Michigan Magic

Friday February 15th, 2008 - Grand Rapids, MI

Some nights everything just goes right. These are the ones that keep the bullet out of my mouth and tonight was one of them. Not only did the show itself go extremely well I got a chance to work a little political magic offstage too. It was a wonderful night on all fronts.

The show was at a rock club opening for a big Bob and Tom act named Drew Hastings. I have heard of Drew for years but he’s one of those rare road comics I hadn’t met yet. It’s odd when a veteran road comedian doesn’t meet another one at least once at some point. I know hundreds of comedians if even just a little but Drew and I had never crossed paths.

This whole thing was a touchy situation. I am on Bob and Tom’s black list since my last appearance on their show in October of 2006. Drew’s management needed an opener who could work cleaner in a bigger venue and called Zanies in Chicago. Bert Haas knew I had a week off so he suggested me. Drew’s manager had seen me in Las Vegas and said yes.

The Las Vegas shows were also in 2006 at the ‘Lucky 21’ festival at Caesars Palace. To have had him been there that week was a fluke that worked in my favor. Getting on Bob and Tom’s dark side was a fluke that didn’t. It’s all part of the randomness of the business and there’s no explanation for it. Hopefully I can put out good vibes and get som back.

The whole way there I couldn’t help thinking I would get there and get fired again. I am trying to be a positive thinker but after the last experience with the Bob and Tom people it isn’t easy. They WAY over reacted in my opinion and they have held a grudge ever since. If they heard I was going to be on a show associated with them I don’t think they’d like it.

This wasn’t one of their ‘all star’ shows though. It was a Drew Hastings solo gig but the show was sponsored by the Bob and Tom affiliate radio station and all the staff was there before the show. It was a big event. The last thing I wanted was to get sent home again. I thought it might happen when I got there and the bouncer said ‘There’s no opening act.’

I told him I wouldn’t have driven to Grand Rapids from Chicago to play a joke like that on him and he checked with his manager and the manager said there was an opener on the bill after all. My heart felt better and I walked through the club looking for the person that I needed to report to backstage. There was nobody backstage and I stood there by myself.

It was only about a minute but I felt my life in comedy flash before my eyes. I had taken a lifetime to get to this point of being in a position to kick major ass in this situation. I am a strong act but none of these people had seen or heard of me before so I was in a position of total power here and I was the only one that knew it. What a perfect position to be in.

The guy I was supposed to report to came backstage and we hit it off immediately. He’s a very laid back person but he also was the tour manager of the shows I got fired from for getting under Bob and Tom’s skin. He said ‘I heard what happened and I never did figure out why they did that to you. All the other comics said you weren‘t a troublemaker at all.’

That’s the thing. I’m really not a troublemaker. I don’t drink or party with the staff and I just like doing my show and leaving. There are comics like Doug Stanhope who enjoy life on the edge and that’s fine but that’s not me at all. That’s why this whole thing really rots. I got clipped before I had a chance to prove myself. I should have been on all those tours.

Tonight was my chance to redeem myself a little. The guy asked me what happened and by this time there were a lot of other people backstage and I had to handle it all delicately. I told him the story of what happened and ears perked up all over the room. Then the guys from the station asked what happened. I tried to change the subject but they kept asking.

I lucked out by having the meet and greet listeners show up and Drew and I went out to meet them. I realized I wasn’t known to them and I joked ‘I’m the bodyguard, nobody try anything funny. I’m packing heat and I’m not afraid to use it.’ They laughed and I tried to shake as many hands as I could but I knew none of them had any idea of who I was at all.

Even better. I could see the place filling up and one of the radio station people came up to me and said ‘So you’re the opener, huh?’ I nodded. He said ‘We need you to do twenty minutes. Do you think you have twenty minutes?’ He was either condescending or had no idea how comedy worked. I bet on both so I said ‘Gee, I don‘t know. That‘s a long time.’

The lights dimmed and the staff was back stage as I got ready to go on. They looked at me like I was on death row and I humored them a little by trying to appear nervous. I said ‘Hey, I think I’m a little queasy - can one of YOU go on instead?’ They all got looks like I was serious and I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. My self confidence surged.

Live comedy is NOT for the squeamish. It’s a very difficult thing and sometimes I lose track of that because I’m so deeply into it. I wasn’t cocky but I just KNEW I was going to have a great show tonight and I wanted to redeem myself. I was more than ready to do my twenty minutes and when the guy brought me up I started pounding it from the very start.

I have a strong opening and a strong closer and that’s all anyone needs. Anything in the middle doesn’t really matter. All I had to do tonight was my opener and closer and I made that stretch out to twenty minutes EXACTLY. I did my time but I packed a lot more than that into it. I had multiple applause breaks and big pops of laughter and it was totally fun.

Walking back stage after I got off was even better. All the station people were looking at me like I was their new king and I shook every hand and thanked them for having me. I talked to the guy in charge and he said he got off the phone with Drew’s manager and told him I killed and was a great guy to deal with off stage too. THAT was what I was after. Is it too late to mend fences with Bob and Tom? I hope not but for tonight it didn‘t matter.

I liked Drew Hastings too. His act was very well written and performed and he’s a pro. I didn’t get to visit much but I could tell he was a pretty decent guy. He’s 50 and getting his break so that was very encouraging to me. He’s got a Comedy Central special coming out and I’m happy for his success. He earned it. But I did too. Maybe this was a break tonight.