in their own home towns because they’ve had a falling out with their local comedy club. If it’s a one club town as most are they have no choice but to find work elsewhere.

That was the story with me for many years. I had a major falling out with the spawn of Satan dark lord who owns one of the comedy clubs in Milwaukee. He had a benefit show for me when I had my car accident in 1993 and kept the money. He’s a bad guy and treats comedians like dirt. He bounces checks and tries to pretend he’s a gangster and it’s all an unpleasant scene. Nobody likes him but comedians will still kiss his ass to get stage time.

If there’s one thing I’ve never tolerated it’s a bully. My father was a bully and I stood up to him from an early age and I did with this guy too. Coincidentally (or not) he associated himself with the same horde of biker maggots as my father did and that made me have the urge to stand up to him even more. I’ve always stood up to bullies. I’ve gotten myself in a lot of trouble for it on occasion but more often than not they’re cowards and back down.

I’ll be the first one to admit I had a chip on my shoulder and when I was starting I often clashed with people in authority because I didn’t respect their position. I think respect has to be earned no matter who it is, myself included. A lot of others don’t think that way. It’s a difference of opinion that has cost me a lot of work over the years but if I had to do this all over again I have to say I’d probably still be the same way. I might have handled how I did it a little differently but I still believe the basic principle that respect has to be earned.

The sad thing is that none of this really matters in the big scheme of show business. It’s a dirty and ugly business at times and integrity is often swept under a rug to make a buck. I always wanted to be a good person first and being known for that is just as important to me as being recognized for being a good comedian. I know that’s nuts but it’s totally true.

That’s why these last two weeks working in Milwaukee have been so special. It’s been a lifetime of slaying dragons for me both inner and outer. I’ve always had a bitter taste in my mouth for Milwaukee because I was treated so poorly here starting out. It really is the worst place I can think of to start out in any kind of entertainment because it’s so tough.

The audiences aren’t impressed with much and are as a rule cheap and sparse and if you can get even a peep out of a Milwaukee crowd you will get huge reaction anywhere else. I always felt like an outsider even though I was from here and whenever I’d come back for a show I always had to throw in a few jokes to bash the city just to get back at the source.

The scum bucket club owner who pulled his little money stunt on me is still slithering around but I really don’t care anymore. He’s not the only game in town and what hurt so badly years ago has totally turned around. I outlasted him and have matured onstage and off and now not only am I a nationally touring headliner I can come back home as well.

Everything I always wanted to happen in comedy in Milwaukee happened in these last two weeks. I worked a beautiful room with a great sound system and it was fabulous. For all the gigs I did starting out in some smoke filled hell hole corner bar it was a treat to be at the Northern Lights Theatre. Just walking in the place makes me feel like I’ve made it.

I was all over the media too. I had my name in lights on the marquee which everybody could see on the freeway and I was in the paper and on the radio ads too. Back in the day nobody would list a comedy show at all even in the smallest of nose blower news rags.

Last week and this week I had too many people to list come out to see me because they heard about it in the media and it made me feel like a big star. I had people from all parts of my past come out from those I went to school with to former coworkers to people that used to hear me on the radio when I worked for 93QFM. Every one of them not only had fun but they were waiting in line after all the shows to tell me how far I’ve come in life.

They sure are right. I have come far in my life and I appreciated every one of those who came to see me beyond words. Each of the four shows the last two Saturdays had a line of people waiting to see me afterwards to tell me how great I was. What a fantastic feeling! I felt like a king and I thanked every one of them for showing up. This made it all worth it.

I’m not getting cocky or looking to cop an attitude. I got whatever revenge I wanted for whatever it is that hurt so much all those years ago. My father is still dead and he’ll never give me the acceptance I wanted but the Milwaukee audiences did and that felt wonderful and I appreciate the chance to experience it. Too many times in show business it’s easy to forget when it goes well. Not me. I’m savoring every bit of this. It took a lifetime to get.