No More Excuses

Sunday February 24th, 2008 - Peoria, IL/Lake Villa, IL

The sunny weather today was perfect for the drive back from Peoria. I considered doing it after the shows last night but I’m glad I didn’t. Cruising through tiny towns on two lane snowy highways late at night on a Saturday is asking for trouble. Between speed traps and drunken farmers there are all kinds of potential pitfalls present. Darkness helps hide them.

It’s close enough where I could have made it in a reasonable time but my gut told me to get some sleep even though the motel smelled like curry chicken and my toilet still wasn’t flushing. I stayed up reading for a while and then just laid there thinking about what to do with the rest of my life. I still feel like I’m drifting even though I thought I had a life plan.

The problem is I’m not working that plan like I think I should be. I can’t figure out why. I am making all kinds of excuses as to why I’m not just getting in the groove and working on making Uranus Factory Outlet a multi million dollar entity. I keep farting around with all kinds of stuff from baseball cards to doing gigs in Peoria and those aren’t the answer.

It’s funny how the brain works. We all know Oreos and bacon aren’t good for us and all kinds of undesirable things will happen if we eat them regularly but 99.9% of us still keep eating them anyway. We play tricks on ourselves and say we’ll stop doing it on Christmas or New Year’s Day or our birthday and maybe we stop for a day but then it’s right back.

I feel like I’m letting myself down with this project and I don’t know why. I was as high on this idea as I ever have been about anything in my life and I felt inspired and ready for a major change and improvement and I thought I was on my way. I am KIND of on a path to do it but it’s not full throttle by any means. I’m limping along and making bad excuses.

Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s laziness. Maybe it’s self doubt. I don’t know exactly but I’m about to make a change. I’m not here to stumble through life and waste whatever talents I was given and I feel like I’ve been doing that lately. I demand WAY more of myself than others do and I am not at all happy with my effort. I thought about that on my drive home.

I’m happiest when I’m busy. Period. I always have been. I love to be booked constantly and I love to teach classes and I love to be around comedy and funny people. Being out in Hooterville trapped in a basement isn’t doing much for my social life but for now that’s a pill I choose to swallow. It’s cheap rent and if I really want to move in the future I’ll do it.

First I need to GET MY BUSINESS RUNNING. Period. It won’t matter where I live if I can pull this off. I’ll be able to buy a house any place I want but knowing me I’ll still be living in a cheap apartment and driving a car I bought from the auction. That’s how I am. It’s been a lot of years of squeaking by and making due and I’m not opposed to it at all.

That’s not the point. The point is using up whatever talents and creativity I was blessed with. I would much rather wear out than rust out. Way too many people have gone to their grave with their creativity still in them. My father was one. I do NOT want that to be me.