Maximum Effort

Sunday November 23rd, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL

Today was a great day for reflection. There was no Packer game to watch or Mothership Connection radio show to do so I sat around sorting out both my deepest thoughts and my shallowest possessions. It was very productive and I was at peace with everything all day.

I’m thinking so clearly right now it’s almost scaring me. Maybe it’s finally that time in my life my grandmother used to talk about when it all comes together as a person finally figures out the mysteries of life. After that it’s a race to actually do something about it.

She always spoke of a giant window closing slowly in everyone’s life and it was up to each one of us to get through our personal life window before it closed for good. The few that made it would win the game and the rest would be left to ponder what went wrong.

All I know for sure is something inside me feels different in a very good way. It started with all this insanity with The Embezzler and his little circus. I was getting very angry to the point of feeling hatred and I knew I didn’t want to go in that direction but sadly I was.

Then for whatever reason the hate just stopped flowing. I felt the same when I’d learned my step mother died years ago. As a kid she was almost as evil and nasty as my father but when I heard she died all my ill will left and it never came back. I know this won‘t either.

How do I know that? I can’t say. But I do. It doesn’t mean the whole ugly mess doesn’t still sting because it hurts to be stolen from but as far as taking it personally and my own inner flaming rage that has been doused like a camp fire. Those guys are losers. I’ll win.

It’s like I tapped into some higher flow of thought and I’m filling my canteen as full as I can while it’s still flowing. I don’t know if it will last forever but it’s flowing now so why ask why? I want to run, jump or pogo stick through my window so I can win this game.

Now it does become a race against the clock. Whoever is trying to copy me is not trying to get through their own life’s window which is closing on them as mine is closing on me. I don’t have time to think about anyone else. I have my own race to run and I want to win.

What will allow me to win my race is to keep following this inner voice I’m hearing for as long as it keeps talking to me. It’s the same one that threw me the idea of becoming the King of Uranus and that’s still a winner over a year later. Who or what is this inner voice?

It’s not the same one that told David Berkowitz to become the Son of Sam. I don’t even have a dog so it can’t tell me to kill anybody but that’s not what I want. I was considering whether I should club my ex partner with an ax handle but now I just don’t care anymore.

I don’t even want to be wasting brain space on that guy or his cohorts. They’re all dead to me. I was nice to them and they stole from me and laughed about it. They’ll burn out in due time and the reason is they don’t have the passion I do. I’m in a very good space now.

Now it’s time to really stretch the limits and take my life farther than it’s ever been. It’s taken a long time to get to this place and I feel like I’m a mature adult but still very much a kid too. I never had a chance to be a kid when I was young so I’m going to love it now.

Part of being a kid is taking risks nobody else would think of taking. Rolling the dice on becoming ‘The King of Uranus’ isn’t something the typical 45 year old male is doing. I’m sure not many 45 year old females are doing it either. NOBODY is doing it except for me.

That might scare off most people but I am loving every second of it. I’m not afraid to be successful with this and I’m not afraid to fail either. Actually I can’t fail. It’s already been a success just in the reaction I’ve gotten from others who hear of it for the first time. It’s a winner and I know it and now I have to make it successful both in theory and in reality.

This is something I can control and I will not abuse my power. I will surround myself at every turn with good people who will come together and make a fantastic team that won’t be able to be duplicated. The sum will be greater than the parts and I’ll be at the top of it!

If I’m going to be at the top of anything I have to reach the bottom of myself as a person first. I need to dig down deep and plant deep roots in myself if I am to be a leader of other people. I don’t want to be a hypocrite but if I don’t work on myself that’s exactly what I’ll be. The first place to look to make major improvements in this ugly world is the mirror.

I’m not giving my maximum effort and that needs to stop immediately. How can I be an inspiration to others when I’m not even happy with myself? What would make me happy? MAXIMUM EFFORT. I truly believe that. Giving my personal all is what I need to do.

I think that’s what Vince Lombardi based his life on and any other true winner does too. It’s not easy and few people ever even sniff around the edges of it but those who dare will reap major rewards. The human spirit is amazing and when it’s firing properly who could defeat someone with a vision? Look at the people who survived the Nazis. They won big.

I want to win big too. I might be in a less than desirable situation but I’m surely not in a Nazi concentration camp. I can walk. I can see. Well, I wear glasses but I can still read the paper. I can drive. I have a car. I have a skill that I love that can earn me a living. I’m in a country no matter how messed up it is will still let me chase my dream. I’m going to win!

All these thoughts ran through my head today and I am as pumped up as I have been at any time I can ever remember. I can’t explain it anymore than I have but there is an inner vision that I can’t remember having before that’s letting me see the big picture of life in a way I’ve never seen it before. Now I will take action and begin my race to true success.

I’m not afraid to die but more importantly I’m not afraid to LIVE either. I am the King of Uranus! This life is only a temporary stop so let’s make it fun. I’m not going to worry about anything other than looking inside of myself and becoming the best me I can make myself. If I do that I won’t have time to hate anyone else and splash around their mud pit.