Dr. Thankenstein

Thursday November 27th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

Comedians are complainers by nature. It’s what we do. We see something that’s not the way it’s supposed to be (or at least how WE think it’s supposed to be) and we harp about it. We piss. We moan. We whine. We bellyache. Then (hopefully) we point out the funny.

I must admit I’m pretty good at complaining. I’ve been dealt a poker hand in life that is not always pleasant and some of the things I complain about may even be legit but this is not the day to beat on that bongo drum. This is a day to focus only on what’s gone right.

Have I ever had to have kidney dialysis? Nope. Have I spent even one day in a coma or a wheelchair? Uh - no again. Have I been sexually abused as a kid? Have I had to get big needles stuck into me constantly because I’m diabetic? Have I ever had a rabies shot? No, no and no again. For all the things I’ve had to endure there are a lot more I’ve avoided.

I might have had to eat a meal or two I wasn’t thrilled about but I never had to miss one due to famine in my home land. I never once had to experience a drought where there was no water anywhere. Never have I had to get an air drop of emergency supplies in a crisis.

I’ve heard plenty of tornado sirens in my life but haven’t actually had to see one destroy my house and my neighborhood. I’ve never had a fire destroy my entire life and get saved at the last minute by jumping into a fireman’s net in my underwear at 3am to save my life.

What about diseases? Have I had cancer? No. AIDS? No. Anything other than a cold or flu bug that passed in a few days? Nope. I’ve been healthy most of my life. I can walk and believe it or not I’ve always been pretty athletic and good at sports too. I don’t have a bad back or arthritis and I’ve never had to have knee surgery or get a hip replacement either.

I’ve never had to be passed over for a job because of the color of my skin or my religion and I never had to drink from a certain faucet or sit on a certain place on a bus either. I go where I want and do what I want and even though I have to watch my pennies I’m usually able to pay my bills every month. I’ve never had to declare bankruptcy or live in a shelter.

I am not a political prisoner and I never had to be persecuted and placed in a camp to do forced labor just because I was of a certain ethnicity. I’ve always been able to read and get served in restaurants and I have not had to experience a child or spouse being murdered. I also have never had to go to war and face the chance of being killed on a constant basis.

For all the bad choices I’ve made I did choose to pursue a profession I absolutely love. I have been able to make a living at it my entire adult life so far and I’ve met so many great people I can barely keep track of them all. I’m thrilled to be a citizen of this country and it was an even bigger thrill to be able to see most of it as I have spent my life exploring it.

I’m sure I’ll be able to think of quite a few things that aren’t to my liking on another day but today I want to be thankful for the things that have gone right. Happy Thanksgiving.